TDA: My Way
by Vilecheese
Summary: A crazed fan's version of a second season of TDI, with twelve OCs! Will Casey ever get a boyfriend? Will Mikey ever stop getting bullied? Will Ethan defeat his nemesis Harold? And will Izzy ever stop being awesome? Read to find out!
1. Into the Inferno

Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama Island, or Total Drama Action, or Total Drama plus the third word of your choice. I also do not own the source material for any references made throughout this story.

Author's Note: Apparently fanfiction dot net doesn't like having more than twenty characters in a row without a space. Besides that meaning I can't sing that famous song from Mary Poppins, it means all of Ayami's dialogue has to be edited *sigh*. So now I'm staggering her dialogue, plus making a few other edits, so hopefully the story will look better.

* * *

TDA: My Way

Prologue: Into the Inferno

As a shoddily-built airplane neared a tiny island, the stubbled face of Chris McClean came into view from one of the windows.

"That there," he announced, pointing to the island below him, "is the infamous Camp Yurgonadynao, home of the active Mt. Yurgonadynao volcano, loads of freakish subspecies of dangerous animals, and-"

"Infamous?" Chef Hatchet growled from the cockpit. "No one's even heard of this camp before. You just built it a couple of days ago on that deserted island!"

Chris put his finger to his lips. "Shush! Don't let the audience know that! They're eating this up!" Chef rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, we've brought back ten of the original Total Drama Island contestants to compete with twelve of the craziest, wackiest, most unusual teens we could find! Check it out right now, on Total. Drama. Action!

* * *

After the theme song played (one without any spoilers), Chris was seen standing on an old, splinter-covered dock. He had a stage with a red curtain behind his back.

"Alright, first things first." Chris cleared his throat. "Behind these curtains are the ten returning campers from season one. If your favorite character isn't here, please don't boycott this show!" He procured a television and remote out of nowhere, and turned it on, revealing Duncan in a hospital bed, covered in bandages.

"See? Not all the campers even COULD return!" Chris revealed sternly. "Believe me, if he wasn't in critical condition, Duncan would definitely be here. He was the most popular TDI character!"

Chris then turned around and grabbed one of the ropes holding up the curtains of the stage. "And without further ado, here are the returning campers!" Chris yanked the rope, causing the curtains to fall. From left to right, Ezekiel, Noah, Tyler, Izzy, Beth, Harold, Lindsay, DJ, LeShawna, and Heather were revealed. They each appeared surprised at who was on stage with them.

"Omigosh, I can't believe you brought back Tyler!" Lindsay squealed, embracing Tyler. He gave a thumbs-up.

"No Duncan, no Geoff, no Courtney, and LeShawna? It's a dream come true!" Harold gasped.

Heather gagged. "Oh great, the ghetto girl is back?" she asked, pointing at LeShawna. "And Lindsiot? And PIG-FACE?!"

"Well, it's not like I wanted you back, either!" Beth retorted.

"Whatever. I better do better this season," Noah piped in.

"Yo, what about me, eh?" Ezekiel asked, offended. "I was the first eliminated!"

Chris, worried that the returning campers would soon start fighting, quickly turned on the TV. It showed a short Asian girl prancing around in her pink room, talking extremely quickly.

"HimynameisAyami Iwannajoin TotalDramaAction cuzitsoundslikefun andIlikefuncuz itsfunandstuff Ihavetwocats adogand aturtlenamedPeanut helikeseatingjelly soInamedhim Peanutcoolhuh?"

All the returning campers stopped arguing and stared at the screen in disbelief.

"What…was…that…?" Heather asked, her eye twitching.

Chris answered her question simply. "That's the first brand new camper, Ayami! She'll be here momentarily." He pointed at a speedboat off into the horizon, rapidly getting bigger.

Heather scowled. "Are you trying to drive us insane, Chris?"

"Yes I am." The boat arrived, and Ayami bounded off, landing an inch away from Chris.

"OmigoshIcan'tbelieve I'mfinallyhereand meetingyouinperson thisissoawesome becauseI'mahuge TotalDramaIsland fanaticandwatched everysingle episodeIthink GeoffandCody arecutearetheyhere?" Ayami's eyes darted quickly back and forth. She then ran up to Izzy and continued to blabber, "Heyyou'reIzzy you'remyfavorite campercuzyou're crazyand smartandstuff!"

Izzy clasped her hands together. "New best friend!"

Chris watched warily as Ayami settled herself with the other campers, and then turned back to the TV. "Alright guys, ready to meet the next camper?" Everyone shook their heads except for Lindsay, who did nothing, and Izzy and Ayami, who nodded.

The TV now showed a tall, fairly muscular boy with wavy brown hair jogging on a sidewalk.

"Yo, Colin's the name, don't wear it out!" he greeted, waving at the camera. "I'm an excellent choice for Total Drama Action because I'm strong, smart, and EXTREMELY good-looking." At this point, Colin seemed to be running forward, but it was the cameraperson who was lagging behind him.

"Hey Colin, I'm getting tired!" a high-pitched male voice whined.

Colin smirked. "Guess you shouldn't have skipped gym then! Hahaha!"

"I didn't skip gym!"

At this point, Colin was already high-fiving Chris. "Wazzup Colin, my man?

"Just busy being an awesome chick magnet, ya know."

Colin swaggered toward Lindsay, ignoring Tyler. "Hey babe, like what ya see?" he asked, posing. Lindsay seemed unsure on how to answer.

"Hey, loser! Hands off my girl!" Tyler tried to push Colin out of Lindsay's face, but didn't make much progress.

"Me, a loser? Look in the mirror, you sissy jock-wannabe!" Colin pushed Tyler back, causing him to fall to the ground. Tyler growled.

Chris took a deep breath. "Ahhhhhh…Nothing like the smell of drama in the morning. Anyway, here's newbie number three."

A mousy boy with dirty blond hair was walking around a park, apparently trying to adjust his underwear.

"Uh, hi." He waved shyly to the camera. "My name's Mikey, I want to join that Total Drama Action thing so I can prove that I'm not a wimp." Suddenly he was surrounded on all sides by tougher-looking boys.

"You, get on Total Drama Island?!" the biggest one sneered. "What makes you think anyone would choose you, pathetic wimp?" He snapped his fingers, and two of his cronies grabbed Mikey's underwear.

"No!" Mikey screamed. "You just hung me from the flagpole five minutes ago!"

"Heheh, flagpole. Very funny, Mikey," the leader snickered. He then pointed to some stretching racks.

"Isn't that…illegal?" Mikey asked, shivering.

"Who cares?!" The leader knocked the camera on its side while Mikey's screams could be heard offscreen.

Harold gasped. "Wow…And I thought I had it bad…" He watched as Mikey carefully left his boat and shuffled toward him.

"Hi Harold…I respect you a lot for standing up to that bully, Duncan." Mikey almost smiled.

Harold smiled back and patted him on the head. "Thanks little dude. That means a lot to me."

Mikey then turned toward LeShawna. "Are y-y-you going to b-beat me up?"

LeShawna chortled. "Why would I do that? What'd you ever do to me?"

Mikey's eyes widened. "…Have I finally found a place where I'm finally accepted?"

Chris averted his eyes. "Meh, dunno about that, dude. Here's contestant number four."

A girl with straight red hair and round glasses stood next to a draped object. "Greetings Total Drama Action staff! My name is Mary, and I'll be the smartest person on the show. This is my robot, the Laboring Obedient Unibot, or Lou for short." She pointed to the small robot at her feet, which was effortlessly carrying several tools larger than it. "And this," she continued, pointing to the draped object behind her, "is one of my hundreds of world-changing inventions; the Pollution Converter." Lou lifted the drape, revealing a sleek, humming machine resembling a futuristic vacuum cleaner. "It reacts with harmful pollutants in the atmosphere, converting them into oxygen and other harmless compounds."

Noah yawned. "Showoff. I'm much smarter than she is." He then experienced a sharp pain in his shin, caused by Lou, carrying luggage, kicking him. Behind it, Mary was frowning while tapping her foot.

"You really think you're smarter than me?" she asked, frustrated. "I'll have you know that I graduated college at ten years old."

"Wow. Amazing," Noah replied sarcastically. "You ruined any chance of ever acquiring human friends. I received a scholarship to Harvard at age five, but turned them down because I didn't want to leave my ACTUAL HUMAN friends."

Mary narrowed her eyes. "Okay then, Mr. Genius. Name all the important contributions to mankind YOU provided!"

"Contributions? Every contribution has a consequence, typically worse than the solution it provides. Ever hear of atomic weapons? Global warming? The ozone layer?" Noah retorted.

Chris chuckled as Noah and Mary angrily stared at each other. "Chris, you are a casting genius," he told himself. He turned on the TV once again.

This time, there were two teens, a boy and a girl, on the screen. Both were nearly identical, being the exact same size, wearing the same color scheme and having similar curly brown hair.

"I'm Joseph-" the boy managed to utter before the girl elbowed him in the ribs.

"Ever heard of 'ladies first', brother? Anyway, I am Josephine…Now you say your name."

"But I already said my name!" Joseph argued.

"Yeah, but you said it out of turn!"

"Does it really matter? The TDA folks will have heard it already!"

"JUST SAY YOUR FREAKING NAME!!!"

Joseph shot a look of venom at his sister, and continued, "And I'm Joseph. I'm going to win Total Drama Action beca-ow!"

"I'm winning Total Drama Action!" Josephine yelled. "I'm the only one in this family who isn't a retard!"

"Well, I'm the only one in this family who isn't a crazy power trip!"

"Oh that's it! You're going down!" The rest of the video showed the twins fighting within a comedic fight cloud.

Even before they left the boat, everyone could easily hear the squabbling between the twins.

"I get to leave the boat first, remember?" Josephine asked Joseph.

"Why does it even matter? Can't we just jump off at the same time?"

"Yeah, except that you'll scare everyone with your hideous face before they see my beautiful one."

Joseph grumbled as he leapt off the boat a second after his sister. Upon meeting Chris, the twins pointed to each other and announced in unison, "Put us on different teams, or else!"

"Whoa whoa whoa, fine. Whatever." Chris gestured towards the stage with the other campers on it. "Just…stand on opposite ends of the stage or something. It'll be fine." The twins hmphed simultaneously and headed towards the opposite sides of the stage.

Chris wiped his forehead. "Alright, that's half of the newbies. Time to reveal the seventh." Once again, he turned on the TV.

A tweedy-looking boy wearing an odd assortment of clothes kept turning his head, not saying anything.

"Don't be nervous, sweetie," the boy's mother called out from behind the camera. "Just tell the nice men from TV your name and some things about you."

"Uhhhhhh…My name? Uh, my name is…is…Edman?"

"Edmund, sweetie."

"Oh, right." Edmund scratched his chin. "Guh…I is nervous. What if no one thinks I is special like you, Ma?"

"Don't worry, honey. You'll always be special, no matter what the other kids say."

"…Gee, thanks Ma." Edmund ran to the camera with tears in his eyes, causing his mother to fall down and the camera to break.

At that point, Edmund was slowly sauntering towards Chris.

"Uh, hey Edmund," Chris greeted. Edmund did not respond.

"Uh…Edmund? You there, man?" Another minute of silence followed, until…

"Ohhhhh, yah, my name's Edmund! Hi!" Edmund grabbed Chris's hand and partook in a wobbly handshake."

"Yeah…Hi Edmund. Now you need to go to the stage."

"Guh…Okay." Edmund started to saunter in the opposite direction of the stage.

"Brah? The stage is thattaway." Chris pointed toward the stage.

"…Oh, the STAGE! S-T-A-Y-J! That's how ya spell STAGE!" Edmund clumsily ran toward the stage, tripping on the stairs while everyone else just gawked.

"Wow…" LaShawna gasped. "That's…just…wow."

"Wowisacoolword becausewhenyou sayititmeansyou're reallyexcitedand beingexcitedisgood cuzit'slikebeing happyexceptbetter Ilikebeinghappy Itrytobehappy nomatterwha-oof!" Josephine nudged Ayami before she could speak anymore.

"New camper number eight…" Chris mumbled while fiddling with the remote once again.

A tall girl with several piercings, dark clothes, spiked wristbands, and a large mohawk was scowling at the camera at a nighttime setting.

"Alright wimps, I'm Tam and I'm gonna kick all you're a$$es. Got it?" The camera shook up and down, causing Tam to become even angrier.

"I wasn't talking to you, idiot! I was talking to the other contestants of Total Drama Action!" She delivered a swift punch below the camera, causing the cameraperson to thud onto the ground. Tam held the camera herself.

"So, ya think I'm too similar to that wimp Duncan to be on your show?" Tam asked, making a fist. "Loser hasn't even been to real prison! Besides, I already put him in the hospital, so he'll be unable to distract his idiotic fangirls!"

After a hefty dose of booing by the girls watching the program, Tam stomped over to Chris.

"I better win," is all she said before joining the other campers. Mikey took a few steps away while everyone else stared warily.

"…You're trying to kill us, aren't you?" DJ asked Chris nervously.

Chris shrugged. "Hey, I'm only looking for ratings brah." He then turned the TV back on once again.

A rather plain-looking girl was sitting on her bed, eyes sparkling.

"Ooh, is this that show where everyone falls in love?" she asked no one in particular. "I've been trying to find a boyfriend for years now! I wanna boyfriend dangit!" The girl banged her fists on her bed. "My name's Casey, and I'm gonna win Total Drama Action! With a boyfriend hopefully!"

Chris shuddered. "Meh…can't win them all." At this point, Casey landed on the Dock of Shame and slapped Chris in the face.

"How dare you! Where's my boyfriend?" After a quick scan of the contestants, Casey ran over to Colin.

"Hiya big guy, my name's Casey. You wanna be my boyfriend?"

"…Not worth my time." Colin turned his back toward Casey and continued to flirt with Lindsay, causing Casey to cry.

"Wow…that was soooooo mean," Beth whispered to the campers near her.

"Yeah…what a jerk!" DJ replied. "She deserves better than him."

Chris sighed. "I'm getting bored…Here's newbie number ten…"

A blond boy was shown brushing his teeth. How exciting.

"Hey TDA, name's Samuel." Samuel finished brushing his teeth, and then started gargling mouthwash. "Mah motha's FORCIN meh ta join yer show!" He spit the mouthwash in his sink and started flossing. "My doctor told her that I am too sterile and need to expose myself to the elements. Ha! As if anyone can be too sterile!" Samuel finished flossing and started vacuuming the water off his sink. "Other than my sense of cleanliness, I am an intelligent, loyal friend, so I can win!" Samuel rushed out of the bathroom after this sentence, and then a washing machine's whirrs could be heard.

"Yo Samuel, hi-five me!" Chris held out his hand, causing Samuel to flinch.

"Dude, where have those hands been?"

---

Flashback…

"Hey Chef, guess what day it is today?" Chris asked, clad in a diving suit above a landfill.

Chef rolled his eyes. "Chris is a Total Idiot Day?"

Chris chuckled. "Nah, it's National Dirty Day!" Neglecting to put on his gloves, Chris dove headfirst into the landfill.

End Flashback…

---

Chris shifted his eyes. "Uh…nowhere they weren't supposed to be…" Before Samuel could react, Chris hi-fived him, leaving a streak of grime on his hand.

"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! MUST SANITIZE!!!!!" Samuel hurriedly grabbed a bottle of antibacterial spray and a towel, and cleaned his hand.

As Samuel angrily shuffled toward the other campers, Chris let out another chuckle. "Heheh, these teens are TOO EASY! Anyway, I present our final chick!"

A good-looking blond girl was singing into a microphone.

"_Oh, oh oh, oh ohhhhhh, my name is Allison…_

_I'll join Total Drama Action and have lots of fun…oh yeah…_

_Many challenges and trials to face…_

_I must persevere to win that first place…_ I invented that song myself!"

All the campers stood wide-eyed after hearing Allison's audition, while Chris was beside himself in glee. "Oh man, looks like this show will finally have a good singer this season!"

Trent sued Total Drama Action.

---

One Lawsuit Later…

"Well, there goes our awesome giant fighting robot competition…" Chris lamented, checking his new credit card balance. He then noticed that Allison was standing in front of him for hours now.

"Heheh…sorry about the lawsuit…"

Allison shrugged. "Meh, it's okay. Trent's just jealous of me." She walked back to the stage with the other campers, receiving a few looks in the process. Chris shushed any remaining conversation.

"Ladies and gentlemen, there is only one camper left to reveal! He is the most insane, loony, high-ratings promising contestant ever! He's going to knock your socks off! He's going to leave your jaws agape with fear! He's going to-"

"JUST GET ON WITH IT!" Heather yelled.

"Don't say I didn't warn you, Heather." Chris replied as he started the final tape. "Oh and by the way, if you are easily offended, I recommend you close your eyes now."

"Why would I close my - Oh…my…god…" Heather wished she had closed her eyes sooner.

The bedroom on the TV was hardly describable. Every inch of the wall was covered with posters of Heather, the bed resembled Heather, and there were a line of Heather standees next to two television sets replaying scenes from Total Drama Island with Heather in them. All the sudden, a black-haired boy started clawing at the camera, tears flowing from his eyes.

"I MUST BE ON YOUR SHOW!" He wailed, gouging marks on the camera lens. "Ever since I saw her, I knew…I knew I had to be with her! On Total Drama Action! OH PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!" The boy blew his nose on the camera, obscuring the view of the room.

Chris gestured to the final boat approaching from the sunset. "May I present the final camper of Total Drama Action: Ethan!"

Heather's eye twitched. "…You're joking. Please tell me you're joking."

Meanwhile, Beth, Lindsay, and LeShawna were on the floor in uncontrollable laughter.

"Just what that stuck-up prick needs! A creepy boyfriend!" LeShawna wheezed.

"Omigosh! That was the best thing ever!" Beth agreed.

"This is gonna be awesome…" Chris snickered. "Anyway, now we need to set up the teams. When I call your name, go stand over there." Chris jerked his thumb towards a dirty circle in the ground. "Lindsay, Beth, Tyler, DJ, Noah, Colin, Mary, Josephine, Edmund, Samuel, Allison."

The aforementioned campers walked onto the circles.

"Henceforth, you shall be known as…" Chris threw a flag with a blue otter on it to DJ. "…The Hollering Otters!"

"Oh yeah! Let's holler Otters!" DJ whooped. "WHOOOO!"

"YEAH!" Lindsay and Beth yelled, hi-fiving.

"Yay, I'm an aquatic mammal. Woohoo." Noah added snidely.

Chris interrupted the cheering. "Now for the rest of you. That's Harold, LeShawna, Heather, Ezekiel, Izzy, Ayami, Casey, Mikey, Tam, Joseph, and Ethan. You guys stand at that other dirty circle. You will be known now as…" He threw a yellow flag with a bird on it. "…The Deadly Sparrows!"

Heather raised her hand. "Chris? I refuse to be on the same tribe as him." She gestured toward Ethan, who was smiling rather creepily towards her.

"Too bad, cause I'm not changing it! Anyway, now I should explain the game rules-"

Ayami suddenly started yammering. "Everythreedays there'sachallenge thewinningteam getsimmunity andareward andthelosershave togotoa marshmallowceremony andvoteoffa memberoftheirteam andtheycan't comebackever howeveryoulied whenyousaidthat andtwocampers returnedlastseason thelastcamper remainingafter eightweekswins $100,000!"

Chris clutched his head. "Uh…yeah, I think you've pretty much got it. However, thanks to the killer ratings of our last season, we were able to raise the winnings to half a million dollars!" Everyone's jaw dropped.

"Guh…that's like, a lot of money, huh?" Edmund asked.

"You bet. Anyway, the first challenge starts in ten, so you should start the meet and greet now." Chris walked offscreen while the other campers just stared.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris was shown inside a dilapidated outhouse. "Oh, and don't forget to share your feelings with the audience in our confessional stall."

---

"Omigoshthisisso awesomeI'mactuallyin theconfessionalstall sayingaconfession-"

---

"Chris is a dead man," shot Heather. Clawing sounds could be heard outside the stall.

---

"I'vewatchedthis showsincedayone andsincethenI alwayswantedto joinbutmy-"

---

Samuel made a face. "Does anyone ever CLEAN around here?" He sprayed some antibacterial spray around the stall.

---

"Thenonmy sixteenthbirthday IgotaponyandI namedhimGeoff causeGeoffissocute andsoisthepony-"

---

"Hey chicks, the Z-man ain't gonna make fun of ya no more, so save a big, fluffy marshmallow for me at the campfire, K?"

---

"ThenIhadtogoto thehospitalinorder togetthepantsremoved itcostalotofmoney andmymom'sa nervouswreckand won'twearpants!"

* * *

The campers all met Chris on top of Mt. Yurgonadynao, where he was seen holding cords and harnesses.

"Hey guys, and welcome to your first challenge!" Chris whistled, and Chef, angrily muttering, stepped to Chris's side. "Guess what you're doing? You're gonna bungee jump off the face of this volcano!" Chris pushed Chef into the volcano. Screams could be heard.

"Uh…did he just…die?" Beth asked nervously.

"Oh he'll be fine." Chris waved it off. "Anyway, each camper must either take this life-risking bungee jump, or face the wrath and humiliation of the dreaded chicken hat!" Chris pulled out a chicken hat.

"ARGGGGHHH!!!!! CHICKEN!" Tyler threw himself onto Lindsay's arms.

"Heheh, looks like we've got our first chicken already!" Colin laughed at Chris's joke.

"Oh yeah?" Tyler jabbed a finger into Colin's stomach. "I'll show you, fancy-pants!" He ran over to the bungee cords, set himself up, and jumped into the volcano in record time.

"WOOHOO! Go Tyler!" Lindsay cheered.

Colin scoffed. "Whatever. Anyone can do that, especially when the whole thing is fake!" He then jumped straight into the volcano without a bungee cord.

"Fake? We couldn't afford a fake volcano!" Everyone grimaced as a burnt Colin screamed, shooting upward from the pain.

"You…stupid…loser…" Colin managed before fainting.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Colin shifted in his seat on the confessional stall. "Okay, I have no idea why Lindsay's wasting her time with a guy with no talent whatsoever. She can do a lot better…like me!"

* * *

"Alright, that's two for two so far for the Hollering Otters," tallied Chris. "Who's next?" Beth raised her hand meekly.

"I'll take the chicken hat again…" she murmured.

"Aw…still scared of our challenges? That's okay…" Chris plunked the hat onto Beth's head. "That just makes you a chicken! Brawk brawk brawk!" He turned to DJ. "You quit your first challenge too. Will you give this one a shot?"

DJ shrugged. "I guess. At least there isn't any water down there." He gulped and performed a graceful dive. The Hollering Otters cheered.

DJ popped back up. "Yo guys, it really ain't so bad. Just make sure you got that bungee cord attached." DJ's words prompted the rest of the Otters to try the task.

Allison then dropped in. "DJ's right. Just let the fear go, and it'll be alright."

"Is lava sanitary?" Samuel asked nervously before jumping.

"Lava is liquid rock, genius," Noah and Mary remarked at the same time. They then glared angrily towards each other.

"I bet I can finish my jump before you!" Mary challenged.

"Like how you graduated college first?" scoffed Noah. "Yeah right." They both jumped at the same time anyway.

"Uh…how do ya put this thing on?" Edmund asked, tangled in a bungee cord.

"Ugh…like this." Josephine helped him put on the cord correctly.

"Gee…thanks purdy lady!" Edmund blushed.

"HEY SIS, HOW DO YA LIKE YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND?!" Joseph shouted from the other side of the volcano.

Josephine turned red. "HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND, YA JERK!"

"I'm not?"

Josephine pushed Edmund into the volcano in rage. "NO YOU'RE NOT!" She then followed him into the volcano.

"Alright." Chris counted on his fingers. "That's nine bungees and one chicken. Lindsay's the last one to go for the Hollering Otters."

Lindsay peered down the volcano nervously. "Uh, will this mess up my hair?"

"Oh yes it will!" replied Heather, trying to psych her out.

"Oh…Can I have a chicken hat please?" Lindsay took a chicken hat from Chris while the rest of her team groaned.

"Great. Score zero for Little Miss Clueless." Noah remarked.

"That's a final score of nine for the Hollering Otters!" announced Chris. "Let's see if the Deadly Sparrows can beat it!"

"We better beat it," Tam threatened, punching her palm.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Tam scoffed, "I can already tell that I'm the only one on my team that can do anything. So I took matters into my own hands today."

* * *

"Alright, you're going first shrimp!" Tam picked up a whimpering Mikey and started walking to the volcano's base.

"NOOOOOO!!!!!" wailed Mikey. "I DON'T WANNA GOOOOO!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!" Right before Tam threw him in, Chris blocked her path.

"Sorry dude, but we gotta let the campers choose if they want to go in or not. That's the point of the challenge." Chris grabbed Mikey and put him down. "So, do you want to jump in?"

"Ch-ch-chicken hat p-p-p-please." Mikey fainted.

Tam scowled. "Loser." She jumped into the volcano.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Mikey whimpered nervously into the camera. "Tam's, like…all the bullies in my life combined, then made worse, then made scarier, then…oh! It's just too painful!" Mikey spent the next few minutes bawling his eyes out.

* * *

"That's one and one," Chris tallied. "That means the Sparrows are falling behind. Who's next?"

"Oohoohooh memememememe pleaseIwannajump jumpingisfun mememememe oohoohooh-"

"ALRIGHT ALREADY! Sheesh, just jump Ayami!"

"YAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!" Ayami jumped.

"Okay, who's-"

"YAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!" Izzy jumped.

Chris shook his head to get the cheers out. "Ow…my head…"

"YAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!" Ayami hi-fived Izzy.

"Hey! What are ya trying to do? Make my head explode?"

"You can DO THAT?" Izzy asked, shocked. She then took out a bicycle pump from her hammerspace. "I CALL DIBS ON CHRIS'S HEAD!"

"NOT COOL, DUDE!" Chris started running away from Izzy, who was laughing maniacally. Most of the campers had confused looks on their faces.

"Alright, who wants to go next?" Harold asked the remaining campers. "LeShawna? Casey? Boobies?"

"Who the heck is Boob…oh, that was a bad idea Harold." LeShawna looked nervously towards Heather, who was fuming. However, it was Ethan who took initiative.

"NO ONE makes Heather mad on my watch!" He then delivered a swift kick to Harold's crotch.

"MY BISCUITS ARE BURNING!"

LeShawna then screamed, "NOW YA MESSED WITH THE WRONG WHITE BOY! I'LL KILL YA HEATHER!"

"Oh no you won't!" Ethan took on a fighting stance between LeShawna and Heather.

"Ya think ya can take me?" LeShawna cracked her knuckles.

"Yeah." Ethan quickly swept his leg, tripping LeShawna. He then started pummeling her face.

"CHEF!" Chris called out, noticing the fight. Fortunately, Chef managed to rip Ethan off of LeShawna, but not before she fainted with bruises all over her face.

Heather looked at the damage. "…Wow…She finally got what she deserved. Excellent."

"All in a days work," Ethan replied proudly, still being held by Chef. "I do kickboxing and martial arts."

"Stupid girls…" Ezekiel muttered. "Why do they always have to fight?"

All the girls stared at Ezekiel.

"Uh…I mean…girls are awesome!" Ezekiel did a fist pump half-heartedly. Then, to end the awkward situation he jumped into the volcano.

"That's four jumpers and one chicken for the Sparrows! Who's next?" Chris asked, trying to get everyone focused on the challenge.

"When this brute cares to let go of me, I'd be happy to jump." Ethan sneered at Chef.

"…Just don't give me more medical problems to take care of." Chef let him go.

"THIS IS FOR HEATHER!" Ethan dived gracefully into the volcano.

Casey sidled towards Joseph. "…Hey, Joseph. Are you…seeing anyone?"

"Oh!" Joseph blushed. "I don't see anyone. I don't like girls because of my sister."

"HEY BRO, HOW DO YA LIKE YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND?!" Josephine taunted.

"SHUT UP! SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!" Casey cried.

"Oh no, I didn't mean it like that!" Joseph tried to comfort Casey. "Uh, we can be…regular friends if you want. You do seem nicer than my sister, at least."

Casey just cried harder. "I'll never get a boyfriend at this rate! WAAAAAHHHHH!"

Chris scowled. "Seriously, does ANYONE care about this challenge?"

"Sure. I'll jump." Joseph did just that.

Chris walked up to Casey, who was still crying. "How about you?" Casey didn't respond.

"…I'll count that as a pass. This means that every other Sparrow must jump in order to tie. Who's next?"

Heather shrugged. "I guess it's my turn, then. At least there's nothing here to embarrass myself on T.V." She jumped amid extremely loud cheers by Ethan.

"So now there's two left, right?" Chris turned toward Harold and LeShawna, the former holding his crotch and the latter still unconscious.

"…Can't…jump…" Harold gasped.

"Okay then. The Hollering Otters are the winners!" Chris announced. The Hollering Otters…well…hollered.

---

The Deadly Sparrows were sitting in the cafeteria, contemplating their loss.

"Oohhhhh…" LeShawna adjusted the ice pack on her face. "I don't know about y'all, but Heather shouldn't've come back here in the first place." Ethan held out his fist, growling.

"Okay okay, I won't vote her out! Sheesh!" LeShawna added under her breath, "I'll just vote out you instead."

Ezekiel put his hand to his forehead. "Well, I think we would've won the challenge if you girls weren't fighting all the time! I mean, if we were all boys…"

"GET HIM!" Every girl in camp, plus Ethan, started beating up Ezekiel.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! I SHOULD'VE KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT!!!!!"

"Woohoo! Check out that fight!" a familiar voice rang out. A fat blond boy suddenly ran over to watch.

"Owen? What are you doing here?" asked Harold.

"Oh, me? I convinced Chris to become a member of the cast. I'm the official poison checker!" Owen started eating a steak. "Nope, no poison in here. But I better check the rest of this steak in case the poison isn't evenly distributed." Owen finished off the steak.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"At first, I wanted that freak Ethan off, but he seems to be useful. Maybe as an extra vote, or to convince others to vote my way," Heather relayed. "Tonight, I'd want LeShawna to go, but there seems to be someone else who deserves to be in this game even less."

---

"That Ethan is really askin' for it, but I think I'm gonna vote for someone else," said LeShawna.

---

Ezekiel laid back all cool-like in the stall. "I'm awaiting that marshmallow, because there's no way all the boys will be voting for me!"

---

"That LeShawna is Heather's main rival. BUT Ezekiel provided a worse insult," said Ethan.

---

"Boobies."

* * *

Campfire Ceremony…

After the dramatic music played, Chris welcomed the Deadly Sparrows. "Welcome to the drama-inducing Campfire Ceremony! You all made your votes and cast your decision. Here I have ten marshmallows." He held out a platter with ten marshmallows on it. "The camper who does not receive a marshmallow must immediately walk the Dock of Shame and catch the Boat of Losers. And he or she can't come back…EVER."

A few campers shuddered upon hearing this.

"So, let's pass some marshmallows then!" Chris put his finger to his chin. "First marshmallow goes to…Joseph."

"Phew." Joseph got up.

"…Tam."

"Hmph!"

"…Izzy."

"Wahoo!" Izzy ran up to the platter and picked up a marshmallow with her mouth.

"…Ayami."

"YayIsurvivedthe firstepisodeso Icanpartakeinmore challengesand Ihaveachanceof actuallywinning whichissocooland-"

"…Harold."

"Booyah!"

"…Casey."

Casey wordlessly got up.

"…Heather."

LeShawna glared angrily as Ethan grabbed Heather's marshmallow for her.

"…Mikey."

Mikey cowered from the glare Tam gave him.

"Next marshmallow goes to…LeShawna."

"In yo' face!" LeShawna held the marshmallow to Ethan's face.

Chris smiled. "Ethan, Ezekiel, it's down to you. Who will get the last marshmallow?"

Ethan scoffed. "Well that's a dumb question. You guys need me for ratings!" Ezekiel shivered.

Chris slapped his forehead. "You can read us like a book, can't you Ethan? Whatever, thanks for ruining the suspense. Ethan gets the last marshmallow!"

Ethan picked up the marshmallow. "Thank you."

"Okay, why do I keep getting voted out first?" Ezekiel asked angrily.

Chris patted him on the back. "Well, my advice is to stop royally pissing off half the world's population!" Ezekiel sighed and walked the Dock of Shame, while sad music played.

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

**The teams have to invent something out of scrap.**

_"Alright guys, here's your next challenge; the Invent-Off!" Chris gestured toward the pile of parts._

**But some campers may want to invent an excuse.**

_"Why are ya'll bullying Sam?"_

_Colin gulped. "…Cause it's funny?"_

**An excuse to get away from this fight!**

_Noah and Mary stood with their faces less than an inch away. "GRRRRRRR!!!"_

**Who will be eliminated next time…**

_Chris slapped his forehead. "Are you guys going to allow ONE dramatic campfire ceremony this season? HUH?!"_

…**On Total Drama Action.**


	2. Invention Prevention

Disclaimer: I do not own the Total Drama franchise, obviously. If I did, then what would be the point of making a fanfic about it, when you could just air this on TV?

A/N: Wow, I'm pleasantly surprised that I've already gotten a review! Maybe I'll get another one with this chapter...

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 2: Invention Prevention

Chris stood on the Dock of Shame, next to a sign saying "Welcome to Camp Yurgonadynao".

"Last time on Total Drama Action, ten of the campers from our first season met up with twelve all-new faces, from the good…"

A clip of Allison singing was shown.

"…to the bad…"

A clip of Colin hitting on Lindsay was shown.

"…to the downright ugly."

A clip of Ethan beating up LeShawna was shown.

"After being split into two teams of eleven, the Hollering Otters and the Deadly Sparrows, the twenty-two contestants had to bungee jump into a volcano!"

Clips were shown of several campers jumping into the volcano, ending with Colin getting burnt.

"But thanks to some fighting by the Deadly Sparrows, the Hollering Otters won the challenge."

A clip of the Hollering Otters cheering was shown, followed by a clip of Harold and LeShawna in pain.

"Ethan particularly got on many nerves, with his complete obsession of Heather and his desire to hurt anyone who dared insult her…"

A clip of several campers arguing with Ethan was shown.

"But it was Ezekiel, pissing every girl off with his sexist comments that got him voted out first, AGAIN."

A clip of the girls beating up Ezekiel was shown, followed by Ezekiel getting voted out.

"Thus proving, once again, that home school and reality T.V. STILL don't mix. What challenge will the campers face this time? Who will be eliminated next in our most dramatic campfire ceremony yet? Find out tonight, on Total. Drama. Action!"

* * *

The theme song played, then the camera focused on the Hollering Otter cabin, where yelling could be heard.

"For the last time," Noah argued. "Snake is the best character in Brawl!"

Mary shook her head. "Meta-Knight is the best and you know it!"

"Snake's tilts can deal over 20% damage and enormous knockback!"

"Meta-Knight is speedy and can combo better than any other character!"

"I've won the Saskatchewan Brawl tournament with Snake!"

"I've won the Quebec Brawl tournament with Meta-Knight!"

Noah and Mary stood with their faces less than an inch away. "GRRRRRRR!!!"

"COULD YOU TWO WINDBAGS SHADDAP?!" Colin threw a shoe, hitting both faces. "I'm trying to sleep here!"

"Uh…It's nine A.M., genius," Noah remarked, rubbing his face.

Lindsay came out from the girls' room. "Hey guys, can you quiet it down? I'm trying to get my beauty sleep." Colin smirked. Mary and Noah facepalmed.

Samuel came into the main room afterward. "Have any of you sickos seen my toothbrush? I need to brush my teeth before and after every meal, or I'll die."

Colin snickered. "Uh…maybe you should try your sink. I'm sure I saw it there just a minute ago!"

"Okay…" Samuel left the room. A nasty shriek could be heard soon after. "WHO COVERED MY TOOTHBRUSH WITH BLOOD?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AYIYIYIYI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Colin rubbed his head. "Edmund, I said cover it in MUD, not BLOOD."

"Oh…sorry."

Allison shook her head. "Jerks…"

---

The 21 campers noticed a huge pile of metal parts behind Chris and two long tables. Each team settled behind a table.

"Alright guys, here's your next challenge; the Invent-Off!" Chris gestured toward the pile of parts.

"YES!" Mary whooped. Lou beeped and wheeled itself in circles around her.

"The rules are as follows: you can make any invention you want out of the parts behind me, but all the campers must participate! The best invention wins immunity. Since the Otters are one member ahead, they can sit someone out."

"I'll get the coin," Noah announced, pointing towards Lindsay and Edmund. The former was trying to kiss Tyler and Colin simultaneously, and the latter was picking his nose.

Tyler argued, "Oh come on, Lindsay isn't THAT stupid. Make Edmund sit out!"

"Yeah, I'm not stupid!" agreed Lindsay. "My IQ is 15! I mean, that's more than my age!"

Everyone groaned.

"Lindsay it is, then." Mary snapped her fingers, prompting Lou to wheel Lindsay over to the sit-out bench.

"Okay, so Lindsay isn't playing. You have one hour starting…NOW!" Chris shot a starting pistol, hitting an eagle again. "Man…not again!"

---

Ethan picked up Heather and carried her to a lawn chair. He put her down, then gave her a drink, and then started fanning her. "Okay Heather, you can start bossing the team around!"

Heather looked at Ethan strangely, and then shrugged. "Okay…You guys will invent a…"

Ethan whispered in her ear.

"Oh, that's a great idea! You'll invent a pedicure machine. My feet need it really badly."

Casey stuck out her tongue. "Gross!"

Tam walked over and picked up Ethan with one hand. "Listen you snot nosed jerk. I don't take orders from ANYONE! Got it?"

"No one except Heather." Ethan kicked off Tam's stomach to break her grip. She growled.

---

"Okay team, here's the blueprints," Mary explained as Lou took out a set of blueprints from his chest area. "Edmund will take this tiny segment here, Beth will make this part here, Colin over here, Tyler here, Josephine will bring snacks, Allison will provide morale, DJ will carry the big parts over, Samuel will clean us off, and I'll handle this complicated part."

"Hold up. You never said my name!" Noah complained.

"Oh, I don't know if I can use you…" Mary thought for a moment. "Hmmmm…maybe you can go over there and hit yourself on the head with this hammer." She handed Noah a hammer, which he dropped onto the ground. "I'm sure we could use some laughs."

"Forget it." Noah peered at the schematics. "Besides, these schematics are outdated. If you substitute this 25-coil spring with the 24-coil spring over there, and remove the muffler entirely, the efficiency will rise by 6%."

Mary jabbed a finger in Noah's face. "I'm the inventor around here, last time I checked. You don't tell me how to do my job! Besides, your calculations are incorrect. The efficiency will FALL by 6% with those changes."

"No, they will RISE. Just use Einstein's principle!"

"They will FALL!"

"RISE!"

"FALL!"

Noah and Mary formed a dust cloud as they started fighting. The rest of the Otters whistled and started building the machine.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah shook his head in disbelief. "That Mary thinks she's the smartest person who ever lived, and it's driving me crazy! She's going down!"

---

Mary shook her head in disbelief. "That Noah thinks he's the smartest person who ever lived, and it's driving me crazy! He's going down!"

---

Izzy stared at the previous two confessionals. "Hey, you just copied and pasted! You're lazy!"

* * *

Harold watched as LeShawna murmured to herself while hammering a nail that was already in.

"Hey LeShawna, are you okay?"

LeShawna glared at Harold. "Am I okay? I'm just fine, thank ya very much. I mean, what's the problem with your rival being meaner than ever and having a lackey that can kick your butt every time you have opinions?" A tear formed in her eye.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold sighed. "Ethan and Heather are evil and need to go down, boobies or not. Besides, I like LeShawna more."

* * *

"Meet me next to the cluster of five trees at one in the morning, and we'll think of a plan," Harold whispered.

"Uh…can I join you please?" Harold looked around until he spotted Mikey below him. "Sorry I overheard…"

Harold patted his head. "Aw, that's okay. You can join us." Mikey beamed.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Mikey bounced on the toilet in excitement. "Yeah, I'm going to help perform sabotage! Who's the wimp now?!"

* * *

Heather and Ethan couldn't hear what the plotters were saying, but they could tell that they weren't working.

"This is the part where you say, 'Back to work, slaves!'" Ethan told Heather. "Then you whip them with this!" He procured a whip.

"BACK TO WORK, YOU PILES OF SCUM!!!!" Heather whipped LeShawna.

"WHY YA LITTLE-" LeShawna stopped when she saw Ethan's expression. She sighed and got back to work.

"Piles of scum? I like it!"

---

"Yo Edmund, how's it goin'?" asked DJ, carrying a refrigerator.

"Guh…whatsa do with this?" Edmund held out a bar of soap that seemed to be beeping.

"A beeping bar of soap? What the…?"

"NEED…SOAP!" Samuel grabbed the soap and started lathering himself with it. However, it blew up, covering him with soot.

"GAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! SHOWER SHOWER SHOWER SHOWER SHOWER!!!!!!!" Samuel sped off to the confessional stall in record time.

DJ put his hands on his hips. "What was that?"

"Guh…I dunno. Ask Colin." Edmund pointed to Colin, who was doubled over in laughter.

"Oh man, that prank was too – WHOA!" Colin was picked up by DJ.

"Why are ya'll bullying Sam?"

Colin gulped. "…Cause it's funny?"

DJ flicked Colin's nose. "Bullying ain't funny. I remember when Duncan, Geoff and I tortured Harold; he got revenge by eliminating Courtney. After that, I learned that bullying is wrong. Now you should stop your bullying before karma goes kung-fu on ya!" He put Colin down.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Colin snorted. "Whatever. I'll stop bullying Samuel…when he stops making it so easy! Hahaha!"

* * *

"So then I burned down the entire neighborhood but I ran away before the cops could find me. As I was howling at the moon, I realized that my favorite T.V. show was on, so I found this old coat hanger and got it to receive the wrong channel. I spent all night listening to soap operas!"

Ayami stared in awe at Izzy while fiddling with an egg carton. "Wowyou'vehadsomany cooladventures IhopeIcanbecool likeyousomeday causemymom won'tletmego fivefeefromher unlessI'monthisshow sothat'swhy Iauditioned whydoyoulikeOwen Imeanhe's fatterthanfatnohe's fatterthanfatter thanfatnohe's fatterthanfatter thanfatter thanfatnohe's fatterthanfatter thanfatterthan Ilostmytrain ofthoughtI'mbored!'"

"I don't think I got that."

"Isaid 'Wowyou'vehadsomany cooladventures IhopeIcanbecool likeyousomeday causemymom won'tletmego fivefeefromher unlessI'monthisshow sothat'swhy Iauditioned whydoyoulikeOwen Imeanhe's fatterthanfatnohe's fatterthanfatter thanfatnohe's fatterthanfatter thanfatter thanfatnohe's fatterthanfatter thanfatterthan Ilostmytrain ofthoughtI'mbored!'"

"That's cool."

---

The blast of an air horn pierced the air, forcing the campers to stop what they were doing.

"Time's up!" Chris announced. "Now I will test the inventions and see which team is the winner, starting with the Hollering Otters!" He walked over to their contraption, which looked nothing like the blueprints. "So, what is this supposed to do?"

Noah was about to explain, but Lou tripped him and Mary answered herself. "It's a temporal wormhole generator. A time machine, in layman's terms."

"Wow that sounds awesome! Let's see if it works!" Chris pushed the on button, and the machine whirred to life, though it sounded choppy. "So let's say I want to go 100 years in the future. How would I do that?"

Mary was about to answer, but Noah elbowed her and answered himself. "Press the forward arrow that reads 'Plus 100 years', step inside, and press the big green button."

Chris pressed the arrow button that Noah said, but all it did was release a collection of fireworks, one of which destroyed the machine.

"OW! WATCH THE HAIR DUDE!" Chris yelped, burnt.

Mary fumed. "Why the heck did it do that? Who put fireworks in my machine?!"

Colin snickered. "Oh man, I knew putting those fireworks in would be awesome!"

Everyone stared at Colin.

"…Oh. Heheheh…sorry?" Colin sweatdropped.

"Now let's check the Deadly Sparrows' invention." After getting his make-up crew to fix his face and hair, Chris moved over to the other team.

"This machine gives pedicures…or at least it's supposed to," explained Heather.

Ethan muttered under his breath, "Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if these morons ruined this invention too."

"Alright…I'm a guy, so I don't get pedicures though. You can try it out."

"Thank you, Chris!" Heather turned the machine on, causing her feet to get sucked in. Loud noises could be heard within.

"Remember, in order to win, this machine just has to WORK," reminded Chris.

Heather grimaced. "Please work, please work, please work."

After five minutes of loud knocking sounds, the machine turned off. Dramatic music played as Heather slowly removed her feet from the machine. Everyone was sweating, and nervous, and…

"Hey guys, did you make a farting machine?" Owen asked. Tam punched him.

Heather finally removed her feet, discovering that all her nails were painted different colors. "AHHHHH!!!!! WHO DID THIS TO ME?!!!! WHOOOOOOOOO???!!!?!?!?!!!??!?!!?!!?!!"

"Oh my gosh! I'll save you Heather!" Ethan picked her up and rushed off towards the lake. LeShawna and Harold did a hi-five.

"Hahahaha, that was awesome!" Chris chuckled. "Regardless, the invention worked! The Deadly Sparrows win!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan cracked his knuckles. "Whoever did that is dead. Heather says the most likely suspect is LeShawna, so I'll be keeping an eye on her."

---

Samuel sighed. "I hate Colin. He's mean, his ego is huge, and he's stupid."

---

Colin frowned. "Yeah, so what if I messed up that challenge? Voting me out would be stupid, seeing as I'm athletic. I think Beth should leave, because she's ugly and useless!"

* * *

Campfire Ceremony…

The Hollering Otters slowly sauntered to their seats, clearly depressed. However, Chris couldn't care less.

"Welcome, Hollering Otters, to your first Campfire Ceremony!" Chris greeted. He held out a plate of marshmallows. "Here in my hands are ten marshmallows, each a gooey bit of sweetness that represents your life. You've all cast your votes and made your decision. When I call your name, claim your marshmallow. Whoever doesn't receive a marshmallow must immediately walk the Dock of Shame and catch the Boat of Losers. And he or she can never come back. EVER."

"Wait…that isn't really true, is it?" Allison asked.

"Nah, we allow two campers back after the…uh…I mean yes! You will be banished FOREVER! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

Allison frowned.

Chris rubbed his chin. "First marshmallow goes to…you, Allison."

"Yay." Allison picked up a marshmallow.

"…DJ."

"Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking 'bout!"

"…Edmund."

Edmund didn't move.

"Uh…I'll just throw you the marshmallow then, 'kay?" The marshmallow bounced off Edmund's face. He ignored it.

Chris had a weirded-out expression on his face. "…Mary."

"Haha! I got mine before you!" Mary stuck out her tongue at Noah. Noah growled.

"Quite the rivalry there…Noah."

"Thank you."

"…Tyler."

"Score!"

"…Samuel."

"Oh no, I don't eat sweets after dinner time. They cause cavities."

"…Lindsay."

"Oh yay!"

"…Josephine."

"Phew!" Josephine took her marshmallow while the last two campers started to shiver.

"Alright, it's down to Colin and Beth. Who will get the last marshmallow?"

Mary scoffed. "Isn't it obvious?"

Beth stopped shivering. "Yeah, how the heck could I lose?"

Chris slapped his forehead. "Are you guys going to allow ONE dramatic campfire ceremony this season? HUH?!"

Noah snorted. "Yeah, we're all in this secret mafia, determined to make this show as anti-dramatic as possible."

"Sarcasm ain't cool, dude. Fine…last marshmallow goes to Beth."

"Oh yeah!" Beth took the last marshmallow as Colin started to fume.

"YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU! YOU GUYS NEEDED ME! Plus, I'm too handsome to leave!"

"Chef, if you please?" Chris snapped his fingers.

Chef put Colin in a half-nelson and walked him toward the Boat of Losers.

"You guys haven't seen the last of me, ya hear?! I'll convince Chris to let me return at the merge, like Eva! You'll all pay! PAY!" Chef threw Colin into the boat.

"Sore loser…" Chef drove the boat away as a temper tantrum could be heard.

---

"12:58…Time ta go." LeShawna tiptoed out of the Deadly Sparrows cabin as quietly as she could, unaware that she was being followed.

Ethan chuckled. "Looks like Heather was right."

* * *

**Next time on Total Drama Action…**

**Chris needs a little help moving his stuff…so he uses the campers!**

_"All you guys have to do is take all my stuff…" Chris gestured to a long procession of trailers containing large, heavy items. "…And carry it up to my new mansion atop that hill!"_

**As the weights get heavier, so does the strategy!**

_Heather walked up to Casey and Joseph, who were both clearly struggling with their TV sets. "Hey guys, remember that alliance I made last season?"_

_"ALLIANCE? WITH YOU? DREAM ON!!!!!" Casey raged._

**But will the combined efforts of a bunch of geeks be enough to stop it?**

_Everyone got into a circle and put their hands together._

_"One…two…three…Anti-Heather alliance! Break!"_

**You won't want to miss who is eliminated…on Total Drama Action.**

* * *

A/N: If any of you are wondering where the drama is, it'll start in episode three. I promise.


	3. Show Me Your Moves!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Total Drama franchise. In fact, I don't even pwn the Total Drama franchise...That pun sucked, didn't it?

A/N: I apparently have a fan, which is...cool, I guess. I'd like someone else to review and critique my story, but I'll take what I get.

This chapter gives this fanfic its T rating, by the way. Beware the drama!

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 3: Show Me Your Moves!

Chris was lounging on a lawn chair next to the welcome sign. "Last time on Total Drama Action, the teams had to invent something cool out of a pile of scrap!"

Clips of campers building their inventions were shown.

"On the Hollering Otters team, Mary decided to take charge, due to her already being an inventor. However, Noah wouldn't allow that, and their rivalry escalated!"

A clip of Noah and Mary fighting was shown.

"While with the Deadly Sparrows, some campers have had enough with Heather and Ethan and decided to plot their downfall! How dramatic!"

A clip of Harold, LeShawna, and Mikey talking was shown.

"Despite the in-team friction, however, the Sparrows managed to make a working invention and win the challenge!"

A clip of Heather looking shocked at her toenails was shown.

"The Hollering Otters were a mess. Due to Noah's and Mary's fighting, Colin's pranking, Edmund's stupidity, and Samuel's…neat freakiness, their time machine blew up on them!"

A clip of the firework blowing up the time machine was shown.

"However, it was Colin's idea to put in the fireworks. DJ warned him earlier that his bullying would cause bad karma to befall him…"

A clip of DJ yelling at Colin was shown.

"And he was right. Colin became the second person voted out of Total Drama Action!"

A clip of Colin being forced on the Boat of Losers by Chef was shown.

"What challenges will the campers have to face this time? Who will be eliminated next in our most dramatic campfire ceremony yet? Find out tonight, on Total. Drama. Action!"

* * *

Harold's watch beeped once. He looked around, and noticed that no one had arrived at the group of five trees.

"Where are they? Gosh!"

"Shut up, you dweeb! Do you want the whole camp to hear you?"

"Who was that?" Harold waved a flashlight around, until he spotted Tam. "Tam? What are you doing here?"

Tam punched her palm. "What do ya think? Mikey told me about this alliance thing, and I'm game."

Mikey popped out of the bushes. "I got some extra alliance members to join our meeting! Isn't that cool?"

Harold shrugged. "The more the merrier, I guess…"

---

After a few minutes, LeShawna and Beth arrived, followed by Lindsay and Tyler.

"Alright, who's sick of Heather?" Harold asked.

Everyone else whispered in unison, "We are!"

"Who's sick of Ethan?"

"We are!"

"Who's sick of Duncan?"

Some crickets chirped.

Harold sweatdropped. "Oops, he's not in this season. Anyway, we need to convince more people to vote out Heather."

"Heather? Why not get rid of that creep Ethan first?" asked Tam. "He's much worse!"

Beth answered, "Yeah, but ONLY WHEN Heather is around. Get rid of Heather, and he'll be reduced to jelly!"

"I dunno about that. He acts like that mass murderer I had to share a cell with one time. It's too risky!"

"No risk, no reward," LeShawna added.

"Yes, but we have another risk to overcome," reminded Harold. "Heather and Ethan could convince other Sparrows to vote out one of us instead. I mean, we only have four Sparrows here. That isn't a majority."

"We need to convince two Sparrows to vote with us!" Mikey exclaimed. "But which two?"

"LALALALALALALA! TIME FOR MY ONE O' CLOCK STROLL!!!!!!" Izzy ran off into the forest, laughing maniacally.

"…Not Izzy. Maybe we should try Casey and Joseph."

"Agreed." Harold recapped, "So it has been decided: we convince Casey and Joseph to vote out Heather with us next time we lose an immunity challenge. Hands in!"

Everyone got into a circle and put their hands together.

"One…two…three…Anti-Heather alliance! Break!"

---

Ethan turned off his video camera. "Time to show all this footage to Heather…Muahahahahahaha!" He sneaked away from the area.

---

After the teams met at the Dock of Shame, Chris took a head count.

"Good good, everyone's here! Though some of you look kinda tired!"

Beth yawned.

"Chef, I told you not to use those chocolate laxatives! Anyway, welcome to your next challenge: Extreme Movers, Inc.! All you guys have to do is take all my stuff…" Chris gestured to a long procession of trailers containing large, heavy items. "…And carry it up to my new mansion atop that hill!" He pointed to a really tall hill with a mansion on top. "The camper who manages to last the longest wins immunity for their team. Let's start with something easy, like…TVs!" Chris walked to campers to the first trailer, which was loaded with hundreds of identical and fairly large television sets.

Mikey started biting his nails. "TVs are EASY?!"

Chris patted him on the back. "Yup! Don't worry, these babies only weigh, like, a hundred pounds!" He picked up a television, grunting, and dropped it onto Mikey, in hopes that he would catch it. Unfortunately, he didn't.

"Owwwwwwwww…"

Chris continued. "Everyone who manages to haul a TV to the mansion makes it to round 2! Fail to make it there and you're out! So start hauling!"

Noah scoffed. "I don't do physical labor."

"Me neither!" Mary replied. "That's why, unlike YOU, I invented someone to do physical labor for me!" She snapped her fingers, getting Lou to carry a TV.

"Oh yeah, and one more thing: you have to carry everything YOURSELF!" Chris took a screwdriver and started disassembling Lou, until he was turned off.

"YOU BETTER FIX HIM!" Mary shot.

---

"Ohm…Ohm…Ohm…"

"What are ya doin'?" LeShawna asked, tapping Harold's head.

"I'm finding my inner strength…"

LeShawna snorted. "Inner strength? You're skin and bones, baby. I think ya should sit this one out."

"Skin, bones, and years of martial arts training," corrected Harold. He slowly opened his eyes, stood up, and lifted the TV set. Without as much as a bead of sweat, he slowly started his ascent up the mountain.

"…Wow. Is he really lifting that thing?"

---

Tyler, while stretching was bragging to Lindsay. "Oh yeah, gonna carry some stuff! Getting pumped! WHOO!" He picked up a TV, but a loud crack followed right afterward.

"My…back!" Tyler collapsed.

Lindsay started to cry. "Oh no, Tyler! What should I do?!"

Tyler coughed. "You…need…to…finish the challenge! Coughcough! Finish it…for…me!"

"Omigosh, I won't let you down! So…what do I do again?"

---

Ethan was lugging a TV up the hill while Heather walked alongside him.

"And they said they wanted to convince Casey and Joseph to vote me out? We're going to have to convince them to join us first!"

Ethan cackled. "How should we convince them? Bribes? Threats? Personally, I'm in the mood to find some closet skeletons to exploit them to our will!"

"No no no, I've already established myself as a villain during the first season so they'll be carefully guarding their secrets. We'll convince them, but without any tricks."

"No tricks?! How can you pull that off?"

"Like this." Heather walked up to Casey and Joseph, who were both clearly struggling with their TV sets. "Hey guys, remember that alliance I made last season?"

"ALLIANCE? WITH YOU? DREAM ON!!!!!" Casey raged.

Heather stayed calm. "But don't you want to win? If you recall, Beth and Lindsay were only eliminated once they broke off my alliance. If they stayed with me, by the final 5 we could've outnumbered Owen and Gwen and ended up as the final 3."

Joseph rubbed his chin. "Yeah…but why would we trust you? Won't you just pick us off afterward?"

"If the alliance makes it all they way, it would still be me, you two, and Ethan in the final 4. You could gang up on me if you wanted to."

Casey pondered it. "I don't know about this. Seems risky."

"No risk, no reward."

Joseph's knees began to shake. "Uh, we'll decide later. Right now, I have to get up this hill before my feet explode!" He ran off, while Casey followed behind.

Heather smirked. "They're mine."

---

Atop the hill, Chef checked his watch. "What is taking these kids so long?" Right on cue, a couple of TVs came into view, obscuring the faces of the campers carrying them.

"About time! Chris wants ya to put those on this table." Chef pointed to a steel table with a sign saying "Round 1" on it. They placed their TVs on the table.

"Oh yeah, baby! Onto round 2!" DJ cheered.

"Whatever," Tam grunted. "So do we have to wait for the rest of our weakling teammates now?"

"Yup!" Chef went over to the side of the hill and peered downward. "Looks like a long wait, too. Who wants to bake sticky buns?" DJ and Tam slowly backed away.

---

Chef counted the campers. "6…7…8. I guess that's all we're getting."

"Wait! Is this where we're supposed to go?" Lindsay suddenly ran up to the mansion, holding up her TV.

Chef scratched his head. "Uh, yeah." He added under his breath, "Lindsay made it?"

"Hold up! Don't forget me!" Harold slowly came to view as well.

"HAROLD made it? I've gotta stop eating my cooking." Chef held his head dizzily.

---

DJ, Tam, LeShawna, Ethan, Josephine, Joseph, Samuel, Edmund, Lindsay, and Harold went back down the hill to meet up with Chris.

"Awesome, I've got ten TVs in my new pad!" Everyone glared at Chris. "…Right, time for round 2!" He opened the second trailer, revealing… "Couches, guys. I got these at a wicked discount, so they're not so big. Only about 200 pounds."

Josephine got a crick out of her back. "I am not carrying a couch!"

"Oh yes you are!" Joseph rammed a couch into his sister.

---

"This is freaking impossible!" LeShawna was pushing the couch in vain, as it wouldn't budge against the base of the hill.

"Just try to find your center, LeShawna. You can do it."

"Urgh…" She closed her eyes, and the couch started to move

* * *

**Confessionals**

LeShawna sighed. "I guess I owe Harold a big thanks for that. I didn't know he could be so helpful."

* * *

"Do it for Heather, do it for Heather, do it for Heather." Ethan was straining himself pushing his couch.

---

DJ and Tam reached the top of the hill once again, and raced each other to put their couches away.

"So, how about brownies? You up for cookin' brownies?" Chef asked. Tam hit him on the head with her couch.

"Just pretend that couch is Heather!" A third couch flew over everyone's heads, followed by LeShawna and Harold. Harold was still pushing his couch.

"Heather? Who said Heather?" Ethan asked, pushing his couch up.

Chef peered down the hill. "Alright, looks like you five move on to the next rou-"

"Oh yeah…I forgot where this place was!" Lindsay showed up with her couch.

Chef facepalmed. "My mistake. You SIX move on to the next round."

---

"Time for round three, guys!" Chris opened up the third trailer, revealing six Owens. "Owen clones, 300 pounds apiece! Good luck!"

All the Owens yelled, "For the last time, I only weigh 296 pounds! Sheesh!" They all farted.

LeShawna fanned herself. "No way am I moving a fat farting machine! I quit!"

"Do it for Heather, do it for Heather, do it for Heather…" Ethan pushed an Owen for a moment, but then fainted from the fumes.

"Find my center…" Harold closed his eyes and started lifting an Owen, but ended up breaking his back. "GOSH!"

LeShawna grimaced. "I guess there's only so much that body of yours can do."

---

Chef checked his watch. "Cue DJ and Tam…now!" Sure enough, DJ and Tam ran by Chef at that moment. "And now…cue Lindsay." Lindsay showed up rolling her Owen to the designated area. "Congratulations guys, you're the only three left standing."

Lindsay rubbed her arms. "Owwwwww…My arms hurt. I wanna stop!"

"…Fine. But that makes ya a loser!" Chef pushed Lindsay off the hill.

Tam sighed. "What an idiot."

---

"Final two, huh?" Chris asked, looking up and down at DJ and Tam. "This means we're gonna have to perform a tiebreaker!" He pulled out a rope. "Tug-o-War! The camper who falls in the mud loses the challenge for their team!"

DJ grabbed onto the rope. "I dunno about this, Chris. That Tam seems…uh…"

"You're goin' down, wimp!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Tam growled. "I wasn't about to let some nice guy who's afraid of his own shadow show me up! I had to win!"

---

DJ shivered. "She's scary…I kinda wanted to lose on purpose to spite her, but I knew everyone would vote me out if I did that."

* * *

"Alright guys, you can start…NOW!" Chris shot a gun, which released a flag with the word "Bang" on it. "Not gonna kill any eagles today!"

DJ and Tam started pulling on the rope. However, it was obvious who was stronger, as Tam toppled right into the mud.

Chris cheered. "Woohoo! Looks like the Hollering Otters win! Way to go DJ!"

Tam, dripping in mud, jabbed a finger in DJ's face. "YOU…YOU…"

DJ flinched.

"YOU…YOU…earned my respect. Not many guys can push me around." Tam shook DJ's hand.

"Uh…thanks…"

---

LeShawna returned to the cabin to see Casey and Joseph talking to one another. "Excuse me, but can I have a word with you two?"

Joseph sweated. "Uh…sure. What do you want?"

"Oh, ya'll know what I want. I want that evil witch Heather to get herself outta this game and we need two extra votes to make that happen. You two in?"

Casey and Joseph stared at each other, nervous. Finally, Casey answered, "We'll think about it."

Suddenly, Heather and Ethan entered the cabin. "LeShawna, leave. Now," demanded Heather.

LeShawna put her hands on her hips. "I'll leave this cabin when I feel like it, understand?"

Ethan cracked his knuckles. "Should I use force?"

Heather stopped him. "…On second thought, let LeShawna stay. She deserves to know when she is beaten."

"Beaten? At wha-" LeShawna was interrupted when Ethan held up his video camera.

"Anti-Heather Alliance, huh?" He smirked. "More like, Inferior-to-Heather Alliance!"

Heather snickered. "And the best part is that Casey and Joseph are on my side! You will be going home tonight!" Heather and Ethan started laughing like crazy, while LeShawna's face turned beet red.

"…WHY YOU…YOU F*%&KIN' B^#$*! YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO SPY ON US!"

One could almost hear Ethan's head snap at that comment. "NO. ONE. CALLS. HEATHER. B^#&*. TAKE. IT. BACK."

LeShawna just got madder. "No way, why would I take a fact back?!"

Ethan then put LeShawna in a full nelson and took out a gun. "TAKE IT BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

LeShawna sweated. "Whoa whoa whoa! Take it easy, man! You wouldn't kill me, would ya? You're not a killer!"

Ethan suddenly broke out in an insane grin. "Every killer has to start somewhere." He released the safety.

Casey and Joseph just stared, shocked. Heather was covering her eyes. "Geez…You'd KILL her over me?"

Ethan's eyes were rolling. "Last chance, you disgusting piece of filth. Take it back, or become my new mantelpiece."

LeShawna just stood dumbfounded for a moment, and then burst into tears. "OKAY, I TAKE IT BACK, I TAKE IT BACK!!!!! I'LL NEVER INSULT HEATHER AGAIN!!!!! JUST SPARE ME!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!"

"Pathetic." Ethan put away his gun and let go of LeShawna. "Let's go and leave this crying heap alone." Ethan walked Heather out the door, Casey and Joseph reluctantly following them.

---

"Hey, where is everyone?" Harold entered the cabin, finding it empty except for a still-sobbing LeShawna. "Whoa, what happened here?"

LeShawna threw herself in Harold's arms. "I just want you ta know I'm leaving tonight. The Anti-Heather Alliance…failed. Goodbye…Harold."

Harold patted her on the back. "Goodbye."

---

Campfire Ceremony…

Chris held out a platter of marshmallows. "Here in my hands are nine delicious marshmallows for you to roast upon the fire. However, there are ten of you to-"

LeShawna stopped him. "No need. I lost already." Before Chris could do anything, she was already running across the Dock of Shame.

Chris read the votes. "Well, she IS right. I guess she just couldn't take the pressure, or…How the heck did LeShawna lose?!"

Harold answered, "Unfairly." He walked back to the cabin.

---

Harold had a look of pure venom on his face. "Those two have no idea who they just messed with." He lifted up a bag of small metallic parts. "Ethan's gun. No longer an issue." He grinned evilly.

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

**Chris puts the campers on a human habitrail.**

_"Anyway, today's challenge will be fun! It's the Hamster Wheel Races!" Chris pointed to ten large hamster wheels, five blue and five yellow._

**And while several campers are giving this challenge a spin…**

_Mikey beamed. "Yeah, I may be so weak that I can't lift milk cartons when grocery shopping, but I'm a really good runner. Bullies are constantly chasing me, you know."_

**Ethan is giving the entire game a spin of his own.**

_Ethan smirked. "Oh, you will believe soon enough." He handed Heather a piece of paper with some strange writing on it. "Please read this incantation slowly. I will take care of the rest."_

**You won't believe who's going home next time!**

_Chris pointed at the sole marshmallow remaining on the plate. "Who's gonna get it?"_

…**On Total Drama Action.**

* * *

A/N: Was that dramatic enough for you? If not, just wait until episode four! If yes, you might want to read a Care Bears fanfic instead of this. Just a suggestion.


	4. Wheel Fun

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Well, actually I do own the OCs, but still...

A/N: Uh, not really much to say here. Hopefully TotallyTerriblyTaylor will continue to worship me so I don't lose my confidence...

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 4: Wheel Fun

Chris just stopped watching the footage of last episode.

"Man, that's spooky…Uh, last time on Total Drama Action, the campers had to take the role of professional movers and carry furniture!"

Clips of campers carrying furniture were shown.

"Not surprisingly, DJ won the challenge for the Hollering Otters. I mean, the dude's like, the real life Superman!"

A clip of DJ pulling Tam into the mud was shown.

"However, in terms of drama, the challenge took a back seat. The real action started when Harold and LeShawna orchestrated the Anti-Heather Alliance, determined to cleanse the game of villains Heather and Ethan!"

A clip of the 1 o'clock meeting was shown.

"They weren't about to let that happen, though. Ethan in particular played dirty, from video taping the meeting…"

A clip of Ethan video taping the meeting was shown.

"…to nearly KILLING LeShawna! Man that kid is insane!"

A clip of Ethan holding LeShawna at gunpoint was shown.

"LeShawna could tell that she was beaten. Heather allied with the Casey and Joseph, who the Anti-Heather Alliance wanted with them! So she quit."

A clip of LeShawna running down the Dock of Shame was shown.

"Can this show possibly get more dramatic? Who will walk the Dock of Shame next? Will I get a huge raise for making such an awesome season? Find out tonight, on Total. Drama. Action!"

* * *

Ayami covered her ears from loud knocking sounds. "Whatiswiththat annoyingracket ImeanIcan hardlysleepeven withoutallthatnoise andnowthere's allthatnoise soIcan'tsleep!"

---

Both teams, yawning and rubbing their eyes, came outside to see Ethan building a tiny hut in between the two cabins. He waved.

"Hey guys, how's it going?" Everyone grumbled.

"It was going fine until your little construction project woke me up!" Tam yelled. "And when I'm not fine, no one is!" Several campers backed away.

"So, what is it anyway?" Samuel asked.

Ethan shrugged. "Just a Heather shrine. I missed my old one at home."

"A Heather shrine? What a freak!" taunted Josephine.

Suddenly, the loudspeaker blared. "Good morning campers! Next challenge starts in five, so get your butts over to the field!"

"Ya'll heard the man; let's get!" DJ led everyone to the field, but Ethan stopped Heather.

"We're not going to the challenge today. Follow me." He walked her over to his hut.

"I'm not interested in your Heather shrine."

Ethan whispered, "I lied. Go inside the hut with me, and you'll see."

"You built something that isn't a Heather shrine?" She shrugged and entered the hut.

---

"Hey guys, welcome to your next…Where are Heather and Ethan?" Chris asked as the campers arrived at the field.

Beth snorted. "Probably looking at Ethan's stupid Heather shrine."

Chris spun his finger next to his head. "Man that kid's got issues. Anyway, today's challenge will be fun! It's the Hamster Wheel Races!" Chris pointed to ten large hamster wheels, five blue and five yellow.

"I am not getting in that thing!" Josephine complained. "I don't run, and I'm not a hamster!"

"Heheh, you are today, sis!" Joseph imitated a hamster to get on his sister's nerves.

Chris held up two large batteries. "Your wheels are connected to these batteries. When you run on the wheels, the batteries will charge. If there isn't enough running, the charge will deplete. If a camper gets too tired to run, a sitting-out camper can replace him or her. The first team to fully charge their battery wins invincibility!"

"Here's some hamster food for breakfast!" Owen handed the players some giant food pellets. He then ate a few himself. "They taste like cardboard! Awesome!"

---

"What the heck IS this place?" Heather asked, looking around the inside of the hut. It was pretty simple in design, with a red rug covering the floor, a desk and computer in one corner, a fireplace at the back wall, some shelves with miscellaneous items along a different wall, and some fake stained-glass windows with Heather on them.

Ethan closed the door. "First I must ask you if you trust me and would like to continue. If you do, you cannot go back, and you cannot tell anyone anything. That means no confessionals about this, too."

Heather raised an eyebrow. "Continue what? Uh…I guess so."

Ethan smiled. "Good, then I shall tell you. This…is the First Church of Heatherism."

Heather gasped. "The WHAT?!"

---

Tyler, Lindsay, Beth, Allison, DJ, Ayami, Izzy, Tam, Mikey, and Joseph got into the hamster wheels.

"On your marks, get set, GO!" The campers started running.

"Hey sis, why aren't you running while I am?" Joseph taunted. "I guess you really aren't the superior sibling after all!"

Josephine growled. "WHY YOU!" She started to stomp over to Joseph's wheel, but was stopped by Samuel, Noah, and Mary.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Joseph snickered. "Splitting Little Miss Brat and I into different teams was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. I can finally make fun of her without fear of losing internal organs!"

---

"My moron of a brother is probably enjoying this!" Josephine punched a wall.

* * *

"C'mon you guys, RUN!" Josephine walked over to Tyler, who was running slowly. "RUN!" She kicked him.

"Hey, I don't see you running!" Tyler retorted.

Beth panted. "Maybe you can run now. I have to get off!" She got off her wheel and tried to catch her breath.

"I don't run. I'll just end up losing it for all of you."

Noah piped in. "Well I'm not running, so we've got to choose SOMEONE."

"Not me," added Mary.

"I hate sweating," said Samuel.

Edmund picked his nose. "Guhhhhh…what's goin' on?" The other Otters looked at each other, nodded, and threw him into the vacant wheel.

---

Ethan paced around the hut. "Ever since I saw you, Heather, I knew what destiny intended for me to do. I didn't join this show just to win money, or just to meet you."

Heather snorted. "It just sounds like your worshipping me."

"Well, that's half of it…I'm here to make your lifelong desire come true, and more."

Heather gasped. "You can get me my own TV show?!"

"No, the OTHER lifelong desire; ruling Europe. How does ruling the universe sound to you?"

"Ruling the universe…" Heather imagined herself wearing a dictator's suit on top of a planet shaped like her head, ordering around an enormous fleet of spaceships. A galaxy exploded off in the distance. "Yeah…that sounds great, but I don't think I can do that."

"Oh yes you can!" Ethan ran over to the computer and opened up a file with strange symbols on it. "For a year, I've scoured every nook and cranny of the Internet, and I believe I have found what I've been looking for. Painstakingly piecing together information from newspaper articles, nerd blogs, and tabloids, I have found ways to give you power. Power beyond mortal comprehension. Power that can fulfill the ultimate goal of Heatherism…to turn you into a goddess.

"…You're insane, aren't you?"

Ethan smiled creepily. "Insane for you, baby."

---

"Hey, aren't you Sparrows getting tired yet?" asked Tyler, getting off his wheel.

Izzy whooped. "Are you kidding? I can go all day!"

"YeahsocanIbecause mymomsays I'mlikethe EnergizerBunny exceptI'mahuman notabunny butsometimesmy dadcallsmebunny asapetnamebecause I'mreallycute!"

Tam looked behind her to see Mikey running really quickly. "What surprises me is that the wimp's still going."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Mikey beamed. "Yeah, I may be so weak that I can't lift milk cartons when grocery shopping, but I'm a really good runner. Bullies are constantly chasing me, you know."

* * *

Josephine sighed as she looked at her teammates. Tyler and Beth were exhausted, Noah and Mary were fighting over who was to take Tyler's place, Edmund was running really slowly, and Lindsay and Samuel were starting to complain. She looked at their battery, which only had a small sliver of charge, whereas the Sparrows' was about halfway full.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Why is this team so full of losers?" Josephine asked herself. "Since I don't run, I figured it was up to me to get everyone else to run."

* * *

"Ooh, what is this?" Josephine teased, lifting up Lou.

Mary turned beet red. "PUT HIM DOWN! NOW!!!!!"

"To get him back, you need to RUN, geek girl! RUN!!!!!" Mary took out a taser and paralyzed Josephine.

"…That works too." She fell down on her face.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Mary held Lou in her arms. "No one messes with Lou! Josephine's going down! …Uh, after Noah of course."

* * *

Ethan drew a strange symbol on the rug with a piece of charcoal. "I must give you your power slowly, so your body can get used to it. If I gave you power more than once a day, you could explode."

Heather shivered. "Explode?"

Ethan nodded. "Explode. Don't worry, though; I will not let that happen. Anyway, I figured we should start with a cool power, as a taster. This spell will give you pyrokinesis."

"'Pyro' means 'fire', right?"

"Yes. Pyrokinesis is the ability to control and manipulate fire with your mind. You could create it, extinguish it, shoot it from your eyes, whatever you want. Please sit in the middle of the rug, within the symbol."

Heather hesitated for a moment, then sat down. "I'm just playing along here, you know. Seriously, pyrokinesis spells? I don't believe it; it sounds like some lousy fantasy story."

Ethan smirked. "Oh, you will believe soon enough." He handed Heather a piece of paper with some strange writing on it. "Please read this incantation slowly. I will take care of the rest."

"This is just gobbledygook!" she complained.

"Just read it…The words are pronounced phonetically." Ethan took down a small pot and started stirring the contents.

---

"HEY GUYS, WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!!!!!" Beth pointed toward the cabins, where a huge, vertical beam of red light shot up from the ground.

"WHAT?" Everyone else turned around to see, but by then the light had vanished.

"I don't see nothin'," Tam growled.

Beth stammered, "Didn't you see that giant red flash! It went like this!" She imitated the beam by quickly raising her hands in the air, then making whooshing noises. "It came from the camp!"

Chris chuckled. "Curse vibes still lingering for ya, Beth? You must be seeing things!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris was laughing like crazy. "HAHAHAHAAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAH that is AWESOME! Everyone's going to think that Beth's losing it now! Great T.V.!"

* * *

Chris continued to chuckle long after everyone else stopped.

"Geez, what the heck is so funny?" asked Noah.

Chris shifted his eyes. "Oh, nothing. Nothing you know about."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris was now rolling on the floor in laughter. "Ethan thinks that no one knows about his church! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! But guess what? I've got new cameramen! BWAHAHAHAHAAAHA!" He shoved the eyepiece of a microscope into the camera, showing many blobs with miniscule cameras. "These are my camerabacteria, and they're all over the church! And the best part? I only needed to pay them with Chef's body! GUABWAMABAMUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

"ARGH! Cough cough! I think I'm dyin'!" Chef moaned from outside the stall.

* * *

When Heather came to, the first thing she noticed was that her hand was on fire. Naturally, her reaction was quite surprised.

"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! FIREFIREFIRE!!!!! GETITOFF!!!!!" She ran around for a few seconds before realizing that it didn't hurt. She stopped.

"Pyrokinesis." Ethan smirked.

"Pyrokinesis?" Nervously, she thought about making the fire move. At once, it shot itself off of her hand and into the wall, quickly catching the hut ablaze.

"Now put it out," Ethan reminded.

"Put it out, put it out…" To Heather's surprise, the wall quickly went back to normal, minus a few scorch marks. Then, it hit her. "…It worked. It WORKED?!!"

Ethan took her hand. "So, how about we win ourselves an immunity challenge?"

Heather smirked. "…Gladly."

---

"Hey, is that Heather and Ethan?" Chris asked, seeing the two holding hands off in the distance while heading towards them.

"DID YOU TWO SEE THAT RED FLASH?!" Beth screamed at them.

Ethan shrugged. "What flash? I must've been too busy showing Heather my shrine to have noticed it." He winked at Heather.

"Oh yeah…it's really freaky, and you should never ever go in there. You'll be scarred for life!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Beth crossed her arms. "If I've learned anything from last season, it's to never trust Heather. I'd bet anything she's lying."

* * *

Heather poked Joseph. "I think I should have a turn on that wheel."

Joseph turned toward her, recalling last season. "I thought you didn't run…"

"I just want to make up for not being here earlier." Joseph shrugged and switched places with Heather. She started to run.

"I thought Heather didn't run…" Chris recalled.

"YEAH! GO HEATHER!!!" Ethan pushed Mikey off his wheel and started running as well.

"HEY!"

Chris took a look at the batteries. "Wow that battery is charging fast!" The charge on the Sparrows' battery zoomed past the three-quarters mark.

"NO!!!!!" Josephine leapt onto an empty wheel herself.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Josephine panted. "Okay…so I said…I wouldn't run earlier…but I was…panicking at that point…"

* * *

Josephine ran as fast as she could, but no matter how hard she tried, the Otters' charge just wouldn't move.

"Must…keep…going…" She slowed down, exhausted.

Tyler chuckled. "Heheh, she's even worse than me!"

The Hollering Otters laughed as Josephine continued to struggle. However, their glee was interrupted by a strange beeping sound. The Deadly Sparrows were done.

"The Deadly Sparrows win immunity!" Chris announced.

"YES!" cheered Joseph as he hugged Casey. He then blushed and moved away.

Casey giggled. "You like me, don't you?"

---

Campfire Ceremony…

Chris held up a plate of marshmallows. "There are ten Otters sitting in front of me, but only nine marshmallows on this plate. You know what that means!"

Allison spoke up, "It means that the camper who does not receive a marshmallow must walk the Dock of Shame, catch the Boat of Losers, and never come back ever?"

Chris scratched his head. "Uh, yeah. That's exactly what it means. First marshmallow goes to DJ…"

"Yeah!" DJ took his marshmallow and fed it to his bunny.

"…Edmund…"

"Guh-huh!" Edmund started walking away from the marshmallows, but Allison turned him around.

"…Allison…"

"Thank goodness…"

"…Lindsay…"

"Yay!"

"…Samuel…"

He quickly popped the marshmallow in his mouth and started feverishly brushing his teeth.

"…Noah…"

Noah held his marshmallow in front of Mary's face. "NOW who's getting the earlier marshmallow? HUH?" Mary scowled.

"…Mary…"

Mary stuck out her tongue at Noah.

"…Tyler…"

"Yes! Still in the game!"

"…Josephine and Beth, this is the final marshmallow." Chris pointed at the sole marshmallow remaining on the plate. "Who's gonna get it?"

Beth shivered, her fingers crossed.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah spoke to the camera. "Who am I voting for? Josephine may be annoying, but it's got to be Beth. She's cursed and is dead weight in challenges. Plus, she's apparently hallucinating."

* * *

Josephine scowled at Chris, waiting for the final name to be heard.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Sorry Josephine, but you're really mean and bossy! Buh-bye!" Lindsay waved her hand.

* * *

"The final marshmallow goes to…………………………………………….Beth."

Beth sighed in relief as she took her marshmallow. "Two close calls in a row. Wow."

Josephine stood up. "No way! My mommy said I was going to win easy! I'm the best one here! ME!"

Chris snickered. "Sorry Little Miss Brat, but the Dock of Shame awaits." Chef started to drag her down the dock.

Josephine continued to complain. "The votes were rigged! Someone swapped them! Someone stuffed the box with my name! Beth should've left, not me! !!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

**The campers are forced to bond together.**

_Chris chuckled. "Well, that's okay, because today, you're going to know each other a lot better! Bring in the ropes Chef!" _

**And while several campers do get a close look…**

_"Alright, now it's time for me to share the most important knowledge from prison; all the possible ways to kill a man with your bare hands!" As Tam started to draw some graphic images, Mary fainted._

**Harold gets a little TOO close.**

_"…Boobies…" Harold's nose bled._

**Find out who leaves next, on Total Drama Action.**

* * *

A/N: Ah, so that's how you do those gray lines. Anyway, if anyone new would like to review, please be my guest.


	5. Couple De Grace

Disclaimer: You know the schpiel. I own nothing other than the OCs.

A/N: The challenges should be getting more interesting starting with this one. Also, if you think Heather's fire powers are neat, Triple T (do you mind if I call you that?), just you wait and see what else Ethan's got in store...

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 5: Couple De Grace

"Hey Chef, who do ya think is crazier? Izzy or Ethan?" Chris asked, stuffing a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

Chef chuckled. "Ethan may have started his own religion for a girl, but Izzy's still got him beat. She enjoys pain and acts savage!"

"Nah, I think the religion thing is crazier. Either way, both deserve to spend time in the loony bin! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!" Chris spun a finger around his head, and then started choking on his popcorn. Chef did the Heimlich maneuver on him.

"…Thanks..." Chris coughed for a few moments, after which turned toward the camera. "Last time on Total Drama Action, the campers got to live the life of a hamster, running on giant wheels!"

A clip of the campers racing on the wheels was shown.

"However, this may have been the most lopsided challenge in the history of the show. The Hollering Otters were PWNED by the Deadly Sparrows!"

A clip of the two batteries was shown. The Otters' was practically empty, while the Sparrows' climbed until it filled completely.

"Meanwhile, Ethan organized a 'secret' meeting with Heather in his new church, where he – get this – wants to turn her into an omnipotent goddess!"

A clip of Ethan and Heather looking at the interior of the church was shown.

"He successfully gave her pyrokinesis, but at what cost? The cost of Beth becoming suspicious!"

A clip of Beth noticing the flash was shown.

"After the challenge, the votes were split between Beth, who many still believed to be cursed, and Josephine, who annoyed everyone with her bossy attitude!"

A clip of the campfire ceremony was shown.

"However, it was Josephine who became the fourth camper to walk the Dock of Shame!"

A clip of Josephine getting dragged by Chef was shown.

"Now who will be eliminated next in the most dramatic campfire ceremony yet? Who else will go completely nuts? And most importantly, who will stop Ethan's evil plans? (Definitely not me!) Find out the answers tonight, or not, on Total. Drama. Action!"

* * *

Joseph danced. "Ding, dong, the witch is dead! Ding, dong, the witch is dead! Blah blah blah, I don't know the rest of the lyrics! Lalalalalaaaa!"

"I thought Heather was the witch," Casey thought aloud.

Joseph stopped dancing. "Oh. Uh…Ding, dong, one of the witches is dead…? That sounds really bad!" Casey shrugged.

The loudspeakers blared, "Next challenge starts in five, campers! Head on over to the lake!"

---

"Head on over to the lake!"

Ethan sighed. "Great. Looks like we're going to wait until after the challenge to give you your second power."

---

"Head on over to the lake!"

"GOSH!" Harold fell out of bed and started to hurriedly put on his clothes.

---

"Head on over to the lake!"

"Oh nuts!" Allison started to run out of the cafeteria when she tripped on something. She picked it up. "A love note?"

---

The campers arrived at the lake, some looking windswept. Harold was still trying to get his pants on, while Allison giggled while reading the note.

Chris clasped his hands together. "Well campers, you have already been here for about a week. You're starting to know each other pretty well, right?"

Muttering came from the group. The answers seemed to be mixed.

Chris chuckled. "Well, that's okay, because today, you're going to know each other a lot better! Bring in the ropes Chef!" Chef dropped nine ropes onto the ground. "First, the teams must be on the opposite sides of the ropes." They moved. "Now Chef will blindfold you." Chef blindfolded them.

Izzy complained, "Hey! That's really bad writing, how Chris is saying the exact same thing as the exposition!"

Chris looked weirded-out. "…Now each of you will grab a rope." Everyone grabbed a rope. "Now take off your blindfolds. The camper who is holding your rope will have to spend the rest of the day with you." The campers took off their blindfolds and after a minute of untangling the ropes, found their partners.

"Edmund?! You have got to be kidding me!" Ethan turned away in disgust as Edmund picked his nose.

Heather walked over to him. "You think you've got it bad? Check out MY partner!" She pointed to Beth, who was sulking.

"Out of all the partners I could get…WHYYYYYYYYYY?!!!!"

"Hi Harold! I guess we're partners now!" Lindsay cheered.

"EEP!" Harold desperately tried to tug his pants on.

"Please get this thing a muzzle…" Noah covered his ears from Ayami's jabbering.

"HiNoahIguess we'repartnersnow that'sreallycool cuzyou'refreakishlysmart soyoucanlearn alotaboutmeso wecanwinthechallenge whateveritis Ihopeitinvolves candycuzIlovecandy!"

Chris watched the squabbling with great interest. "This is gonna be so awesome…Anyway, the pairs have been chosen! Ethan and Edmund, Heather and Beth, Harold and Lindsay, Noah and Ayami, Samuel and Izzy, Allison and Joseph, DJ and Mikey, Tam and Mary, and Tyler and Casey. Have a fun day you guys!"

---

Allison and Joseph

Joseph looked around at the many jealous male faces staring at him. "Looks like all the guys like you, Allison."

"Yeah, I know. Let's go somewhere else." Allison took Joseph's hand and led him away from the lake. Several guys fumed. "So…shall we learn about each other?"

"Yeah…" Joseph slyly looked over at the note. "The first thing I'd like to know is who the guy is you're writing to."

Allison blushed. "Oh, I didn't write this. I just found it on the cafeteria floor."

"Riiiiiiight…" Joseph rolled his eyes.

"I'm serious! This isn't my handwriting." Allison wrote something on the note, and sure enough the handwriting was completely different. "I'd like to know who wrote this, though. This chick is crushing big time."

Joseph spun around and suddenly donned a Sherlock Holmes outfit. "I love mysteries!"

Allison put on a doctor's outfit. "Then I guess I'm Dr. Watson. Our suspects are Beth, Lindsay, Heather, Izzy, Mary, Ayami, Casey, and Tam."

"And you," Joseph added.

Allison scowled. "I already said I didn't write it!"

"Riiiiiiight…Besides, you could've written differently than your handwriting."

"Well, I'd try Casey first. She was looking for a boyfriend, remember?"

"How could I forget?" Joseph shivered. "That letter would be for me!"

---

DJ and Mikey

Mikey kept his distance. "You aren't going to hurt me, right?"

"Why the heck would I hurt you? I think you're a great guy!" DJ patted his shoulder, causing Mikey to fall to the ground. "Oops…Sorry little dude."

"That's okay, I'm used to it." Mikey got up and realigned his back. "Would a big, strong guy like you have any advice?"

"For what?"

Mikey bit his nails. "Tam. I swear she has it in for me. Like during yesterday's lunch…"

* * *

_Flashback…_

_"I'm starving! Fill my plate!" Mikey dropped his plate in front of Chef when he was suddenly flung toward the wall._

_"Move it, squirt. I'm bigger than you, so I need the food more!" Tam then flung his tray, hitting Mikey squarely on the head._

_End Flashback…_

* * *

DJ tightened his fist. "I feel for ya, man. I can't stand bullying either."

"So how can I stop Tam from torturing me?"

"All ya have to do is be assertive. Ya know, just refuse to let her push ya around."

Mikey hung his head. "I tried that. It wasn't pretty."

* * *

_Flashback…_

_Mikey stomped over to Tam, who was enjoying her lunch. "Ya want seconds, squirt?"_

_"No! I'm tired of you pushing me around! I'm taking a stand!"_

_Tam stood up, towering over Mikey. "And what are ya gonna do about it, squirt? Huh?"_

_Mikey raised his finger. "…Uh…I'll tell on you!"_

_"Fat chance." Tam punched him in the mouth, sending him hurtling toward the wall again. "Now how are ya gonna tell on me when your mouth is broken?" She sat back down to her meal._

_End Flashback…_

* * *

DJ scratched his head. "Oh right, she can push ya around because of the large strength difference. Hmmmmmm…Maybe I can be your bodyguard."

Mikey beamed, his eyes brimming with tears. "You'd do that for me?"

"Sure. What're friends for?" DJ lifted him up and placed him on his shoulder. "There's no way Tam's torturing ya now."

---

Samuel and Izzy

"Ah, THERE it is!" Izzy took out a smelly round object from her hammerspace.

Samuel wrinkled his nose in disgust. "What on earth IS THAT?!"

"STINKBOMB! FIRE IN DA HOLE!!!!!" Izzy threw the stinkbomb up above their heads. When it came back down, a huge explosion engulfed the area.

"AARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!! SHOWER SHOWER SHOWER SHOWER SHOWER SHOWER!!!!!!!" Samuel ran off at top speed to the shower stall.

---

Ethan and Edmund

"Guhhhhh…Are ya sure da aliums will land here?" Edmund asked, staring into Mt. Yurgonadynao.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Don't forget; you're the aliens' one weakness, so you need to stay at that EXACT SPOT until they arrive." Ethan walked down the volcano. "Sucker."

---

Heather and Beth

Ethan ran over to the two enemies to see that they were looking away from each over, arms folded. "Hey Beth, look at that! Isn't that you're favorite boy band?" Ethan asked, pointing toward the volcano.

Beth scowled. "Yeah, like I'm going to fall for that one."

"…Hey look! It's the flash of red light!"

"WHERE?!" Beth ran off in a random direction, leaving Ethan and Heather alone.

"I thought she'd never leave!" Heather sighed. "So, is it time for my next power?"

"Yup!" Ethan walked Heather over to the church and closed the door. However, Beth sneaked up toward the church.

"What is going on in there? I bet anything it has to do with that light," she whispered to herself.

---

Lindsay and Harold

"Hi-YA!" Harold broke the last of the wooden boards in front of him. "And that's the extent of my kung-fu. Interesting, huh?"

Lindsay wiped her brow. "Yeah…after all that cheerleading and figure skating and stuff, I'm beat. I sooooo need to take a shower now!"

"I should take one, too." Harold and Lindsay went into the two poorly-kept stalls as Samuel left one of them.

"Oh man, that chick is nuts. I better protect myself from her future messes!" He took all the towels from the rack and covered every inch of his body with them. "That's the ticket!"

---

Tyler and Casey

Casey played around with Tyler's hair. "Wow, once I got to know you, I realize how cool a guy you are. Are you sure I can't be your girlfriend?"

"For the thousandth time, Lindsay's my girlfriend! Sheesh!" Tyler took back his hair.

Joseph suddenly came out of nowhere and thrust a microphone in Casey's face. "Where were you on the night of the 16th?!"

"What are you talking about?"

Allison shoved Joseph to the side. "What he MEANT to ask is if this letter looks familiar to you." She showed the love note to Casey.

"Awwwww…How romantic!" Casey's eyes sparkled. "Whoever the guy is is so lucky! If only I could write like that…"

Joseph got up from the ground. "So you didn't write it?"

"Uh, no. Did you, Allison?"

Allison slapped her forehead. "How many times must I say that I didn't write the note?"

---

Tam and Mary

Mary tapped her pointer at a segment of the chalkboard covered in a complex formula. "And after you take it to the nth power, you arrive at the answer to world hunger, world peace, the cure for cancer, and no more broccoli!"

Tam rested her head on her hand. "I didn't come to this island to get a f$*ing education, nerd. I say it's my turn now!" She pushed Mary away from the chalkboard and erased the formula. "Alright, now it's time for me to share the most important knowledge from prison; all the possible ways to kill a man with your bare hands!" As she started to draw some graphic images, Mary fainted.

---

Heather and Beth

Ethan paced around the church, shaking a rattling bottle. "This next spell is an easy one, but oh so satisfying. Admit it: you've daydreamed yourself with the ability to fly at some point. We all have."

Heather scoffed, "Fine, I'll admit it. Can we just get this over with?"

Ethan smirked. "Anxious, are we? It's good that you're eager to attain universal domination, but you need to know that you cannot reveal these powers to ANYONE yet. You are still far too weak to take on, say, a stockpile of nuclear weapons."

"Fine, whatever. Just give me my power already."

"Will do." Ethan poured the contents of the bottle onto Heather's head.

---

Beth was sitting beside the church, fiddling with some blades of grass, when a beam of white light knocked her back a few feet. "HAHA! Who's seeing things now, huh? Still, what the heck IS that?" Suddenly, Heather and Ethan walked out of the church, so Beth quickly hid at the back.

"C'mon, can't I just try it out? Just a few feet off the ground; it'll take five seconds."

"First I have to make sure no one's around." Ethan started walking around.

Beth gasped, and tried to keep herself hidden by moving away from him. Fortunately, he quit his search after a few seconds, by the time he reached the back and she was on the left side.

"Okay, really quick."

Beth watched in amazement as Heather slowly lifted herself off the ground. Once she reached about five feet, she descended.

"Wow…that was amazing."

Beth panicked. "Omigosh omigosh omigosh! HOW'D SHE DO THAT?!" She screamed and started to run away, but was caught by Ethan.

"HOW MUCH DID YOU SEE, WHELP?!"

Beth shivered. "Heather fl-fl-flew! She FLEW! HOW?!!!! WHY?!!! WHAT'S GOING ONNNNN?!!!!!!

Ethan looked at her in disgust and threw her on the ground. "That's great, just great! We've been spotted and I don't have my gun to kill her with!"

Heather smirked. "Actually, I think this could work. I mean, who's going to believe her when she's a babbling ninny?" She lit her hands on fire and started juggling the flames. "Hey Beth, what do you think about this?"

"B-B-B-BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!! GAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" She fainted.

---

Noah and Ayami

"Ahhhhh…There's nothing like reading a good book in a quiet room…" Noah adjusted his earmuffs before settling down in his chair and reading.

---

"Sothenmymother saidIhadtoeatall myveggiesbefore Icaneatmycandy butIdon'tsee thepointinthat ImeanI'mgonnaeat boththeveggies andthecandyanyway sowhycan'tI eatthecandyfirst pluswhenIeat thecandyfirst Igetthisniceaftertaste whichmakeseating theveggiesmore tolerablewhaddya thinkNoah?" Ayami asked.

The cardboard cutout of Noah did not respond.

"YeahIknowIsay longsentencesbut myEnglishteacher toldmethatwhen yousaylongsentences youseemsmarter andIwannaseem smartercuzthenI'll getbettergrades andgetahigherGPA andgraduatewith HighestHonorsand gotoanIvyLeague collegeandgeta highpayingjoband-"

---

Lindsay and Harold

"EEEEEEEEEK!!!!!"

"AH! WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, Lind…say?" Harold got out of the shower to see Lindsay grabbing the towel rack, completely nude.

"THERE'S NO TOWELS!!!!! NO TOWELS!!!!! WHAT DO I DOOOO????!!!!!"

"…"

"HAROLD!!!!!"

"…Boobies…" Harold's nose bled.

"HELP!!!!!"

"Boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies." Harold fainted due to blood loss.

---

Samuel and Izzy

"Hey, why is everyone fainting?" Izzy asked.

---

Next morning, the pairs walked back to the lake to meet Chris.

"So, I take it that you had a good time together?" Chris didn't wait for an answer. "Good good…Now we're gonna have a little quiz. I'll ask a question about your partner. Answer correctly, and your team gets a point. The team with the most points wins invincibility. Let's start with Ethan and Edmund." He walked over to the first pair. "Ethan, your question is…what is Edmund's lifelong goal?"

Ethan sweated. "Ugh, I wish I knew that this was the challenge! Uh, Edmund's lifelong goal…being smarter?"

**BUZZ! **"Sorry, the correct answer was to touch his brain by picking his nose. Edmund, name Ethan's favorite episode of TDI."

Ethan chuckled. "Yeah, like he's gonna get this right."

Edmund stuck his finger up his nose. "Guuuuuhhhhh…thurteen?"

**DING!** "That's correct, X-Treme Torture!"

Ethan slapped his forehead. "He just said a random number! Sheesh!"

"DJ, what is Mikey's GPA?"

DJ rubbed his chin. "I know Mikey said it at some point…what was it? It was like, 3.9 something. Right?"

Mikey piped up, "It's 3.975. I think that's close enough, Chris."

Chris sighed. "Fine…" **DING!** "Mikey, name DJ's all-time greatest fear."

Mikey smirked. "Trick question. It's heights, snakes, and water all combined into a giant snake made of water!"

**DING!** "Nice one, Mikey! Noah, what is Ayami's favorite type of candy?"

Noah held his forehead. "Ugh, she said it too many times to count…It's a sugar bar coated with sugar and artificial sweetner."

**DING!** "Ayami, what is Noah's IQ?"

"Ohthat'saneasyone thatcardboardcutout ofhimclearlysaid thathisIQis283!"

**DING!** "Uh, a cardboard cutout told you that? Anyway, the score's 3 to 2 in favor of the Otters. Casey, how many sports does Tyler play?

"Thirty-seven, and he sucks at all of them," she answered confidently.

**DING!** "Tyler, what is Casey's favorite color?"

Casey squealed. "Omigosh, I mentioned that like a million times! You know this one Tyler!"

"Uh, I wasn't listening to you, though. I'll guess…pink."

**BUZZ!** "Nope! It's blue."

Casey fumed. "I can't believe you ignored everything I said to you! From this point onwards, I am no longer your girlfriend!"

"FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!!!!!!"

Chowder sued Tyler for copyright infringement.

"…Okay…Next question is for Harold."

Harold stood mesmerized. "Boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies-"

Chris waved a hand in Harold's face. "Dude, can ya say anything besides boobies?"

"Breasts, boobs, tits, ta-tas, melons, jugs, knockers…"

"Don't forget hooters!" Lindsay added.

"Okay, Harold's incapacitated, so we'll just say he's wrong." **BUZZ!** "Lindsay, which talent is Harold proudest of?"

"Oh oh, I know this one! I know this one! Don't give me any hints! I soooo know this! I give up, what is it?"

Chris slapped his forehead. "It's his beatboxing, dude." **BUZZ!** "Tam, what is Mary's IQ?"

Tam grunted. "Since she and Noah seem to be the same to me, I'll go with 283."

**DING!** "Mary, what is Tam's favorite method of killing a man with her bare hands?"

Mary fainted.

**BUZZ!** "Guess you didn't have the GUTS to come up with the correct answer; pulling out his GUTS! Now the Sparrows are winning 4 to 3. Samuel, how many-"

"IT'S OVER NINE-THOUSAAAAAAAAAND!!!!!" Izzy screamed.

"…How many times-"

"FORTY-TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"…How many times has-"

"One, two, buckle my mmph!" Chef put a piece of tape over Izzy's mouth.

"Thank you. How many times has Izzy been arrested by the RCMP?"

Izzy ripped the tape off her mouth. "Oh, that's an easy one! I've been arrested and escaped from the RCMP exactly 583,290,571,922,018,391.5 times! The .5 is from when the guy couldn't find his police badge! That was so funny!"

Chris frowned. "Dude, you're not supposed to give away the answer! Just for that, I'm taking away a point from the Deadly Sparrows, so it's now 3 to 3. Izzy, what is Samuel's tolerance of germ killers?"

"Kills 99.99999999999999999999 99999999999999999999999 9999999999999999 9999999999999999999999 999999999999999 9999999999999 99999999999999 99999999999999 99999999999999 99999999999999 99999999999999 9999999999999 999999999999999 9999999999999 9999999999999 9999999999999 9999999999999 99999999999999 99999999999999 99999999999 9999999999999 999999999999% of germs!"

**DING!** "Dude, how did you get every single 9? Allison, here's a cool one! Does Josephine hate Joseph more than Joseph hates Josephine, or is it the other way around?"

Joseph winked.

"Oh yeah, Joseph mentioned this one! Josephine hates him more."

**DING!** "Joseph, what is Allison's favorite song?"

Joseph snapped his fingers. "Easy one! It's _Bye Bye Bye_ by the Backstreet Boys."

**DING!** "It's getting down to the wire, campers! The score is 5 to 4 favoring the Sparrows, and we only have two campers left! Heather, what is the name of Beth's crush in her high school?

"Hey, I remember telling her that back when we were in the same alliance!" Beth recalled.

"But I never listened to your stupid life stories!" snapped Heather. "I have to guess…Ryan?"

**BUZZ!** "Heheh, so close…not! Surprisingly, her crush's name is Cody, though he's not the Cody from TDI. Now time for a twist; the final question is worth 2 points, so if ya get it right, Beth, the Hollering Otters will win the challenge!"

Beth shook with nerves. "Uh, okay…"

"Alright! So Beth, tell me…what is the one thing Heather keeps secret above all else?"

Suddenly, Beth remembered yesterday, when she saw Heather fly, then juggle fire.

"…Uh…uh…uhhhhhhhhh…her secret…SHE'S A FREAK!!!!! SHE SHOT FIRE OUT OF HER HANDS AND FLEW! SHE HAS SUPERPOWERS OR SOMETHING, I SWEAR!!!!!"

Ethan laughed. "Oh come on, Beth! I know EVERYTHING about Heather, and trust me, she doesn't have superpowers."

"BUT I SAW IT!"

"Yeah…in a dream!"

"Or a hallucination!" Heather added.

"C'MON, SHOW THEM THE FIRE THING! SHOW THEM YOU HAVE SUPERPOWERS!!!!!!" Beth hyperventilated.

Chris stood back. "Whoa…The answer I was looking for was that she used to be an ugly, obese, brace-faced loser. I think you need a vacation or something."

**BUZZ!** "And with that, the Deadly Sparrows win two in a row!"

---

Owen and Chef

"For the last time, WE'RE NOT IN THIS CHALLENGE!" Chef yelled.

"Challenge? What challenge?" Owen tipped Chef's pot of mush into his mouth. "I'm just here for the food!"

---

Campfire Ceremony…

Chris held out the platter with marshmallows. "I've got eight marshmallows here, and to make a long story short, they go to everyone except Beth."

Everyone except Beth took their marshmallows.

"Seriously, ya need to go to the Playa Des Losers and chillax, dude. You're too stressed."

"I AM NOT TOO STRESSED!!!!!" Beth twitched. Chef then dragged her down the Dock of Shame.

"HEATHER HAS SUPERPOWERS! I SAW THEM, I SWEAR! YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE MEEEEE!!!!!!'

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan rubbed his hands together deviously. "Well, that little strategy worked nicely. We're so going to be the final two."

---

Heather laughed. "Serves Beth right! She should never have left my alliance last season! Now all I need to do is trick Lindsay…"

---

"Boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boo-" The camera ran out of film.

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

**The campers must show that they have what it takes to steal the spotlight.**

_"You'll be going up against some of the most popular T.V., movie, video game, and internet characters ever!"_

**It's going to be dramatic…**

_**Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuuuuh!** The camera did a close up on the Dramatic Prairie Dog as it turned its head._

**And disturbing…**

_Chris covered his eyes. "BAD IMAGES! VERY BAD IMAGES!"_

**And very, very annoying!**

_"I'm gonna sing the doom song now! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom…"_

**Just try to guess who will be eliminated next time…on Total Drama Action.**

* * *

A/N: The next chapter is, in my opinion, one of my best. Be sure to stay tuned!


	6. Just Between You and Meme

Disclaimer: I do not own the Total Drama series, nor all the awesome cameos in this chapter. How many do YOU recognize?

Author's Note: Here it is; one of my favorite chapters. I am not responsible for any guts ruptured due to uproarious laughter.

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 6: Just Between You and Meme

"HEATHER AND ETHAN ARE PLANNING SOMETHING! I KNOW IT!" Beth foamed at the mouth.

Chris pushed her to the side. "Aren't you supposed to be at the Playa Des Losers?"

"NOT UNTIL EVERYONE SEES THE TRUTH! IT MUST BE REVEALED!!"

Chef walked up to the dock. "Should I use the tranquilizers?" He pulled out a bazooka.

Chris chuckled. "I think ya need a bigger gun."

Chef shrugged, threw the bazooka to the side, and took out a cannon.

"Bigger."

He took out a bigger cannon.

"Bigger!"

Chef sighed and pressed a button, causing the entire island to transform into an immense gun.

"That's more like it!" Chris fired the gun, and out came a massive dart that crushed Beth. "Awesome! Last time on Total Drama Action, the campers were shocked when they discovered they were paired up with an opposing team member for a day!"

A clip of the campers picking up the ropes was shown.

"Each pair responded differently to the situation. For example, Noah put on a pair of earmuffs…"

A clip of Noah reading while Ayami talked to the cardboard cutout was shown.

"Mikey shared a pair of flashbacks with DJ…"

A clip of the flashbacks was shown.

"A pair of girls were accused of writing a love note…"

A clip of Joseph interrogating Casey was shown.

"And Harold saw a huge pair of…well, the dude was partnered with LINDSAY."

A clip of Harold being perverted was shown.

"While all of this was going on, Beth was trying to figure out that flash she saw before. What she found shocked her."

A clip of Beth encountering Heather was shown.

"After the bonding session, the campers had to answer questions about their partners. Thanks to Beth going insane, the Deadly Sparrows won again!"

A clip of the Deadly Sparrows cheering was shown.

"After that stint, it was obvious who had to leave. Beth was unanimously chosen as the fifth camper to walk the Dock of Shame."

A clip of Beth being dragged by Chef was shown.

"Will Heather and Ethan's activities be discovered by anyone else? Will Allison discover who wrote the love note? Can Harold possibly get any luckier? Find out tonight, on Total. Drama. Action!"

* * *

Heather strolled out of the church, but was shocked at the absence of any other campers. "Wow, Ethan. How did you get everyone else to leave the campgrounds?"

Ethan smirked. "Let's just say I'm very persuasive…"

---

While on a boat in the middle of the sea with all the other campers, Samuel complained, "Hey, there's no pizza party here!"

---

Ethan wrapped his arm around Heather's shoulder. "Sooooo, wanna test out your newest power?"

"I thought you'd never ask." Heather faced towards a tree and concentrated. After a moment, the tree grew a face and walked over to her. She patted its bark. "Good boy!"

Ethan recapped, "So you see, the power of animation is useful when you want an army of powerful slaves that will do whatever you want them to. You can assign them personalities, too!"

"Personalities, eh?" Heather faced the confessional stall and concentrated. Then, the stall grew a face and beamed.

"HI! I'm Lindsay, and I'm an idiot! Does this shirt go with these shoes?" The stall tried to see its base, but only managed to topple over.

Ethan silently giggled. "You are definitely getting the hang of having power, Heather. This is great!"

Heather laughed. "Yeah! Hey Ethan, do you think I could take over the universe yet?"

Ethan suddenly grew serious. "Not yet, Heather. There are technologies out there that can leave your current powers useless, or even get rid of them. You need more power first."

"Ugh, fine…"

---

The campers sat on the two sets of bleachers in front of the stage, where Chris was dancing around in a chicken suit.

"Is this the 'Let's make fun of Chris' challenge?" asked Noah. "Because if it is, then all my dreams will have come true."

"Sorry Noah, but it's not!" Chris bawked a few times in laughter. "This challenge is gonna be fun! Even more fun than your suggestion!"

Tam muttered, "Yeah, you always say these challenges are fun, but then they turn out to be a way to make ourselves look like f*#&ing retards."

Chris continued, "Every great actor knows that in order to be really famous, you need to stand out from the crowd! Today, you'll be attempting to stand out of the crowd, too, but this is no ordinary crowd! You'll be going up against some of the most popular T.V., movie, video game, and internet characters ever!"

A block of cheese jumped out of nowhere. "I am the Cheese. I am the best character on this show." All the campers were freaked out.

"Yeah, like him. Each camper will go up against one character. If our judge, Grandmaster Chef, finds you to be more interesting than the character, you get a point for your team! The team with the most points wins invincibility!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Tam cracked her knuckles. "I wasn't about to be told off by a piece of CHEESE! I AM THE BEST CHARACTER ON THIS SHOW, GODD^&#IT!"

"Omigosh, you're hurting my ears!"

"WHO SAID THAT?!"

---

Noah scoffed, "Chris is on crack. No doubt."

"Hey Noah, do you think this bikini looks good on me?"

"Lindsay?" Noah looked around the stall, but couldn't find Lindsay anywhere.

* * *

Chris gestured to the stage. "Let's start with the dominating team: The Deadly Sparrows!" The Sparrows walked up to the stage. "First round will start with a bang! It's Casey…"

Casey stepped to the center of the stage nervously. "Who will I have to face?"

"…versus the Dramatic Prairie Dog!"

**Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuuuuh!** The camera did a close up on the Dramatic Prairie Dog as it turned its head.

Casey sighed. "Phew, that's easy! I mean, it can't even talk!"

**Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuuuuh!** The camera did a close up on the Dramatic Prairie Dog as it turned its head.

"Okay now, I'm gonna do a dance!"

**Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuuuuh!** The camera did a close up on the Dramatic Prairie Dog as it turned its head.

"HEY! You didn't let me do the-"

**Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuuuuh!** The camera did a close up on the Dramatic Prairie Dog as it turned its head.

"Stop inter-"

**Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuuuuh!** The camera did a close up on the Dramatic Prairie Dog as it turned its head.

Casey kicked the Dramatic Prairie Dog in the face. "NO CHEATING!!!!!...Okay, now for my-"

**Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuuuuh!** The camera did a close up on the Dramatic Prairie Dog's bruised eye as it turned its head.

"GAH!" Casey ran away screaming.

Chef clapped. "That Dramatic Prairie Dog gets my-"

**Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuuuuh!** The camera did a close up on the Dramatic Prairie Dog as it turned its head.

"-vote for this round!"

Izzy raised her hand. "Ooh ooh ooh! Can I go next? I really wanna go next!"

Chris put on a smug grin. "Oh yes, Izzy, you can go next! You also have to face the one cartoon character that may be crazier than you! Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the beloved insanity icon from the 90s; Freakazoid!"

Freakazoid sped onto the stage in a red and blue blur and put his smiling face less than an inch from Izzy's. "Hello there, little girl! Heehee hoohoo hahahee!" He hit himself with a giant hammer.

"Beat that!" Chris challenged.

Izzy seemed unfazed. In fact, she just continued to stand there while Freakazoid pulled a unicycle from his nose and ate it.

Chef chuckled. "Heheh, Freakazoid's got this one in the bag!"

Izzy continued to stand still as a statue, until… "…A;SLKJDF;SIDFPO WEIFJ;OWEIMVCSLM SD;FIWEOF MOALDS!!!!!" She then stuck out her tongue and pulled out all her hair with it, then ran up to Freakazoid and…

---

A parole officer stood rigid in front of a pink background filled with candy. He pointed at the screen and boomed, "This scene is not appropriate for anyone! Not even your parents! Anyway, here's a picture of DJ's bunny frolicking in the-"

He was interrupted by a police chief who seemed furious. "OFFICER SMITH, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING DUNCAN! YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!"

Officer Smith shed a tear. "Fired? B-b-but this is all I live for-r-r-r!" He dropped to his knees and burst in tears.

---

Chef's eyes were as wide as dinner plates. "…I'm a freaking ex-con who's seen some of the most deranged criminals ever in action, but THAT was BY FAR the scariest thing I have ever seen."

Chris covered his eyes. "BAD IMAGES! VERY BAD IMAGES!"

A bald Izzy buried Freakazoid's unrecognizable remains into the ground like a dog buries a bone. "What?"

Chef vomited. "Ugh…Let's just say that you won that round, Izzy."

"YAY!" Izzy ran off to cheer with Ayami, who, along with Izzy and Tam, was one of the only conscious campers at the moment.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Tam put on a small smile for the first time on the show. "I am officially humbled by Izzy's awesomeness. She NEEDS to tell me how to do that!"

"Hey Tom, I think I gained weight!"

"SHADDAP!!!!!"

* * *

After Chris regained his bearings and some campers began to wake up, he got started with Ayami. "Heheh, you won't believe who I've got in store for you!"

Ayami bounced up and down so fast, she looked like she was vibrating. "OhboyI'msoexcited cuzIknowfrom lastseasonthat youcanthinkof insaneanddeadly challengessoIcan't waittoseewhoyou pairedmeupagainst!"

"I paired you up with something as small, cute, and annoying as you!" A flying surfboard with four hamsters riding it whooshed from behind the stage curtain.

"_Doodoo doo doo doo doodoo doo, doooo doodoodoodoooooo, doo doo_!" Hampton sang.

Ayami's eyes sparked as she uttered her first sentence with spaces in it. "OMIGOSH! HOW KYUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!!" She jumped onto the surfboard and squeezed the life out of all four hamsters, preventing them from singing.

Chris laughed. "Well, that's one way to beat the competition!"

Chef flashed a thumbs-up. "Second point for the Sparrows!"

"So Harold, think ya got what it takes?" Chris asked, putting an arm around his shoulder.

"Definitely!" He started to beatbox as Chris revealed his opponent; Naruto.

"BELIEVE IT!"

Harold stopped beatboxing and slanted his eyes. "You know, that show is so overrated. He isn't even a real ninja." He took out his nunchuks and spun them around like an expert.

Naruto got mad. "Not a real ninja, huh? Could a fake ninja do…THIS?!" He preformed a bunch of hand gestures, then split into about 50 clones.

Harold chuckled. "Ninjas don't use those ridiculous hand gestures. They just go for the KILL!" He suddenly swiped the nunchuks through the group of clones, turning all of them into smoke, plus giving the real one a bad cheek injury.

"Ow! I'll be back, Harold! BELIEVE IT!" Naruto vanished into thin air.

Chef clapped. "Naruto wins that round!"

"What? Why?"

"I dig the hand gestures!"

Harold frowned. "I knew I should've sung 'Baby Got Back'. GOSH!" He walked off the stage in a huff, and sat down next to Lindsay. Naturally, Tyler got mad and started throttling him.

Chris snickered at the fight in the audience. "Awesome! Next up is Ethan versus the Flying Spaghetti Monster!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan scowled. "Chris paired me up with the Flying Spaghetti Monster, a religious reference. He KNOWS. That jerk is going to pay for spying on us!"

"Hey Ivan, I think I've lost all the feeling in my legs!"

Ethan facepalmed.

* * *

The Flying Spaghetti Monster let out an eerie, high-pitched squeal. "So I hear you're starting your own religion, little boy! I shall be able to fix that once you touch my Noodly Appendage!" The strange deity extended a noodle towards Ethan, who looked slightly freaked out.

"You are not converting me, you…thing!" Ethan ran away from the noodle in a comedic fashion, as everyone else looked confused.

"Ethan's started his own religion?" DJ asked.

Heather sweated. "Uh…yeah. He's so obsessed with me; he treats me like a goddess! It's nothing more than that! Ha ha ha…"

DJ scratched his head. "…If ya say so." Harold shook his head.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold sighed. "DJ's my friend, so I've got to teach him the two rules of this game. One: Don't expect to come out of the next challenge alive. And two: NEVER EVER trust Heather."

"Omigosh, I totally agree!"

"Lindsay?! Boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boo-"

* * *

Chris looked on in amusement as Ethan continued to dodge the Noodly Appendage. "I think it's safe to say FSM won this one, right Chef?"

Chef nodded and flashed a thumbs-up.

"Right. Next match is between Joseph and Cheese!"

The Cheese bounded back onto the stage. "Thank you for recognizing that I am the best character on this show."

Chris was confused. "Dude, I said 'Cheese', not 'The Cheese'."

Joseph looked twice as confused as Chris did. "Wait, so there's another character named Cheese? Who…" Realization struck. "…Oh no. NOT HIM!"

Cheese waddled onto the stage and ate the Cheese. "I like cereal!"

Joseph sighed and walked off the stage. "I forfeit."

Chef sighed and rested his head on his arm. "Awwwww…That's no fun for me!"

"I liiiiiiiiiike this game!" Cheese sucked on his foot.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Joseph shuddered. "I. CANNOT. STAND. CHEESE. The cartoon character, I mean." He curled up into the fetal position and sucked his thumb.

"Hi Joey, are you turning into a baby? Babies are sooooo cute, but I don't like changing diapers! Gross me out!"

* * *

Chris stepped on Cheese's foot, causing his mouth to open like a trash can. "Okay, the Cheese. It's your turn! You're against Tam!"

The Cheese leapt out of Cheese's mouth. "I am the Cheese. I am the best character on this show."

Tam picked him up and furiously jabbed a finger in his face. "Listen here, BUB. I am the best character on this show! GOT IT?!!!!"

The Cheese ignored her. "I am better than Owen and Allison and Harold and Ethan and Tam-"

"YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME! GAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" Tam threw the Cheese clear off the island.

Chef clapped. "I've got to agree with the Cheese; he IS the best character on this show! Well, besides me, of course!" Tam punched his lights out.

"Mikey, meet your SCARY OPPONENT!" Chris reached into his pocket and pulled out Killgore.

"Rawr, I am Killgore! I shall destroy all you pathetic humans! SURRENDER!" he screeched.

Ayami suddenly ran up and stage and started squeezing Killgore. "Awwwwwww! He's so KYUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!" She squeezed him so hard that he exploded.

"…Woohoo!" Mikey ran off the stage, fists in the air.

Chris shrugged. "Uh, I guess he won that round. Last Sparrow is…Heather!"

**Beep! Beep! Beep! **Ethan looked at his watch, which read, "Church time" He ran over to Heather and whispered, "It's time for your next power…"

Heather beamed, then started clutching her stomach. "Ohhhhhh…I really need to go to the bathroom! Can you skip my turn or something?"

Chef gasped. "Oh nuts, Owen gave her the laxatives! Get her to a bathroom, Chris!"

Chris frowned. "Fine…Don't take to long, though. 'K?" Heather rushed off to the campgrounds.

"Hey Chris, I need to go to the bathroom too!" Ethan whined.

"Whatever, just go." Chris practically threw Ethan off the stage. He then muttered, "I've got a good guess as to what they're doing…Hollering Otters, you're up!"

The Hollering Otters walked up to the stage.

"Now since you guys are one member behind and I wanted everyone to go up on stage, you get a free point!"

"Yes!" Samuel cheered.

"Well Samuel, you seem eager…you'll go up first, against yourself in robot form!"

M-O rolled up onto the stage and scanned Samuel. **No Foreign Contaminant!**

"Huh? Whoa!" The two neat freaks just stared at each other, waiting for something to happen.

Chris yawned. "Well this is boring…but now it won't be!" He took out a huge bucket of mud and dumped it on the opponents.

**_"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!"_**

**FOREIGN CONTAMINANT! FOREIGN CONTAMINANT! FOREIGN CONTAMINANT!** Samuel took out a bar of soap and feverishly rubbed it all over his body, whereas M-O just used his arm-brush.

Chef sighed. "Actually, this is still boring. As for the winner of the round, they're both doin' the same thing. No winner!"

Chris took out a giant hose and blasted the neat freaks off the stage. "So I guess Samuel gets half a point, then. Next up is DJ!"

DJ shivered. "Who am I gonna have ta face?"

"Only your greatest fear! Here he is, the world famous mercenary, Snake!"

Snake leapt off the helicopter hovering above the stage and struck a cool pose. "It's showtime!"

DJ whimpered, "Snake? SNAKE? SNAAAAAAAAAAAKE!" He ran off the stage screaming.

Chef massaged his forehead. "These teens are lame! Snake wins this round."

Snake chuckled. "Oh, and by the way; I left DJ a little present." He pressed a button and DJ exploded.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"What did I tell you, DJ? You forgot rule number one!" Harold complained.

"Hi Harold!"

"Boooooooooobies…"

* * *

"Next round is Mary versus Dexter!"

Dexter scattered onto the stage. "I am Dexter, boy genius, creator of the greatest secret laboratory in the universe!"

Mary scratched her head. "Uh…how do I be interesting? How do I be interesting? Uh…"

"Mary! GET OUT OF MY LABORATORY!" Dexter fired a giant laser at her.

"Eek!" She ran off stage, prompting Chef to bury his head in his hands.

"Next up is Lindsay versus Fred Fredburger!"

Lindsay waved at the demon. "Uh…hi little elephant guy!"

Fred stuck his entire hand up his trunk. "I like nachos! Yes! Hey, I know how to spell my name real good! F-R-E-D-F-R-E-D-B-U-R-GGGGGGGGG-E-R! Fred Fredburger! Yes!"

Lindsay put on a worried expression. "What do I do again?"

Harold called up from the audience, "You have to use your boobs!" Tyler glared at him.

"Oh yeah, I like my boobs!" Lindsay cupped her hands around her assets. "Hey Chef, look at my boobs! They're all big and stuff!" She wiggled them around.

Chef's nose bled. "Lindsay wins."

Chris put some tissues in his nose. "Uh…next up is a battle of the Eds! Edmund versus Ed!"

Edmund walked right off the stage, falling onto the ground and breaking some bones.

Ed peered downward. "Wow, and Double-D says that I'M stupid…GRAVY!" He dived off the stage and crashed on top of Edmund.

Chef massaged his temples. "Ed wins due to lasting longer on the stage…"

Chris frowned. "This challenge sucks! Anyway, next up is Tyler against King Leonidas!"

"Who?"

"You may know him better as the guy who yells…"

"THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAA!!!!!" King Leonidas charged up onto the stage and kicked Tyler in the stomach.

"Hey man, what did I do to you?" Tyler got up, clutching his stomach.

The king shrugged. "I dunno. That guy…" He pointed at Chris. "…said it would be cool. THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAA!!!!!" He kicked Tyler off the stage.

Chris held his forehead. "There are WAY TOO MANY technical knockouts going on here. Next up is Noah versus Francis!"

Francis materialized from out of nowhere while sitting on his couch. "Nerr…I was just posting a reply on my forum, www dot digibutter dot nerr, when my couch warp acted up on me again!" He checked his watch. "GAH! I'm going to miss the X-Naut Chronicles! Those recordermeows are not trustworthy enough to record the program!"

"…What the heck IS this?" Noah asked, eyebrow raised.

Francis suddenly noticed Allison nearby and started to sweat. "Nerr…hot babe near me! Must…open…Franny pack…"

Allison scoffed, "Forget it, weirdo!" She pushed him off the stage.

Hearts surrounded Francis' head. "Nerr…I like 'em feisty!"

Chef shook his head. "Dang, I wanted the perverted chameleon to win!"

Chris clapped. "Alright, we're down to one member from each team, and the score stands at 3.5 for the Otters and 3 for the Sparrows! If Allison wins this round, it's all over!"

Allison warmed up her voice. "_Do re mi fa so la ti do…_I'm ready!"

"Alright, Allison…I dare you to out-sing this guy!" The curtains opened and a fat, green bear jiggled up to a microphone. He began to sing.

"_Oh I'm a gummi bear, yes I'm a gummi bear, oh I'm a yummy tummy funny lucky gummi bear!_"

Allison smirked. "Oh you're gonna have to do better than that!" She started to sing.

"_Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine! I've got you guys on my mind! You asked me what I wanted to be, but I think the answer is plain to see! I wanna beeeeeee-_"

_"I'm a jelly bear, cause I'm a gummi bear, oh I'm a movin' groovin' jammin' singin' gummi-_"

"_I wanna live close to the sun! So pack your bags cause-_"

"_Ba Ba Bidubidubi Yum Yum, Ba Ba Bidubidubi Yum Yum-_"

"_Everything to prove, nothin' in my way-_"

"_Three times you can bite me!_"

"_I wanna beeeeee-_"

"_A gummi bear, oh I'm a-_"

"_Naaa na na na na na naaa na-_"

"_Movin' groovin'_-"

"_Famous!_"

"_Gummi bear!_"

"_I wanna be-_"

"_Oh yeaoh!_"

Both singers dropped their microphones, exhausted. The entire audience went wild with applause.

"Finally! That was an AWESOME CONTEST, DUDES!" Chris cheered. "Now Chef, who won?"

Chef thought about it for a moment. "Chris, I have decided that the winner is…The Gummi Bear."

Allison grabbed Chef by the collar. "WHAT?! BUT I'M THE BEST SINGER HERE!!!!!"

Chef took back his collar. "Sorry, but that 'I'm a Gummi Bear' song is just too catchy! Besides, it was clear you were trying to flatter me by singing the show's theme song!"

Allison raised her finger in protest, then limply let it fall. "Fine…you'll hear from my lawyer about this, though!" She sat down in the audience, her arms crossed. "Hmph!"

Chris looked off to the horizon, and spotted Heather and Ethan returning. "Alright, Heather's approaching! If she wins this round, the Sparrows will win three in a row!"

Heather smirked. "Bring it on."

"Oh I WILL bring it on, Heather. For your opponent, I've chosen the character who's most likely to piss you off! Ladies and gentlemen, it's the malfunctioning robot that every goth loves, GIR!"

The audience cheered as Gir walked onto the stage next to Heather. "Guess what?"

Heather's eye twitched. "What?"

"…I MAED WAFFULZ!!!!!" Gir fired several waffles from his mouth onto her, then followed up with maple syrup.

Heather looked at her dripping clothes in shock. "You…you…THESE ARE DESIGNER CLOTHES! I WILL DESTROY YOU!"

Gir just put on a goofy grin with his tongue stuck out. "I'm gonna sing the doom song now! _Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom_…"

Heather covered her ears, but the piercing sound of Gir's horrible singing still got through.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Heather clutched her head. "That little bucket of bolts had to be the single most annoying thing in existence. I…just couldn't take it anymore!"

"Heather! I hate you!"

"Shut up, Lindsiot!"

---

Gwen beamed at the camera. "Yeah, I know I'm not in this season and all, but I simply have to say that THAT was the greatest scene of all time."

* * *

"Do you liek RUBBUR PIGGEEZ?!" Gir took out a pig squeak toy and kept bopping Heather over the head with it.

Heather snapped.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! DIEEEEE!!!!!" She lobbed some fireballs from her hands at the little robot, who just took them like they weren't there.

Owen came out of nowhere. "HOLY CANOLE! Did Heather just shoot FIRE from her hands?!"

Harold looked shocked. "She DID! What the heck's going on here?"

"Does that mean Beth was RIGHT?!" The audience started nervously talking to each other.

"YAY! I M FIYAHPROOF!" Gir activated his rocket thrusters and Heather flew after him.

"She's flying! Just like Beth said!" Samuel screamed, pointing at the midair confrontation.

"GET HIM!" A flurry of grass blades flew up towards Gir, chattering away.

"IMMA FIRIN' MAH LAZAR!" Gir fired a giant laser from out of his mouth, vaporizing all the grass blades. "SHOOP DA WOOP!" He flew over to Heather and started to twist her ears. "I wanna watch da Scary Monkey Show!

"WATCH THIS, FREAK!" Heather told hold of Gir and ripped him clean in half.

"YAY! THAT WAS FUN!" Heather furiously tore him into more pieces and dropped the scraps onto the ground. She then floated down to earth and confronted Chris. "NEVER. DO. THAT. AGAIN!"

Chris grinned evilly. "Don't have to. You've already revealed the powers Ethan gave to ya!"

**_"…NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"_**

Ethan hung his head in shame.

Chef spoke up. "Oh, and by the way, I'm givin' that point to Gir. Both of ya fought epically, but Gir fought epically while being funny!"

Chris announced, "And that tears it! The Hollering Otters win immunity, breaking their losing streak!"

"Oh f^*!" Ethan rushed back to the campgrounds before anyone could get to him.

---

Campfire Ceremony…

"…Izzy. Claim your marshmallow!" Izzy wrapped her tongue around one of the two remaining marshmallows on the plate and started doing tricks with it.

Chris looked back and forth between the remaining two campers. "Heather, Ethan, you both know why one of you is leaving. Plots to rule the universe are NOT COOL."

Ethan shed a tear. "I'll miss you Heather…"

"I'll…I'll miss you too." Heather shifted her eyes side to side, then awkwardly patted Ethan on the back.

"The final marshmallow goes to………………………………"

Ethan shivered.

Heather's eyes widened.

"………………………………………………………………Ethan."

Tears fell down his face as he picked up the final marshmallow. "Why Heather? Why?"

"Obviously because her superpowers will give her an unfair advantage! Check this out!" Chris took out a high-tech gun. "Mary invented this Superpower Remover before the ceremony!" He zapped Heather with it, causing her to fall to the ground.

"HEATHER!" Ethan ran up to her as she struggled to get up. "Are you okay?"

"…I'm fine. Ethan, listen to me." Heather took his ear and whispered into it. "Win this game. You are far, far superior to these other losers, and it would be a crime if you can't beat them. Win immunity every time if you have to."

Ethan nodded, smiling. "I promise I will."

"Oh, and one more thing…" Heather gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"…SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Ethan jumped a foot in the air. "Goodbye Heather! I promise I'll give the money to you!"

"Bye Ethan!" Heather walked down the Dock of Shame and waved to him.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris could be heard wheezing in laughter below the sight of the camera. "Wow, just wow! The first kiss of the season was between THEM?! That's just too much! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Hey Kip, do you think Tyler will kiss me this season?"

Chris abruptly stopped laughing and lifted his head into view. "I don't think Tyler is interested in kissing the confessional stall."

"…What's a confessional stall?"

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

**It's prom night for the campers, and it's hosted by Chef.**

_"A prom?" Noah asked, looking around with little interest. "Is that the best you guys can think of?"_

**Love is in the air…**

_"KATIE?! You like KATIE?!" Casey wheezed._

**And someone may even get a kiss…**

_"Bleugh! Blah!" Joseph scratched at his tongue while Casey fumed._

**Who will be the next to walk down that dastardly dock? Find out, on Total Drama Action.**

**

* * *

**

Author's Note: Wasn't expecting her to leave so soon, huh? Anyway, the next episode is more on the dramatic side, so I hope you enjoy that. Any guesses as to who has a crush on Katie?


	7. The Prom Foot Forward

Disclaimer: I do not own the Total Drama franchise, but you know that already, don't you?

Author's Note: I got a couple of responses for my profile poll...apparently whoever is reading this likes Duncan and Bridgette. If so, then why are you reading this, with neither of those characters playing any roles? Well the good news is that they will show up eventually; just not as contestants.

This chapter contains Izzy and Noah saying naughty things, so...Caveat Emptor.

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 7: The Prom Foot Forward

Chef stood on the Dock of Shame, evilly grinning and rubbing his hands together. "Chris gave me responsibility for this episode…Yes!" He then noticed the camera. "Oh! Uh, last time on Total Drama Action, those freaks of campers had to grab my attention when against pop culture icons!"

Several clips of campers against characters were shown.

"Some of my favorites include when that creepy boy was chased by a noodle…"

A clip of Ethan trying to avoid the FSM was shown.

"…When the crazy chick freaked everyone out, even ME…"

A clip of Izzy burying Freakazoid was shown.

"…And my personal favorite; big boobs!"

A clip of Lindsay…doing her act was shown.

"The angry chick was awesome, too. However, she revealed her powers, which is bad news for creepy boy!"

A clip of Heather beating up Gir was shown, followed by Ethan hanging his head.

"Angry chick became the sixth camper to walk the Dock of Shame, too. But, she gave creepy boy a present; the first kiss of the season!"

A clip of Heather kissing Ethan was shown.

"Now only 16 campers remain. What kinda challenges am I gonna torture them with? Who will be eliminated next in a marshmallow ceremony that I doubt will be dramatic at all? Find out tonight, on-"

"I WANNA SAY IT!" Owen popped out of nowhere.

"Nu-uh, this is MY EPISODE!" Chef screamed.

"Actually…" Owen pulled out a contract with several signatures on the bottom. "According to this contract, which we all signed, when Chris is absent due to hosting another show ALL OTHER PERSONNEL have equal control over TDA."

Chef growled. "Fine…Say the stupid line."

"Awesome!" Owen faced the camera. "This is Total. Drama. ACTION!"

* * *

"Let's get this party started!" Harold took out a CD and placed it in his keyboard, which started a funky song. All 15 campers in the Otter cabin danced.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold sipped a drink as he laid back in the confessional stand. "Since fifteen of us were happy that Heather was eliminated, I suggested we throw a party. I brought lots of party favors to the island."

* * *

Allison sat down and took out a love note. She showed it to Joseph. "I found another love note a few hours ago. Check out all the saucy language!"

Joseph chuckled. "Man, I wouldn't use these words to describe anyone!"

"Yeah, this chick is poetic, and madly in love!"

"Would you two SHUT UP?!" Tam snapped, putting on a blindfold. "How the heck am I supposed to play 'Pin the Painful Needle in Heather's Butt' with you blabbering on about some stupid love note?"

"HEY GUYS!" A voice thundered over the loud party music. Every head turned around to see Owen at the door, signaling that he wanted the music turned off. Harold obliged.

Izzy ran over to the oaf and hugged him. "Owen! So glad you can come to the party with us!"

"Thanks!" He cleared his throat. "I actually came over to talk about your next challenge."

"Really?" Izzy asked, shocked. "But we never learn about our challenges beforehand!"

"Well, today's challenge is special. Chef's running it instead of Chris, so expect it to be brutal! Heheheh!" Owen waddled to the center of the room and sat down, which created a small tremor in the room. "Sit down ya guys. I've got a story to tell."

Everyone got in a circle and sat down. Izzy sat on Owen's left, and Mikey sat on his right. "What's the story?" he asked.

Owen clapped twice and the lights shut off, then he took a flashlight and shone it under his face. "Tonight I will share the tale of…THE CURSE OF LOVE!" Lightning struck out the window.

"Guhhhhh…How'd he turn off da lights?" Edmund asked.

Owen continued. "It has been rumored that a tribe of powerful shamans lived on the island Camp Wawanakwa was built, the island we stayed in the first season of TDI. Of course, this was hundreds of years before that season. Anywho, this tribe lived peacefully for generations, harnessing magical powers in order to improve their lives. It is said that by the 1500s, theirs was the highest standard of living on the planet!"

Mary's eyes widened. "That sounds amazing! These people must've been sequestered so long they became a subspecies!"

"Yes, Mary. They lived in their own little world, not knowing or caring about the world outside them. Therefore, when English settlers sailed in during the 1700s, they didn't do anything about it."

DJ gripped his face in terror. "Oh no! This is gonna be like how they treated the Native Americans, isn't it?"

Owen slowly nodded. "The settlers kicked them off the island so they could mine the large deposit of diamonds underneath. And guess who the leader of these settlers was? That's right; Captain Christopher MaClean."

The whole room let out a collective gasp.

"However, there was one shaman who wasn't quite as peaceful as the others. I can't say his name, because it's in a tongue that no living human can pronounce. Anyway, Captain MaClean invaded his wedding and kidnapped his wife, a woman he loved very much. He never saw her again, even after he was captured and was forced off the island with the remainder of his tribe."

Casey cried. "That's so horrible! WHY'D THEY HAVE TO DO THAT?!"

"I don't know, Casey, but here's the meat of the story: The man was so furious and heartbroken he unleashed a powerful spell upon the entire island right before he left. He preformed the dreaded Curse of Love, which twists the hearts of all who land on it. Every person on the island since has fallen in love with someone of the opposing gender. That includes everyone on TDI."

"So THAT'S why there were so many couples!" Joseph realized.

"And that's not all!" Owen counted on his fingers. "Besides the six obvious pairings and Cody's obvious crush on Gwen, Ezekiel had a crush on Bridgette, Katie and Sadie liked Justin, Justin had a thing for Izzy, DJ dug LeShawna, Beth smooched Cody, and even Eva admitted that she though DJ was cute!"

"What about…Noah and Heather?" Harold asked.

"I'm not sure about Heather first season, but she just kissed Ethan, so I don't care. Noah on the other hand won't admit his crush!"

"That's because I don't HAVE one, Einstein," Noah scoffed, looking up from his book briefly.

Owen faced Noah and smirked. "Oh yes you do! I can tell!"

Izzy hung on Owen's shoulder. "How?"

"Like this!" Owen took out a lie detector with a shock collar around it.

Noah's eyes bugged out for a second, but he regained his cool. "I'm not wearing that."

"I'll hold him down!" Izzy volunteered. She held him down while Owen put the lie detector on.

"Okay Noah, who do you have a crush on?"

"I already told you, I don't have a crush."

**LIE! LIE! LIE!** The lie detector blared, and sent a painful shock through the collar.

Owen grinned maliciously. "The pain will only get worse if you keep lying, Noah!"

Noah realized he had no choice. They were going to find the truth eventually. "…Fine…I have a crush on……………………………………………………………"

"Who's that?" Edmund asked. Tam knocked him on the floor.

Noah hung his head in shame. "…Katie."

**TRUTH! TRUTH! TRUTH! **The lie detector handed him a piece of cake while everyone else was rolling on the floor.

"KATIE?! You like KATIE?!" Casey wheezed.

"Isn't she a ditz?!" Mary asked. "_Noah likes a ditz! Noah likes a ditz!_"

Noah gave Owen a furious glare. "This is why I didn't tell anyone, jerk!"

After a few minutes, everyone settled down and Owen continued his story. "It is said after the tribe left the TDI island, they were sequestered onto another island; this one. Unfortunately, this island had a huge supply of gold underneath it. The settlers came back to claim this island not even a year after the first!"

Mikey shuddered. "Does that mean this island is cursed too?"

Owen slowly nodded. "Yep. This time, the settlers didn't take their chances by giving the tribe another island, so they threw them all into the volcano."

"WTF?! That's f*^ing genocide!" Tam complained.

Owen hung his head. "Yeah, it's sad…Then is the weird part. Apparently, the volcano erupted right after that, wiping out the settlers!"

"Serves them right!" Mikey whooped.

"Now I'm gonna have to find all your crushes! Heheheh!" He took out the lie detector again as his pocket beeped.

"Uh oh, I've got a message!" He took out the beeper and spoke into it. "Hey Chef…What? Now? Okay…I'll see ya soon!" He put away the beeper. "Chef wants me to put together the challenge now. He says you should go to the field again in one hour." Owen waddled out the door as many campers sighed in relief.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Joseph shivered. "Girls make me nervous…I seriously didn't want to tell people my crush!"

---

Tam cracked her knuckles. "If that fat oaf got within ten feet of me with that piece of junk, I'd've torn it with my bare hands! Oh…and I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH!!!!!"

---

Edmund drooled. "Guhhhhhh…that Josephine sure is purdy. Where'd she go anyway?"

* * *

Fifteen of the campers walked to the field, where they found something absolutely shocking. Due to the light of the full moon, a dance floor, tables, and a snack bar were visible. It looked just like…

"A prom?" Noah asked, looking around with little interest. "Is that the best you guys can think of?"

Owen jumped up in front of him, wearing a large, fancy tux. "Hey, that's MY IDEA you're dissing! Sheesh!" He walked back up to the sound booth, which was manned by Chef, who wore a white tux to match his hat.

"Welcome maggots to Owen's immunity challenge!" Chef announced, doing a little disc jockey routine. "Ya guys are gonna be paired up for the TDA prom! And you're gonna dance, whether ya like it or NOT!"

"Yeah, but there's one problem with your math skills." Noah pointed at the whole group. "There are 9 guys and 7 girls."

Owen and Chef shared a good belly laugh at that comment. "Oh, you don't think you're the only ones in this prom, right?" A hatch opened on the dance stage, revealing several previous TDI and TDA contestants. "Time to choose your dates!"

Joseph nudged Noah. "Yeah smart guy, time to choose your ditzy date!" He pointed at Katie, who was wearing a glittery pink dress.

"Haha, make fun of my taste in women, why don't you?" Noah retorted. "That's big talk for the asexual guy."

Joseph's face reddened. "Asexual? I'll show you who's asexual!" He grabbed the nearest girl, who happened to be Casey, and dragged her to the changing booth.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Joseph buried his head in his hands. "Bad move. Very, very bad move."

* * *

Ethan shuffled to the prom, dark circles under his eyes. "Okay, I'm here for this stupid challenge. What is it?"

"Why don't you look behind you and find out?" a familiar voice asked. Ethan quickly turned around to see Heather, wearing a black dress.

"H-H-Heather? Is that really you?"

"Shut up and dance." She took Ethan by his hands and twirled him around.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan closed his eyes and smiled. "I'll remember this night forever. It will be the second greatest night of my life, after the one in which Heather takes over the universe."

* * *

Chef bellowed, "Everyone got a partner?!"

"Yeah," a chorus of voices responded.

"I think…" DJ looked nervously toward his partner, Tam.

"Alright then maggots! It's time to dance!" Chef started up a fast, peppy song.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Tam crossed her arms. "To make this completely clear with everyone, I do not have any feelings whatsoever for DJ. It's just that he's the only camper I can stand."

---

DJ bit his nails. "Okay, I know Tam shook my hand a few days ago, but I thought it was a friendly expression! I'm scared of commitment! Especially with her!"

* * *

"YayIlovethis songitisso coolcuzit'sbythat reallycuteguy singerwhat'shis nameIdon'tknow hisnamedoyou likethissongMikey?"

Mikey couldn't answer, as he was spending all his energy trying to keep up with Ayami, who was dancing twice as fast as everyone else.

Noah, who was waltzing with Katie was asking her questions.

"I know you and Sadie are really tight. How could you just abandon her to dance with me?"

Katie giggled. "Chef let her dance with Justin! She's sooooo lucky!"

Noah put on a small frown for a second, then resumed his interested look. "So, do you really design all your own clothes?"

"Well, Sadie gives me SOME ideas, but I do most of the work. I sew the clothes, too."

Noah grinned sheepishly. "I've seen some of your designs, and I think many of them are brilliant. Where do you get inspiration?"

Mary stared at the two from the corner of her eye. "I don't get it. First, Mr. Jerk tells me my creative inventions are worthless because they create more trouble, then he says he's interested in CLOTHES?! What is the deal?!"

"Huh? What was that?" her date, Cody, asked. He was staring at Gwen who was dancing with Trent.

"Never mind…" she sighed.

"Hey, wait a minute, you're staring at Noah! You like him, don't you?"

Mary blushed. "I do not! He stubbornly opposes my beliefs!"

Cody shifted his eyes. "Riiiiiight…I'll go get some punch." He left for the punch bowl, secretly watching Mary all the while.

---

Harold glimpsed at Tyler twirling around Lindsay and sighed.

"Somethin' the matter, baby?" asked LeShawna.

"Uh…no! No problems here, sugar!" Harold tried to get Lindsay off his mind, but it proved impossible, especially when facing LeShawna and seeing her chest.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold took off his glasses and wiped his face with his sleeve. "I just don't know! Last season, LeShawna was my entire world, but since she left TDA Lindsay's been like 'Cheat on her with me! I have big boobies!' and it's really hard to ignore her! I feel so ashamed!"

* * *

As the first song ended, Chef screamed, "The next phase of you challenge is SLOW DANCING!" He started the second song, which was slow and romantic.

Joseph sweated. "Sorry about this…we're only friends, really!" He brought Casey in close.

"Why are you apologizing? I like this!" Casey steered Joseph through the dance.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Awful, terrible, horrible move," Joseph continued. "I just had to choose the desperate girl, didn't I?"

* * *

As Noah continued to get closer and closer to Katie, he found it more and more difficult to be rational.

"Uh…have you ever had a date before?" he asked nervously.

Katie sighed. "Not with a boy, sadly. They all think Sadie and I are too freaky to date. I do go on pretend dates with Sadie sometimes, though."

"I don't think you're a freak."

"Really? You're just saying that, aren't you?"

"No. I think you are a loyal and dedicated friend. Plus your fashion sense is impeccable."

"What does that mean?"

"'Impeccable' is a synonym of 'flawless', like your smile."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah punched himself in the face. "Noah, what the hell are you doing?! Get a hold of yourself you sex-crazed animal! GAH!" He wrapped his hands around his neck, causing him to wheeze and fall to the floor.

* * *

"Not to mention your body. Seriously, are you, like, 36-24-36? Supermodels would kill for your figure!"

"Uh…thanks!" Katie smiled. "No one's ever complimented my body before, except Sadie."

---

"OW! OUCH! YEOW!" Josephine screamed as Edmund kept stepping on her toes. "It's bad enough I'm forced to date you, so control those stupid feet of yours!"

"Guhhhhh…I've gots two feet!" Edmund continued his reckless dancing.

"Yeah, two LEFT FEET! OUCH!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Josephine's so nice and purdy, and nice, and purdy, and…uhhhh…purdy."

* * *

"It's too bad the whole 'goddess' thing didn't work out, huh?" Heather asked.

Ethan looked deep into her eyes. "It WILL work."

"…I thought it failed when I was eliminated."

Ethan wagged his finger. "Ah! That is but a minor snag in my plans, my dear Heather."

Heather smirked. "You have a backup plan?"

"Yes…however, it requires me to tell you things I didn't want you to know."

"Like…?" Heather knew he was going to tell her.

"…I'll start with the background story. The island you stayed at in the first season was home to a tribe of powerful shamans. They had great mastery of all sorts of magic, but they never used it for anything but 'common welfare'. One man in particular looked on in disgrace of the tribe's lackadaisical approach to magic and decided to do something about it. This man had dreams of enslaving the primitive humans living beyond the walls of water surrounding the island. This man fell in love with the most beautiful woman who ever lived, and wanted nothing more than for her to have anything she desired. This man's name was…" Ethan said a word that is impossible to pronounce. "…And I'm his direct descendant."

Heather gasped. "No way…So that's how you were able to perform those spells on me! You're part-shaman!"

Ethan continued, "Much like I have done with you, my ancestor secretly made his girl more and more powerful, despite it being against the law. His final step of the plan was to announce to the island his hopes and dreams after marrying his dream woman. Unfortunately, that happened to be the exact same day…the settlers arrived. Captain Christopher McLean and his crew kidnapped my ancestor's wife right before they got to kiss. I'm not entirely sure what happened to her, but I've guessed that Captain McLean had his men kill her once they saw her powers."

Heather clasped her hand over her mouth. "You're not going to let anyone KILL ME, are you?"

"I'm getting to that part…Anyway, my ancestor's heart was torn apart that day. After much thinking, he decided the worst punishment he could give those settlers was to make them feel the agonizing pain of love. He performed the Curse of Love to the entire island right before his tribe was banished. In case you were wondering why there were so many couples on TDI, that's why."

Heather nodded. "That was so annoying."

"The tribe was moved to the island we're currently on. However, the settlers came to this island not long after. They decided to eliminate the entire tribe by throwing them into the volcano. Naturally, my ancestor was quite sick of those settlers by then, so he caused the volcano to erupt, wiping them all out. No one has heard from any of them since."

"Wait…if that shaman died, how can you be his ancestor?"

"…Tricked ya! Turns out, my ancestor was the sole survivor of that incident. No one has heard of him since because left the island and blended in with society. The only reason I've figured this all out was because he had written a memoir of his experiences." Ethan took out a solid gold book with two titles; the first was in an unheard-of language, and the second read, in English, "For the male descendents of the Great Lover only". "I found it in an ancient trunk in my attic a couple of years ago. Basically, my ancestor, who codenamed himself 'The Great Lover', wanted a male descendent to follow in his footsteps. I took his challenge, and when I saw that the first season of TDI took place on his home island and you were a contestant, I knew I had to take action. I convinced Chris to put the second season here, so I could be blessed with my ancestor's magic."

The second song abruptly stopped. "Listen up maggots! It's time for your immunity challenge!"

Lindsay stopped dancing with Tyler. "I thought dancing was the challenge."

Izzy randomly shouted, "SEX TIME!" She and Owen started taking their clothes off.

"IZZY, OWEN, PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!" Chef screamed. "THAT'S TOO INAPPROPRIATE FOR THIS SHOW!"

"Awwww, that's no fun!" Izzy pulled her underwear over her head.

"For immunity, all ya have ta do is KISS! The longest, juiciest, most lovefelt kiss wins your team immunity! If the winning couple is from two different teams, the first guy to back off loses!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Tam was outraged. "KISS?! WITH THESE LOSERS?! NO WAY, NO HOW! NOT WORTH IMMUNITY!"

---

Joseph pulled on his face. "I have to kiss CASEY?! Gross!"

---

Noah swooned.

---

"Go Ethan, go Ethan, it's your birthday!"

* * *

"Ready…set…KISS!" Chef started up a romantic song, as some of the couples kissed.

Tam angrily picked him up by the collar. "I. DON'T. KISS!" She kicked him in the crotch and dropped him to the ground.

* * *

**Confessionals**

DJ wiped his brow. "Thank goodness I didn't have to kiss that chick. Scary…"

* * *

Harold opened his eyes a crack, and peered at Tyler and Lindsay. He never felt so jealous. A tear fell off his cheek.

LeShawna stopped kissing. "Baby? Why are ya cryin'?"

"HAROLD HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!"

Harold sniffled. "I don't know…" He stared at Lindsay again, which was a huge mistake.

"Why are ya lookin' at LINDSAY?" LeShawna put her hands on her hips.

"…Fine, I saw her boobies, and now I can't choose between you and her! Happy now?" Harold ran off into the night, sobbing.

"…That cheatin' little…Ooh! Heather's gonna pay for this!" LeShawna walked over to Heather, who was still kissing Ethan. "Why do ya'll keep showin' mah boyfriend boobies?!"

Ethan wrote down a note mid-kiss and showed it to LeShawna. It said, "Heather had nothing to do with that."

* * *

_Flashback…_

_On Playa Des Losers, Harold comforted a recently-eliminated LeShawna._

_"Do ya really think Heather tampered the votes?"_

_Harold slowly nodded. "Yes. I'm sure I saw Heather holding a parrot saying 'LeShawna, LeShawna,' once during the game. Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, there are two rules to this game. One: Don't expect to come out of the next challenge alive. And two: NEVER EVER trust Heather. She has nice boobies, though."_

_End Flashback…_

* * *

LeShawna frowned. "Ya know what? I don't trust ya." She took Ethan's note and tore it to shreds, then walked away.

* * *

_Flashback…_

_Ethan sneaked into the shower room. "Exploit their weaknesses, Heather says. And Harold's weakness is boobies." He looked around to see if anyone saw him, then removed most of the towels in the room. "With enough luck, Samuel will take all the rest of the towels for himself before Lindsay's shower. This will teach Harold for destroying my gun."_

_End Flashback…_

* * *

Ethan wrote another note, which read, "Well, I didn't lie now didn't I?"

Heather took the note and wrote down, "Nice one."

---

"JOSEPH AND CASEY ARE ELIMINATED!"

"Bleugh! Blah!" Joseph scratched at his tongue while Casey fumed.

"Why did you stop kissing me? It wasn't THAT BAD, was it?" She tapped her foot.

"Uh, no…it wasn't that bad."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Yes. It was THAT BAD." Joseph stuck a bar of soap in his mouth.

* * *

"AYAMI AND MIKEY ARE ELIMINATED!"

Mikey clutched his chest. "Too…much…movement…" He fainted.

"Awc'monIwas justgettingstarted ImeanallIdid wasputsome tongueintoit isthatreallyso badheyChef who'sleft?"

Chef growled. "Lindsay and Tyler, Katie and Noah, Heather and Ethan, and Owen and Izzy."

The rest of the campers stood in the booth to watch the four couples going at it. None of them looked like they were going to stop soon.

"Hey, you know what would be a good idea?" Mary plugged a sleek, white camcorder into the sound system. "ThoughtCam! This will tell us exactly what all those kissers are thinking!"

* * *

**Lindsay**

"........."

---

**Tyler**

"Tyler, you are the luckiest guy on the planet. Look at you; marathon kissing a hot blonde. Nice."

---

**Katie**

"I'm so happy that Sadie's having a great time! I'm glad she got to be with Justin, even if it means kissing this guy. At least he's nice!"

---

**Noah**

"Excellent, I'm kissing Katie! Now all I need to do is get to a bed and…NO! Noah, you are a civilized being of high-intelligence, and you won't be swayed by a girl…no matter how pretty…and sexy…and I want to see her naked NO! STOP STOP STOP! NO PERVERTEDNESS! You can do this Noah, just concentrate…I bet she wear pink panties."

---

**Heather**

"Wow…first day out here, I was cringing at the sight of him, calling him a freak…but now I'm marathon kissing him. And he actually likes me for who I am…All those boys I kissed during school dances; I could tell they were scared by me. But not Ethan."

---

**Ethan**

"Dreams really do come true…"

---

**Owen**

"This is boring! Where's the food?"

---

**Izzy**

"This is boring! Where's the food?"

* * *

An hour passed, all the couples were still going strong, and everyone else was bored. Until…

"OWEN AND IZZY ARE ELIMINATED!" Chef screamed, alerting several campers out of a stupor.

"What? Time for practice already?" Allison asked groggily.

"Gosh…" Harold went back to sleep.

Meanwhile on the dance floor, Owen and Izzy finally stopped kissing.

"Screw this!" Izzy yelled to the heavens. "So Owen, wanna ditch this place and get kinky?"

"YESPLZ!" They headed to the campgrounds.

Chef's eye twitched. "Chris better edit that out…Anyway, Ethan and Heather are the last couple from the Deadly Sparrows. If they stop, the Hollering Otters will win!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chef shook his head and massaged his temples. "I'll do ANYTHING for Izzy to get her freaky butt outta here. Raise some other show's ratings, will ya?"

* * *

"Hey Katie, check this out! Justin's drinking water!"

Katie pulled herself off of Noah. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" She joined Sadie as she watched Justin's 'sexy water drink' routine. Noah fell onto the ground in despair.

"NOAH AND KATIE ARE ELIMINATED!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah deeply frowned. "That Katie is completely vapid, shallow, and empty-minded. I love her."

* * *

Hours passed. The eastern horizon was starting to brighten when signs of fatigue between the two remaining couples showed. Lindsay was starting to look bored and Heather looked like she had enough, but both the boys looked fine.

A note flew from one couple to another. Tyler snatched it. It read, in Ethan's handwriting, "Give up. You cannot win."

Tyler looked over to the other couple, then wrote something else on the note. It flew back, and Ethan caught it. Written was, "Make your best offer."

The note flew back and forth. The conversation went something like this:

"Offer? What do you take me for, a good guy?"

"I won't stop kissing unless you give me an offer!"

"How about a threat? You don't stop, and I'll steal your girlfriend."

"You're bluffing."

"I don't bluff."

"Yeah right! Lindsay will never leave me!"

"That ditz hardly even knows your name! I can manipulate her tiny mind like clay."

"I dare you."

This comment made Ethan so angry, he shouted "CONSIDER THAT DARE ACCEPTED!"

"The Hollering Otters win!" Chef cheered.

Heather glared at Ethan.

"Heheh…oops."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan paced the stall, which is hard to do. "You're on the chopping block tonight, Ethan. Heather has survived the chopping block many times. What would Heather do? Hmmmmmmm…"

* * *

Campfire Ceremony…

Chef held up the all-important platter of marshmallows. "There are only seven marshmallows on this plate. I don't care if ya'll hungry, one maggot is not getting a marshmallow! And that's final! HMPH!"

Tam sighed. "Just pass the stupid marshmallows already, freak!"

Chef glared at her. "First marshmallow goes to…Mikey."

Mikey crawled over to the marshmallow platter, panting heavily.

"…Ayami."

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"…Joseph and Casey."

"Hmph!" Casey turned away from Joseph when she claimed her marshmallow. Joseph's face was unreadable.

"Harold and Izzy."

"Sweet!" Harold threw the marshmallow into his mouth, but Izzy caught it before it could get in. "Hey, what did you do that for?"

"To annoy you!" Izzy beaned Harold on the nose with her marshmallow.

"GOSH!"

"Maggots, this is the final marshmallow!" Chef hollered, pointing to the final marshmallow.

Tam glared angrily at Chef.

Ethan smirked at Tam.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold put a vote into the box. "Who did I vote for? Ethan, obviously. The Anti-Heather Alliance will have not died in vain."

---

"HeyTamyou could'veatleast triedthechallenge ImeanDJ'skinda cutelikea teddybearkissing himcan'tbe thatbad!"

---

Tam put her face in the camera. "ETHAN YOU IDIOT! YOU COST US THE CHALLENGE! YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN!"

---

Ethan grinned maliciously. "I think I convinced enough people to vote out Tam, seeing as she didn't even try the challenge. Heather would be so proud."

* * *

"The final marshmallow goes to………………………………………Ethan? Again?!"

"FOR HEATHER!" Ethan triumphantly picked up the last marshmallow.

Tam's face turned red. "WHAAAAAAAAT?! HOW THE F*$ CAN THESE LOSERS BE SO F&#^ING STUPID?! I AM THE STRONGEST MEMBER ON THIS F&#(ING TEAM!"

"Such uncouth language. Tsk tsk tsk." Ethan wagged a finger.

"UNCOUTH LANGUAGE! I'LL SHOW YOU UNCOUTH LANGUAGE, YOU F&#*ING F#%ER PIECE OF F$&ING S$#!" Tam lunged at Ethan, who jumped out of the way just in time. However, everyone was looking at something else. A small slip of paper fluttered out of the bad girl's pocket due to the lunge.

Joseph's eyes widened. "Is that…A LOVE NOTE?!"

Tam stopped dead in her tracks.

Joseph took the letter and read it. "Yep, the handwriting's unmistakable. Looks like Tam's the crush girl."

Tam sweated for a second, but then regained her serious look. "Oh f*#& it. I'm leaving anyway." In a move that shocked everyone, she ran up to Mikey, lifted him up, and planted a big one on the lips.

Harold's eye twitched. "I dunno whether I should be 'awww'ing or vomiting."

Chef's eyes bugged out. "TAM AND MIKEY?!!!!! WHAT THE F*#& IS GOING ON HERE?"

"I totally saw that coming!" Izzy added. Everyone stared at her for a moment before looking back at the new couple.

Tam finally stopped kissing and held Mikey up to her face. "I'm so sorry I tortured you here. I only did it to keep my reputation, I swear! I always thought you were so cute! I wrote the letters as an outlet for my true feelings!"

Mikey looked too shocked to respond.

Tam turned her head to see everyone else's mixed reactions. "FYI, just because I happen to like a wimp, doesn't mean I'm weak! I'm still a BADA$$ CHICK YOU WILL KICK YOUR A$$ IF YOU EVER MAKE FUN OF THIS! GOT IT?!!!!!"

Everyone quickly nodded, scared out of their wits.

"Goodbye Mikey." Tam set him down and walked the Dock of Shame proudly smiling, though no one could see it.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"T-T-T-T-T-T-T-Tam…LIKES _**ME**_?!!!!!" Mikey fainted.

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

**The campers go on a fishing trip.**

_"We're going fishing…for man-eating SHARKS!"_

**But what self-respecting man cares? Just keep an eye on Lindsay.**

_As for the boys, they only saw two things: a pair of massive globes bouncing in rhythm._

**Uh…yeah. This episode will have the highest ratings ever.**

_"Everyone, grab onto a floatation device!"_

_Every boy grabbed onto Lindsay._

**Who will leave the camp next time? Hopefully not Lindsay, on Total Drama Action.**

* * *

Author's Note: And the love note writer is revealed! ...It wasn't too obvious, was it? And Noah crushing on Katie wasn't too obvious either, right?

As for the next chapter, it's more of a goofy filler, so enjoy that. Oh yeah, and Lindsay's got a big surprise or two. I'll go with two.


	8. Fishing for Dummies

Disclaimer: I do not own the Total Drama series, nor do I own boobies. I'm a guy.

Author's Note: I got another reviewer! YAY! Uh, anyway, to respond to your query, the original 22 contestants on the real show were also exaggerated stereotypes at the beginning, if you forgot. Some of my OCs will transcend their stereotypes later, like some of the real contestants did. Heck, you could say that Tam did already.

Here's episode 8. If you are offended by huge breasts, please go back to reading that Care Bears story you started reading during episode 3.

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 8: Fishing for Dummies

Chris hopped out of a helicopter wearing a Hawaiian T-shirt, shorts, and sandals. "Man! I really needed that vacation!"

"But I thought you were hosting Maze Race!" Owen looked toward the helicopter in confusion.

Chris scratched his head. "Yeah, I did…but I was such a good host, I managed to have time left over!"

"Gotcha!" Owen walked away contently while Chef slapped his forehead.

"Last time on Total Drama Action, Owen and Chef set up a prom!"

A clip of the campers arriving at the prom was shown.

"All the campers partnered up with dates, some of which were eliminated or not in this season. Then, things got saucy!"

A clip of Noah wooing Katie was shown, followed by a clip of Owen and Izzy taking their clothes off.

"When Chef announced the immunity challenge was a marathon kiss, many campers were happy, but not Tam! She refused to participate!"

A clip of Tam confronting Chef was shown.

"The final two couples, Ethan and Heather and Tyler and Lindsay, attempted to make a deal. Unfortunately, Ethan ruined it."

A clip of Ethan yelling at Tyler was shown.

"Now that the Hollering Otters won immunity again, Ethan and Tam were on the chopping block. However, Ethan became a chip off the old block by playing a Heather and getting Tam eliminated!"

A clip of Ethan getting the last marshmallow was shown.

"Tam was really, really mad. That didn't last long, though, when her love for wimpy Mikey was revealed!"

A clip of Tam kissing Mikey was shown.

"What insane challenge awaits the campers now that I'm back and raring for action? Will Ethan continue to be able to twist the voting like Heather before him? And seriously, you should go to Hawaii. The weather there is awesome! Anyway, this is Total. Drama. Action!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold held his head in his hands. "Ethan should've left last night. Now he's become the next Heather and is forcing everyone else to leave. I CANNOT LET THIS HAPPEN!"

* * *

"Doo doo doo doo doooo!" Ethan was enjoying his morning shower as Harold peered down from the roof.

"LeShawna may have been smart to use sewage, but I've got something even better…" Harold, smirking, unplugged the hot water pipe and poured his red ant farm into it. He grinned evilly when he heard the sounds of biting and screaming pierce from the shower room.

**_"GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! MY MANHOOD!"_**

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan scratched his arms, which were covered in big, black and blue lumps. "So it's war, is it Harold? In that case, prepare to lose. I do know your fatal weakness after all."

* * *

Tyler and Lindsay were sitting under the shade of a tree, enjoying the day.

"Lindsay, I am so lucky to have a girlfriend like you…" Tyler whispered, brushing her hair. "I think it is a testament of our love that we won the immunity challenge last night."

"What's a testament? Omigosh, do I need to study for it?!" Lindsay asked, worried.

Tyler chuckled. "No, no, it just means we are meant for each other. Ya know, getting married, having kids. I can't wait."

"Me too!" Lindsay was about to kiss Tyler again, but something else caught her eye, a shiny something on the ground.

"Ooh…I like shiny things!" Lindsay ran off to the shiny thing, but for some reason it kept moving away from her. She continued to give chase until Tyler was nowhere in sight. Finally, she found Ethan with a fishing pole in his hands. "Hi Evan, are you fishing?"

Ethan smirked. "Yes, I actually am…Fishing for YOU!" All the sudden, Lindsay was enveloped in a yellow light as Ethan muttered some strange words.

---

The two teams met Chris at the lake. However, Ethan and Lindsay were still missing.

"Why is it that we're always missing campers when I start the challenges?" Chris asked testily.

Tyler shrugged. "I haven't seen Lindsay since she ran off for that shiny thing."

Harold added, "And I haven't seen Ethan since I poured my ants into his shower."

Several campers stared at him.

"What? You have to agree he deserves it."

"Whatever guys, today's challenge is extreme, dangerous, hazardous, and some of you may not come back alive!" All the new campers gasped, while the old ones put on a look that said "not again".

"We're going fishing…for man-eating SHARKS! Here are your fishing rods…" Chris counted the rods behind him. "Huh? We're missing one! Who stole my fishing rod?"

"Here you go!" A fishing rod flew dangerously close to Chris' head. He turned around to see that Ethan threw it.

Chris put his hands on his hips. "Not cool, dude. You can't just steal my equipment, brah!"

Ethan feigned an innocent look. "Oh, those were for the challenge? Silly me! I used them to catch some fish for Lindsay! It was for our date!"

Tyler rushed over and grabbed Ethan by the collar. "DATE?!!! YOU DO NOT DATE MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!"

Ethan scoffed. "She's not your girlfriend, Einstein. All those times she kissed you, she thought you were me."

Harold joined the confrontation. "You lie, Ethan. Tell us where Lindsay is, or else!"

"She's right over there." Ethan pointed off to the distance, where an unbelievable figure was approaching.

To all the girls and Ethan, it was Lindsay, dumbly walking and waving like she usually does. However, they also noticed something different about her.

As for the boys, they only saw two things: a pair of massive globes bouncing in rhythm.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan put his hand in a gun shape and blew on his finger. "Breast Enlargement spells: What would I do without 'em?"

* * *

Lindsay waved at Tyler, who was drooling. "Hi Tyson! Ether says I'm prettier now! Isn't that great?"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah sighed. "What is it about large lumps of milk and fat that turn men into drooling Neanderthals? I have no idea, but I like it."

* * *

Tyler continued to drool. He tried to answer, but it came out at "Ya, ya plettee nao…"

"Boobies…" Harold sighed.

Chris grabbed his head with his hands and literally wrenched it away from Lindsay. "Uh…as I was saying…each team must catch sharks. The team with the biggest boobies…uh…SHARK after an hour wins invincibility! Get to your boats!"

Noah chuckled. "I think Lindsay will sink it!"

"Dude, stop distracting me!" Chris snapped. "I need to do my job! Ready, set, GO!"

---

"And after the pirates keelhauled me overboard for no reason whatsoever, I found myself up against a group of 100 ferocious Great White Sharks!" Izzy recalled. Ayami was hanging on to every word whereas every other Sparrow was either fishing or staring at the other boat.

"Wowthat'samazing Izzytellmehowyou defeatedthemall inexcruciatingdetail!"

"Nah, the details are too graphic, so I'll just tell the summary. Well I figured that the fight was ridiculously lopsided, so first I put on a blindfold and tied my legs together. I think I only beat up three of them before the others ran away screaming. You should've heard it. Great White Shark screams sound remarkably like the mooing of a cow!"

Ayami laughed. "AwsomeIreallywanna beatupsomesharks nowhaveyou gottenanybitesyet?"

Izzy checked her line. "Nope! I knew this fishing rod was a waste of time!" She threw the rod away, where it sank to the bottom.

Casey turned around, thunderstruck. "IZZY! What did ya do that for?"

"FOR TRUTH! JUSTICE! AND THE LAST SLICE OF PINEAPPLE ANCHOVY PIZZAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Izzy leapt into the water.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Casey clicked her tongue. "Izzy's a freak."

* * *

"Hey Harold, what's on your mind?" Mikey tapped on Harold's shoulder as he wistfully stared at the other boat.

"Boobies…"

"…Oh yeah." He turned to Ethan. "Hey Ethan, what happened to your thing with Heather?"

Ethan cringed. "You're a wimp, so I'll just tell you. I lied about being Lindsay's boyfriend so Harold would be jealous."

"Why would you want Harold jealous?"

"Because he's a no good cheating scoundrel who hates Heather. Duh!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Mikey looked down at the floor, which wasn't too far away. "After the years of bullying I've gone through, anyone who doesn't bully me is alright in my book. I have nothing against Ethan, but I want to know why he hates Harold so much. Harold's my idol."

* * *

"WHOA! I've got a bite guys!" Joseph leaned against the side of the boat as his string went taut. "Help me pull her in!" Everyone minus Harold grabbed Joseph's midsection and pulled as hard as they could. The water beneath them frothed and shook, and growling sounds could be heard.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Joseph rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I've gone fishing before, but to tell the truth I've never actually caught anything before. Josephine always scared away the fish…"

* * *

"Reel…reel…and PULL!" Joseph and the rest of the team pulled the rod, causing the line to rise above the water. Unfortunately, the hook was empty.

Casey sighed. "It got away…shucks!"

"No no, there's a shark there!" Mikey pointed at the hook. "It's just…really small…" The hook flapped back and forth and growled. "Get it on the boat, fast!"

Joseph dropped the line onto the boat. Thudding could be heard, but no one except tiny Mikey and Ayami could see the microscopic shark making the sounds.

"Yaywe'vegotashark let'sshowittoChris andwinthechallenge awthissharkisso cuteI'llcallherSharky!" With that, the Deadly Sparrows headed back to shore.

---

The Hollering Otters were currently in two groups; Mary and Allison were fishing, and all the boys were crowding Lindsay.

"Hey Lindsay, how about a kiss for your boyfriend?" Tyler asked, puckering his lips.

"Eddie says that he's my boyfriend. Are you Eddie?"

Tyler's eye twitched.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah smirked. "It's like the extra mass on her chest was siphoned from her brain or something. I swear Lindsay just got stupider! But who in their right mind cares?"

* * *

"…I'm Tyler, remember? The guy you made out with on the first season of TDI?"

Lindsay put her finger on her chin. "…What's TDI?"

Tyler looked like he had been punched in the gut. "You can't remember ANYTHING?!"

Lindsay put her finger on her chin. "…What's remembering?"

Tyler cried.

* * *

**Confessionals**

The bottom of the confessional stall was flooded, and continued to fill with Tyler's tears. "Has all our time together meant NOTHING to you?! That's it, Lindsay, I'm breaking up! I will not be had!"

* * *

Tyler huddled up at the back of the boat, still sobbing.

"…Wow. Harsh," DJ whispered. He petted his bunny, who was crying. "Don't cry, Bunny. Everythin' will be alright…" DJ then burst into tears.

Samuel drooled. "YES! SHE'S MINE!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel put out his hands to his sides, imitating a scale. "Hmmmm, let's see here. Do I prefer cleanliness?" He raised his left hand. "…Or do I prefer J-cups?" He raised his right hand. "Cleanliness? Or J-cups? Cleanliness? Or J-cups? …Definitely J-cups."

* * *

Noah looked down to the lake, which was already near the level of the lip of the boat. "Man, with all the waterworks in here, plus the extra weight, you'll sink this ship soon!"

The ship began to sink.

"GAH! I was being sarcastic!" Noah took out a bucket and frantically started bailing the water out. Unfortunately, Noah's a wimp, so he couldn't bail fast enough. "GUYS?! THE SHIP'S SINKING!"

"ENOUGH WITH THE SARCASM, NOAH!" Mary yelled from the front of the boat.

Noah slapped his forehead as the boat capsized.

---

"Dude, where's the shark?" Chris asked.

Ayami held out her hands. "Can'tyouseeSharky ifyoucan'tthat's toobad'causeshe's SOCUTEandIloveher andI'llalwaystake careofherand-" Chris took out a magnifying glass and looked at Ayami's hands. Sure enough, the tiny shark was there, flailing about.

"Well, at least it's something…" Chris picked it up and dropped it on the fish scale next to him. "Congratulations, Deadly Sparrows! You caught a shark that weighs .000000000000 00000000000000 00000000000000 00000000000 00000000000000000 000000000000000 000000000000 000000000000 00000000000000 00000000000000 00000000000000 00000000000000 00000000000000 000000000000 000000000000000 0000000000000000 00000000000000 0000000000 0000000001 nanograms! As long as the Otters don't catch a shark, you win!"

"YAY!" Ayami cheered. Everyone else facepalmed.

---

Allison flailed in the water. "GAH! I can't swim!"

Mary slapped her. "Calm down, Allison! Everyone, grab onto a floatation device!"

Every boy grabbed onto Lindsay.

"NOT THAT FLOATATION DEVICE! HERE!" Mary took out a pill from her pocket, which inflated into a large life raft. Everyone got on, but they all panicked when they heard a strange deflating sound.

"Great, just great Mary," Noah complained. "You gave us a defective life raft."

Mary placed her ear on the raft. "It's not coming from the raft…" From the sudden wails of many boys, Mary deduced what exactly was deflating.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan held his head in his hands. "DANGIT! I knew I shouldn't have made her boobs dry-clean only!"

* * *

Lindsay looked downward and realized her assets have completely disappeared.

**_"NOOOOOOOOOO! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!"_** Samuel furiously beat his fists on the side of the raft.

"Male hominid, I would suggest that you should not pummel the delicate sides of our floating salvation." Everyone turned to see who said this sentence, then gasped when they realized it was Lindsay.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah shrugged. "Apparently, the size of Lindsay's brain is inversely proportional to the size of her boobs. Fascinating."

---

Mary grinned. "You thought we had the edge on the Deadly Sparrows before? Well, what's going to happen now that we have THREE geniuses?"

* * *

"According to my calculations, a pressure of approximately 123.732901 pounds per square inch would puncture the raft." Lindsay pulled Samuel away from the raft. "Now that we are no longer in terrible danger, I have calculated using my own postulate that a large shark will pass right below our raft in approximately six seconds. I shall obtain it." She cast her line next to the raft, and approximately six seconds after she made her statement, a huge shark jumped out of the water and landed square on the raft. Lindsay delivered some quick punches to its nose and eyes, knocking it out. "Our task is now complete. Shall we claim our immunity, colleagues?"

Everyone just stared, mouths agape.

---

Chris looked off to the horizon, where he saw the Hollering Otters looking triumphant, with a huge shark laying in their raft. "Oh man, what happened to Lindsay's boobs? Uh, never mind. Let's weigh that shark!" He got into a crane and placed the shark on the fish scale.

"Amazing catch, Otters!" he yelled over the noise of the crane engine. "This shark weighs 17.5 tons! Since there's only 30 seconds left in the competition, I think it's safe to say you guys won immunity!"

Tyler stopped crying. "YEAH! WAY TO GO LINDSAY! WHOOOOO!!!!!" He walked over to the girl in question. "Uh, so if you're all smart now, do you remember who I am?"

Lindsay gave him a condescending look. "You are Tyler, the no-skill jock I used to be infatuated with when I wasn't a genius. Unfortunately for you, I cannot have a boyfriend whose intelligence is eclipsed by mine." She let out a small "Hmph" and walked away. Tyler cried again.

Chris checked his watch. "Five seconds left! Sparrows, I'd start getting ready for tribal if I-" The surface of the entire lake rumbled.

"WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!" Mikey screamed, hyperventilating. "EARTHQUAKE?! VOLCANIC ERUPTION?!"

A voice rang out from beneath the rumbling surface. "No, it's worse…MUCH MUCH worse…IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT'S IZZY!" Izzy resurfaced, standing on what appeared to be a rising gray surface as large as the lake itself. After what seemed like an eternity, the full object was revealed; an impossibly huge shark that was hogtied and bruised.

Chris gaped. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-"

"How did you not drown?" Joseph asked, eye twitching.

Ayami's eyes sparkled. "Sothatstoryabout the100GreatWhite SharkswasTRUE?!"

Izzy shrugged. "Nope! After I told it, though, I felt like trying it out. And whaddaya know; I find this big fella at the bottom of the lake!"

The shark opened one of its eyes a sliver. "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" It cried.

Chris stammered. "Uh, well then…the Deadly Sparrows win immunity!"

"BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!" Izzy dived back into the lake.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Casey crossed her arms. "Izzy may have won us the challenge, but she's still a freak."

* * *

Campfire Ceremony…

Chris held up the plate of marshmallows. "There are only seven marshmallows on this-"

Lindsay interrupted. "-plate. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow must immediately return to the Dock of Shame and ride the Boat of Losers. And they can never come back. EVER."

"Don't steal my shtick, dude!" Chris picked up a bunch of marshmallows. "Mary, Noah, Allison, DJ, Edmund, Lindsay, you're all safe." He threw six marshmallows to the crowd, and the called-out campers tried to catch them. "Samuel and Tyler, one of you is NOT safe. Who's it gonna be?"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Mary wrote a name down. "Sorry, Tyler, but you're going to be pretty useless if you continue to mope about being dumped."

---

Noah wrote a name. "Tyler, get over it man."

---

Lindsay wrote down a name. "Tyler, the team member who is the least useful overall, claims my vote."

---

Allison wrote a name. "When your girlfriend dumps you, it's time to go. Sorry, Tyler, but that's the way it be."

* * *

"The final marshmallow goes to…Samuel."

"Phew…" Samuel put on a doctor's glove and carefully picked up his marshmallow. Tyler stared down at the ground.

"Sorry Tyler, but you're done. Head on over to the Boat of Losers dude."

Tyler got up and started to walk, but turned around at the last minute. "Lindsay…"

Lindsay looked away.

"…Goodbye. Goodbye forever." A tear landed on his cheek as Tyler walked the Dock of Shame.

---

Chef cut up the last of the shark into tasty shark slices. Owen sat at the other end of the table, fork in one hand, knife in the other. His napkin was on, and he was licking his lips. "Tonight, we FEAST!"

"HEY!" Izzy planted her face on the window. "You better save some of that for the other campers!"

Owen smirked. "Or, you could come in here and eat the whole thing with us!"

"Deal!" Izzy opened the window, leapt in the room, and landed mouth-first into the shark slices.

* * *

**Next time on Total Drama Action…**

_**"**__Today's challenge is a race, across TIME!"_

**The campers find themselves temporally lost in a race through different time periods.**

_"Hey guys, I'm gonna ask this guy for directions!" Izzy scampered up a tree so she could be level with the head of a T-Rex. "Roar roar, rooooooooaaaaaaar? Roar roar roarroar."_

**And while the Olympians battle the Samurai…**

_"…Just attack him, guys," Noah suggested. The Grecians shrugged and started beating up the samurai. _

**A much more heated rivalry develops between Harold and Ethan.**

_"If I recall correctly, it was YOU who didn't jump, lazy pants!"_

_"You try jumping with crushed nuts!"_

_"LOSER!"_

_"IDIOT!" _

**You won't believe who's going home, on Total Drama Action.**

* * *

Author's Note: Sorry to all TxL fans, but I wanted them to do something dramatic and unexpected. The good news is that if Lindsay returns to normal, she won't even remember that she ever broke up with Tyler.


	9. Running on Time

Disclaimer: I do not own the Total Drama series, nor any references. Is it really necessary to say this at the beginning of every chapter?

Author's Note: I'm beside myself with glee, because now I know my fanfic's finally good enough to be flamed by FLAME RISING HIMSELF! WOOOOOOO!!!!!

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 9: Running on Time

"There ya go, Chris." Owen held up a video camera proudly. "This camera contains footage of Lindsay from last episode, Page 4 Line 9 to Page 8 Line 23."

Chris hugged the video camera. "Thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU!!!!!" Chris then noticed he was on camera. "YOU SAW NOTHING! Right?"

"Nah, I'm pretty sure they saw everything," Owen replied.

"…Last time on Total Drama Action, the campers went fishing for SHARKS!"

A clip of the campers getting in the boats was shown.

"But who the heck CARES?! Did you see those things on Lindsay's chest? I mean really, she's my favorite camper now!"

A clip of Lindsay walking was shown.

"And Ethan WOULD BE my second favorite camper…"

A clip of Ethan casting a spell on Lindsay was shown.

"…If he didn't make her dry-clean only!"

A clip of Lindsay's chest shrinking was shown.

Chris cried. "It's too painful to watch! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Owen pushed Chris to the side. "Uh, as Chris was saying, thanks to Lindsay suddenly becoming a genius, it seemed the Otters were gonna win immunity!"

A clip of Chris weighing Lindsay's shark was shown.

"However, Izzy turned me on…I mean, won the challenge for the Sparrows when she brought up the biggest shark EVER at the last moment!"

A clip of Izzy standing triumphantly on her shark was shown.

"Due to Lindsay's new intelligence, she realized Tyler was a loser and broke up with him! He took it really hard!"

A clip of Tyler crying was shown.

"At that point, it was obvious who was gonna leave the Hollering Otters at the marshmallow ceremony. Girlfriend-less Tyler became the eighth camper to walk the Dock of Shame!"

A clip of Tyler turning his back on Lindsay was shown.

"Now will Harold and Ethan continue to fight? Will Lindsay ever get back to normal? Will Izzy continue to be sexy? Find out tonight, on Total. Drama. ACTION!"

* * *

Ethan was feeling pretty good today. Two of his rivals, Tam and Tyler, have been eliminated recently, and although his manipulation of Lindsay hadn't gone exactly as planned, it still worked. That is, he felt good until he saw his biggest rival staring at him, pointing at Lindsay.

"Fix her. NOW," Harold demanded.

Ethan shrugged. "Whatever are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb. I know you did this to Lindsay, probably the same way you gave Heather those powers!"

"Fine…I'll turn her back to normal. Sheesh!" Ethan took out a book of spells and rifled through the pages until he found the spell he was looking for.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan laughed haughtily. "Harold actually thinks I'm going to turn my puppet back to normal? Yeah right!"

* * *

"Aha, here it is!" Ethan pointed at a spell in his book. "Now you're going to have to go away, Hal."

"No way! I'm keeping my eye on you!" Harold pointed at his eye, which was twitching.

"No, I mean you have to go away so the spell doesn't hit you. I don't think you want to look like Lindsay."

Harold frowned. "Okay…" He walked away, but once he was far enough he pulled out a telescope and spied on Ethan.

"NO TELESCOPES EITHER!"

"GOSH!" Harold ran away in a huff.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold opened and closed his hand like a mouth. "Hi, my name is Ethan, and I use spells for personal gain and like to lie to people. Not to mention, I take advantage of nerds who like boobies and have an evil girl fetish. Now I'm going to hit myself on the head for fun!" He furiously banged his hand on the wall of the confessional stall.

* * *

Harold leaned against the cabin in a huff, when Lindsay ran up to him, looking normal. "Hey Harry, why the long face?"

Harold sighed. "Nice try, Ethan, but I know you've done something nasty to Lindsay. I'm not falling for it!"

Lindsay rubbed her forehead. "Ethan…Ethan…I know I heard that name somewhere! Who was he again?"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold cradled his bandaged hand. "Aha Harold, so you thought you could stop me by pretending I was your hand, eh? Now I'm going to brainwash a girl and ruin your sex life! DIE ETHAN!" Harold took a blowtorch and burned his hand.

* * *

Harold closed his eyes and meditated. "Ethan…I am not going to be swayed by your attempts to make LeShawna angry with me anymore."

Lindsay looked confused. "What are you talking about? Eden doesn't want that, does he?"

"Yeah, he does."

"No, I'm pretty sure he doesn't. He just wants you dead." Lindsay's eyes glowed red and she took out a rusty chainsaw.

Harold chuckled. "Is that the best you can do?" He quickly karate chopped Lindsay on the forehead, snapping her out of it.

"Whoa…where am I?"

"Back on the side of justice."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold glared at the charred remains of his hand. "MUAHAHAHA! NOW YOU'RE DEAD! But so is my hand…Or is it?" He pulled out Ethan's spell book. "Let's see here…how to restore missing body parts…"

* * *

The campers walked over to the field, which was covered with an unfinished tarmac track.

Chris took out his megaphone and announced, "Welcome, campers, to the BEST CHALLENGE EVER!"

Noah scoffed, "Best challenge my foot. I'm sure he thinks every challenge is his best."

Harold chuckled. "Better than waterless seadoo? Yeah right."

"Yes Harold, better than waterless seadoo. For you see, today's challenge is a race, across TIME!"

In front of the unfinished track, a wormhole opened.

"Hey! Is that MY temporal wormhole generator you're using?" Mary asked, putting her hands on her hips.

Chris shifted his eyes. "Maaaaaaybe…Anyway, this challenge is simple; race in your teams to each wormhole. Every time you go through a wormhole, you'll end up in a different era, past or future, where you'll have to find the next wormhole. The team who gets all their members to the finish line in present day first wins invincibility!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"…Okay, I'll admit it: that's a pretty good challenge," Noah confessed. "Chris gets bonus points for messing with Mary's tech."

---

"I can't believe that smug little host just STOLE my tech!" Mary screeched. "THAT IS A BREACH OF COPYRIGHT LAWS!"

---

Harold sulked. "That's not better than waterless seadoo!"

* * *

"Ready to mess with the time stream? GO!" The campers all scurried into the portal, some running faster than others.

---

The first era the campers saw was of a prehistoric jungle, filled with big, roaring dinosaurs.

"Alright team, I assume none of you have time-travelling experience, right?" Mary asked, standing defiantly.

"I do." Noah took out a large volume. "It's called 'History Books'."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Just because Little Miss 'I invent cool stuff' has surfed the time stream before, doesn't mean I'd let her take charge of the challenge," Noah complained. "Everyone on the team has skills to contribute."

* * *

"DJ, you're good with animals, right?" DJ nodded nervously as a Brontosaurus stomped past. "Do you think you could coax that Brontosaurus to carry us to the wormhole?" DJ shook his head nervously.

Noah slapped his forehead. "Grow a backbone, man! Brontos are herbivores! Sheesh!"

---

"Hey guys, I'm gonna ask this guy for directions!" Izzy scampered up a tree so she could be level with the head of a T-Rex. "Roar roar, rooooooooaaaaaaar? Roar roar roarroar."

Casey gasped. "You can speak dinosaur?"

Izzy yelled down, "No, not really. I'm just roaring randomly in hopes I'm saying something he'll understand." The T-Rex roared mightily and stomped away. Izzy waved. "Roar roar roar!"

---

DJ walked up nervously to the Brontosaurus, who was currently grazing. "Uh…Hi Mr. Bronto. Ya'll not gonna eat us, right?"

The Brontosaurus continued to graze, unaware of DJ's presence.

"…Right…soooooo, ya happen ta know where a temporal wormhole is 'round here?"

The Brontosaurus continued to graze, unaware of DJ's presence.

"…Will you tell me for a Bronto Snack?" DJ held up a huge bag of cookies, labeled "Bronto Snacks"

The Brontosaurus started to hop on its rear legs as it clapped its forelegs together. It gobbled up the bag of Bronto Snacks and nuzzled DJ.

DJ petted him back. "Alright! Looks like I've got a new friend!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

DJ sobbed with happiness. "I'm so glad Noah told me I could do it! I never woulda faced my fears without him!" He blew his nose on Bunny.

* * *

The T-Rex returned to Izzy, carrying an umbrella.

"You told it to get an umbrella?" Casey asked, incredulous.

Joseph raised an eyebrow. "I thought umbrellas weren't invented yet."

"Roar roar ROAAAOAOAAR!!!!!" Izzy took the umbrella and patted the T-Rex on the head. "Yes! Now I can use this to float to that wormhole!" She pointed to the wormhole, floating about fifty feet in the air in a clearing.

"Well, you may want to hurry, because the Otters are approaching!" Casey pointed at the Otters riding a Brontosaurus.

"SUPERCALIFRAGILISTIC EXPIALIDOCIOUS!" Izzy glided into the wormhole, then threw the umbrella down to the rest of the team.

"Heh, that's going to take forever," Noah remarked. "Good thing Brontos have long necks."

The Bronto extended its neck so it formed a ramp to the wormhole and the Otters ran up it.

---

Mary breathed in the dry desert air that now surrounded her. "Ahhhhh, ancient Egypt. I've been here dozens of times!" She led the Otters to a temple. "Cleopatra's my best bud. She'll help us!"

Noah scoffed. "Uh, I think we're about two millennia too early for that."

"And how can you tell this is circa 2000 B.C.E.?"

"Sphinx." He pointed at the sphinx, which had its nose intact.

---

"C'mon guys, float faster!" Izzy yelled once Ayami went through the portal.

---

The Otters entered the palace. "According to the interior decorations, we're in the reign of Pharaoh Ramses I," Noah surmised, running a finger through the wall.

"Guhhhhhhh…this is purdy…" Edmund picked up a strange stone tablet when a voice boomed.

_**"Return the slab!"**_

"EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!" DJ ran out of the palace, screaming.

_**"Return the slab, or suffer my curse!"**_

"Guhhhhh…but it's so purdy…" Edmund whined.

Suddenly, really bad music started to play. _"King Raaaaaamseeeeees! The man in gauze, he's no Santa Claus!"_

"MY EARS!!!!!" Everyone except for Edmund was on their knees, covering their ears.

"Guhuh! I love this song!" Edmund jumped along to the song.

---

Harold popped out of the portal, panting.

"…five, six, seven," Ethan counted. "Good, none of us were eaten by dinosaurs. Now we need to-"

"EEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!" DJ ran past the Sparrows, screaming.

"...Now we need to find the next portal. I also have to erase that from my memory…"

"Knowing Chris, it's probably in a pyramid," Harold guessed, pointing to the Great Pyramids of Giza. "Let's go team!"

Ethan growled. "Oh no, you are not controlling this team!"

"Well, maybe if I did, you'd be eliminated like you should have back at day one!"

"If I recall correctly, it was YOU who didn't jump, lazy pants!"

"You try jumping with crushed nuts!"

"LOSER!"

"IDIOT!" Harold ran off into the largest pyramid, while Ethan headed toward the palace.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Mikey scratched his head. "I thought the challenge was to get the whole team to the finish line. How will that work when Harold and Ethan are splitting up?"

---

Ethan glared at the camera. "That is IT! I've HAD IT with that nose-picking, double-crossing, traitorous…"

---

"…Two-timing, black haired slimeball…"

---

"…With all his stupid wheezing, half his vocabulary is GOSH…"

---

"…Evil, manipulative jerk who doesn't give a s&$t about anyone but himself and his 'girl'…"

---

"…Lifeless loser who rips off Napoleon Dynamite…"

---

"…Lovestruck reject who deserves to rot in an asylum…"

---

"BURN IN HELL!"

---

"GOSH!"

---

"I'm going to lose this challenge on purpose just so HE gets voted out!"

---

"I'm going to lose this challenge on purpose just so HE gets voted out!"

---

Izzy sighed. "Again with the copy and paste? GET SOME NEW MATERIAL! SHEESH!"

* * *

Harold went through a few rooms of the pyramid before reaching the portal. "Okay, so I found the portal…not like idiot Ethan will care."

---

Ethan looked everywhere around the palace, but couldn't find any wormholes. "No wormholes here…now I've gotta tell my teammates to get in here! Hehehe!"

---

"Whoa, scene break overload!" Izzy screamed.

"HeyIzzywhatare scenebreaksIdon'tsee anyscenebreaksdoyousee anyscenebreaksmaybe theonlyreasonIcan't seescenebreaksis becauseIdon'tknow whatscenebreaksare!"

Izzy took a hammer and pointed to the screen. "Ayami, this is called the fourth wall. It is fun to BREAK!" Izzy smashed the screen with her hammer.

"Whatdidthatdo?"

"It allows us to see the truth; that we are merely cartoon characters being bent against our will by some random TDI fan in a story."

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW…THAT'SSOAMAZING!"

I am getting pissed off, so I wrote that a random anvil dropped onto Izzy.

"YAY PAIN!"

---

After a while, the Hollering Otters discovered the portal wasn't in the palace, they went into the pyramid and found Harold sulking next to it.

"Harvey?" Lindsay asked. "Where's your team?"

Harold faced away from the Otters. "Don't care, as long as they're not here."

DJ thumped him on the back. "C'mon man, don't ya wanna win the challenge?"

"No, I want Ethan gone."

DJ shrugged. "Well, alright then. If it means we're gonna win…" The Otters jumped in the portal.

---

They found themselves in the middle of an arena, filled to the brim with…

"THOSE GUYS ARE NAKED! MY EYES, MY EYES!" Allison covered her eyes and ran around like a chicken without its head.

"Ancient Greece, home of the Olympics," Noah narrated. "Grecian Olympics were preformed by naked men."

Mary wrung her hands. "Gross! Gross! Disgusting!"

Samuel shuddered. "That can't be good for the skin!"

Lindsay looked around in interest. "These guys look hot!"

Trumpets blared as the Grecian emperor came to view at the top of the arena. "Gentlemen, welcome to the first ever Olympics!" he announced in Greek.

The audience clapped. The Otters didn't understand what the emperor said, but they clapped so they wouldn't stand out.

"Now we will begin our first ever event: the 100 meter dash!" Officials put down chalk lines that led to a second portal. "Our athletes will race to that strange, hole-like finish line while avoiding the deadly lions!"

More officials opened a cage behind the athletes and Otters, which several starving lions pounced out of.

"GAH! IS CHRIS INSANE?!" The campers ran for their lives alongside a group of naked athletes while the lions chased after them.

---

A moment later, the Deadly Sparrows entered ancient Greece, with Harold and Ethan gagged and shackled together.

Izzy dusted off her hands. "I don't care how much you two wanna lose this challenge, THE REST OF US WANNA WIN! And the last time I checked, FIVE IS GREATER THAN TWO!"

"Mmf mumum mff!" Ethan protested.

"MUSH!" Harold yelled.

---

Noah surveyed the pink trees surrounding the Otters. "According to these sakura trees, we're in feudal Japan, circa 300 C.E."

A group of samurai dropped landed in a circle around the newcomers, fury in their eyes. "You have disgraced our culture by exposing yourself in public!" one grunted in Japanese.

"What the heck's he saying?" a Grecian asked.

"I don't know. I think I'm in some strange dream or something," another told him.

"ROAR!" The starving lions attacked the samurai, giving the campers and athletes time to escape.

---

When the Deadly Sparrows arrived, the immediate area was bedlam. Swords were repeatedly clashing with teeth and claws.

"Konnichiwa!" Ayami greeted. The samurai stopped suddenly.

"Ayami, you and your escorts need to leave this area!" One of the samurai took the group and led them inside a palace.

"How'dyaknow myname?" Ayami asked in Japanese.

The samurai looked thunderstruck. "Why, it would be a crime if I didn't know the name of the princess of Japan."

Ayami stared wide-eyed, but the rest of the team was clueless. "What did he say?"

She responded, in English, "HethinksI'mthe princessofJapan IguessIhavean ancestorherewho wastheprincessof Japanthatisso coolI'mroyalty!"

"Order him to hit himself on the head with his sword!" Izzy giggled.

"Awthatsounds funbutIwantthis guyalivesoIcanask himabouttheportal!" She turned to the samurai and asked him, in Japanese, "Heysamuraiguy haveyaseena strangehole-likethingnearbycuz it'sreallyreallyimportant formetofindit!"

"Yes, my princess." He bowed respectfully, then led the Sparrows up the palace.

---

Mary squinted at the Grecian athletes. "Okay, you guys either have to put on some clothes or get lost. Now."

One of them shrugged. "What did she say?"

"She was probably complementing your abs."

"Yes, they are most excellent."

Mary sighed. "They're not going to do anything, are they?"

"Hi, I'm an ancient Grecian who knows nothing but fighting," Noah mocked. "Oh no, now all the sudden these kids wearing strange clothing appeared. Now I'm in this field with strange pink trees being attacked by people with squinty eyes. Mary, these guys are obviously VERY confused."

"…Fine. Let's just find that stupid portal."

---

"Princess Ayami, I have found what you have requested." The samurai bowed again in front of the portal.

"Yaythankyouso muchyouereally helpedalot!" Ayami gave him a quick peck on the cheek, then dragged the rest of the team into the portal.

The samurai rubbed his cheek. "The princess kissed me…? WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

---

"Thou must have cometh to slay the dragon!" a knight announced, pointing at the Sparrows with his sword.

Casey replied, "That dependseth; in the dragon's laireth, iseth there a portal…eth?"

The knight looked confused. "Thou speaketh as if a snake hath bit thy tongue."

Casey shrugged.

"Yea, thither is a portal."

"DRAGOOOOOOOOOOON!" Izzy took the knight's sword and ran off to the cave, swinging wildly in front of her.

"…Thou has been hit in thy head once too many and lost thy coconuts."

---

The Otters came across the portal in Japan, but the samurai from earlier wasn't too happy about it.

"STOP! Who defiles princess Ayami's palace with your unwanted presence?"

"…Just attack him, guys," Noah suggested. The Grecians shrugged and started beating up the samurai. The Otters went into the portal.

---

"WHOA!" The Otters were taken aback when an enormous knight appeared, towering over them all. "WHO ARE YOU?!"

The knight then responded in an unusually high voice, "We are the knights who say NI!"

"Ni?" Mary asked.

"NI!" The knight stuck his face right into Mary's, causing her to fall down in fright.

Noah slapped his forehead. "Chris, you're going to have to do better than using cult classics."

"We, the knights who say NI!, don't know anyone named Chris. As punishment for confusing us, you must get us…A SHRUBBERY!"

Noah raised an eyebrow. "I don't think so. It it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DON'T SAY THAT ACCURSED WORD!!!!!" The knight's head exploded.

---

"IZZY HAS TRIUMPHED!!!!!" Izzy stood on top of the fallen dragon proudly, the knight's sword stuck in its head.

"Wowthathadtobe thecoolestfight I'veeverseenIhope theaudienceat homewillgetto seeit'cuzitwas themostaction packedthingever!" Once again, the Sparrows leapt into the portal.

---

This time, the team found themselves in the middle of a dusty, desert town. Suddenly, the clock chimed.

**Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong!**

"DRAW!"

"DUCK!" Everyone ducked as the whizzing sounds of bullets came from overhead.

After five minutes, it was all over. The campers couldn't see much from all the dust that was kicked up, but they did hear some maniacal laughter.

"AHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! You cowpokes think you can take down the fastest draw in Canada? No, the WORLD?!"

The voice sounded feminine for some reason. However, what really freaked out the campers is when the dust cleared.

Casey gaped. "…NO…WAY…"

Mikey gasped. "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!"

Joseph covered his eyes. "ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!"

The dust cleared fully, revealing a girl who looked exactly like Izzy, except she was wearing a cowboy hat and a cloak. She was also carrying two bags of money in her hands.

"Looks like another successful lootin' by CRAZY THE KID! HEEEHEHOOHOHAHAAAHAA!" She ran off and dove headfirst into a passing locomotive.

Everyone stared at Izzy. "Who…was…THAT?"

Izzy giggled. "That's my great-great-grandma, the most ruthless outlaw in the Wild Canadian West! CRAZY THE KID! My grandma told me stories about her exploits, but I never knew they were all true until today!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Mikey clutched his head. "No wonder Izzy's so crazy…her family's crazy! Her great-great grandma even named herself Crazy!"

* * *

The Otters entered the cave to find a dead dragon.

"Yay! This is easy!" Lindsay cheered. Everyone quickly climbed the rotting corpse except for one.

Samuel shivered. "Ewwwwww, corpse! Dirty, filthy corpse! Disease-ridden, rotting corpse!" DJ went back down, picked up a protesting Samuel, and carried him to the portal.

---

The Otters arrived at the Wild West, and could actually see the Sparrows ahead of them, checking out houses.

"Looks like we caught up, guys," Mary whispered. "Let's try to keep quiet, so the Sparrows don't know we're-"

"HOWDY KIDS! Come on in!" A large man bounded out to the alley and showed the campers his house. They then noticed the portal in the backyard.

"Okay," Mary smirked.

---

"WHAT ARE YA KIDS DOIN' AT MAH HOUSE?! GO ON, GIT!" The old man threw a shoe at the Sparrows, hitting Ethan square on the forehead.

"MMF!"

---

"Hey, Mr…uh…"

"Just call me Jed, kids." The large man waddled over to his pantry and took out something. "You kids like brownies? I've got loads of brownies!"

Mary looked pretty ticked off now. "No thanks, Jed. I just need to know if you-"

"That gunfight was amazing, huh?" Jed munched on a brownie as he took a picture out of his pantry. "Crazy the Kid…quite the woman, she is…"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah sighed. "The Sparrows are outside, looking for the portal and Owen's ancestor is just blabbing away to us about how he likes Izzy's ancestor. Repulsive."

* * *

Jed sighed. "A wild, untamed beauty like you would never care for an ugly fatso like me…sigh…"

"Right…so can we see your backyard?"

Jed didn't respond, so the Otters just decided to sneak out the back.

---

"That's one small step for man…One giant leap for mankind," Neil Armstrong proclaimed as he stepped on the moon.

"Wait…we're on the MOON?" Mary started screaming for help.

"In space, no one can hear you scream," Noah gasped, running out of air. He then saw the portal about ten feet away. "Quick, to the portal before we explode!" The Otters frantically bounced over to the portal, when the Sparrows showed up.

"Mum num yum mmf!" Ethan protested. The Sparrows hopped as fast as they could, to catch the Otters, but it didn't really help anything.

---

The Otters found themselves in the middle of an enormous city, filled with shiny white buildings. The Sparrows joined them a few seconds later.

"Ooh, look at this!" Izzy found a tiny device on the street. "It's a scouter!"

"Whatdoesthe scoutersayaboutwhat yearwe'rein?!"

Izzy checked the scouter. "IT'S OVER NINE-THOUSAAAAAAAAAAND! C.E.!!!!!" She crushed the scouter with her hand.

"WHATNINETHOUSAND?!"

"HEY, that's not nice!" a random policeman riding a floating motorcycle shouted. "But who cares? We live in anarchy! YAY ANARCHY!"

"Hey look, future cars!" Izzy pointed at two sleek, shiny white cars without wheels.

Casey grunted. "Oh no, Izzy! You're not thinking of dri-"

"SHOTGUN!" Izzy leapt into the driver's seat of the car.

Mary snorted. "'Shotgun' means the OTHER PERSON is driving."

"Oh…ANTI-SHOTGUN!" Izzy leapt out of the car, then back in.

Before long, the teams were scrambling into the two cars. Izzy gave the Otter driver, Allison, a fierce look. Allison put on a smug grin. Then at the same time, the drivers started their cars, causing them to shoot forward and into the air with no emissions.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ayami cheered.

"GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" DJ screamed.

"MMMMMMMFFFFFF!" Ethan and Harold mumbled.

Edmund stuck his head out the window like a dog.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan sighed and massaged his forehead. "Give Izzy a pencil and she'll cause genocide. Give her a CAR, and I don't even wanna know how much destruction would occur."

* * *

"HEY GUYS, WANNA SEE IF I CAN GO THOUGH THAT HOOP?!!!" Izzy screamed, pointing ahead at the donut logo of the building ahead.

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" the entire team pleaded.

"OKAY!!!!!" Izzy pressed on the gas and headed straight for the hoop. Everyone closed their eyes, and even the Hollering Otters were freaking out about their opponents' safety.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"I'm not attending her funeral," Noah announced.

* * *

The car was traveling so fast, it looked like it disintegrated when it touched the donut logo. Allison stopped her car, gaping. "…She actually did it."

"I knew that girl was crazy, but DANG!" DJ shouted in disbelief.

---

Chris watched the whole thing on the video screen, as Chef and Owen looked over his shoulders. "Hahaha! This challenge is AWESOME!" The three personnel heard a loud crash behind them, and they turned to find a broken car past the finish line, with several burnt campers strewn about.

"That was great…do it again…" Izzy's eyes rolled around once before she fainted.

"…Owen! Did you put the last portal in the donut?" Chris asked sternly.

Owen shrugged. "What? You shouldn't place portals when you're hungry!"

"You're always hungry, Owen." Chris turned on the microphone next to him and announced, "The Deadly Sparrows win!"

Some of the Sparrows regained consciousness and cheered. Harold and Ethan, however, faced away from each other.

Chris looked back into the video screen. The Hollering Otters' car was just floating there. "Owen, could you get those guys back here?"

"Right away, boss!" Owen pressed a button on the temporal wormhole generator and the Hollering Otters phased back to the present.

Allison got out of the car and shook her hair out of her face. "Hey Chris, did you bring us back because the other team died?"

Chris chuckled. "No no no, I brought you back because the other team WON!"

Allison's jaw dropped. "WHAT?!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ayami bounced on her seat. "Izzy'sinsanity recklessnessand lackofconcernfor safetywonusour secondchallenge inarowshe's SOCOOL!"

* * *

Campfire Ceremony…

Chris held up the usual platter of marshmallows in front of the apprehensive Otters. "Six marshmallows on the plate, and seven of you. Do the math."

"Uh, Kiss? I don't like math!" Lindsay complained.

Chris slanted his eyebrows. "It's Chris-oh never mind. First marshmallow goes to…Lindsay."

"Yay!"

"Next is…DJ."

"Phew…" DJ thought he heard really bad singing off in the distance, but shook off the feeling.

"…Allison…"

Allison picked up her marshmallow and hugged it.

"…Edmund…"

"Guhuh!"

"…Noah…"

He nodded and popped the marshmallow in his mouth.

"Campers, we're down to the final marshmallow!" Chris darted his eyes between a sweating Mary and a shivering Samuel. "Mary? Or Samuel? Whose life on this island has been spared tonight?"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison put her pen to the voting slip, but didn't write anything down. "Wow, this is really difficult," she admitted. "Mary's a basketcase who ended up knowing a lot less about history than she let on, but Samuel's cleanliness issue may hurt us in the future. He did hold us up in the middle ages when there wasn't anything to stop us!"

* * *

"The final marshmallow goes to……………………………………………"

Mary and Samuel gasped when Chris started pointing at them, one at a time. He then put his finger to his chin.

"Hmmmmmm…………………Hmmmmmm……………………I think I'm going to go with…………"

"GET ON WITH IT, MAN!" Allison yelled, her mouth filled with marshmallow.

"…………………………………………………………………Samuel."

Samuel shook so hard, he ended up on the ground. "Wow…seriously wasn't expecting that." He was so relieved he didn't even bother to do any neat-freak activities as he picked up his marshmallow.

Mary hung her head low, and everyone saw some tears drop onto the ground.

"Sorry Mary; the Dock of Shame needs to claim its next victim."

Mary looked up, no longer crying. "Just give me a word with Noah first." She stood up and walked to Noah. "I'm sorry about getting in those stupid fights with you. You're the smartest guy I ever met; you didn't deserve that."

Noah patted her on the back. "You're the smartest girl I ever met."

Mary gulped. "Seriously, if anyone deserves to win this game, it's you. I'm supporting you until the end, Noah!"

"Thanks. That means a lot." Noah nudged her to the Dock of Shame. "I don't think you want to get Chris upset, now do you?'

Mary giggled. "No. No I do not!"

"BEEP! BEEP!" Mary looked down, and to her delight, saw Lou whirring around her legs, back to normal.

"Thanks Chris…" Mary walked the Dock of Shame, Lou behind her towing her luggage.

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

**This night isn't silent…because Chris is invading the campers' dreams.**

_"HAHAHAHOOHOOHOO…" Chris wiped a tear from his eye. "Man, that's a good one! Oh, and by the way, you're dreaming, Noah."_

**And what amazing dreams they are…**

_"He's making a ship in a bottle. How inventive!"_

**And intelligent…**

_"YAY!" Lindsay placed the dress on the conveyor belt as the scanner confirmed its cost._

**And profound…**

_The music started. "Because…I like big butts and I cannot lie!"_

**You won't wanna miss a thought, on Total Drama Action.**

* * *

Author's Note: "Sleepy Time" is one of my favorite Spongebob episodes. Bite me.


	10. Pitiful Dreamers

Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama Action. Owning it is merely a pipe dream...

Author's Note: Triple T is back! I hope this is the episode you've been dreaming of! Okay, I really need to stop with the dream puns...

P.S.: I think I taste pretty good...like a strange mix of schedules and Pong. Yes, those were two random things off the top of my head. No, I don't do drugs.

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 10: Pitiful Dreamers

Owen danced around the Dock of Shame, wearing a loincloth. "Ugga bugga! Me Owen! Me eat mammoth! Gragh!" He slammed a large club onto the dock, creating some holes.

"OWEN! I don't want to pay for another dock, dude!" Chris yelled, wearing a high-tech spacesuit.

Owen threw the club away. "Me sorry…"

Chris massaged his temples. "…Last time on Total Drama Action, I sent the teams on a race…THROUGH TIME!"

A clip of the campers entering the first portal was shown.

"Rivalries turned as red hot as the Ancient Egyptian desert! Harold and Ethan had to be shackled together in order to not throw the challenge…"

A clip of Harold and Ethan's argument was shown, followed by a clip of them gagged and shackled.

"…And Noah proved to Mary that the best way to learn about history isn't to go though it!"

A clip of Noah lecturing Mary was shown.

"Meanwhile, naked guys beat up samurai! That's not important to the plot, but it was AWESOME!"

A clip of the athletes beating up the samurai was shown.

"Several campers found their roots as well!"

Clips of Ayami, Izzy, and Owen's ancestry were shown.

"But in the end, Izzy's recklessness gave the Deadly Sparrows the win. AGAIN!"

A clip of the car going through the donut was shown.

"The campfire ceremony was a close one. Actually, it was a tie (don't tell the campers this), so I chose to eliminate Mary as a shocking twist!"

A clip of Mary saying goodbye to Noah was shown.

"Now I'll leave you with the following questions. Can Harold and Ethan's rivalry amp up even more? Will Izzy grow overconfident? Will Noah ever find his Achilles' heel? Find out tonight, on Total. Drama. Action!"

* * *

Mary sulked as Chris tightened a bolt on her newest invention. "I'm going to get paid for this, right?" she asked, an eyebrow cocked.

Chris wiped his brow. "You'll get the same pay as the other assistants: minimum!"

Mary stomped her foot. "You think you can keep me here after my elimination to make me invent stuff for your stupid challenges, and expect me to accept MINIMUM WAGE?!"

"Yeah, that sounds about right."

"I'm OUT OF HERE!" Mary stomped over to the door as Chris smirked.

"Mary, the PAY might be minimum, but this job is still WORTH it!"

Mary continued to stomp. "HOW?"

"You mean you DON'T want to visit the dreams of, say, Noah, and find out embarrassing things about him?"

She stopped in her tracks. "You're trying to turn me into a sadist?"

"Yep!"

"I'm in."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Mary smiled, her head held up high. "'Mary: the fourth cast member'. I like the sound of that!"

* * *

Noah peered upward in apprehension at the balcony above him. "Why must this be so similar to Romeo and Juliet?" The nerd sweated as he took out a guitar and began to strum. _"When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that's amore…"_ He sang quite well, which shocked even him. _"When the world seems to shine, like you've had too much wine, that's amore…"_

"Hey, where is that romantic singing coming from?"

The sound of her voice both melted his heart and quickened its pace. _"Uh…When the stars make you drool, just like pasta fagiole, that's amore…"_

The curtains drew back as the love of his life strolled onto the balcony and leaned onto the rail. "Hi Noah! Nice song!"

He could hardly concentrate anymore. _"When you dance on the street, with a cloud at your feet, you're in love…"_

Snickering came from behind the bushes, but Noah couldn't care less at this point. He floated up to the balcony until he was eye to eye with her. He took out a bouquet of flowers.

"So…Katie…? Want to…uh…you know…?" he whimpered. He flinched back, expecting rejection, when all the sudden she wrapped her arms around him and gave him the best kiss of his life.

"Oh Noah!" she swooned. "You are soooooooo romantic!"

"Pfffft…BWAHAHAHHAHAAHAAHA!" Chris and Mary came up to them from behind.

Noah chortled. "Laugh all you like, guys, but you will never experience love this strong."

Chris and Mary stared at each other, shrugged, and laughed harder.

"What are they laughing at, shnookums?" Katie asked. "Are my nails still wet?"

"HAHAHAHOOHOOHOO…" Chris wiped a tear from his eye. "Man, that's a good one! Oh, and by the way, you're dreaming, Noah."

Noah's eyes bulged. "D-D-Dreaming?!"

"Yep! Do ya honestly think Katie would ever meet you on a balcony, BY HERSELF?!" Mary asked, laughing her head off.

Noah shivered, as another girl materialized out of thin air.

"HI NOAH!!!!! I'm Sadie, and I'm UGLEH! You're gonna have to live with me FOREVER! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Noah bolted upright on his bed. **_"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"_**

* * *

**Confessionals**

Cody shrugged. "At least he wasn't kissing my ear that time."

* * *

Joseph whistled as he drove home from work. It was a pleasant, warm day out and there was practically no traffic.

"Heheheheh…"

He quickly whipped his head to the back seat. He thought he heard something, but he saw nothing. He continued to whistle calmly until he reached his quaint home.

"JOSEPH! YOU'RE LATE AGAIN!"

He rolled his eyes. His wife, Casey, was always nagging him like this. He scrunched his eyes, fearing what was going to happen when he opened the door…

"Joseph! Where have you BEEN?!" Casey shrilled, pointing a finger in his face. "Today is garbage day, and I see you HAVEN'T PUT AWAY THE GARBAGE!" She pointed at the overflowing trash bin in the kitchen. "You also forgot to go to the grocery store, DIDN'T YOU?!"

Joseph flinched. "I th-th-th-thought we h-had enough f-f-food for a week!"

Casey only got madder. "DID YOU SEE THE WEATHER FORECAST?! THEY PREDICTED BLACKOUTS, AND I DON'T WANT ROTTEN FOOD!"

Tears started to run down his face. "…I'm sorry, dear."

"SORRY?! SORRY AIN'T GONNA CUT THE BACON THIS TIME! I'M FILILNG FOR DIVORCE! AND I'M TAKING CUSTODY OF LITTLE JACOB, TOO!" She snatched their baby boy and stormed out of the house.

Joseph sighed. "Why, oh why did I marry you? You were the one who requested the marriage!"

"Heheheheh…"

"Okay, what is that?" Joseph opened the closet to discover Chris and Mary laughing.

"Huh? I haven't seen you guys for fifteen years…and you haven't aged?"

Mary slapped him on the back. "Calm down, Joseph. You're dreaming!"

"…Thank goodness…" Joseph laid on his back, relief washing over him.

---

Ayami laced on her skates and popped up, ready for action.

A member of a popular boy band raised a flag with a wrapped candy on it. "Ready…set…CANDY TIME!!!!!" He lowered his flag, and Ayami and her stuffed animals zoomed past the starting line. Using fast strokes, she surged ahead as she entered the chocolate section. Knowing what to do, she opened her mouth impossibly wide and the massive chocolate bar slid into her gullet, without adding any weight whatsoever.

"Muchos luchos compadre!" a shirtless Geoff waved from a tea party.

Ayami allowed for a quick wave, then she focused her attention at the approaching lollipop section. She extended her giant tongue and licked, licked like she never licked before. The lollipops shrunk into nothingness right before she entered the section

"This is your shining moment, Ayami…" a unicorn sang, flying above her.

Ayami bit her fingers in nervousness. "Omigoshthefinal sectionisthecake sectionI'venever beatenthecake sectionIcan'tdoit!"

"You can do it, Ayami!" Kiwi wiggled his arms.

She suddenly put on a serious expression. "Yes…Icandoit!" She took out a giant fork and spoon, and started shoveling the cake in her mouth.

The assorted pink clouds, mythical creatures, and hot boys gasped. "Can she do it this time?" one asked.

After about a minute, Ayami burst from the other side of the enormous cake and slid past the finish line. Everyone cheered, including the stuffed animals she beat.

"Congratulations, Ayami!" the boy band member at the finish line announced. "You win first prize; a lifetime supply of…" he lifted a curtain, revealing a huge tub of… "SUGAR!"

Her eyes widened. "SUGAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!" She leapt into the tub and started eating, when she thought she heard something.

"Heheheheh…"

"HeyamIeating livingsugar?" She buried herself into the tub until she found Chris and Mary laughing. "Heyguyswhatare youdoinginmyprize didyouseemerace wasn'titamazing?!"

Chris swam out of the sugar and looked around. "Ayami, you REALLY need to eat less sugar."

Mary popped up beside him. "Do you want diabetes when you're older?

Ayami resurfaced as well. "What'sdiabetes?"

"Diabetes is a disease where the pancreas doesn't create enough insulin." Kiwi wiggled his arms.

Mary slapped her forehead. "You need to watch less Chowder, too."

---

Everywhere he looked, it was mud, and it was all his for the wallowing.

"COWABUNGUH!" Edmund landed headfirst into the mud, guffawing.

"Hey howdy, pardner. I see ya'll takin' a mighty likin' to this here mud!" A second splash of mud showered over him as Josephine, wearing farmer's clothes, jumped in the mud after him.

"Guhuh! I live on da farm!" Edmund made a mud angel. Suddenly, cows dropped from the white sky. All that could be heard was mooing as the cows were screaming for their lives. Fortunately, they were uninjured when they landed in the mud.

"Y'all like cows?" Josephine asked, climbing on top of one.

"Yeah, yeah, I like cows!" Edmund climbed up the same cow and hung his face upside-down in front of its face. "Cows go oink!"

"Moo." The cow looked miffed, somehow.

Bubbles made their way to the surface of the mud. "This dream is stupid. Let's go somewhere else!"

"Guhhhhhh…who said that?" Edmund slid off the cow and placed his ear where the bubbles came from.

More bubbles surfaced and popped. "C'mon Mary, you know we need to spend enough time here to give it a score."

"But I HATE MUD!"

Edmund suddenly screamed bloody murder. "MUD PEOPLES! MUD PEOPLES CAME TO DEESTROY US! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!"

Chris and Mary's heads broke the surface. "Calm down dude, we're not mud people!

"B-B-But youse people! People in da mud! YOUSE MUD PEOPLES!!!!!"

Mary scoffed, "With that logic, you'd be a mud person too."

Edmund gasped. "ISE A MUD PEOPLES?!!!!! GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He furiously strangled himself, which woke him up.

---

"Uh…excuse me? How much does this cost?" Lindsay asked the sales clerk, holding up a pink dress.

"$300," she replied, not even looking up.

"YAY!" Lindsay placed the dress on the conveyor belt as the scanner confirmed its cost.

"Uh…excuse me? How much does this cost?" Lindsay asked the sales clerk, holding up a pair of pink shoes.

"$250," she replied, not even looking up.

"YAY!" Lindsay placed the shoes on the conveyor belt as the scanner confirmed its cost.

"Uh…excuse me? How much does this cost?" Lindsay asked the sales clerk, holding up a bottle of pink nail polish.

"$150," she replied, not even looking up.

"YAY!" Lindsay placed the nail polish on the conveyor belt as the scanner confirmed its cost.

"Uh…excuse me? How much does this cost?" Lindsay asked the sales clerk, holding up a pink lipstick tube.

"$75," she replied, not even looking up.

"YAY!" Lindsay placed the lipstick on the conveyor belt as the scanner confirmed its cost.

"Uh…excuse me? How much does this cost?" Lindsay asked the sales clerk, holding up a pair of pink sunglasses.

"$225," she replied, not even looking up.

"YAY!" Lindsay placed the sunglasses on the conveyor belt as the scanner confirmed its cost.

Mary pulled on her hair. **_"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"_**

"Uh…excuse me? How much does this cost?" Lindsay asked the sales clerk, holding up Mary.

"$1000," she replied, not even looking up.

"YAY!" Lindsay placed Mary on the conveyor belt as the scanner confirmed her cost.

---

The audience cheered and whooped, warmed up for the next performance.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" announced the emcee. "Are ya ready for Canada's most beloved dynamic duo?!"

The audience went wild.

"Because here they are! May I present to you the wheezing wonder, Harold, and his bootylicious babe, LeShawna!"

The audience cheered like crazy and rap music blasted into the theater as the couple in question stepped to the mike.

Harold waved his hands to quiet the audience. "Wow, would you look at this full house! GOSH!"

The audience laughed at Harold's trademark outburst.

"Now before I sing to you, I'd like to know; is there an Ethan in the premises?"

The entire audience pointed in unison to a spot backstage, where Ethan was cutting a rope attached to a sandbag above Harold's head. The spotlight then aimed at him, and he hid his saw behind his back and smiled innocently.

"Hey look, Ethan's being evil again!" Harold teased. "Guess what happens to him when he acts evil?"

"WHOOPA$$!" the audience screamed.

"Go get him, sugar!" LeShawna ran over to Ethan and beat the tar out of him to thunderous applause. After he was good and bloody, she joined Harold back at the mike, dusting off her hands.

Harold swooned. "Oh that LeShawna, I love her so! And do you know why?"

"WHY?!" the audience screamed.

The music started. "Because…_I like big butts and I cannot lie!"_

_"You otha brothas cannot deny!" _LeShawna added

_"That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in yo' face ya get SPRUNG! Wanna pull up front 'cause ya notice that butt was stuffed! Deep in the jeans she's wearin', I'm hooked and I can't stop starin'!"_

"Harold, you seriously dream about singing THIS?!" Chris laughed, interrupting the song.

"Hey, you messed me up!" complained Harold. "GUARDS!"

Mary slanted her eyes towards Chris. "Nice one." They then started running for their lives from the guards.

---

Allison bent her knees a few times and put her hands to her sides. She looked directly up at the sky; sapphire blue with many fluffy, inviting clouds.

_"I believe I can fly…I believe I can touch the sky…" _As she sang, she found the ground moving away from her.

"What a cliché dream!" Chris complained.

However, Allison wasn't listening. She was in bliss, flying amongst the clouds while she sang. _"I think about it every night and day…spread my wings and fly away…" _She landed on a cloud, snuggling it like a blanket. _I believe I can soar…I see me running through that open door…"_

Mary lifted her glasses and wiped a tear. "I know this is schmaltzy…but I love things like this…"

_"I believe I can fly…I believe I can fly…"_ Allison slowly landed in front of the hosts. "Hey guys, why are you here?"

Chris and Mary looked at each other. "Don't tell this to anyone else, but this is the immunity challenge."

Allison brushed her hair. "Like, most interesting dream wins immunity for the team? Sounds cool."

Mary shrugged. "Well, she sure took it well."

---

"Hey Mikey! You've got nice hair…BUT IT WOULD LOOK BETTER SWIRLED!" The next thing he knew, Mikey's head was stuck in a flushing toilet.

"Hey Mikey! Our flag is missing!" Mikey was suddenly hanging on the flagpole by his underwear.

"Hey Mikey! I love you!" Mikey stared as the projected face of Tam appeared in front of him.

"Y-Y-You d-d-do?" he asked, shivering. "Y-You're not g-g-going to slam me in the l-locker, or p-pants me?"

Tam's face chuckled. "No, silly! I love you! And there's only one thing I'd love more…"

"Wh-wh-what?"

The face put on an ugly sneer. _**"IF YOU WERE DEAD!"**_

Mikey jumped out of bed and grabbed onto the ceiling. **_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_**

Chris snapped his fingers. "Dangit! That's not enough time to finalize my score!"

---

**Ding Dong!** Casey smiled, as she knew exactly who was at the door. She strutted over and opened it, revealing a gorgeous boy holding flowers.

"Casey…you are my greatest love!" he proclaimed, handing her the flowers. "I would be more than honored if I could be your boyfriend!"

"HEY! GET YOUR OWN GIRLFRIEND!" Another hot boy pushed the first one off the front stoop. "Casey, you are more beautiful than the stars in the night sky!" He held up a box of chocolates. "Will you be mine?"

"SHE'S MINE!" A third boy pushed the second away and held up a huge diamond ring. "Of course, this diamond is nowhere near as pretty as you, Casey. Will you be my girlfriend? OOF!" He was pushed off by the first two boys, who pounced on him and formed a dust cloud. Dozens of boys then joined the fray.

Casey giggled. "So many boys…but I can only have one. Oh well!" She closed the door and went up to bed. "Same time tomorrow, boys," she whispered to herself.

"Bleugh!" Mary pretended to gag and stuck her finger in her mouth. "Casey dreams she's a sl#t."

---

DJ opened the window to his bedroom, taking in the beautiful forest scenery. "Ahhhhh, what a beautiful day! Come my animal friends!" He stepped outside his tree home and raised his arms, on which many small, cute animals landed. Bunny in particular got his attention, nuzzling his leg.

DJ petted Bunny. "Good mornin' Bunny! Ya'll have a nice sleep?"

"Oh DJ, every sleep is a nice sleep when life is so perfect!" he chirped. "What fun shall we have today?"

DJ rubbed his chin. "I was thinkin' of prancin' around the forest while singin' merrily."

"Great minds think alike!" Bunny hopped in front of DJ, laughing merrily.

_"Oh I'm in the forest, with all my animal friends! Havin' fun every single day, hopin' it never ends! Bouncin' like a bunny, prancin' like a deer, twitterin' like a bird, in the forest here!"_

As DJ passed by, Mary shuddered. "I don't know about you, but I see something very wrong about a 6-foot plus muscular guy prancing and singing like that."

Chris shrugged. "You get used to it."

---

A green, thin ghost wiggled his arms in front of the hosts. "OoOoOoOoOhhhhh…Welcome to the Izzy Zone, where no one returns…EVER!"

Chris complained, "Hey, the EVER thing is my shtick!"

"Don't say I didn't warn you!" The ghost transformed into Mung Daal. "Now, you can either have the blue cake and go back to your innocent lives, or have the red cake and go down the rabbit hole!" He held up two strange-looking cakes.

Mary poked the blue cake. "What's in these cakes, anyway?"

"Fish-shaped dirt, fish-shaped solid waste, sediment-shaped sediment, holographic needle injectors, cross borehole electromagnetic imaging rhubarb, flaming rhubarb, fish-shaped rhubarb, rhubarb-shaped fish…"

Chris turned green. "Uh…we're not hungry…" The hosts tried to sneak by him, but he suddenly turned into Ganondorf.

"Then you must DIE!" He pushed the hosts down a tunnel, where they found Izzy floating down using her dress.

"Oh hey guys!" she greeted. "Welcome to Izzypoop; where's there's smoke, there's ME!" After she said that, the hosts were too far below to hear her. Then, they suddenly landed on something soft.

Mary took a handful of it and wrinkled her nose. "What IS this stuff?"

Mt. Yurgonadynao grew a face. "My Volvic natural spring water! Now I'm gonna eat you for breakfast!"

The hosts clung onto each other. "I don't wanna die this way!" Chris whimpered.

**CHOMP!** The volcano ate them, transporting them to…a really inappropriate place. Let's just say Izzy and Owen were performing sexual intercourse.

Mary covered her eyes. "GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! MY EYESSSSSSSSSS!!!!! MY EYES ARE VIRGIN!!!!!"

"You mean 'were virgin'," Chris added.

---

"Clean as a whistle!" Samuel ran a finger on his wall and examined it. There was no dust whatsoever. "Ahhhhh…now that my cleaning is done at long last, I can finally do what I really want!" He sat down at an immaculate desk and took out a bottle, followed by small wood parts and a small booklet.

"What the heck is that?" Chris whispered to Mary.

"He's making a ship in a bottle. How inventive!"

"Inventive? More like snoresville!"

"Huh?" Since the room was so quiet, Samuel could hear the whispering. He turned around and saw the top of Chris' head.

"GAH! There are people in my room! CONTAMINATION! CONTAMINATION! GET OUT!!!!!" He immediately shoved the hosts out of the room and slammed the door.

Chris frowned. "Worst dream of the night."

"No, Lindsay's was the worst," Mary corrected.

---

"Congratulations Heather; you have been given all the power you can have." Ethan bowed.

"'All the power I can have?' How powerful are we talking?" Heather asked, skeptical.

Ethan smirked. "You can basically do whatever you could possibly want. Try moving those stars around." He pointed at the night sky, dotted with many beautiful stars.

Without as much as a twitch of the mouth, all the stars swirled and moved around until they resembled Heather's face.

"…That was easier than I thought it would be." She broke into an evil grin.

"So…wanna fix this universe?"

"Yes, I would…" **POP!** Gwen, LeShawna, and Harold found themselves being burned alive in a white liquid with no means of escape

"GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! HEATHER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Revenge," she replied, not even looking over.

Ethan walked over to the victims. "Ooh, I get it! This will torture them for all eternity! Nice one!"

"Whatever." Heather snapped her fingers, and all the sudden Ethan found himself floating beside her in space, looking down at a red planet.

"Mars…hmmmm…what could I do to Mars?"

Ethan tapped her shoulder. "How about turning it into a giant lipstick tube?"

"…Nah, that's too easy. How about…creating an alien race that's sole purpose is to give me makeovers?"

"…I like it!"

With another snap of the fingers, it was done.

Heather flew over to Jupiter. "Now for Jupiter, I'm thinking…since it's so big, the race here will construct giant monoliths of my image."

"Saturn's obviously for jewelry, for Uranus I'll get rid of the methane and use it for perfume, Neptune will be for entertainment, and Pluto…"

"Pluto isn't a planet anymore," Ethan pointed out.

"Then I'll make it a planet!" Another snap of the fingers made Pluto double in size.

Mary sulked. "Okay, I think I've seen enough."

Ethan floated over to her. "Heather, did you allow Mary to breathe in space?"

Mary punched him in the face. "No, numbskull. You're dreaming!"

Ethan looked like he'd been slapped on the face. "Dreaming? DREAMING?! Aw man, you've got to be kidding me!"

---

The Next Morning…

The campers shuffled to the mess hall, moaning and with dark circles under their eyes.

"So, am I the only one who had a bad night's sleep?" asked Ayami; she was so tired, she used spaces between her words.

Noah clutched his head. "Urgh…I had this horrible dream, where…uh…Chris and Mary ruined my life…"

Casey's eyes widened. "I had a dream about Chris and Mary, too! They were being really rude!"

"Wait, you dreamed of them TOO?!"

"ARGH! They messed everything up!"

"My room!"

"Chowder!"

"Mud peoples!"

"I know why those guys were in your dreams!" Everyone stared at Allison, who was the only camper who wasn't exhausted. "Chris told me in my dream that he was there for an immunity challenge."

At that moment, Chris and Mary entered the mess hall, bright and chipper. "Morning campers! How did you sleep last night?"

Assorted grumbling echoed throughout the room.

Chris smiled. "Good! Now as Allison just said, Mary and I were in your dreams because it was your immunity challenge!"

Harold gasped. "Hey! Our heads are private!"

"Not in Camp Yurgonadynao, they're not! Anyway, Mary and I both graded your dreams on a one to ten scale, making the final scores between two and twenty. The camper with the highest score wins invincibility for their team! Let's start with…Noah!"

Noah spat out his orange juice and started to choke. Owen started performing the Heimlich maneuver on him.

"Pretty cliché dream, with the romantic balcony scene and all, but I like how you sang better than in real life. Fifteen points!"

"WOOHOO! That's awesome, Noah!" Owen slapped him on the back, causing his head to hit the table.

"Next is Joseph, with a nightmare similar to that of Hey Arnold. Not bad, but could've been more 'out there'. Twelve points!"

Joseph buried his head in his hands, while a few Sparrows gave him polite applause (Casey in particular).

"Ayami's dream was similar to what I was expecting; girly tea party meets sugar meets ADHD. It was WAY WAY WAY too pink, but the environment was complex. Fourteen points!"

"YAY!" she cheered, oblivious that she lost to Noah.

"Edmund…yeah. It was a mud field…Well, you get points for originality, but for interest? I don't think so. You got ten points!"

"Guhuh! I can count ta ten!" Edmund struggled to take his shoes off.

"Lindsay…uh…it sucked. Only four points for you."

"AWWWWWW, c'mon!" Lindsay whined.

"Harold, nice dream! Far from cliché, had your girl in it, and was catchy! You got yourself seventeen points dude!"

Harold did a fist pump. "Yes! Awesome!"

"Allison, yours was EXTREMELY cliché, but my heart nearly melted from the song. Eighteen points!"

_"I believe I can fly…I believe I can touch the sky…"_ Allison sang, to further her point.

"Poor poor Mikey…I felt really bad for ya dude, but the dream was WAY too short. Eight points."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! BULLIES!" Mikey hid under the Sparrows' table, shivering.

"Casey, you dreamed yourself sexier, which I find a big plus! Your two scores are vastly different from each other, so ya got eleven points!"

"Aw, almost had your score, Joseph!" Casey giggled, putting her arm around him. He took it off.

"DJ, big fella, your dream was too much like Snow White. Six points."

DJ petted his bunny. "I don't see what the problem with Snow White is…"

"Izzy…uh…random. Really, really random. And really, really disturbing. However, it was so original, we had to give ya fifteen points!"

Izzy punched herself in the head repeatedly. "C'mon head! Go back to dreamland!"

"Samuel, I personally thought your dream sucked, but Mary seems to disagree. You got eleven points, too."

Samuel wasn't listening, as he was spritzing his place at the table with bacteria spray.

"And finally, Ethan. Dude, you have some huge delusions of grandeur, for Heather at least."

"Duh. Tell me something I don't know!" he snapped.

"Even though you're freakishly evil, your dream sent us into space and had some really cool superpower stuff, like really good dreams should have! Ethan, you have won the Deadly Sparrows the challenge with nineteen points!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Izzy, Ayami, and Casey all hugged Ethan, who smirked at Harold.

The Hollering Otters hung their heads in defeat.

---

Campfire Ceremony…

Chris looked around at the six Hollering Otters, who all looked pretty ticked off. "Wow, losing three challenges in a row must make ya feel pretty lousy, huh?

"Yeah…but both teams had that experience in the first season," Samuel mentioned.

Chris wagged his finger. "But that can't happen this time! There are only two more challenges until the merge!"

Samuel slumped in his seat, cuing Chris to start the actual ceremony.

"Here in my hands…" he took out the dreaded marshmallow platter. "…are only five marshmallows. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow must immediately walk the Dock of Shame, ride the Boat of Losers, and never come back…"

"Ever," Noah interrupted.

Chris glared at him. "Right. So, the first marshmallow goes to…Allison."

_"I believe this marshmallow can soar…it will land in my cavity oral…"_ She gagged on her marshmallow. "Dang! I couldn't think of any good rhymes!"

Chris stared at her for a moment, then looked back at the group. "…Noah."

"Yes." Noah popped the marshmallow in his mouth.

"…Edmund."

"Ayup yup yup! That's me!" he drawled, pointing at his forehead.

Chris threw his marshmallow at him. "…Samuel."

Samuel took out a moist towelette and wiped his hands with it.

"Campers…this is the final marshmallow of the evening!" Chris pointed at the sole marshmallow.

DJ grimaced and was shivering so hard, Bunny was having difficulty staying on.

Lindsay was playing with her hair.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah revealed his vote. "Well I voted for Lindsay, but I'm not sure if she's actually going to leave yet. After all, most of the team is guys and Lindsay's…Lindsay."

* * *

"The final marshmallow goes to…………………………………………………"

DJ dropped on his back in fright.

Lindsay continued to play with her hair.

Edmund picked his nose.

"…………………………………………………………………………Lindsay."

She put her hair down. "What?"

Chris slapped his forehead. "You get the final marshmallow. Here!" He threw the marshmallow at her, but she shielded herself from it, so it ended up on the ground.

DJ stood up, head down and tears forming. Chris patted him on the back. "Sorry big guy. It hurt me to do this, even though Snow White dreams are totally lame."

DJ wiped his eyes. "It's okay, dude. I've made it to the merge once; why do I need ta do it again?"

"That's the spirit, big guy!" Allison ran over and gave him a hug. Soon, everyone else except for Noah was nearly covering DJ.

"We'll miss you!" they chirped in unison.

DJ pushed everyone off him, picked up Bunny, and stood on the Dock of Shame. "I'll miss y'all too!"

"BYE!" Several arms waved, and DJ's arm waved back as he walked the dock.

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

_"Today's challenge is Sufferin' Sucker Bash!"_

**The campers must deal with personalized tortures.**

_Izzy fell to the ground and covered her ears. "MONOTONE! IT BURNS US! IT BUUUUURNSSSSS US!"_

**And while the campers play…**

_"Welcome to advanced calculus!" Mary greeted, pointing at a chalkboard. "Today, we're gonna learn about the exciting world of polynomial derivatives!"_

**The bear chases its prey.**

_"…FUDGE!!!!!" Harold ran screaming out of the cave, followed by the bear, swiping his claws._

**Find out who will be eliminated next, on Total Drama Action.**

* * *

Author's Note: Chris is really bringing his A-game for next challenge. Expect some REALLY unhappy campers, and torture! YAY TORTURE!


	11. The Tortures and the Scares

Disclaimer: I do not own "the absolutely shocking and striking landmass surrounded entirely by water", nor do own "the absolutely shocking and striking performance of a verb".

Author's Note: Thanks to Triple T, I've got another reviewer! I hope you enjoy the story, malisha.

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 11: The Tortures and the Scares

"DONUTS!" Owen scarfed down a bunch of his dream donuts.

"INVENTIONS!" Mary played around with her dream inventions.

"REALITY TV!" Chris announced. "Hosting this show has always been my dream…"

"That's a really lame dream!" Owen garbled, his mouth full of donuts.

"WHO ASKED YOU?!" Chris thundered. Owen shrank back. "Last time on Total Drama Action, Mary joined the crew and invented something I like verrrrry much…THE DREAM MACHINE!"

A clip of Chris and Mary arguing about her pay was shown.

"We had LOADS of fun with the thing! In fact, we used it to visit the dreams of every camper, from Romeo-wannabe Noah…"

A clip of Noah serenading Katie was shown.

"…To sugary Ayami…

A clip of Ayami racing was shown.

"…To materialistic Lindsay…"

A clip of Lindsay buying stuff was shown.

"…To megalomaniacal Ethan!"

A clip of Heather controlling the universe was shown.

"In fact, visiting these dreams was the immunity challenge! Mary and I graded the dreams based on how much we liked 'em, and Ethan won for his team! Sadly, that resulted in the Otters' third loss in a row."

A clip of the Hollering Otters sulking was shown.

"At the campfire ceremony, the final marshmallow was between Lindsay's redundant dream and DJ's girly one! In the end, DJ lost because boys don't drool over him."

A clip of DJ waving to everyone was shown.

"Now with only twelve campers remaining, the drama will amp up! Who will be sent home tonight? Will it be an Otter again, or will they upset and bring the Sparrows to their knees? Find out tonight, on Total. Drama. Action!"

* * *

"Bribes! Bribes! Get your bribes here!" Ethan strolled along the outside of the cabins, jingling a box filled with hard objects.

Harold looked out the window of the Sparrows' cabin and frowned.

Ayami zipped toward Ethan and jumped into the box. "Oohoohoohwhat's inhereisitcandy orchocolate orapony orsugar oradoggy oraboyband orGeofforCody orcandycorn oracake ormuffins orwaffles orautomatic circumcisersor-"

Ethan threw her out of the box and slammed it shut. "These bribes are for good girls only." He sneered.

Izzy popped out of nowhere. "Hey Ethan, I saw the entire contents of the box from behind your back! You also have some back hair issues."

"Wha?" He reached over to his back and felt for hair, but didn't feel anything. "You lied, didn't you?"

Izzy grinned. "Yup. Say, can I have that Gem of Intelligence?"

"…You know about magical Gems?"

"My cousin hunts magicians for a living. He sees these Gems being used for evil ALL the time!" Izzy explained nonchalantly.

Ethan raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't that mean he's going to come after me?"

"He would…but he said he's too busy being on a game show, like me!"

Harold stuck his head out the window and waved his fist. "How many times must I tell you? WE'RE NOT COUSINS, AND I DON'T HUNT MAGICIANS! GOSH!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold groaned. "I'm really getting sick of it here. I swear Ethan's trying to kill me, LeShawna's eliminated, and Izzy keeps telling lies about me!" He sidestepped a laser which fired from out of nowhere.

---

"That Harold's been on my case for weeks, plus everyone else here is just annoying! If I didn't need to win in order for my plans to work, I'd storm right out!"

---

Noah sighed. "I swear the food here gets more and more revolting each day…"

---

Mikey cringed. "Most of my alliance is gone…and I miss home…"

---

"I reaaaaallllllllllly need a manicure!" Lindsay whined.

---

"Joseph STILL won't be my boyfriend!" Casey sulked.

---

"Everything is FILTHY! Even the FOOD!"

---

Ayami beamed. "Isn'tthisplaceGREAT?!"

* * *

When the campers shuffled to the amphitheater, Chris noticed that more than half of them were clearly depressed.

"Awwww…what's the matter ya guys? Miss home?" Chris' voice didn't sound genuinely apologetic.

"Yes…" Mikey whimpered.

"Challenges too harsh?"

"You said it…" Samuel rubbed himself with a bar of soap.

"Well, that's okay…it's all going to be better!"

Several campers perked up. "Really?"

"Well, let me rephrase that." Chris broke out an evil grin. "Everything you've done already will SEEM better, after today's torturous challenge!"

Several jaws dropped. "You gotta love it when Chris throws those curveballs at us," Noah muttered.

Chris continued, "Today's challenge is Sufferin' Sucker Bash! Simply put, I'm going to put each of you against something that you can't tolerate. The last camper to not give up or go insane wins immunity for their team!"

Harold raised his hand. "Isn't this kinda like the Phobia Factor challenge last season?"

Chris grinned even wider, if possible. "Well, a little. Except these are a lot worse than mere irrational fears…"

"I can beat up a few more ninjas! Bring 'em on!" he challenged.

Chris shrugged. "Well, she's not a ninja, but I'm pretty sure she's a lot scarier…HEEEEEEEEERE'S COURTNEY!"

As if on cue, Courtney stormed up to Harold and thrust a finger in his face. "I WILL KILL YOU!" She took out a knife and started chasing Harold, who was screaming like a girl.

Chris chuckled. "This is gonna be awesome…"

Izzy laughed alongside him. "Soooooo, what's my awesome challenge? Another airplane?"

"…Yeah right, that's too easy! Instead of a mere plane, how does a rocket ship sound to you?"

Izzy suddenly turned very pale.

"AND the astronauts aboard…are BORING BUSINESSMEN!"

A rocket ship landed next to Chris, and a bunch of businessmen came out, speaking in monotonous voices about the stock market and economics.

Izzy fell to the ground and covered her ears. "MONOTONE! IT BURNS US! IT BUUUUURNSSSSS US!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah widened his eyes. "WOW. Just WOW. If Chris could get IZZY, the PSYCHO HOSEBEAST, down for the count…I don't even want to know what my challenge is."

* * *

Chris smirked. "Noah…I'm sure someone as smart as you could think of a good challenge for himself…"

Noah raised an eyebrow. "Let me guess; is it Sadie related?"

Chris held up a wad of bills. "Pretty much…ya see, I promised to pay the wonder twins if Sadie would scream 'EEEEEEE' constantly in your ear…"

Sadie ran up to Noah and started squealing in his ear.

"…While Katie was kissing Justin beneath a glass wall, unable to hear you."

Noah stared in horror as Katie kissed Justin with him unable to do anything about it, while Sadie squealed in his ear.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan shook his head in disbelief. "That Chris is one evil, sadistic, son of a b*tch! I want to grow up to be just like him."

* * *

Chirs gestured to an ornate chair. "Hey Ethan, ever heard of that movie A Clockwork Orange?"

"Yeah…that's that rehabilitation chair," Ethan grumbled. "What, are you trying to turn me into a good little boy?"

"Nope! You're going to be watching some of my favorite videos!" The chair pulled Ethan in, tying him up and forcing his eyes open. Chris popped the tape in. "It's called, 'Heather's Funniest Home Murders!'" He played the video, which showed several scenes of Heather getting killed and tortured. "This is a compilation of videos sent from TDI fans who, unlike you, can't STAND Heather!"

Ethan tried to close his eyes, but couldn't. "No…No…NO!"

Chris walked up to the remaining campers, who by now were shivering in fear. "Let's see what else I can think of…Samuel will become magnetized to all things filthy…"

All the sudden, the mud beneath Samuel's feet covered his entire body, making him look like some freaky Sasquatch. His screams were muffled.

"…Ayami will be force-fed NASTY broccoli…"

"NONONONONONONONO NONONNONONONONONO NONONONONONOON NONONONONOON ONONNOT THEBROCCOLI!!!!!" Ayami was held down by a giant weevil in a fancy suit.

"Don't worry, little girl…this broccoli has only been in between my toes for a week…" The weevil pulled some smelly, mushy green stuff from between his toes.

"…Allison will listen to Numa Numa…"

A pair of headphones were taped to Allison's head. No one could hear the dreadful music, but it was clear that she could when tears streamed down her face.

"…Mikey will be bullied by a mind-controlled Tam…"

"BZZT. YOU ARE A FAILURE AT LIFE. PREPARE TO RECEIVE AN EXTREMELY PAINFUL WEDGIE," Tam droned, the helmet on her head beeping. Mikey screamed and ran for his life.

"…Casey will face constant rejection from hot guys…"

Justin grimaced at Casey. "You're ugly. I won't be your boyfriend." He walked away, oblivious to her wails.

"…Edmund will have to endure advanced calculus class…"

"Welcome to advanced calculus!" Mary greeted, pointing at a chalkboard. "Today, we're gonna learn about the exciting world of polynomial derivatives!"

Edmund clutched his head. "Big words…They make mah head hurtness!"

"…Joseph will have to face one monster of a sister…"

Josephine, now resembling a giant snake/dragon creature, lifted Joseph up and breathed fire in his face. **_"HAHAHA SHRIMP! WHO'S THE SUPERIOR SIBLING NOW?!"_**

"…And Lindsay will have to suffer an extreme makeover!"

Chef strapped Lindsay down to a makeover chair and mutilated her until she was bald, with pimples everywhere, hairy limbs, and dry skin. He handed her a mirror.

"Who's that?" she asked, referring to her reflection. "Whoever that is needs a makeover real bad!"

Chef slapped his forehead. "That's YOU, idiot."

"Ohhhhhhh………………………………………**_AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!_**"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah clutched his ear in pain. "Chris really pulled all the stops on this one…I think my hearing has been permanently-"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Sadie squealed in his ear.

---

Harold sighed. "Chris wants me dead, because he sent Courtney, who wants me dead, to kill me. Ethan also wants me dead, Duncan wants me dead, and I'm pretty sure Tyler wants me dead. C'MON PEOPLE, I'M NOT A BAD GUY JUST BECAUSE I SWAPPED THE VOTES ONE TIME! GOSH!"

* * *

Harold sat in a cave, breathing hard and irregularly. He could still hear the furious cries of his assailant, but she wouldn't dare enter a bear cave. Would she?

"Jeez, that girl can sure hold a grudge," he wheezed to himself.

"Grrrrrr…"

Harold froze. "Courtney…just hear me out, okay? I only voted you out because-" He then noticed that the grunt wasn't from Courtney. A giant, bipedal bear with abnormally large arms and sharp teeth was breathing down his neck. He turned around.

"…FUDGE!" Harold ran screaming out of the cave, followed by the bear, swiping his claws. They passed by Courtney, and she started chasing after both of them. The Benny Hill theme played.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris put on a pair of glasses and read the large, thick book in his lap. "Ursidae Erectus, commonly known as the Gladiator Bear, is one of many species indigenous to Camp Yurgonadynao and nowhere else. Due to standing upright, this ferocious species has evolved powerful arms that are useful for tearing its favorite food, humans, clean in half. Then they snack on the organs."

* * *

Tam was oblivious to Mikey's screams of pain as she stuffed him into the toilet. "TORTURING SUBJECT WITH SWIRLY." She flushed the toilet, but since Mikey was clogging it, the bathroom started to fill with water. "TOILET CLOGGED. PROCEED TO PHASE TWO." She pulled Mikey out of the toilet and carried him off to the woods.

"Ph-Ph-Phase two?!" Mikey clutched his face in horror.

---

Samuel, completely caked with dry mud, quivered as much as he could. "MMMMmmMMmMmMMM!"

Chris cupped his ear. "Excuse me? Ya need to speak up, man!"

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!"

"Mmm? You mean like, this mud is delicious? I'm glad ya think so!" Chris teased. He turned over to Mary. "So, how's our star pupil doing?"

Mary smiled. "He's taking on my pop quiz! I sure hope he studied!"  
However, it was obvious that Edmund didn't study when he tensed up so hard, he broke his pencil. "MATHS! ME DUN LIKE MATHS!"

Chris whispered in his ear, "Ya know, you can quit at any time. Just say 'uncle'."

"Uncle? I has two of 'em!" Edmund took off his shoes and stuffed his feet in Chris' face. He counted his carbuncles. "There's twenty-five uncles, eleventy-twelve uncles, double-ya uncles, two uncles! Lotso uncles!"

**Edmund: Time Elapsed: 2:08**

Chris slapped his forehead. "Looks like Edmund gave up. Let's see how Sam's doing now." Chris took a chisel and removed the caked mud from his mouth.

"UNCLE!!!!! GET ME OUTTA THIS THING!!!!!" Lou wheeled him to a shower stall.

**Samuel: Time Elapsed: 2:15**

"Man, the Otters are really sucking a lot recently, huh?"

---

Mikey wormed his way out of Tam's grip when he noticed Courtney running somewhere. "Courtney hates bullies! She'll help me!" He ran after her, while Tam ran after him. The Benny Hill theme played.

---

Casey held onto Colin's shirt, tears running down her face. "Colin…please…no more rejection…"

He raised an eyebrow. "Are ya kidding? Chris is PAYING me for this!" He held out a large wad of bills. "And all this money is only making ya uglier! I'll NEVER be your boyfriend!"

Justin elbowed Colin playfully. "Yeah, I'm so desperate to not be Casey's boyfriend, I'm TALKING."

They walked away, ignoring Casey's wails. _**"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! I HATE MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE! I WANNA DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!"**_

Chris walked over all the sudden. "Whoa…I think suicidal tendencies count as 'going insane'. You're out, Casey."

**Casey: Time Elapsed: 7:38**

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, JERK!" Casey kicked Chris in the crotch and ran into the Sparrow cabin sobbing.

---

"Must…stay…strong…" Ethan told himself while watching Heather getting lynched. "Heather…would…want me to endure this…"

---

"GETITOFF GETITOFF GETITOFF!" Allison ripped off her headphones, then stomped on them, then hit them with a hammer, then torched them with a flamethrower, then hit them with an atomic bomb. No, I have no idea how she did that either.

**Allison: Time Elapsed: 10:12**

Shivering, Allison took out her ipod and played a song. She seemed to relax very slightly.

Chris snickered. "Hey Allison, those headphones were taped on, remember? You might wanna look in the mirror." He showed her a mirror, revealing two bald spots near her ears.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison crossed her arms, while wearing a toque similar to Ezekiel's. "A bad hair day…or month…beats Numa Numa any day."

* * *

The weevil cackled, force-feeding Ayami more broccoli. "Heeheeheehee…how's that vomit holding up, little girl?"

Ayami chewed and swallowed. "…It'snotbad actuallycanIhave somemore?"

The weevil gave her a strange look.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Thatwasthebest broccoliIeverhadI'm seriousafterbeing boiledandrancid andbeingbetween agiantweevil'stoes foraweekitactually tastesbetterit's notDELICIOUSbut it'squitetolerable asopposedtothat nastystuffmymom forcesmetoeat everydinner!"

* * *

Izzy found herself stuck on the floor of the spaceship as it got further and further from her chief source of comfort; the ground.

"I've heard that many of the stocks are reaching bear territory, so it may be a good idea to start investing…" droned a businessman.

"Yeah, I know," an identical voice added. "I've had to sell all my PineCo stock in order to ensure a stable economy…"

"Blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah…blah blah blah."

"Blah blah, blah blah blah."

"Blah blah?"

"Blah blah."

"Blah."

"Blah."

"Blah."

"Blah."

"Blah."

"Blah."

"Blah."

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!" Izzy knocked everyone on the ship unconscious. "YOU CALL YOURSELVES PEOPLE?! I PERSONALLY KNOW ROCKS MORE INTERESTING THAN YOU!!!" At that point, she realized she was on a rocket ship in orbit with no driver. "…Oopsie."

---

Josephine let out an earsplitting roar, causing Joseph's hair to stand on end. However, he merely put on a look of annoyance.

**_"I WILL MAKE YOU CRACK IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DOOOOO!!!"_** she screamed.

Joseph plugged his ears. "Yeah right. You aren't any scarier than normal…in fact, I don't notice anything different about you, except your voice is louder."

Josephine rolled her eyes. **_"Haha. Very funny."_** She was then knocked unconscious by a plummeting rocket ship.

Chris walked over. "Very funny nothing. THAT was HILARIOUS! Unfortunately, it also means Joseph and Izzy are out of the challenge!"

**Joseph: Time Elapsed: 25:27**

**Izzy: Time Elapsed: 25:27**

"Meh…who cares? My sister got pwned on the HEAD! By a rocket ship!" Joseph rolled on the ground in laughter, while Izzy kissed it.

---

Ayami noticed Tam run by. "HeyTamwhatcha runningfromcanIrun toorunningisgreat cardioespeciallywhen listeningtohilarious musicfromanold EnglishTVshow!" Ayami ran after Tam while eating a bowl of nasty broccoli, then the weevil followed, complaining about the youth these days. You guessed it; the Benny Hill theme played.

---

Noah closed his eyes as Sadie continued to squeal in his ears. "Relax Noah…remember, stress and aggravation are all in the mind…"

"Yeah, but your mind is HUGE!" Sadie replied. "If stress and aggravation have to be in a mind as big as yours, that's a lot of stress and aggravation!"

"…You won't psych me out that easily." He opened his eyes long enough to notice that Katie was now kissing Cody. "Cody? Why the heck would I be jealous of Cody?"

"Maybe because you kissed him last-"

Noah gave Sadie a stern look. "Don't. Even. Go. There."

---

The Benny Hill procession ripped the movie screen Ethan was watching.

**Ethan: Time Elapsed: 32:56**

"Thank goodness…" Ethan relaxed…until he realized he was still stuck in the chair. "Chris? Hello? I already lost the challenge, so you can get me out of this chair! Hello?"

---

Lindsay looked into the mirror. "Hey Chet, who's that ugly girl again? She reallllly needs a makeover!"

Chef slapped his forehead. "For the thousandth time, THAT'S YOUR REFLECTION!"

Mary added a tick mark to her chalkboard. "Actually, it was only the 234th time, Chef."

Lindsay looked into the mirror. "Ohhhhh…**_AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!_** …Hey Chet, who's that ugly girl again? She reallllly needs a makeover!"

---

"SWEET BEANS IN A BASKET! I LOVE BENNY HILL CHASE SCENES!!!!!" Owen chased after Edmund, who was chasing after the weevil. Then Izzy chased Owen. The Benny Hill theme played.

---

After an hour, Chris looked on in confusion at the long line of people walking really fast around camp. Harold was screaming and running from his life from a Gladiator Bear, who looked like it was frightened by Courtney. Then Mikey was yelling at Courtney to get Tam off his back, while Tam was droning on about atomic wedgies. Ayami was throwing her broccoli at Tam for being evil, while the weevil was complaining about a waste of good broccoli. Edmund was next, trying to figure out what was going on, then Owen followed him and Izzy followed Owen for fun. Noah followed her for annoying him even further, while Sadie hung on to his ear and squealed. After that, it just got confusing.

"That's Mama Luigi to you!" Luigi yelled, chasing a mooing cow.

"Ooh…what is that? That thing has numbers on it!" a metallic orange eyeball exclaimed, rolling behind a prisoner with an ID tattoo.

"I LIKE CHOCOLATE MILK!" Cheese screamed, running around in circles.

"Why does all of this seem so familiar?" Benny Hill asked himself as he ran in the spot between a guy in a chicken suit and Lady Richington.

Chris punched himself in the face when he saw Chef bringing up the rear, trying to hug the pony ahead of him. "That is IT! No more hot sauce coffee before bed for me!"

---

Harold looked back at the long line of…things behind him. "What is this, a parade? GOSH!" He jumped over a tree branch, which tripped up the Gladiator Bear. Courtney, in her fuel desire to kill Harold, managed to sidestep the bear, but everything went downhill when Mikey panicked and landed on the bear. After a couple of minutes, a giant pile of complaining characters was driving everyone crazy.

Chris got back from throwing away all his coffee and hot sauce. "Okay, I give up. Uh…Since Noah's separated from Sadie, Tam's mind-control helmet fell off, Ayami's not eating broccoli, and Lindsay can't see her face, they're all eliminated!"

**Noah: Time Elapsed: 2:12:45**

**Mikey: Time Elapsed: 2:12:45**

**Ayami: Time Elapsed: 2:12:45**

**Lindsay: Time Elapsed: 2:12:45**

"And that leaves Harold as the sole remaining camper! THE DEADLY SPARROWS WIN!"

Harold tapped Chris on the shoulder. "Hey Chris, if I won, does that mean you can get this thing off me?" He jerked his thumb at Courtney, who was furiously gnawing on his shoulder.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison paced the confessional stall in aggravation. "We just lost our FOURTH challenge in a ROW! This SUCKS! Why are the Sparrows doing so much better than us?!"

---

Edmund picked his nose. "Guhuh! We won! We gots ta go ta Marshmallow Land!"

---

Noah rested his head on his hand. "The Sparrows are practically divided now, with that rivalry between Harold and Ethan. When you lose to a broken up team four times in a row, you know you're doing something wrong."

---

Lindsay, back to normal, furiously squeezed a bottle. "Oh no! I'm out of fake tanner again! What will I DOOOOooooo?!"

---

Samuel wrinkled his nose. "I'm seriously getting sick of losing. I mean, we have to go to those filthy campfire ceremonies! We have to sit on TREE STUMPS! And we have to eat SWEETS!"

* * *

Campfire Ceremony…

Chris shamefully shook his head when the five Otters took their seats. "Hollering Otters…losing four challenges in a row has GOT to be embarrassing. Why do ya think ya suck so much?

"Pardon me if I'm quoting myself," Noah began, "But WEAK EFFORT."

"…Yeah, that sounds about right. Anyway, in my hands…" Chris procured a platter of marshmallows out of nowhere. "…Are a mere four marshmallows. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow must immediately walk the Dock of Shame, catch the Boat of Losers, and never come back. Everrrr."

Lindsay was the only camper to flinch in fear.

"…Right. After so many ceremonies, you're getting used to this, huh?"

Noah held out his hand. "Just give me my marshmallow, please."

Chris shrugged. "Cranky, aren't we? Well, I can't blame ya! Anyway, Noah gets the first marshmallow."

"Thank you." Noah snatched the first marshmallow off the platter a little too rudely.

"Next marshmallow is for…Lindsay."

"Wait…" Lindsay focused her attention on the platter. "Soooo…those are marshmallows? I thought you said mushrooms."

Chris slapped his forehead. "…Allison, you're safe as well."

Allison caught her marshmallow. _"Oh I will surviiiiive…"_

"And that leaves these two, who both sucked at today's challenge!" Chris eyed Samuel and Edmund.

Samuel was nervously washing his hands.

Edmund stared off blankly into space.

"The final marshmallow goes to……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….Samuel."

Samuel carefully lifted his marshmallow up to his face. "Wow, I've had a lot of final marshmallows, huh?"

"That you have, Sam," Chris replied. He then turned over to Edmund, who didn't move. "Edmund, you're out. C'mon, to the Dock of Shame with ya!"

Edmund's eye twitched. "…Where's mah marshmallow?"

Chris glared at him. "Uh, Edmund? You're out of the game. That means you don't GET a marshmallow."

"…I want mah marshmallow! Gimme mah marshmallow!" Edmund suddenly leapt onto Chris and started beating him up.

"NOOOOO! NOT THE HAIR DUDE! SECURITY!!!!!"

Noah chuckled. "Looks like Edmund was the only camper with enough balls to beat up Chris; something I'm sure we've all wanted to do at some point."

At that point, Chef arrived and fired a tranquilizer, knocked Edmund out. He dragged the unconscious body down the Dock of Shame, making sure to knock his stupid head on the boards many times.

Chris tried to get his hair fixed. "Man…that dude messed up my hair! Now I need to spend the rest of the night fixing it up while doing nothing else important!"

---

"Hello?" Ethan called out in the darkness, "Chris, this isn't funny! Get me out of this chair! My eyes are watering like crazy! **_CHRIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSS!_**"

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

**The Hollering Otters have had enough losing.**

_Allison, wearing a sky blue jumpsuit, went up to Chris and gave him a very stern glare. "Stuff it! We're gonna win this challenge, and we're gonna do it as a TEAM!"_

**But defeating the Deadly Sparrows is no walk in the park. It's a walk in the forest.**

_"Anyway, today's challenge is a classic; make it through the forest alive."_

**But other species of animals have other goals in mind…**

_"Why take a look at this, Nigel!" one of the parrots squawked in a British accent. "Looks like a tasty group of children, eh wot?"_

**Hopefully none involve frat parties.**

_"Oh look at me, I'm a retarded human!" Monty took out a blanket and wrapped it around himself. "Toga! Toga! I do enjoy wearing ancient Roman clothing and drinking alcoholic beverages until I vomit!"_

**Who will be eliminated next time? Find out, on Total Drama Action.**

**

* * *

**

Author's Note: Four losses in a row...harsh, huh? Not to mention that the idiotic comic relief character left.

The next chapter is another one of my favorites. I hope it becomes one of your favorites, too.


	12. Creature Feature

Disclaimer: I don't own TDI or TDA or TD third letter of your choice, but I do own the awesome made-up creatures in this chapter. Brooding Budgerigars FTW.

Author's Note: Time to meet two of my all-time favorite OCs; the Brooding Budgerigars Nigel and Monty! I hope you like them as much as I do.

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 12: Creature Feature

"NO ONE LEAVES ETHAN STRAPPED TO A CHAIR OVERNIGHT!!!!!!!!! YOU WILL DIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!" Owen and Mary shared a hearty laugh as they watched Chris getting chased by a frustrated Ethan.

Owen wiped a tear from his eye. "Hoohoo…yeah…Nothing like a good laugh, eh Mary?" He nudged Mary, causing her to fall onto the dock. "Oops."

"…Oh Owen, what are we going to do with you?" Mary picked herself up. "Last time on Total Drama Action, Chris amped up his sadism to a whole new level, creating tortures for campers to endure, such as avoiding being killed by two homicidal she-beasts…"

Clips of Harold running from Courtney and Josephine trying to scare Joseph were shown.

"…Being hurtled into space along with boring businessmen…"

A clip of Izzy knocking out all the businessmen was shown.

"…And the unspeakable horror that is…NUMA NUMA!"

A clip of Allison ripping off her headphones was shown.

"It's too horrible…make it go away, mommy…" Mary curled up in the fetal position while Owen continued the episode recap.

"Then awesomeness occurred when Harold led a Benny Hill chase scene!"

A clip of the Benny Hill chase scene was shown.

"Thanks to this clever strategy, which was probably unintentional, Harold managed to get everyone else to quit their tortures, winning the Deadly Sparrows immunity yet again!"

A clip of the pile of characters was shown.

"Oh yeah, and Justin showed up!"

A clip of Justin teasing Casey was shown.

"Ohhhhhh yeahhhhh…that there's some irresistible man-meat…"

Chef whacked Owen upside the head.

"Sorry…anyway, the Hollering Otters were REALLY PISSED about losing their fourth challenge in a row. They took it out on Edmund…"

A clip of Edmund getting tranquilized was shown.

"C'MON GUYS! You voted out EDMUND?! I LIKED EDMUND!"

Chef whacked Owen upside the head.

"Stop that!" Owen threw a random ham at Chef, knocking him into the water. "Anyway, with four members to the Sparrows' seven, is it even POSSIBLE for the Otters to win a challenge? Will Justin show up again? Or will Izzy do something sexy instead? PLEASE let it be both!"

Chef whacked Owen upside the head.

"…Find out tonight, on Total. Drama. ACTION!" At the word 'action', Owen whacked Chef upside the head.

* * *

Allison took in the view of the spacious Otter cabin. Noah was reading a book at one wall, Lindsay was combing her hair at another, and Samuel was in the bathroom.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"I kinda like the quiet…but in this case, it's unsettling," Allison revealed. "The lack of noise just serves to remind me over and over that our team has fallen way behind. I bet the Sparrow cabin is a lot louder."

* * *

At the Sparrow Cabin…

"Okay guys, now it is time to empty your minds…" Harold whispered. "In this stage of meditation, it is important that you stay completely silent."

The whole cabin became silent.

---

Back at the Otter Cabin…

"…GAH!" Allison screamed out of nowhere.

Noah lowered his book. "Hey Allison, I think I have a pill for sudden onset of Tourette's syndrome…oh wait…no I don't."

Allison stomped over to Noah's bed and knocked the book off his hands. "You know what? I don't appreciate your attitude, mister!"

Noah sighed. "I'm not married yet, genius."

"STOP BEING SUCH A WISEA$$!" Allison shook Noah's shoulders until he got good and dizzy. "You know why we keep losing challenges? Because we HATE EACH OTHER!"

"Omigosh, I sooooo agree!" Lindsay added. "Like, this one time Spaniel used up all my special dandruff-care shampoo, without my permission! I mean, who does that?"

Samuel stepped out of the bathroom, wearing a bathrobe. "I'll let you know that I used that shampoo to repel a rat infestation, missy!" He pointed a finger at Lindsay's face. "I save all you guys from contracting deadly diseases, and what do I get? A bunch of final marshmallows?!"

Noah raised an eyebrow. "I'm honestly surprised you managed to make it this far. Perhaps Mary would be more useful for this game…"

"Or Cooler!" Lindsay suggested.

"You guys!" Samuel complained.

"SHADDAP!!!!!!!!" The three squabblers turned around to face Allison, who was red with fury. "Do you want to win an immunity challenge or NOT?"

"…Is winning immunity challenges good?" Lindsay asked.

Allison slapped her forehead. "Yes, Lindsay. Winning is good. Anyway, if we ever WANT to win, we need to work as a TEAM!"

"And why would I even want to win?" Noah asked. "Either way, someone annoying leaves the island and I get closer to half a million dollars."

"Yeah…UNLESS I ELIMINATE YOU FOR LOSING THIS CHALLENGE!"

"…Fine, teamwork it is."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah sighed. "Allison made me join this ridiculous teamwork phase so we can win immunity. If I refuse, they'll vote me out."

* * *

"Put your hands together!" Allison put her hand in the center.

Noah shifted his eyes. "I am not pretending to be some superhero."

"Superheroes? I love superheroes!" Lindsay squealed, her eyes sparkling. "I could be Hot Girl, with the power to make guys stare at me!"

"And I can be…" Samuel rushed off into the bathroom, than came back out with a suped-up vacuum cleaner and many cans and bars of soap. "…The Bacteria Blaster! The ultimate cleaner of crime!"

Allison put on a mask. "And I'm the Singing Star! I use my beautiful voice and cool lyrics to make criminals fall asleep or…change emotions?"

"Alright you guys, have fun with your little superhero games," Noah called from the door. "Just don't get me involved."

Before he could leave, Allison grabbed his arm and dragged him back to the group. "But Noah, you could easily be Brain Boy, with the intelligence of hundreds of men!"

"Hmmmm…let me think about that NO."

"Okay, see you on the Boat of Losers!"

Noah sighed. "Brain Boy to the rescue. Woohoo."

"Put your hands together!" Allison repeated. This time, everyone put their hands in the center. "One…two…three…GO HOLLERING OTTERS!!!!!" They lifted their hands.

---

The Deadly Sparrows met Chris at the edge of the woods, looking unusually calm.

"Hey Sparrows, lookin' good!" Chris complimented. "So, how's winning four in a row treating ya?"

"Excellentmarvelous fantasticamazing incredible unbelievable outstanding tremendous stupendouswonderful!" Ayami squeaked.

"I still want Ethan gone, though…" Harold lamented. "But I did some yogic meditation with the team and we're ready to continue the streak."

"YEAH!" Izzy shrieked, holding up a dead rat.

"Uh…" Chris was disgusted. "Where'd the dead rat come from?"

"Well, the truthful answer was that he came from the Otter cabin and died at my feet, but if you want another pop-culture reference, it came from Wayside School."

"…Ooooookay…Does anyone know where the Otters are, anyway?"

Ethan suddenly saw four figures approaching. "I don't know where the Otters are, but I DO know where the four-man idiot brigade is!" He pointed at the figures, and everyone burst out laughing.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah tugged on the bottom of his tight orange jumpsuit. "I don't know why Allison wanted us to wear these stupid things. I guess she went mental, or is immune to butt-chafing." He furiously scratched his butt.

* * *

"Looking good, Otters!" Chris joked. "Or should I say…Mighty Morphin' Power Derangers!"

Allison, wearing a sky blue jumpsuit, went up to Chris and gave him a very stern glare. "Stuff it! We're gonna win this challenge, and we're gonna do it as a TEAM!"

"Does this jumpsuit complement my eyes?" asked Lindsay, looking down at her pink jumpsuit that did not complement her eyes.

"No. Anyway, today's challenge is a classic; make it through the forest alive. However, this one is MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH more dangerous than any forest stroll last season! First team to meet Chef at the other side of the island wins invincibility!"

"How dangerous are we talking?" Samuel asked, twirling around his vacuum nozzle and wearing a clear white jumpsuit.

"Ya might wanna ask those guys! Later!" Chris pointed to a couple of giant parrots, then ran for his life.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris once again put on his reading glasses and read his large book of Yurgonadynao animals. "Melopsittacus Sapiens, cousin of the popular house pet budgie, is commonly known as the Brooding Budgerigar. This species is known for incredible intelligence, perhaps even surpassing that of humans, but it doesn't create civilization. Instead, they typically meet in pairs and use their razor-sharp beaks to crack open human skulls and snack on their brains, rich in nutrients!"

* * *

"Why take a look at this, Nigel!" one of the parrots squawked in a British accent. "Looks like a tasty group of children, eh wot?"

"You said it Monty!" the other chortled, elbowing his chum. "Especially that disproportioned one in the ridiculous orange jumpsuit! I call dibs!"

"Oh come on! There should be plenty of brain in there for both of us!" They swooped at Noah, who managed to duck just in time. The Sparrows used this to their advantage and rushed off into the forest.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan shrugged. "Hey, it's not my fault Noah's got a freakishly huge brain, but I'm willing to milk it for all it's worth."

* * *

Allison faced the Brooding Budgerigars triumphantly. "You wild animals will not feast on our brains! For we are the HOLLERING OTTERS!"

Nigel rolled his eyes. "And she calls us wild…has she ever seen her species' ridiculous college parties?"

"Oh look at me, I'm a retarded human!" Monty took out a blanket and wrapped it around himself. "Toga! Toga! I do enjoy wearing ancient Roman clothing and drinking alcoholic beverages until I vomit!"

"NO ONE INSULTS OUR SPECIES ON MY WATCH!" Allison thundered. The Brooding Budgerigars just fell onto the ground laughing.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Mikey bit his nails. "I hate this challenge. What if something just leaps out of nowhere and kills me?"

* * *

Mikey clung onto Harold's leg. "Harold? You won't let the scary animals kill us, right?"

"I don't think the animals will kill us," Harold reassured, patting Mikey on the head. "That was just Chris spreading bull."

Izzy suddenly blurted out, "Once, I spread a bull on a cracker. It tasted just like chicken!"

"…Good for you…" Joseph shivered.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Why are girls so scary?" Joseph asked himself. "There's my nasty sister Josephine, that evil witch Heather, the bully Tam, and now Izzy, who I'm pretty sure would pull a Lorena Bobbit on anyone for no reason."

* * *

"Are you sure you know where you're going?" Casey asked Izzy, eyebrow raised.

"Hey, I'm 1/87th Cherokee, remember? I'm an expert on navigating forests with trees that look exactly the same!"

Casey looked at some of the trees around her. "Then why did we pass that tree with the strange green goop five times already?" She pointed at a tree that was oozing a bright green goop.

"Maybe it's because there's more than one tree with green goop in this forest!" Izzy shrieked.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris flipped to another page in his book. "Dictyostelium Lumos, or the Fluorescent Slime Mold, is a unicellular entity that is capable of absorbing radiation without limit. This dangerous protist feeds and grows by releasing fatal blasts of stored radiation to prey and engulfing them with phagocytosis."

* * *

The green goop started slithering over to the campers, freaking most of them out.

"OMIGOSHWHATISTHAT IT'SGROSS IT'SDISGUSTINGIT'S ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!" Ayami screeched.

Izzy's eyes widened. "It's a slime mold! Cool!"

"…What the heck's a slime mold?" mostly everyone else asked.

---

"Where do you think YOU'RE going?" Nigel sneered, blocking the Otters' path into the forest.

Allison, confident as ever, replied "We're going into that forest to win the challenge!"

"Oh I don't think so. My friend Monty and I are growing quite peckish…" Nigel rubbed his stomach. "We haven't had a good brain to eat in weeks!"

"'Tis true," Monty added.

Nigel started to cry. "An entire forest for our eating pleasure, and not a single brain that can fill our stomachs with knowledge…"

"Blah blah blah sob story," Noah paraphrased.

Nigel frowned. "You know what? You're too smart for your own good." The bird plunged his beak forward, but Noah managed to dodge it just in time.

"INTO THE FOREST, WHILE THEY'RE DISTRACTED!" Noah commanded. The other Otters didn't need to be told twice. They ran into the forest while the giant budgies attacked their teammate.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel stared solemnly at the ground. "Well, he lived a good life…or not."

* * *

"Hey guys, whatever happened to the teamwork thing?" Lindsay asked. "I mean, shouldn't we save Noel?"

Allison sighed. "…Lindsay, as far as we know, Noah's a goner. If you can think of a way to save his life, you're more than welcome to tell us."

Lindsay typically didn't remember things very well, but somehow a quote resurfaced in her tiny mind.

_"You have to use your boobs!"_

"…I think I thought of a way to save his life!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel stared solemnly at the ground. "Well, she lived a good life…or not. Oh wait, she's hot and rich. Yes, she did live a good life."

* * *

"HEY BIRD GUYS!" Lindsay screamed, focusing Nigel and Monty away from a cowering Noah.

"What are you doing?!" Noah hissed, waving his arms about. "We don't need two casualties!"

"…What are casualties?"

Monty slapped his forehead. "A casualty is a killed person, nitwit."

Lindsay then remembered what she was there for. "Do you like boobies? 'Cause I have big boobies!" She wiggled them around.

Nigel and Monty were flabbergasted. "…Is this what male humans find to be attractive?"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Yes. I found that to be VERY attractive." Noah put a tissue in his nose. "Not to mention she was wearing a tight jumpsuit."

* * *

Monty covered his eyes. "Oh, the indecency! I cannot bear to watch this barbaric ritual!"

"Right you are, chum." Nigel covered his eyes as well.

Allison and Samuel ran over. "Good, they're distracted. Let's get you out of here, Noah!"

Noah just stared at Lindsay.

"…Boys." Allison took Noah and Lindsay's arms and dragged them into the forest.

---

"Back, foul slime mold!" Izzy twirled the dead rat above her head. "I have the Bubonic Plague, and I'm not afraid to use it!"

"Wasn't the Bubonic Plague wiped out centuries ago?" Joseph asked meekly.

"Shush! He doesn't know that!" Izzy threw the rat at the Fluorescent Slime Mold, who ate it happily. "IZZY WINZORZ!"

Everyone slapped their foreheads.

---

Allison cupped her hand around her ear, trying to hear something out of the unusual silence. "It's quiet in here…TOO quiet."

"ROOOOOAAAAAR!!!!!" The Gladiator Bear jumped out of nowhere.

Noah rolled his eyes. "You had to jinx it, didn't you?" The Otters ran away from the bear while the Benny Hill theme played again.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Benny Hill is mah favorite show!" the bear gushed, the camera translating his speech. "Ah love ta walk really fast while things are chasin' otha things!"

* * *

"AROOOOOOO!" Izzy howled from out of nowhere.

"…Why did you just howl?" Ethan asked.

"'Cause that guy over there is howling!" Izzy pointed to a nearby cliff, where a wolf-like silhouette was howling to the sun.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris flipped the pages of his book yet again. "Canis Solaris, or the Sun Wolf, howls at the sun instead of the moon. This fierce hunter typically travels in packs, and uses a powerful neurotoxin to stun its prey. They are also capable of surviving extremely hot temperatures."

* * *

The Sun Wolf glared at the Sparrows, then suddenly several more came from behind it. They leapt off the cliff and landed gracefully in front of the campers, growling.

"Don't make any sudden moves…" Joseph muttered from the corner of his mouth.

"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" Mikey ran away, screaming.

"…Was that a sudden move?" The wolves attacked.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold shook his head shamefully. "Poor Mikey. Poor, poor Mikey."

---

Ethan scowled. "That idiot almost had us KILLED!"

---

"Once, when I was a little kid, some bullies left me stranded in the woods at night," Mikey recalled. "I was bleeding a lot, and I think that attracted a pack of wolves. I've never been more scared in my life when they sniffed me and growled. I ran for my life, but luckily I passed by a deer who the wolves chased instead. So there you have it; my biggest phobia."

* * *

"Back you wild mutts! BACK!" Harold took out his nunchuks and spun them at the wolves, intimidating them.

"Oh no, you're not getting the credit for driving them back!" Ethan thundered. He zapped a tree, which ended up falling right next to the wolves. They scampered off, whimpering.

"OmigoshIused tothinkwolves weresocoolcuz emosthinkthey're coolandemosarecool atmyschool butnowapackattacked usandInolonger thinkthey'recool!" Ayami whimpered. "Bytheway isanyonehurt?"

"Urggggghhhhh…" Several campers turned around to see Joseph, sprawled on the ground, his skin pale green and foam coming out of his mouth.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris continued to read from the same page. "Sun Wolf neurotoxin affects several areas of the brain, leaving any victim without feelings, or logical thinking skills for twelve hours. It can also cause them to stop breathing, but that is rare."

* * *

"Ohhhhhhhhhh …maaaaaaaan …what happened? Joseph clutched his head and tried to stand up, but he crumpled back onto the ground. The effort made him vomit.

"OMIGOSH POOR BABY!" Casey ran over to Joseph and tried to lift him up. "Did those wolves hurt you?"

Ethan rolled his eyes. "No duh, Einstein. I have no idea why he's poisoned, though."

"Poisonous wolves? COOL!" Izzy ran after the wolves, howling.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Casey cried. "Joseph…why did it have to be you?! WHYYYYY?!!!!!"

---

Ethan counted on his fingers. "Now that Mikey ran away, Izzy ran away, Joseph's poisoned somehow, Ayami's an idiot, and I hate Harold there are only two real contenders left on our team! We're doomed!"

* * *

The Otters were still being chased by the bear in fast motion. "Anyone have any ideas on how to get out of this mess?" Allison asked testily.

"Here's an idea," Noah suggested. "How about we find a beehive? Bears love honey."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris went back a few pages in his book. "Gladiator Bears do not love honey."

* * *

The Otters saw a giant beehive from ahead. "Alright Sam, spray the beehive at the bear!"

"Got it!" Samuel turned on the 'spray water' setting on his vacuum cleaner and shot the beehive over his head like a geyser. He then carefully dropped it onto the bear's head.

"Huh?" The bear stopped and desperately tried to rip the hive off his head, leaving him cut up afterward. Then the giant bees inside decided to attack the Otters for no reason whatsoever.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris turned to a new page in the book. "Apis Goliatus, or the Goliath Honey Bee, is the largest species of bee on the planet. Adults typically can reach 45 cm in length, and their stingers are the size of pencils. Unlike most bees, Goliath Honey Bees can sting as many times as they want to, and each sting is fatal to humans."

* * *

Allison turned to Noah and Samuel as they ran away from the bees. "Great thinking, guys! You stopped the giant bear, but now we're being chased by giant bees! Brilliant!"

"Sarcasm is my thing!" Noah argued.

"Could you two stop arguing and think of something else?" Samuel demanded.

"You mean like something that will get us killed by a giant cow instead?!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris snapped his fingers. "DANGIT! I should've thought of that!"

* * *

"Girl is dragging me…girl is dragging me…" Joseph mumbled, his brain addled by the neurotoxin. Casey blushed.

"Awwwww…I knew you liked me…"

Harold interrupted. "Uh, Casey? I think he's just babbling."

"…I SAY HE LIKES ME!" Casey stormed off in a huff.

Harold sighed, "How are we supposed to win if everyone's splitting up?"

Ethan shrugged. "Well, better now than never." He ran away too.

"Ohlookacutesquirrel it'ssooooooooooo KYUT!" Ayami chased a squirrel, leaving Harold all alone.

"…GOSH!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris looked through his book again. "Uh…that's actually an ordinary squirrel. Must've forgotten to relocate him."

* * *

"QUICK! JUMP INTO THAT POND!" Noah pointed to a pond up ahead. At the count of three, the Otters jumped…and bounced off the surface.

"What the HECK?!" Allison screamed, exasperated. "Is this ANOTHER FREAKING ANIMAL?!"

"Well, at least the bees are leaving…" Samuel whimpered, noticing the bees flying away as fast as they could.

Noah walked over to the pond and peered at its white surface. "This pond is not a pond. It's a…giant eyeball."

The surface near him turned black, as the pupil stared at him. Then the entire forest rumbled as the creature stood up. The Otters found themselves on top of the head of the largest animal ever.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris turned to one of the last pages of the book. "Terra Maximus, a creature so unusual and unbelievable it has a phylum all its own. These guys plant trees and grass on their heads and hide in forests, silently waiting for prey. Fortunately, its metabolism is extremely low, so it doesn't need much food for its size. Speaking of size, they can be over a kilometer tall."

---

Samuel shivered. "I think I just soiled my pants…" He furiously cleaned his pants.

* * *

Chef tapped his foot in annoyance as he waited for someone to burst from the trees. He took out a walkie-talkie. "How long do ya expect these campers will take?"

Chris' voice replied, "Meh…it could be DAYS…or WEEKS…or-"

"I'M NOT WAITIN' FOR WEEKS!" Chef roared.

"Huh? Is that Chef?" a voice rang out from the forest.

Chef threw his walkie-talkie onto the ground in joy. "FINALLY! THIS CHALLENGE IS OVER!"

"Uh…sorry Chef, but not yet." Harold left the forest. "I have no idea where the rest of the Deadly Sparrows are…"

Chef frantically picked up the broken walkie-talkie. "Chris! Ya'll gonna do somethin' about this, right? RIGHT?! …Fudge."

---

From the top of the creature's head, the Otters could see everything, including…

"CHEF!" Allison pointed to the end of the forest, where Chef and Harold were waiting.

Noah replied, "Great. Now all we have to do is survive a kilometer plunge to the ground to get there."

"I think I can do that!" Lindsay was about to jump, but Samuel stopped her just in time.

"So…anyone got any ideas?" Allison asked.

"I've got one: how about you actually do something useful?" Noah shot. "I thought of ideas, Lindsay distracted the birds, Samuel got rid of the bear, and all you do is ask for suggestions!" Noah jabbed a finger in Allison's face. "YOU were the one who wanted teamwork out of us, and YOU are not pulling your weight. That makes you a HYPOCRITE. So I suggest you start PULLING YOUR WEIGHT!"

Allison slumped onto the ground (which was the creature's head) in defeat. "…But I'm not good at much. I used to be pretty, but…" She removed her toque. "Now I'm a FREAK!"

Noah shifted his eyes. "What about singing?"

"Yeah…I'm good at that, but that won't help anything!"

"…Have you ever heard that phrase, 'Music soothes the savage beast'?"

Allison thought for a moment, then slapped her forehead. "Why didn't I think of that before?!" She stood at the front of the creature's head, and its eyes focused up at her.

"_Mama, just killed a man…Put a gun against his head, pulled the trigger, and now he's dead…Mama, life has just begun…But now I've gone and thrown it all away…Mama, ooh, didn't mean to make you cry…If I'm not back here tomorrow…Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters…"_

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah sighed. "Yes Allison, choose the song everyone thinks is the best song ever. If I didn't like Bohemian Rhapsody so much, I'd probably jump off that monster's head."

---

Ethan wiped his eyes. "Okay, I know I'm supposed to be the cold, cruel evil guy, but…Bohemian Rhapsody is my all-time favorite song!" He proceeded to bawl his eyes out.

* * *

"Oh Harold! I love ya, man!" Ethan ran out of the forest and hugged Harold, crying like a baby.

The song ended.

"…Okay, now I hate you again!" Ethan pushed Harold to the ground.

Chef rolled his eyes.

The creature stomped his way through the forest and gently let the Otters off next to Chef.

"Thank you!" Allison waved.

"You're welcome!" The monster waved, wiping away tears as it went back into the forest.

Chris suddenly appeared. "Dude…that thing can TALK?!"

Allison shrugged. "I guess he just needed a little motivation."

"Whatever…THE HOLLERING OTTERS WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"YES!" Noah went out of character by jumping and raising his fist triumphantly.

"Our losing streak is over!" Samuel cheered.

"Yeah…buuuuuuuuuut…" The Otters stopped cheering at Chris' announcement. "Harold and Ethan made it to Chef before you guys did. So, to make things interesting, I'm giving them immunity too."

Ethan's jaw dropped. "WHAT?!!!!! THAT MEANS THAT JERK WILL MAKE THE MERGE!"

"THAT GOES DOUBLE FOR ME!" Harold argued.

Chris chuckled. "And THAT'S what makes it interesting."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Casey sobbed. "Poor Joseph…he's unfit to be in the game! As much as it hurts me…I'm voting him off."

---

Ethan jingled his box of gems. "Sorry Mikey, but little wimpy kids that run away screaming from everything don't deserve to make the merge. Harold doesn't either, but that's a whole different story."

* * *

Campfire Ceremony…

Chris held his infamous marshmallow platter. "In my hands are six sweet clouds of safety…but THESE sweet clouds of safety are also tickets to the halfway point of the game! The camper who does not receive one must immediately walk the Dock of Shame, catch the Boat of Losers and never come back…unless you come back tomorrow."

"Lame!" Ethan gave Chris a thumbs-down.

Chris looked annoyed. "Harold and Ethan get the first two marshmallows due to their immunity."

The rivals glared at each other with pure hatred as they grabbed their marshmallows simultaneously.

"Okay…the first REAL marshmallow goes to…Casey."

"Sigh…" Casey fed her marshmallow to Joseph, who had difficulty chewing.

"…Izzy…"

Izzy threw the platter into the air and caught it, catching two marshmallows on it and one in her mouth.

"…Ayami."

"Yayayayayay ayayayayayayay ayayayayayayayay ayayayayayayaya yayayayayayaya yayayayay thankgoodness!"

"Campers…THIS is the final marshmallow." Chris held out the marshmallow in front of Joseph, who was babbling, and Mikey, who was shivering.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"For like three minutes, I was like 'Vote him out, Chris! No, don't vote him out! No, do vote him out!'" Casey sniffled. "That ceremony was torture…"

* * *

"The last camper to make the merge is…………………………………………"

"I don't wanna leave!" Mikey whimpered.

"Goopy loopy straws…" Joseph gibbered.

"……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Joseph."

Chris threw the marshmallow in Joseph's mouth, causing him to choke. Casey, initially shocked that he got a marshmallow, was delayed in performing the Heimlich maneuver.

Mikey hung his head, while Harold patted it. "Sorry dude."

"…That's okay…I really let the team down today." Mikey slowly got up and walked over to the Dock of Shame.

---

"MIKEY!!!!!" Tam waved from the Boat of Losers. He started to run for his life, but she was much faster and caught him.

"Don't be scared, little Mikey…" She hugged him. "I won't let anything hurt you again…"

Mikey just whimpered

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Chef's laugh rang from the Boat of Losers. "Check out the strangest couple since LeShawna and Harold!"

"…But I'm going to KILL THAT CHEF!!!!!" Tam jumped into the boat, and assorted bangs and screams of agony could be heard.

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

**The remaining ten campers get a little blast from the past.**

______ patted Chris on the back. "Hey Chris, there are no _____ to mess me up here, right?"_

_---_

_"Where's _____? I still have unfinished business with him."_

**And with a high-stakes game of Truth or Dare standing in the way of the best reward ever…**

_Chris took out an ancient lamp and rubbed it. "A GENIE!" Suddenly, a genie materialized from out of the lamp._

**Some campers may say things better left unsaid.**

_Izzy's smile widened. "Have you lost your virginity to _____?"_

______ twiddled her thumbs. "…Yes…DON'T AIR THIS, THOUGH!"_

**Who will be the next camper to go? Stay tuned to Total Drama Action!**

* * *

Author's Notes: The blanks in the preview represent the two returning campers and clues to their identity. I am NOT GIVING THEM AWAY! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA cough cough hack!


	13. Truth or Dare or Consequences

Disclaimer: I do not own the yadda yadda yadda...what do you mean I have to say the whole thing?! Fine...I do not own the Total Drama series.

Author's Notes: Looks like a got a flurry of reviews from Malisha. I guess I should answer some of your inquiries.

Ethan's the villain of the story, so I'm glad you're hating him! That means I'm doing a good job.

I strive to be unpredictable, so I'm glad you didn't see TamxMikey coming! Let's see how many more times I can get you to guess incorrectly!

Yes, I'm male. You've got a problem with a guy who likes Total Drama Island? They exist, you know.

I'm almost 20. You've got a problem with a guy who's almost 20 who likes...wait, I already asked that question.

Here's episode 13: the dreaded merge! I doubt anyone has correctly guessed the two returning campers.

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 13: Truth or Dare or Consequences

Chris went for a classic approach this time, just standing by himself at the Dock of Shame. "Last time on Total Drama Action, the campers had to go through the most dangerous forest unknown to mankind!"

A clip of the campers entering the forest was shown.

"How dangerous was this forest? Well, everyone almost died due to the birds…"

A clip of Nigel and Monty laughing was shown.

"…and the bees…"

A clip of the Otters running from the Goliath Honey Bees was shown.

"…and the wolves…"

A clip of the Sun Wolves attacking the Sparrows was shown.

"…and the bear. Oh my."

A clip of the Benny Hill chase was shown.

"The Hollering Otters were desperate to not lose five times in a row, so they employed a…really unique method of teamwork!"

A clip of the campers laughing at the jumpsuits was shown.

"While for the Deadly Sparrows, Joseph sustained a terrible injury!"

A clip of Casey dragging Joseph was shown.

"The Otters' teamwork worked. Thanks to Allison's singing, they won for the first time since episode 7!"

A clip of the Otters celebrating was shown.

"But, Harold and Ethan managed to finish the challenge before them, due to being separated from the rest of their team. I wanted both of them to make the merge REALLY BADLY, so I gave them immunity, too."

A clip of everyone being shocked was shown.

At the marshmallow ceremony, the votes boiled down to Joseph, due to his injury, and Mikey, who angered the wolves by running away!"

A clip of Mikey running away from the Sun Wolves was shown.

"In the end, it was Mikey who became the twelfth camper to walk the Dock of Shame. Poor Mikey…Anyway, today's the merge! Who will be returning to camp? Will the two teams get along? Will-"

Owen popped out of nowhere. "Ask if Izzy is gonna do something sexy!"

Chris bopped Owen on the head. "No. Will Harold and Ethan's rivalry face some snags? Find out tonight, on Total. Drama. Action!"

* * *

"CAMPERS! PLEASE MEET ME BY THE DOCK OF SHAME! NOW!!!!!" the intercom blared.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"I made it…I really made it…" Harold beamed. "After being the twelfth camper eliminated last season, I thought I might be jinxed, but I MADE IT! YES!"

---

Ethan rubbed his hands deviously. "Personally, I can't wait to see which two campers are returning. I employed every possible method of bribery to get Heather back, so I'm hoping we can continue my plan!"

---

"OmigoshIcan't believeImadeitto themergeImean Ithoughteveryone wouldthinkI'm annoyingandvote meoutbefore twelveotherpeople seriouslythis isamazing!"

---

"After a month, I thought this place would get a little cleaner…" Samuel wiped the walls of the stall. "I guess I was mistaken. SERIOUSLY GUYS, HYGIENE IS IMPORTANT! SHEESH!"

---

Noah pulled out a sheet of paper. "Now that the merge is upon us, I need to think strategically. My opponents include a dork, an evil boy who is rivals with the dork, an insane girl, a hyper girl, an asexual nice guy, a boy-crazy girl, a neat-freak, an idiot, a singer, and two question marks. Depending on what the question marks are, I believe I can win without too much trouble."

---

Izzy beamed. "Oh boy, according to the title of this episode, the challenge is Truth or Dare! I LOVE TRUTH OR DARE! MARRY ME, TRUTH OR DARE! …Oh wait; I wanna marry Owen…UTAH HERE I COME!"

* * *

The ten campers made their way to the Dock of Shame, where all four personnel were ready to greet them.

"Hey guys," Chris greeted. "First of all, I'd like to congratulate you for making it to the halfway point of the game!"

"You guys ROCK!" Owen started headbanging, but Chef knocked him to the ground.

Chris continued. "As you all know, at the halfway point of the game, the teams are dissolved. From here on in, it's EVERY CAMPER FOR THEMSELVES. You will compete for individual immunity, and will be in every marshmallow ceremony until you're eliminated."

"What about that boat off into the distance?" Ethan smirked, pointing at a boat approaching them.

"Oh yes, about that; last season, the final ten campers participated in a reward challenge, then were joined by two eliminated campers! This time, I'm changing it up a bit. Today, like before, no one will be eliminated, BUT you'll still be playing with the two returning campers."

"So who are the returning campers, anyway?" Ethan asked, getting impatient. "Heather and…?"

"Why don't ya look for yourself?" The boat docked, and the door opened. All ten campers peered into the darkness in anticipation.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Please don't bring Josephine back!" Joseph pleaded.

---

"Please bring Tyler back!" Lindsay pleaded.

---

"Please bring LeShawna back!" Harold pleaded.

---

"Please bring Heather back!" Ethan pleaded.

---

"Please don't bring Heather back!" Harold pleaded.

---

"Please don't bring LeShawna back!" Ethan pleaded.

---

"Please bring Corbin back!" Lindsay pleaded.

---

"Please bring sexy back!" Izzy pleaded. "…Oh wait…sexy wasn't in this season!"

* * *

A silhouette appeared, and everyone held their breath. Who was it going to be?

"Hey…I see the ladies are still around! Nice!" The person strutted out of the boat, finally fully revealed. It was Cody.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"CODY?!!!!!" Ethan spat out his soda.

---

"I saw that coming!" Izzy drank some soda and spat it out.

* * *

Cody patted Chris on the back. "Hey Chris, there are no bears to mess me up here, right?"

"Ohhhhh…I wouldn't say that."

Everyone just stared in disbelief. Finally, Noah stammered, "B-b-but he wasn't even IN this season!"

Chris chuckled. "When did I say the returning campers were from THIS season?"

"Yeah," Cody added, "Chris planned this all along to totally throw you off!" He gave Chris a hi-five and walked over to the group.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ayami bounced up and down on her seat. "Omigoshomigosh omigoshCODYhe's sooooooooooooo KYUTandsois GeoffbutCody'sall shortandinnocent andstuff!"

---

Allison squealed like a fangirl. "CODYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! I LUFF CODY!!!!!"

---

Cody put on a sheepish grin. "Well, I guess I'm back in the game. There's no Gwen here, but at least there's some chicks. I doubt any of them like me though."

* * *

"So campers, I bet you're wondering who the other returning camper is, huh?"

"Is it Heather?" Ethan asked hopefully.

Chris sighed. "No, it's not Heather! Sheesh!"

"…Is it Heather now?"

Chef knocked him to the floor.

"Thank you Chef. Anyway, here's out second and final returning camper! COURTNEY!!!!!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold clutched his chest. "I think my heart just stopped."

* * *

Courtney walked off the boat, squinting at the group (which, strangely, was missing Harold). "Chris, you said Duncan would be here!"

"Yeah, I did…but I lied! He's still in the hosp-OOF!" Chris was cut short when Courtney elbowed him in the stomach.

"Where's Harold? I still have unfinished business with him."

Ethan smirked. "Try the communal showers."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Hello new alliance!" Ethan cackled.

* * *

Chris cleared his throat. "Okay, Cody and Courtney, the same rules apply to you two. The teams are merged, so you have to get individual immunity in order to be safe from elimination. But I wouldn't worry about that today, 'cause today's challenge is strictly reward!"

"YAY TRUTH OR DARE!" Izzy screamed randomly.

"…How did you know? …Never mind. Today's challenge is, as Izzy said, Truth or Dare. You all know how it goes, right?"

Everyone nodded.

"Well, the TDA version comes with a few differences. For Truth, you can ask any question you'd like, and we'll put a lie detector on the victim. If they lie, they're OUT. But for Dare, you CANNOT dare someone to do something either impossible or inappropriate for the show. Anyone who fails a dare is OUT! The winner is the last one standing, and he or she gets the best reward ever!"

Courtney crossed her arms. "Unless it involves bringing Duncan to this island or killing Harold, I don't care."

"Well, you're in luck! The reward is one day of unlimited desires, brought to you by…" Chris took out an ancient lamp and rubbed it. "A GENIE!" Suddenly, a genie materialized from out of the lamp. He yawned.

"Urgh…did someone win the challenge yet?" he asked sleepily.

"Nah, I'm just showing everyone the reward."

"Oh…whatever." The genie went back into his lamp. "Please don't disturb my sleep again!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Cody's eyes widened. "A GENIE?! AS IN, ANYTHING I DESIRE?!" Ohhhhhhh…what I would do for Gwen to like me, just for one day…"

---

Courtney's eyes widened. "Okay, strike that. I NEED to win this challenge."

---

Ethan drooled. "Best. Reward. Ever."

* * *

All twelve campers sat down at a large, circular table in the mess hall (Courtney was on the opposite side of Harold)

"Alright, I'll start you guys off." Chris pointed to…Allison. "Allison. Truth or Dare?"

"I'm no wimp. Dare me!"

Chris smirked. "Dude, you have no idea who ya messed with! I dare ya to…go up the roof and crash down the chimney, while wearing this chimney sweep suit!" He pulled out a suit that looked like a cleaning brush.

"…Is that the best you got?" Allison put on the suit and left the door.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"I am SO gonna win that record deal and lifetime of recognition!"

* * *

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" **CRACK!** The campers looked in horror at Allison, who landed on her head.

"Alright Allison, your turn to mess with someone!"

"Owwwwwww…" She clutched her head dizzily, then pointed at Noah. "Uh…Truth or Dare, Noah?"

He rolled his eyes. "Truth, obviously." Mary placed the lie detector on him.

"Okay then…how many girls have you kissed?"

"One…and I'd like to keep it that way."

**TRUTH! **Noah smirked. "Izzy…Truth or Dare?"

"Dare me, SUCKER!"

"This will be fun…I dare you to tell Owen that he is a fat, disgraceful waste of life who didn't deserve to win the first season."

Izzy beamed. "HEY OWEN! YOU'RE A FAT, DISGRACEFUL WASTE OF LIFE WHO DIDN'T DESERVE TO WIN THE FIRST SEASON! BUT I LOVE YA!"

"Oh, Izzy!" Owen ran over and planted a big one on her.

Noah buried his head in his hands. "Well, that didn't go as planned."

Izzy set her eyes on the next victim. "Courtney! Truth or Dare?"

"…Truth, I suppose."

Izzy's smile widened. "Have you lost your virginity to Duncan?"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"WHY THAT NO GOOD, LOUSY LITTLE B*TCH!!!!! I WANTED TO JUST KICK HER A$$ FOR ASKING ME THAT...but then I couldn't get my desires…"

* * *

Courtney twiddled her thumbs. "…Yes…DON'T AIR THIS, THOUGH!"

**TRUTH! **Chris fell out of this chair laughing. "Are you kidding? That's going on the promos!" Several campers let out wolf whistles.

"SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!" Courtney thundered, turning bright red for two reasons. "HAROLD! Truth or Dare?"

Harold snapped to attention. "Uh…Dare?"

"I dare you to…KILL YOURSELF!"

**BUZZ!** "That's too harsh, Courtney. Try again."

She rubbed her face. "I dare you to…uh…sincerely admit that I should've beaten you last season!"

"…Look Courtney. I only swapped the votes to hurt Duncan, not you…"

"BUT IT HURT ME TOO! POSSIBLY EVEN WORSE!"

"…But I had to. Think about it; if you were being tortured for no reason, wouldn't you want revenge?"

"Yeah, but NOT VOTING OUT HIS GIRLFRIEND! NOW ADMIT THAT WHAT YOU DID WAS WRONG!"

"…I'm sorry. I had to do it, Courtney. It's just strategy, yannow."

**BUZZ!** "Harold's out!" Chris announced.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold sighed. "Her dare said I had to SINCERELY admit that what I did was wrong. Since I don't believe it was wrong, I couldn't win. Sorry LeShawna…"

* * *

"Courtney, you get to go again!"

Courtney put on a small smile. "Uh…you with the black hair; Ethan, right? Truth or Dare?"

"Gotta go with Dare!" Ethan bellowed.

"Okay…I dare you to…"

"Dare him to badmouth Heather!" Izzy suggested.

"…Fine. I dare you to badmouth Heather."

Ethan's head crashed onto the table. "I'm out." **BUZZ!**

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Dang, Izzy's a master of this game!"

* * *

Courtney got to choose yet again. "Cody, Truth or Dare?"

Cody put on a smug grin while he put the lie detector on his head. "I'll go with Truth. You all know I like Gwen, anyway."

"If you could steal Gwen from Trent, would you?"

Cody thought about it for a moment. "…If I knew that Trent wouldn't murder me afterward, I'd say yes." **TRUTH!** "Ayami, Truth or Dare?

* * *

**Confessionals**

"OMIGOSHCODY ISTALKINGTOME OMIGOSHOMIGOSH OMIGOSH!!!!!"

* * *

Ayami was vibrating in her seat, beaming.

"Uh…Ayami? Truth or Dare?"

Chris waved a hand in her face. "Uh…I don't think she's fit to play, dude." **BUZZ!**

"You can choose me instead!" Allison suggested, fluttering her eyes.

Cody looked confused. "Ooookay…Allison, Truth or Dare?"

Allison smirked. "Dare, of course!"

"I dare you to…run around the camp in your underwear screaming 'I'm a dork!' and pouring barbeque sauce on yourself!"

"Here's your barbeque sauce!" Chris handed Allison a pitcher of dark red liquid.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison's face was unreadable. "…Was that supposed to be some bizarre fetish?"

---

Cody laughed. "Man, I just came up with the most random dare I could think of! And it was awesome!"

* * *

Allison walked back into the kitchen, barbeque sauce dripping all over her. "My turn again…Lindsay, Truth or Dare?"

Lindsay clapped her hands. "Oh, I love this game! How many words? Sounds like…?"

Chris slapped his forehead. "We're not playing Charades, Lindsay."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh…Do you have any threes? King me! Sorry!"

"Ya know what? Let's just eliminate you from the game." **BUZZ!**

"Yay! I'm eliminated!" Lindsay jumped for joy.

Allison rubbed her forehead. "…Samuel, Truth or Dare?"

Samuel smirked and tapped his head. "See, I know that if I say Dare, you're going to make me do something involving dirt and germs. So I'll say TRUTH! Haha!"

Allison matched his smirk with her own. "Are you a virgin?"

"Of course I am! Getting laid is disgusting!"

**LIE!** Samuel was shocked.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel looked confused. "Where the heck was I when I got laid?"

"First time ya tried alcohol, kid. Remember?" Kiwi wiggled his arms.

* * *

"Might as well finish off my former team now." Allison faced Noah again. "Truth or Dare, Noah?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Truth again. I've got nothing to hide."

"We'll see about that…name your greatest fear."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah's eyes widened. "Okay, I really didn't want people to know my greatest fear. I mean, what if they used it to their advantage?"

* * *

Noah sighed. "My greatest fear? That would be………………………cherries. I'm deathly allergic to them…"

**TRUTH!** "Sigh…I really didn't want to reveal that…Casey, Truth or Dare?"

Casey beckoned. "Dare! Gimme your best shot!"

"Oh, you won't like MY best shot…" Noah grinned wickedly. "I dare you to breathe Owen's concentrated farts for an hour."

Casey paled, then turned toward Chris. "…Can I change to Truth? Please?"

"NOPE!" Mary placed a gas mask on Casey's face, which immediately caused her eyes to water.

"NASTY NASTY NASTY NASTY NASTY NASTY NASTY NASTY NASTY NASTYYYYYYYY!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris laughed his head off. "Note to self: hire Noah to think of some brutal challenges next season!"

* * *

Casey, after holding back vomit, turned back to Noah. "REVENGE! Truth or Dare?"

Chris stopped Noah before he could answer. "Oh, I just thought of an additional rule; you can't choose either Truth or Dare more than three times in a row. That means if ya choose Truth this time Noah, ya have to choose Dare next time!"

Noah grumbled, "Fine…Truth me once again."

"I once read online that you have a permanent pass from all P.E. classes, and I'd bet it's from some traumatizing incident. Is this true? If yes, tell us about it in detail."

Noah crossed his arms. "I'm not really ashamed of it…It was way back in kindergarten, and the coach gave us our first game of dodgeball. All the sudden, my vision filled with them…balls. Big, small, red, blue, they kept on coming…and they kept getting worse. I think some bully found a closet filled with other things… Soon enough, it was just me and my friend getting pelted with light bulbs, medicine balls, metal balls, poles, dumbbells…I can't even remember everything they threw at us. Regardless, he and I were hospitalized for months…My friend took it so bad, he moved away. I never saw him again."

**TRUTH!** Everyone just stared. "…Wow…no wonder you didn't play dodgeball last season," said Harold.

"YOU had a FRIEND?!" Ethan asked. "What kind of nerdy friend could you possibly have?"

"Hey, he was cool!" Noah shot. "Dude was just as smart as me. He called himself Eddward, though I have no idea why he spelt it with two 'd's."

"DUH DUH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUH! PLOT TWIST!" Izzy screeched.

Everyone stared at her.

"What?"

Noah rolled his eyes. "Ignoring that now…Joseph, Truth or Dare?"

"Truth, please."

"Joseph…have you ever seriously considered killing your sister?"

Joseph looked horrified. "K-K-Kill my sister? Never! She'd kill me first!"

**TRUTH! **"My turn? Uh…Cody. Truth or Dare?"

"Ya know what?" Cody asked, his hand on his chin. "I think I'll try Dare this time."

Joseph rubbed his hands. "Oh, this is gonna be fun…Cody; I dare you to break your laptop!" The whole room let out a collective gasp.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT MY LAPTOP!!!!! ANYTHING BUT MY PRECIOUS LAPTOP!!!!!" Cody wailed, taking out his laptop and hugging it.

**BUZZ!** "Cody's out!" Chris announced.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ayami cried. "Whydidthatmeanie Josephhafta eliminateCodyI meanhe'sgotsome reallyimportantstuff inthatcomputer Ibetlikeacure forworldhunger orsomethingcuz he'ssosmart andcaring!"

---

Allison sobbed. "Well, at least his computer, which is undoubtedly filled with vital information, isn't broken. POOR CODY!!!!!"

---

Cody kissed his computer. "Thank goodness no one saw my stash of Gwen porn."

* * *

Joseph felt quite proud of himself. "Izzy, Truth or Dare?"

Izzy climbed on the table until she was face to face with him. "DARE ME PLEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!!"

"Owwwww…" Joseph put his finger in his ear. "Uh, I dare you to…do something…not crazy?"

Chris slanted his eyes. "Be more specific, dude."

Joseph sighed. "Uh……how about…eat a five-star meal in a dignified way."

Violin music played and the background turned into that of a fancy restaurant as Chef served Izzy a fancy dish. She tied on a napkin and began to eat like a proper lady.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Izzy giggled. "My parents made me go to Miss Manners' School for Manners when I was little. Of course I set the place on fire, but I still learned a few tips."

---

"Izzy can eat like a proper lady? Who knew?" Joseph asked the camera.

---

Owen cried. "Oh COME ON! WHY'D YA HAFTA MAKE IZZY DO THAT?!!!!! Izzy without the crazy is like dinner without the food…"

* * *

Izzy finished her meal with a gentle wipe of the napkin. "My compliments to the chef."

Everyone stared.

"…MOAR TRUTH OR DARE TIEM!!!!! I choose CASEY!"

Casey passed out from Owen's fumes. **BUZZ!**

Chris sniggered. "Casey's eliminated! Try again, Izzy."

"Okay, then I choose COURTNEY! Truth or Dare?!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Courtney pointed at the camera. "I am going to WIN this challenge, and NO ONE is going to stop me!"

* * *

"Truth."

Izzy put on an insane grin. "How long is Duncan's-"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Chris clamped his hand over her mouth. "BAD IZZY! BAD!"

Izzy removed Chris' hand. "What? I was just going to ask how much longer Duncan's sentence is."

Courtney sighed. "Phew…that's an easy one…"

"PSYCH! I actually WAS going to ask how long Duncan's-"

"COMMERCIAL BREAK!" Chris screamed. "NOW!"

* * *

**Commercial Break!**

_"Hey kids!" a goofy bear costume announced. "Why the heck are ya watching this show, anyway? Isn't it obvious that Izzy's antics are for grown-ups? Anyway, while you're here, have a bowl of my delicious Bear Flakes, part of a complete breakfast!"_

* * *

Chris showed up on the Dock of Shame again. "Sorry about that, folks. Since Izzy just RUINED the episode, I'll just air a montage of dares some campers had to do."

"Eye of the Tiger" played in the background as several clips were shown:

Noah leapt on the heads of some crocodiles, then mentioned about how it was just like Donkey Kong Country 2.

Joseph, shivering, told Eva some nasty insults. Naturally, she thrashed him.

Courtney, tears running down her face, ran through a large block of green jello.

Allison had a nervous breakdown on stage after Simon Cowell told her she was a terrible singer.

Izzy was strapped to the Clockwork Orange chair and was forced to watch Tellitubbies. At the end of it, she was singing along and having a good time.

Joseph crushed the flowers and chocolates in his hands, thus failing his dare. Josephine started wailing on him.

Allison plugged her nose and puffed out her cheeks as she ran past a colony of skunks.

Noah accepted his dunce cap without so much as a whimper.

Izzy touched the lava, then dove right in. No one to this day knows how she survived.

Courtney, fierce determination in her eyes, beat up Duncan.

---

"Izzy…Truth…or Dare?" Courtney panted.

"DAREDAREDAREDARE DAAAAAARRRRRRRE!" Izzy screamed. "C'mon, I HAVEN'T GOT ALL DAY!!!!!"

"I dare you to take off all your clothes…"

Izzy was already naked.

Courtney's eye twitched. "Uh…and then go to a beehive and smear its honey all over-"

"What next?" Izzy asked, covered in honey.

"…Then streak the RCMP!"

"WHAT?! ARE YOU CRAZY OR SOMETHING?! I'M NOT DOING THAT!!!!!"

**BUZZ!** Chris looked shocked. "Wow…I can't believe I'm saying it, but you're out, Izzy."

**BUZZ!** "Huh? The buzzer isn't supposed to do that!"

**BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!** Bees started to chase after Izzy.

"YOU'LL NEVER GET ME ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!" Izzy hollered, running into the forest.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Courtney looked confused. "…Did Izzy just call ME crazy? What the f&#*?"

* * *

Courtney stared out the open doors before turning to Noah. "Truth or Dare, Noah?"

"What do you think?" Noah crossed his arms. "I did Dare last time, so Truth."

"Ugh, I'm running out of questions!" Courtney thought for a moment. "Okay, Noah, what was the first thing to pop in your head when you saw Katie?"

"I remember vividly…" Noah blushed. "The moment I saw Katie, I thought to myself, 'Why is that beautiful woman hanging with some ugly fatso? She must be as hospitable as she is attractive.'"

**TRUTH!** "Courtney, Truth or Dare?"

"You are good at this…I'll say Truth."

Noah smirked. "That's what I was hoping for. I'll give you the same question you just gave me. As in, what was your first thought upon seeing Duncan?"

Courtney turned a bright crimson. "Uh…I'd rather not say…"

Chris held up the genie lamp in her face and grinned.

"FINE! I thought, 'He's handsome…' That's it, I swear!"

**TRUTH! **"Allison, Truth or Dare?"

Chris interjected, "Actually, Allison did three dares in a row, so she has to pick Truth."

"Okay then…how many boyfriends have you had?"

Allison started counting on her fingers. "25…26…27…wait, that guy was just a stalker…"

"Ten seconds!" Chris held up his watch.

"Urghhhhhhhh…41?"

**LIE!** "Sorry Allison, but you're out!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"DANGIT!" Allison snapped her fingers. "I was off by one!"

---

"Is this reward worth beating Courtney up about?" Noah asked the audience. "Yes. Yes it is. Imagine a day where I can be loved by Katie, without scorn, mocking, and Sadie…"

---

"I. MUST. WIN," Courtney seethed.

* * *

"Truth or Dare?"

"Truth!"

"Name a cute, cuddly cartoon character you like!"

"Bambi! Truth or Dare?"

"Dare!"

"I dare you to cut yourself like an emo!"

"GIMME THAT KNIFE!!!!!" Courtney swiped the knife that Chef was using to cut garbage and cut herself. "Truth or Dare?"

"Dare!"

"I dare you to act like a retard!"

"Duhhhhhh…I is stupids…Truth or Dare?"

"Truth!"

"Would you rather kill Harold or do it with Duncan?"

"Kill Harold! Truth or Dare?"

---

The ten eliminated campers plus the four personnel continued to swivel their heads as Noah and Courtney played lightning fast.

"This is awesome…" Chris cackled.

Lindsay played with her hair. "How long do you think they'll last, Chip?"

"Hopefully not for long…once I throw in a twist!" Chris leapt onto the table, interrupting the game.

"HEY!" A horse ate some hay.

Chris looked weirded out. "Ignoring that…I'm adding a new twist to this game! You must now do your Truths and Dares while…" Chef placed a few plates by Noah and Courtney. "…You eat Chef's disgusting dinner! Bon appétit!"

Noah sniffed the blob that was his dinner. "Uh…I don't think this qualifies as dinner."

Courtney plugged her nose and took several bites. "I…DO…NOT…CONCEDE…"

Noah shrugged and took a bite. "Whatever…Truth or Dare?"

"DARE!!!!!" Food splattered all over Noah's face.

"…I dare you to put this on your resume."

Courtney gasped. "M-M-M-MY RESUME?!!!!!"

Noah smirked. "Yes, your resume. I remember quite clearly you saying you didn't want garbage-eating on it."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"I watched every single episode of season one dozens of times, just so I could learn as many weaknesses as I could."

* * *

"Here ya go, Courtney!" Chris handed a flawlessly laminated piece of paper to her. "Change your resume!"

"B-B-But I can't change my resume…I'll never become Prime Minister!"

Noah raised his eyebrow. "It's your choice; Prime Minister, or one-day genie?"

Courtney stared at the resume for a moment, then shook her head and placed it on the table. "It's not worth it…"

"NOAH WINS!" Chris raised Noah's arm. The response from the other campers was mixed.

---

Later at Night…

"Oh, Noah! You are soooooooooooo romantic!" Katie swooned, kissing him yet again. "Now that I no longer depend on Sadie to be rational, I can finally see what a great guy you are!"

Noah sighed happily, lipstick all over his face. "If only it weren't for just one day…"

---

"OF ALL THE STUPID, NO GOOD, LOUSY!" Courtney furiously kicked the side of the Deadly Sparrows' cabin. "I CAN'T BELIEVE I LOST! I NEVER LOSE!"

"What about the time you lost Total Drama Island?" a mysterious voice asked.

Courtney turned toward the source of the sound, but found nothing. "THAT DOESN'T COUNT! I WAS CHEATED OFF THE ISLAND BY THAT…THAT…HE DOESN'T EVEN DESERVE AN INSULT!"

"I couldn't agree more, my dear…" A silhouetted figure emerged from the trees.

"YOU…agree?" Courtney asked, surprised. "Everyone on this island seems to love that traitor."

"Everyone but you and I, my dear…" Ethan revealed himself. "You want his pitiful existence ended, correct?"

"Yes, yes, a million times yes! But Chris won't allow it…"

"Chris? Who said he needed to know?"

"He's got cameras all over this island! He'll find out!"

"Not here…" Ethan beckoned, and Courtney followed him into the forest.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris shook his head. "How many times is Ethan gonna try to evade our cameras? Newsflash: it's IMPOSSIBLE. Our cameras defy the laws of physics!"

* * *

Ethan jumped into a small hole in the middle of the forest, and Courtney followed. Inside looked like a typical rabbit hole, but with some candles for lighting, a shelf of magic books, and a computer.

"Welcome to my new hideout. You like?"

Courtney cringed. "I would've chosen somewhere less dirty…but it's quite cozy, I guess."

"Good, good…" Ethan took a book off the shelf and flipped through the pages. "You may not know this, but my bloodline is magical. My powers aren't that great, but they can help you achieve what you want."

"Kill Harold?" Courtney asked hopefully.

"Kill Harold. Promise that you will create a strong, unwavering alliance with me, and I'll make it so you personally can do the deed."

"…Deal." Courtney shook Ethan's hand.

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

**The final twelve campers get a seat at the director's chair.**

_"Today's challenge is to make a movie! Here are your cameras!"_

**What is your favorite genre? Superhero?**

_"Normal kid by day…Superhero by night! I am the Bacteria Blaster, and I will clean up crime!" Samuel leapt into view of the camera, but tripped and knocked the camera over._

**Musical?**

_"Oh, when you're a singer you're a singer all the way! You can wow all the crowds and even get pay! Oh, time for the kissing scene. CODY!!!!!"_

**Fantasy?**

_"THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED! THIS IS THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR ADDLING WITH MORTALITY!!!!!" Ethan's eyes glowed as he cast the spell on her._

**Or maybe comedy?**

_"Uh…How does this thing work?" Lindsay asked, pushing a button. The camera suddenly zoomed in. "Ohhhhhhhh…how cute!" _

**Watch it all, next time on Total Drama Action.**

* * *

Author's Note: I recently updated my profile with info on my fanfics and original characters. If you're interested in learning more about my OCs, you can check them out.


	14. Scene to be Believed

Disclaimer: I do not own the Total Drama series, nor any movie references in this chapter.

Author's Note: We're over the hump now, so that means some characters you really like may be leaving soon. Don't be too mad if your pick is send packing.

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 14: Scene to be Believed

"Enter, stage right!" Chris walked into frame, wearing a director's outfit. "Total Drama Action, Episode 14 Opening Scene, Take 1! Aaaaaaaand TOTAL DRAMA ACTION!"

"Hey, isn't that the name of the show?" Owen asked, his mouth filled with chips.

Chris shifted his eyes. "Duh. That's the whole point…Last time on Total Drama Action, the Hollering Otters and the Deadly Sparrows died! Uh…I mean the teams merged! And with that merge came two more campers to join in the fun!"

A clip of Cody and Courtney leaving the boat was shown.

"Things really got heated in a twisted game of Truth and Dare, even though it was only for reward!"

A clip of Chris talking to the genie was shown.

"Early on in the game, it was obvious who the masters were. There was Izzy, who took everything thrown at her…with a smile!"

A clip of Izzy doing dares was shown.

"Allison, who was tough and willing!"

A clip of Allison doing dares was shown.

"Courtney, who wanted to win more than everyone else COMBINED!"

A clip of Courtney doing dares was shown.

"And Noah, whose lack of self-depreciation won himself the challenge!"

A clip of Noah doing dares was shown, followed by a clip of him with Katie.

"However, the drama occurred afterward when Ethan and Courtney teamed up to KILL Harold!"

A clip of Ethan and Courtney in the hideout was shown.

"Will this evil couple succeed with their mission? Will Cody find himself a girlfriend? And most importantly, who will be leaving in the most dramatic campfire ceremony EVER? Find out tonight, on Total. Drama. ACTION! Cut, that's a wrap!"

"No, this is a wrap!" Owen held up a chicken wrap, then popped the whole thing in his mouth.

* * *

"HEY CAMPERS!" the intercom blared. "WHO'S UP FOR SEEING A MOVIE?!!!!!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison beamed. "It's been WEEKS since I've seen a movie! And now I can see one with CODY!"

---

"I wonder which movie they'll show," Harold said. "I hope it has lots of awesome action scenes! Either that or Napoleon Dynamite is fine by me."

---

"YAY!" Casey cheered. "I'm going on a date with Joseph!"

---

"I'm not going on a date with Casey," Joseph proclaimed.

* * *

The twelve campers walked to the field, which was now remodeled into a movie theater. The screen was huge, there were twelve seats in front, and there was a concession stand by the side.

Chris held out a large bucket of popcorn from behind the stand. "Hey campers! Hope ya enjoy the movie!"

"What movie is it anyway?" Harold asked.

"A cinematic masterpiece…" Chris threw the popcorn to Harold, causing him to fall over. "Chef! Start the film!"

Chef growled as he cranked the projector. The campers hurried to their seats as the movie started.

"Oh, this is so exciting!" Casey gushed, squeezing Joseph's arm. "Isn't it exciting?"

"If by exciting, you mean 'cutting the circulation of my arm', then yes!" Casey missed the implication.

Cody suddenly felt something on his shoulder. He swatted at it, only to find out it was Allison's arm. "Uh, why is your arm around my shoulder?"

Allison rolled her eyes and giggled. "'Cauuuuuuuuuuuse…"

"Urgh!" Ayami tried to get her arm around Cody's shoulder, but it was too short.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Cody shrugged. "I have no idea why these girls are being so nice to me. Maybe they want me in an alliance?"

---

"Awit'ssosweet howCody'ssomodest andinnocentand cuteanddarling andniceand-"

* * *

The campers quieted down as the title screen popped up. Apparently, the movie was called The Totally Dramatic Movie! The opening scene showed Chris on the first Dock of Shame, back at Camp Wawanakwa.

"Welcome to Camp Wawanakwa, home of twenty-two teens whose lives are in terrible danger!" The scene changed to a tiny replica of the island, where Chris was playing with a bad Godzilla figure. "Graargh! I am the Wawanakwa Monster! I will eat you all up!"

A clip of TDI was shown, showing several campers gasping.

"Oh no, it's the Wawanakwa Monster!" a badly-dubbed Gwen shouted. "If only Heather weren't locked in that freezer!"

A clip from episode 10 was shown, with Heather shouting, "I WILL DESTROY…the monster!"

"Haha!" Chris laughed, pretending to be the monster. "You cannot destroy me! I am invincible!"

"Who will save us?!" Gwen shouted in despair, again badly dubbed.

A clip from episode 9 played, with Duncan shouting, "FARTICUS!"

A clip of Owen running off the cliff in episode 2 was shown, with a suit of armor badly photoshopped on. Then a clip of him farting was shown.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Chris screamed. "IT'S…MY…ONE…WEAKNESS!!!!!" He let go of the Godzilla toy, letting it fall to the floor.

A clip from episode 8 played. "My hero!" Lindsay cheered.

The movie ended.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Courtney just stared, wide-eyed. "That had to be the biggest disgrace to the art of cinema ever spawned."

---

"Worst. Movie. Ever," Ethan complained.

---

Joseph sighed. "I wanted my money back…then I realized I didn't pay any!"

* * *

"BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" The campers threw tomatoes at Chris.

"Dudes! I worked hard on that!" he complained.

"Yeah, you worked hard to make it a piece of s*#^!" Ethan replied.

Chris frowned. "Well, I bet you can't do any better!"

"YEAH, WE CAN!" everyone shouted.

"That's…what I wanted you to say." Chris suddenly smiled, confusing everyone. "Today's challenge is to make a movie! Here are your cameras!" He threw a bunch of cameras to the campers, knocking some out. "You guys have three hours to film and edit your masterpieces. The movie I deem best will win immunity…and a movie contract to star in the latest blockbuster!"

"Seriously?" Harold asked, amazed. "Sweet! I could totally do a Jackie Chan flick."

"I can see it all now…" Allison held her hands out like a movie screen. "Allison: the Musical! Critically acclaimed for the excellent singing and gripping plotline!"

---

Ethan propped his camera so it faced away from his lair. "Okay Courtney, I've got a great scene thought of. I'm going to use some cool hocus pocus to give you the power of Death."

Courtney raised an eyebrow. "You mean to kill Harold with?"

"Yeah. I'm killing two birds with one stone here. Now shush and follow the script!" Ethan turned the camera on and quickly ran up to Courtney, wearing a concealing robe. "Muahahahaha…I just killed your parents, little girl!"

Courtney read her script. "Uh…boohoo. You are an evil man. I want revenge. I will find a way to kill you, like you killed my parents."

Ethan turned the camera off. "Have you ever acted before?"

"No…"

Ethan slapped his forehead. "This is going to be a long three hours…"

---

"Normal kid by day…Superhero by night! I am the Bacteria Blaster, and I will clean up crime!" Samuel, wearing his jumpsuit and gear, leapt into view of his camera. Unfortunately, he knocked over a boom.

---

"Normal kid by day…Superhero by night! I am the Bacteria Blaster, and I will clean up crime!" Samuel leapt into view of the camera, but tripped and knocked the camera over.

---

"Normal kid by day…Superhero by night! I am the Bacteria Blaster, and I will clean up crime!" Samuel leapt into view of the camera. "Since I was bitten by a radioactive bar of soap, I-whoaoaoaoaoa!" He slipped on a bar of soap and created a human-shaped hole in the Otter cabin.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Saving the world is easy…" Samuel put an ice pack to his head. "…But filmmaking is HARD!"

* * *

_"Oh, when you're a singer you're a singer all the way! You can wow all the crowds and even get pay!_ Oh, time for the kissing scene. CODY!!!!!"

Cody was currently filming himself as a secret agent. "What?"

Allison waltzed over to Cody's set and fluttered her eyes. "Oh Cody, I desperately need someone to play the lead male role in my film! I would be ever so happy if you could!"

"…Why me?"

"None of those over jerkwad boys would accept! Pleeeeeeeeeeease?"

Cody sighed. "Fine…Whoa!" Ayami pulled on his arm.

"HeyCodyIneed youtoplaythemain maleroleinmymovie nowit'sreallyimportant cuzI'matthescene wheretheguysavesthe girlfromtheevil teddybearand shegiveshima congratulatorykiss!"

"…Kiss?" Cody asked as he was whisked away.

---

"Time to unleash my wicked skills…" Harold set "Kung-Fu Fighting" to play on his keyboard. He then took out his nunchuks and performed some moves. He then ripped his shirt off, ditched the nunchuks, and did some martial arts.

Harold panted. "Good…that should be good…now all I need to do is create some CGI enemies to fight…"

---

Lindsay stared at the camera. "Uh…how does this thing work again?" She pressed a button, which made it beep. "Ohhhhhh…how cute!" She continued to press buttons, which could end badly.

---

"Everyone knows that to make a great movie, you need to avoid clichés…" Noah muttered to himself as he wrote his script. "Now let's see…how about a film about…no, that's been done before. How about…no, I've seen that movie. …Aha! A movie about pants! Wait, that was in Jimmy Neutron…"

---

Cody sliced off the evil teddy bear's head, covering him in a shower of fluff.

"MYHERO! Gimmeakiss!" Ayami grabbed him and puckered her lips.

Cody grimaced. This wasn't going to be pleasant. But at that moment, he found himself dragged to another set, with a script thrown in his hands.

"Say line 23!" Allison hissed.

"Uh…Wow Allison, you are the best singer ever! Give me a kiss…Say what?"

"Come here, big boy!" Allison grabbed him and puckered her lips.

"HEYDON'TSTEALMYLEAD!" Ayami screamed, taking Cody by the arm.

"HE'S MY LEAD!" Allison grabbed his other arm.

"MY LEAD!"

"MINE!"

"MINE!"

"MINE!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Cody rubbed his sore arms. "It…it was like something out of a nightmare…a nightmare that I've always been dreaming of…"

* * *

"LADIES! YOU'RE HURTING MY ARMS!" Cody yelled, stopping the girls in their tracks.

"Sorry Cody!" they chanted in unison.

Cody took a deep breath. "Now, don't I get a say in this? I mean, shouldn't I choose which movie I want to be in?"

"Of course!" The girls let go of Cody. "Choose wisely…"

Cody ran for his life.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ayami sighed. "Ilosemore boyfriendsthatway …I'llgetyoufor thisAllison!"

---

"If it weren't for that annoying little ball of energy, Cody would be putty in my hands by now!" Allison complained. "She's goin' DOWN!"

* * *

"What IS this stuff?" Courtney asked, wiping the herbs off her face.

"Hey hey hey, don't touch the herbs!" Ethan placed them back on Courtney's head. "Certain herbs, such as aloe and parsley, are capable of absorbing and utilizing magical energy. When the subject is willing and is covered by herbs and potions, my magic powers can be amplified. A Death spell is very powerful, so I need lots of herbs!"

Courtney sniffed. "Magical herbs…have I told you how ridiculous this all sounds?"

"Many, many times. Now hold still." Ethan turned the camera back on. "Say your line."

Courtney suddenly changed her expression to sadness. "Mr. Shaman…are you sure this will help me?"

Ethan cackled. "Actually, I have never performed this spell before, little girl…you may not come back alive…"

Courtney screamed. "NO! You cannot do this!"

"THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED! THIS IS THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR ADDLING WITH MORTALITY!!!!!" Ethan's eyes glowed as he cast the spell on her.

---

A huge beam of black light shined from the island, easily seen from the Playa Des Losers.

"OMIGOSH OMIGOSH OMIGOSH! ETHAN'S DOING IT AGAIN!" Beth screamed. "SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE! SOMEONE CALL THE PEACE CORPS! SOMEONE CALL MY MOM! SOMEONE-" She was tranquilized.

A couple of guys in white suits loaded her into an ambulance. "Time to go to the happy hotel again, Miss Crazy!" said one to Beth's unconscious body.

---

That night…

The twelve campers returned to the movie theater and furiously handed Chris twelve videotapes.

"All right, looks like you all worked the cameras okay." Chris swiped the videotapes. "Buuuuut are any of these better than my craptastic movie? Let's find out!" He popped one of the tapes into his VCR and pressed play.

---

Attack of the Evil Teddy Bears

The movie opened at a pink tea party. Ayami was playing with a bunch of stuffed animals, and was pouring tea to a teddy bear.

"Whyhellothere littleteddybearare youenjoyingyourtea?"

The bear didn't respond.

"I'msohappy tohearthat! Youguysare mybestfriends!" Ayami hugged all her stuffed animals. "Iloveyou stuffedturtle andyou stuffedlion andyou stuffedturkey andyou stuffedponyand OMIGOSHTHEBEAR ISALIIIIIIIIIIIVE!" The camera focused on the bear, who was pulled up by an obvious string and floated over to her.

"YOUWILLDIE!" it growled in Ayami's voice.

Ayami cowered in a corner. "Onoesonoes onoesonoes! Whowillstopthis evilteddybearand givemeakissI hopehe'shandsome!"

"ME!" Cody stood triumphantly, holding a candy cane like a sword. "Don't worry, cute girl! I will destroy this beast!" He sliced the teddy bear's head off, and the stuffing sprayed onto his face.

Ayami hugged him. "MYHERO!" She puckered her lips, then the movie ended.

---

My Movie

"Uh…How does this thing work?" Lindsay asked, pushing a button. The camera suddenly zoomed in. "Ohhhhhhhh…how cute!" Lindsay kept pressing buttons, zooming the camera out, then making everything brighter, then reversing colors, then zooming it back in again, then the lens cap snapped on.

---

The Bacteria Blaster Returns

"Normal kid by day…Superhero by night! I am the Bacteria Blaster, and I will clean up crime!" Samuel leapt in front of the camera triumphantly, wearing his white jumpsuit. "Since I was bitten by a radioactive bar of soap, I gained the powers of cleanliness! Unfortunately, the evil villainess Mudwoman was attacking, so I had to save the day! BACTERIA BLASTER AWAY!" Samuel turned on his vacuum, which shot him into the air.

The scene changed to Izzy, coated in mud rolling around. "My preciousssssss…"

Samuel ran into the scene. "Not so fast, evil defiler! I shall stop you, for I am…the Bacteria Blaster!"

"Samuel…I am your father…" she replied.

He clutched his face in horror. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO-wait, you're a girl."

"I gots an offa ya can't refuse!" She slapped mud onto him.

"Okay, now you've made me MAD!" Samuel turned on his water pack and cleaned himself off. "This looks like a job for the Clean Grenade!" He threw a beeping bar of soap at Izzy.

"Three is the number thou shall count to, and the number thou shall count to is three! Four is too many, and five is right out!" The grenade blew up, clearing Izzy of the mud.

"The Bacteria Blaster saves the day!" Samuel ran off.

---

The Best Movie Ever Made

Izzy planted her face to the camera. "Hi, I'm Izzy, and since I can't think of a good idea for a movie, I'll just say a bunch of famous movie quotes! You're a wizard, Harry! I don't know nothin' of birthin' no babies! This is SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I'm sick of all these motherf(*$ing snakes on this motherf*$&ing plane! You dirty rat! Speaking of which…" Izzy jumped into a nearby mud puddle. "My preciousssssss…"

Samuel ran into the scene. "Not so fast, evil defiler! I shall stop you, for I am…the Bacteria Blaster!"

"Samuel…I am your father…" she replied.

He clutched his face in horror. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO-wait, you're a girl."

"I gots an offa ya can't refuse!" She slapped mud onto him.

"Okay, now you've made me MAD!" Samuel turned on his water pack and cleaned himself off. "This looks like a job for the Clean Grenade!" He threw a beeping bar of soap at Izzy.

"Three is the number thou shall count to, and the number thou shall count to is three! Four is too many, and five is right out!" The grenade blew up, clearing Izzy of the mud.

"The Bacteria Blaster saves the day!" Samuel ran off.

"Seriously, that kid is crazy…Coocoo, coocoo!" Izzy spun her finger around her ear.

---

Harold Chan: Crouching Liger, Hidden Dragon

A group of ninjas, samurai, sumo wrestlers, martial artists, and pirates surrounded Harold, but he just smiled.

"Time to unleash my wicked skills…" "Kung-Fu Fighting" played in the background as Harold took out his nunchuks and beat up everything that came his way. I'm not very good at describing action scenes. At the end, Harold was shirtless and panting, surrounded by thousands of unconscious bodies.

"Booyah…"

---

Joseph: The Movie

Joseph hopped into a cardboard box shaped like a car. "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, COPPERS!" He picked up the box and ran toward the woods, while making the sounds of a siren. Then, the Gladiator Bear followed him, complete with Benny Hill theme song.

---

Agent Double-O Cody

Spy music played while Cody's silhouette did some cool moves. He rolled into a circle and put his hands in the shape of a gun. "Boom."

---

The Sisterhood of the Travelling Shorts

"Omigosh, my shorts fit!" Casey squealed. "Now you should try them on, Susie!" She moved behind a cardboard cutout shaped like a girl.

"Okay Casey!" She put the shorts on the cutout, which didn't even come close to fitting. "Omigosh! The shorts fit me too!"

Casey moved behind two other cardboard cutouts and giggled. She then sat back at her spot. "Hey girls, ya know who I think is reeeeeeeally cute?"

She moved behind Susie. "Who?"

She moved behind the third one. "Yeah, who?"

She moved behind the second one. "Ooooooh, I bet it's that Joseph! He's sooooooo cute!"

Casey moved back to her spot. "Lucky guess…NOT! That Joseph is so hot, my heart melts just thinking of him…" She sighed.

She moved behind the cutouts one at a time and sighed. She then passed out from exhaustion.

---

Life with Courtney

Courtney stood in front of the camera. "Hello, my name is Courtney. I am a CIT who's life is driven CRAZY by these guys!" She showed clips of several campers doing annoying things. About half of them were of Harold.

"What's it like to take care of idiots when you're the only one sane? This…is my life."

---

Taxidermy Popsicle

Noah held up a duck. "This…is for forks." He threw the duck into the air. "Thank you." He took a bow.

---

The Singer

Cody adjusted his bowtie. "Ahem…Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the girl who's so good at singing, she's simply referred to as 'The Singer'!" An audience track played as Allison leapt into the view of the camera.

_"Oh, when you're a singer you're a singer all the way! You can wow all the crowds and even get pay!"_ She grabbed Cody and looked like she was about to kiss him, but he was suddenly replaced by a cardboard cutout.

---

Desperation

Courtney cried at the feet of a figure in a cape.

"Muahahaha…I just killed your parents, little girl," the figure rattled.

"You are an evil man!" Courtney wailed. "I want revenge! I will find a way to kill YOU, like you killed my parents!"

The scene changed to Courtney, in tattered clothes, jingling a cup at the side of a cabin."Spare change, good sir?" she asked, tears in her eyes. "Spare change for a poor orphan girl?"

Ethan walked over and knelt beside her. "Poor orphan girl…what happened to your parents?"

Courtney wiped a tear from her eye. "Th-they were killed by an evil man…"

Ethan patted her on the shoulder. "There there…it will be alright. I can give you your revenge."

"…How?"

The scene changed; now the two campers were Ethan's old church with Courtney covered in herbs.

"Mr. Shaman…are you sure this will help me?"

Ethan cackled. "Actually, I have never performed this spell before, little girl…you may not come back alive…"

Courtney screamed. "NO! You cannot do this!"

"THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED! THIS IS THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR ADDLING WITH MORTALITY!!!!!" Ethan's eyes glowed as he cast the spell on her.

The cabin lit up in a black light, and when it cleared, Courtney was nowhere to be found.

"That girl should've known better…" Ethan put on his cape. "Mess with a murderer, and you get killed. Muahahaha…"

---

The campers clapped as the last movie ended. Chris clapped as well.

"Nicely done, Ethan! I like how your movie had an unhappy ending," Chris congratulated. "Although the same can't be said for the other campers. I mean, half of the movies didn't even end!"

"Three hours wasn't enough time!" Cody complained.

"Yeah, whatever. Now I need to choose the winner." Chris watched all the movies again. "I'm gonna have to go with………………………………………"

"Just give me my immunity already," Ethan demanded.

"…………………………………………………Harold! Awesome fight scene, dude!"

"Yes!" Harold did a fist pump. Ethan and Courtney seethed.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Things are looking up for me!" Harold looked upward and smiled. "I'm safe from elimination, Ethan might leave, and I'm going to star in a REAL MOVIE! AWESOME!!!!!"

---

Courtney threw a temper tantrum. "NONONONONONO NONONONONONO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO! NONONOOOO!!!!!"

---

Ethan sighed. "Time to influence people's opinions again…"

* * *

"Noah!" Noah peered up from his book to find Ethan and Courtney confronting him.

"Ethan." He narrowed his eyes. "Who do you want me to vote for?"

Courtney slapped her forehead.

"Lindsay. She's completely useless, yet she has a chance of winning, with her hot looks," Ethan answered.

Noah hid his face behind his book again. "You know, I was going to vote her out anyway. Terrible performance today."

---

Campfire Ceremony…

Chris wheeled the TV and VCR to his podium. "Welcome campers, to the all nerve-wracking marshmallow ceremony! This time, without the marshmallows!"

"ButIwanted amarshmallow!" Ayami whined.

"Well, TOO BAD! As first-post-merge-elimination tradition, I'm going to reveal all your votes!" Chris turned on the TV. "This is gonna be awesome!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Yayvotetimeagain!" Ayami blabbered. "IvoteoffLindsay cuzshe'staking allthecuteguys!"

---

"Who to vote for…who to vote for…" Lindsay thought for a long while. "Uhhhhhh…I'll vote for…that guy…that guy with the…uh…glasses…"

"Harold?" the cameraman asked. "He's got immunity. You can't vote him off."

"Ohhhhhhhhhh…then I'll vote off Corky! She's, like, bossy and stuff."

---

Samuel washed his hands. "Gotta vote off Ethan tonight. He's a freak."

---

Izzy jumped up and down. "Ethan said I can have the Gem of Intelligence if I vote out Lindsay! So I'll vote out Lindsay! GEM PLEASE."

---

Harold snorted. "Uh, who do you THINK I'm voting out? Ethan, duh. Leave already, GOSH!"

---

Joseph shivered. "Sorry Casey, but I'm not ready for that kind of commitment…voting Casey out."

---

"Ethan. Just…Ethan." Cody said.

---

Casey frowned. "Ethan said it would be best if I voted out Lindsay. Even though the guy's evil, I trust his judgment."

---

"Since I can't vote out HAROLD…" Courtney punched a wall. "I'm voting out Little Miss I'm so pretty and perfect! Next time, Harold…Next time."

---

"Lindsay." Noah left it at that.

---

"At first I was going to vote out that lousy hyper girl," Allison revealed. "But Ethan brought up a good point; Lindsay may steal Cody's heart. I vote out Lindsay."

---

Ethan stared at the camera. "Lindsay…your usefulness has run out. Harold is no longer affected by you, and you cannot win any challenges. Goodbye, my pawn."

* * *

Chris chuckled. "Lots of dirt revealed there, huh? Anyway, the final tally is one vote Courtney, one vote Casey, four votes Ethan, and six votes Lindsay. Therefore, Lindsay's eliminated!"

Lindsay gasped. "…Did Ethan just vote ME out? B-B-But I thought he was my boyfriend!"

Ethan rolled his eyes. "That was like five challenges ago, idiot. Besides, I lied."

"…Sooooo wait…you lied…and you used me…like HEATHER?!" She stormed over to him.

Ethan remained unfazed. "Wow, I had no idea you were smart enough to realize you've been had TWICE."

"YOU pretended to be my boyfriend, YOU shrunk my boobs, YOU made me naked in front of Harold, and YOU dumped me like garbage! YOU…YOU…YOU'RE WORSE than Heather!"

"Hey, I try."

Lindsay looked like she was going to explode. "THAT MAKES YOU A TWO-TIMING LITTLE…" She flipped him two birds. "F*$(ING, S*$(ING SON OF A F##&ING B*TCH, C$CKSUCKING MOTHERF*$&ING C*NT B#ST$RD!!!!!"

Several campers just stared. However, Chris and Izzy were rolling on the ground in laughter.

"Woo…that was awesome, Lindsay!" Chris wiped a tear from his eye. "Easily twice as bad as the verbal smackdown you gave Heather last season!"

"Maybe even THREE TIMES!" Izzy added.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan grinned maniacally. "The Anti-Heather Alliance is down to one…by the way, thanks for the compliments Lindsay!"

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

**Chris is giving the remaining eleven campers the day off…or is he?**

_"Recently, I've been using Mary's ThoughtCam…WITH PERMISSION to catch some saucy moments this week!"_

**Secrets are revealed…secrets so secret, they'll blow your mind…**

_"Dude! Did you just HEAR THAT?!" Chris pointed at the coffee-covered TV screen. "Seriously, who was expecting THAT?!"_

**Or, maybe they'll just make you blow chunks.**

_Izzy was still completely naked in the Confessional Stall. "Yannow, I have no problem walking around in the buff. I mean, all the other animals do it!"_

**You won't believe who's leaving next time!**

_"GIMME MAH MARSHMALLOW PLZ!" Izzy screamed._

**On Total Drama Action.**

* * *

Author's Note: And there goes Lindsay... *sighs* I'll miss her idiotic comments and hilarious misunderstandings of everything she hears...


	15. Dirty Little Secrets

Disclaimer: I do not own the Total Drama series, but you probably know that by now.

Author's Notes: Malisha, you're SUPPOSED to hate Ethan. He's the villain, just like Heather before him. If you hate him, that means he's doing what he's intended to.

Two huge, game-changing revelations coming up in this chapter. If you correctly predicted even one of them, kudos to you. If you predicted two, stop reading ahead and read the author's notes first.

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 15: Dirty Little Secrets

Chris walked up to the camera. "Welcome back to Total Drama Action, folks! Recently, I've been getting some emails complaining about the lack of such lovely couples as Gwen and Trent, Duncan and Courtney, Geoff and Bridgette, etcetera. Well guess what? We've got something even BETTER! OWEN!"

Owen was making out with Izzy. "Hey, can't you see I'm busy?"

Chris frowned. "CHEF!" Chef wheeled in a TV.

"Recently, I've been using Mary's ThoughtCam…WITH PERMISSION to catch some saucy moments this week! But first, I need to do the previous episode recap…Last time on Total Drama Action, the campers make it big by becoming filmmakers!"

Clips of campers getting their cameras were shown.

"Just like a typical blockbuster, romance and drama were all over the place! Allison and Ayami fought over techno-geek Cody, which surprised him!"

A clip of Allison and Ayami tugging on Cody's arms was shown.

"Plus, Ethan came up with a diabolical plot to give Courtney the powers of mortality…in his movie!"

A clip of Ethan zapping Courtney was shown.

"Unfortunately for our villains, their target Harold won immunity for his AWESOME action flick!"

A clip of Harold beating up CGI warriors was shown.

"Next time, guys…However, there is no next time for Lindsay, who was eliminated due to her lame movie and Ethan dumping her! Harsh!"

A clip of Lindsay's "movie" was shown.

"Naturally, she took it hard. Hard enough to repeat what she did last season, as a matter of fact!"

A clip of Lindsay swearing was shown.

"Only eleven campers remain. Will Ethan and Courtney get Harold this time? Will Lindsay get her revenge this time? And what new romantic twists will surface in this special episode? Find out tonight, on Total. Drama. Action!"

* * *

"ATTENTION CAMPERS!" the intercom blared. "THERE IS NO IMMUNITY CHALLENGE TODAY! FEEL FREE TO RELAX AND ENJOY THE NICE WEATHER!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"No immunity challenge means Harold's out of here…heheheh…" Ethan cackled. The ThoughtCam turned on. "And once he's eliminated, Courtney and I can kill him without fear of cameras! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

---

"Now that there's no immunity challenge, I can spend the day convincing everyone to vote out Ethan." Harold took out a huge billboard and some buttons saying "Vote out Ethan".

* * *

Joseph woke up to an empty bed. He was confused, because typically Casey would be there, talking about how he was cute and stuff. However, he could hear her crying outside.

"Joseph…I…I thought what we had was special!" Casey told herself. When he went outside, though, she turned away.

"Hey Casey…what's the problem?"

She didn't turn around. "What do you think?"

"Uh…tell me again?"

"Last night. You voted me off."

* * *

_Flashback…_

_Joseph shivered. "Sorry Casey, but I'm not ready for that kind of commitment…voting Casey out."_

_End Flashback…_

* * *

Joseph sighed. "Uh…I didn't know Chris would show our confessions. If I knew that, I-"

Casey finished his sentence. "Wouldn't vote me off? Yeah right."

Joseph shook his head. "No, what I was going to say was that I wouldn't have said that. I voted you out because I need my space. I don't love you…but I don't hate you."

"You have a funny way of showing it."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Joseph sighed. "I'm soooooo sorry Casey. It's just that this relationship won't work out." The ThoughtCam turned on. "Because, you know…I don't like women. It's lonely being gay…"

* * *

Chris spat out his coffee. "WHAT THE HECK DID HE JUST THINK?!!!!!"

"HOLY GUACAMOLE, JOSEPH'S GAY?!" Owen yelled. "FINALLY! SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS!!!!!" Izzy kicked him in the shin.

---

"Hey guys! Guess what day it is?" Izzy asked, completely naked.

Samuel's eye twitched. "Mentally scar everyone in camp Day?"

"Vote off Ethan Day?" Harold asked, holding up his buttons.

Ethan got angry. "Harold's going to die if he doesn't stop pissing me off Day?"

"NOPE! Today is Owen's birthday!" Izzy cheered. "And I figured that a good surprise would be to show up in our birthday suits!"

Everyone looked sick.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Izzy was still completely naked in the Confessional Stall. "Yannow, I have no problem walking around in the buff. I mean, all the other animals do it!"

---

Samuel looked quite green. "I have had quite enough of that wild child! Naked in public is the LAST STRAW for me!" The ThoughtCam turned on. "Oh Izzy…so wild, so free, so untamed…if only I could be the same way…alas, I'm shackled to my habits of cleanliness."

* * *

Chris spat out his coffee again.

"Hey man! Stop wasting coffee!" Owen complained.

"Dude! Did you just HEAR THAT?!" Chris pointed at the coffee-covered TV screen. "Seriously, who was expecting THAT?!"

Izzy bounded in the room, completely dressed. "IIIIIIIIIIIII waaaaaaas!"

Chris frowned. "Izzy, this room is for TDA STAFF ONLY!!!!!"

Izzy hit Chris on the head with a staff.

---

Izzy ran back to the campsite, this time wearing only a sock. "Hey guys, guess WHAT?"

Noah sighed. "Let me guess; it's Owen's birthday?"

"Nope, even better! I saw the confessionals and the ThoughtCam and stuff, and Samuel has a crush on me!"

Noah looked back at Samuel, who looked about ready to blow a gasket. "TMI, Izzy. TMI."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"I CANNOT BELIEVE IZZY REVEALED THAT I HAVE A…uh, I mean…I CANNOT BELIEVE IZZY SPREAD THAT NASTY RUMOR! THAT ISN'T TRUE!!!!!" Samuel exploded. The ThoughtCam turned on. "Okay, it's true…If only Owen didn't exist or something…seriously, I don't want to mess with someone else's girl."

* * *

He then stormed out of the confessional stall and locked himself in the Hollering Otter cabin.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Izzy beamed insanely. "Sam has a crush on me! That can only mean one thing…THREESOME!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

_"Dododododaaaaaa, singin' in the shower! The hot water's gonna turn cold in an hour!"_ Ayami heard Cody singing as she approached the boy's shower room.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ayami held up a small, pink present. "Ifthisdoesn'tget Codytolikeme NOTHINGWILL!"

* * *

Ayami reached the door and put her gift at the stoop, when she spotted a blue present off to the side. She read the note within, "To the Coolest, Sweetest Geek ever: From your Secret Admirer".

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison held up a flat, blue present. "If this doesn't get Cody to like me, NOTHING WILL!"

* * *

Ayami sniffed the present. "Allison…" she muttered. She took the blue present back to her cabin.

At that moment, Allison tiptoed to the boy's shower room, and sure enough found a pink present there. She read the note on top, "To the Nicest, most Awesome Nerd ever: From your Mystery Crush". She scribbled out the "Mystery Crush" and wrote "Allison". She then tiptoed back to her cabin.

Then, Ayami tiptoed back to the boy's shower room and put Allison's present back. On the note, the "Secret Admirer" was scribbled out and replaced with "Ayami".

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Allisonthinksshe's onestepahead ofme." Ayami tapped her head. "ButI'mtheone who'sahead ofher!"

---

"Ayami thinks she's one step ahead of me." Allison tapped her head. "But I'm the one who's ahead of her!"

---

"COPY AND PASTE HUMOR!" Izzy screamed, naked.

* * *

**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!**

"Go away!" Samuel threw a pillow at the window.

"Sam?" Joseph's voice asked. "I just wanna talk…"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Dude, I understand what you're going through."

Samuel stomped over to the door and opened it a crack. "No. No you don't."

Joseph opened the door wider. "Yeah, I do. Casey was the same way with me!"

Samuel closed the door again. "Casey? Yeah, that's a good substitute for Izzy. How would YOU like it if you were paired up with HER?!"

Joseph opened the door again. "…Look, I didn't say our situations were EXACTLY the same, just similar. Besides, Casey broke up with me."

Samuel snarled. "You poor thing."

"Yeah, but there's my point. I…actually kinda miss her…" Joseph sighed and sauntered in the cabin. Samuel began to raise a finger in protest, then shrugged and allowed him in.

"So…you like her after all?"

"Ehhhhhh, not in the way you're thinking. Just as a friend…" Joseph sat down at Colin's bed. "Casey was annoying, yet she was always nice to me before. She saved my life back in that forest, too. I preferred that kindness over the cold shoulder she's giving me now."

Samuel nodded. "You're a nice kid, Joe."

"The polar opposite of my sister." Joseph laughed. "So Sam, what's your beef with Izzy?"

"Oh boy, where do I even start?" Samuel paced the room. "Well, Izzy's…crazy, obviously. She also likes to act like savage, and dirty. If Josephine's the polar opposite of you, then Izzy's the polar opposite of me."

Joseph thought for a minute. "…………………Ohhhhhhh…I got it!"

"Got what?"

Joseph cracked a huge smile. "You're the new Courtney."

Samuel looked confused. "…You lost me."

Joseph chuckled. "Remember Courtney and Duncan from last season?"

"How could I not?" Samuel pointed out the window to Courtney, who looked like she was trying to strangle Harold.

"Courtney and Duncan were polar opposites. The rule-abiding girl and the juvenile delinquent. However, Courtney was sick and tired of being her prissy self, and found what she wanted to be in Duncan. Thus, they became a couple."

Samuel grinned slyly. "Let me guess; you're going to compare that to Izzy and I now, right?"

"You got it! You, as you know, are a neat freak, while Izzy is a wild child, your polar opposite. My guess is that you secretly want to loosen up on your cleaning habits and admire Izzy's personality."

Samuel sniggered. "Joe…you are one smart son of a b*tch." He gave him a noogie.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Joseph shrugged. "Poor Sam was feeling really lonely, so I took it to myself to cheer him up. It worked!" The ThoughtCam turned on. "He was really cute when he gave me that noogie…"

* * *

"Hey dude, thanks for the talk." Samuel washed his knuckle.

"You're…welcome." Joseph blushed slightly.

---

Harold continued to hand out his buttons. "Vote out Ethan today! He's evil and wants to take over the world! Want a button?"

"Ooh, ooh me! I want a button!" Izzy, still completely naked, snatched a button.

"…Uh…what will you pin it on?"

"ATTENTION!!!!!" The campers turned to a huge TV screen that showed up from nowhere. On the screen was a picture of Harold with devil horns drawn on his head.

"This is the enemy!" Courtney's voice blared. "Harold is the most evil camper! He cheated in the dodgeball game!"

A clip of Harold dodging the balls was shown, but there was a jetpack scribbled on his back.

Harold slanted his eyes. "I didn't use a jetpack in that game. GOSH!"

Courtney continued. "He's also a pervert, who lets his horniness get the better of him!"

The infamous naked Heather scene was shown.

"It was my first time!" Harold argued.

"And worst of all…HE SWAPPED VOTES!!!!!"

The clip of Harold swapping the votes was shown.

"When is she going to get over that already?"

Courtney showed up on the screen. "Fellow campers, do us all a favor. VOTE. OFF. HAROLD!!!!!"

The screen showed Ethan giving a thumbs-up. "I am Ethan, and I approve of this message." The TV turned off.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"When are those two going to grow up?!" Harold asked in exasperation. "I mean, I got over my boobies obsession, so why can't they just LET IT GO?!"

---

Cody munched on a chocolate bar. "Well, as long as those girls aren't pulling on my arms, I could get used to the treatment. Allison just gave me some tasty chocolate, and Ayami got me an iPod!" He held up the iPod.

* * *

Samuel stared at Izzy, who was grilling a barbeque naked. "Uh…maybe I should ask her AFTER Owen's birthday."

Joseph nudged him. "No way, man. This is the best time, when she's happy and naked! Go for it!"

Samuel found himself tumbling towards the grill, which burned him.

"YEEEEEOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!"

"Why hello there Mr. Squirrel!" Izzy looked behind the grill to find Samuel sprawled on the ground, his face burnt. "Hey…you're not Mr. Squirrel! You don't have a big bushy tail!"

Samuel rubbed his head and stood up. "…Hey Izzy…uhhhhh…"

"GET ON WITH IT!" Joseph yelled from the sidelines.

"Get on with what?" asked Izzy. "Yannow, I used to ride horses when I was little. I really liked digging into the flesh with my spurs, until they started running everywhere. For some reason my mother told me I could never go back one day…"

Samuel closed his eyes. "……………Will you go out with me?!"

Joseph slapped his forehead. "NO Sam! I told you we're not doing that yet!"

"Go out? You mean like to the ball game? _Take me out to the baaaaallllll game! Take me out to the crooooowwwwd!"_

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel cringed. "Joe wanted me to ask Izzy to teach me how to be wild…BUT I'M JUST NOT READY! There's so much…cleaning to DO!!!!!" The ThoughtCam turned on. "Izzy has a really hot body…"

* * *

"Ask her to be your teacher already!" Joseph screamed.

Izzy shrieked, "TEACHER?!!!!!" She put on Harold's glasses. _"A B C D E F G, H I J K LMNOP, Q R S, T U V, W X, Y and Zed!"_

Samuel sighed. "No, not like that…I want…to be like you."

"I'LL GET THE HAIR DYE!" Izzy ran into Chris' trailer and came back out with a bottle of red hair dye.

"No no no, I meant I want to be FREE!"

Izzy placed a price tag on Samuel that read "Now 100% off!"

Joseph slapped his forehead again.

---

"Noah, buddy!" Ethan waltzed into the Otter cabin and placed an "I hate Harold" button on Noah's shirt. "How are ya doin', my man?"

Noah lowered his book. "Cut the crap and give me three good reasons why I should vote out Harold."

Ethan took out his box of bribes and opened it, revealing many shiny gems. "Choose any three magical gems you like. Hurry, the deal will end soon!"

Noah picked up a yellow gem and examined it. "Are these really magic?"

"Oh yes…that one you're holding is the Gem of Luck. I used that one to get on this show!"

"Who needs luck when you have skill?" Noah placed the Gem of Luck back into the box. "Are any of these gems worth anything?"

"Well, I already gave the Gem of Intelligence to Izzy…let's see, there's the Gem of Happiness." He took out the pink gem.

"Happiness results in blind worship."

Ethan frowned. "A tricky customer, eh? Well, I've got the gem for you in here somewhere…Aha!" He took out a red gem. "The Gem of Karma, a very powerful gem indeed…do anything evil you like, without consequence."

Noah stifled a snort. "Karma…yeah right. That's just a myth."

"Hey, I'll have you know that karma is as real as that book you're holding!"

"Whatever. I'll be making sure to vote for you next ceremony."

"…" Ethan stomped out of the cabin, frustrated.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"I always go by my word." Noah held up his vote, which read "Ethan".

* * *

"Hey Noah, what's happenin'?" Harold asked, placing a "I hate Ethan" button on Noah's shirt.

Noah removed the button. "I'll have you know this sweater-vest is high-quality."

"Whatever. Just vote out Ethan, okay?"

"Already did."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Is it too late to change my vote?" Noah took his vote out of the box, scribbled out "Ethan", and wrote "Harold" on top. "Harold…for shame. Bribing people to vote your way is something I'd expect from Ethan."

* * *

"Izzy…just listen to me!" Samuel pleaded.

"Uh huh…" Izzy plopped herself on top of the barbeque.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"How the heck does she do that without getting burned?"

---

Izzy held up a purple gem. "Hey Ethan, thanks for the Temperature Gem!"

* * *

Samuel sighed. "I just…I need to say…"

"Yeeeeesssss?????" Izzy turned onto her back.

"………………………………………………………………………………………..Willyouteachme howtobecrazy?"

"Sure."

Samuel was shocked. "Oh…okay! That's cool!"

"Meet me at the entrance to the woods at 6 AM!" Izzy screamed.

"Okay, okay! Will do!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel chuckled. "I wasn't expecting it to be that easy!"

* * *

"JOSEPH! I DID IT! I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Samuel ran up to his new friend and gave him a hug.

"I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT, DUDE!" Joseph cheered.

"Could you two please stop screaming so-" Noah began to ask, but he couldn't finish. "…Oh lord."

Cody got out of the confessional stall, then dropped his presents. "WHAT THE HECK?!!!!"

Joseph kissed Samuel. On the lips.

Samuel just stared, wide-eyed. "……………………………………………….."

Joseph removed himself. "…Oops."

"…………………Dude……………………………..DUDE…………………….WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Samuel ran away, screaming his lungs out.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Joseph was blushing like mad. "Whoa…I wasn't planning on stepping out of the closet like THAT."

---

Noah took out his vote yet again, this time replacing "Harold" with "Joseph". His eye twitched. "…And I thought kissing Cody's ear was bad…"

---

Cody's eye twitched. "…And I thought Noah kissing my ear was bad…"

---

Casey was crying. "EW, I WAS DATING A GAY!!!!!!!!! GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS!" The ThoughtCam turned on. "Then again, male-on-male action is hawt…"

* * *

Campfire Ceremony…

"Greetings campers!" Chris held up his platter of marshmallows. "How did you all enjoy your day off?"

Everyone shuddered, while Joseph blushed and twiddled his thumbs.

"Good, good." Chris seemed to expect this response. "Anyway, vacation's over guys, but only ten of you are returning to the fast-paced world of Total Drama Action! You know the drill; whoever does not receive a marshmallow must immediately walk the Dock of Shame and catch the Boat of Losers! And you can't come back. EVER."

"GIMME MAH MARSHMALLOW PLZ!" Izzy screamed.

"Patience is a virtue, Izzy…Unfortunately, I'm going to throw these marshmallows at SUPER SPEED!" Chris took a marshmallow and aimed at the crowd. "……………………………………………………………………………………………Casey Courtney Harold Noah Izzy Samuel Ayami Allison Cody Ethan!" Marshmallows went flying everywhere, and the campers scrambled to collect them. Except for one.

"Sorry Joe, but it's time for you to go!"

Joseph faced the ground and sighed. "…Homophobes. The lot of ya." He stood up and gave Casey a harsh look, which she returned.

"I'm not against gays, but I don't like it when they KISS STRAIGHT GUYS!" Samuel screamed, pointing at him.

"And that's how he repays me…" Joseph muttered, as he walked down the Dock of Shame.

---

The campers sneaked to the staff cabin, all naked.

"I still don't know why I agreed to this," Noah growled.

"Shush!" Izzy knocked on the door. "Ready guys?" Harold and Casey lifted up the banner, while Noah and Cody lit the fireworks, Ayami and Allison held the cake, and Samuel held his finger above the boombox. Footsteps became louder and louder until…

The door opened.

"SURPRIIIIISE!!!!!" Izzy blew on her party horn, while fireworks exploded, upbeat music played, and a colorful banner with the words "Happy Birthday Owen" on it waved around.

Chef's eyes widened. "…NAKED CAMPERS! I'M BLINDED! I'M BLINDED!"

A familiar voice called from inside, "C'mon Chef, lighten up! They're just celebrating my birthday!" Owen waddled to the door, naked as well. "Hey, you guys are naked too! Great minds think alike, I suppose! IS THAT CAKE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Owen scarfed down the cake while several campers laughed.

"HAPPY B-DAY, OWEN!" Izzy screamed, giving him a hug.

Samuel smiled. "This actually…feels pretty good. I like this!"

"I don't," Noah and Courtney uttered simultaneously. They stared at each other for a moment, then looked away.

The cameraman sighed. "Editing this episode is gonna be a nightmare…"

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

_"Welcome, one and all, to…" Chris turned on a TV. "Totally Wacky Races!!!!!" The TV showed the vintage intro of Wacky Races. _

**The last ten campers are on a wild and crazy race!**

_Chris held up a green flag. "On your marks…get set…graves dug…GO!"_

**Meanwhile, Samuel is racing for Izzy's heart.**

_Samuel drove up to her and blushed. "Hey…I know we're in the middle of a challenge and all…but do you think we could continue the crazy lesson?"_

_Izzy leaned her face into his. "…ABSOLUTELY!"_

**And Ethan's racing to shoot some ducks!**

_Ethan rubbed his hands together. "Dick Dastardly had the right ideas, but the wrong implementation. I shall cheat like no one has ever cheated before!" He shot at a duck, but missed. The dog snickered._

**Just try to guess who will leave next time, on Total Drama Action.**

* * *

Author's Notes: I'm going to update my profile with new info on Joseph and a new poll about TDA: My Way. Anyone who's responded to the previous poll (all three of you) should check it out.

Alright, next chapter is where I believe my writing starts to become really good...plus it's a Wacky Races parody with the Duck Hunt Dog! What's not to like...besides the dog?


	16. Totally Wacky Races

Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama, Wacky Races, Duck Hunt, or any other references to copyrighted material.

Author's Note: Now we're starting to get to the good stuff. Only ten campers left, and the numbers just keep dropping! Expect more drama and character development starting here.

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 16: Totally Wacky Races

Chris rode up to the camera in his new racecar and gave it a thumbs-up. "Yo, this is racing champion Chris MaClean in #10, the Reality Star!" The camera zoomed out to show his entire car. It was shiny silver, with pictures of famous reality TV stars such as Richard Hatch, Kynt and Vyxsin, Heather, and more, with a black "10" on the side.

"Hey Chris, ya wanna see my car?" Owen asked, wheeling in his hamburger-car.

"…You got that from Spongebob, didn't you?"

Owen shifted his eyes. "…Maybe."

"Last time on Total Drama Action, I performed a gutsy move that is SURE to raise ratings; using Mary's ThoughtCam to reveal some dirty secrets!"

A clip of campers in the confessional stall were shown.

"We learned some AWESOME stuff that day! For example, Samuel aspires to be like Izzy!"

A clip of Samuel talking to Izzy was shown.

"And…uh…we discovered Joseph's sexual orientation…"

A clip of Joseph kissing Samuel was shown.

"I decided to let the campers have a day off from challenges, leaving them plenty of time to gain supporters!"

Clips of Harold and Ethan trying to influence Noah were shown.

"And Ayami's and Allison's rivalry was…well…AWESOME!"

A clip of Cody's presents was shown.

"Meanwhile, Joseph managed to help Samuel with his romance problems!"

A clip of Joseph and Samuel talking was shown.

"Yet at the ceremony, Samuel repaid him by getting him voted out, due to his homosexuality."

A clip of Joseph walking on the Dock of Shame was shown.

"Now that the challenges are back on, who is gonna get the gold, and who will end up crashing and burning? Will Samuel successfully learn the way of the Izzy? How the heck can Cody choose between two fangirls? Find out some of these answers tonight, on Total. Drama. Action!"

* * *

**RING! RING! RING!** An alarm clock went off in the Hollering Otters cabin.

"Turn that racket OFF!" Noah roared, pulling his pillow over his head.

Harold sat upright. "Just five more minutes…GOSH!"

"One at a time, ladies…oh!" Cody woke up, and took his thumb out of his mouth.

"Sorry sorry sorry! Soooooo sorry!" Samuel pounded on his alarm clock, but it didn't stop. He then shrugged sheepishly and threw the clock out the window.

"What the heck was THAT FOR?!" Ethan held Samuel by the throat. "I swear, if I don't get my recommended eight hours of sleep every day, I'll-"

"You weren't sleeping." Noah reached under Ethan's covers and took out a framed picture of Heather. "Awwwwww…still miss your b*tchy girlfriend?"

Ethan turned red in the face. "Oh, and I suppose that ditzy Katie is better, HUH?!"

"Anything is better than Heather." Noah rolled his eyes.

Samuel tiptoed to the door. "Hey guys, it's almost 6 o'clock, so I think I should be going now…"

"To date the Psycho Hosebeast?" Ethan asked. He dragged Samuel back into the room. "Not until you tell Noah here that Heather's better than ANY OTHER girl."

"…But she's not," Cody replied. "Gwen's the best."

"Goth girl? Yeah right!" Ethan exploded. "She wasn't even good enough to return this season!"

"Break it up, guys!" Harold stepped in between the boys and held his arms to the side. "Besides, we all know LeShawna's the best girl."

"LeShawna's fat." Cody made a face. "Fat girls are ugly!"

"She's not fat, she's LARGE AND IN CHARGE! GOSH!"

Noah sighed. "Okay, what's with all the arguing here? Can't we all just agree to disagree?"

The other four boys crowded him. "NO!!!!!"

"THIS IS STUPID!" Noah yelled, causing everyone to take a step away. "It's obvious that we all have different tastes in women! For example, I find that Gwen, LeShawna, Heather, and Izzy appear absolutely hideous when compared to Katie. But that's just MY OPINION!"

Ethan folded his arms. "It's a sh*tty opinion." At that point, the argument devolved into a fistfight.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Okay, I know we're not really a 'team' anymore," Noah complained, "but would it hurt those other guys to respect each other? Fighting typically results in elimination."

* * *

Izzy peered out of the window of Deadly Sparrows cabin and watched the boys fighting. "Whoo! Go Samuel!! Say sexy stuff about me!"

"I just want them to shut up…" Allison moaned. "I need my beauty sleep…"

Courtney volunteered, "I'll do it." She stormed out of the cabin.

---

"HAROLD! STOP FIGHTING EVERYONE!!!!!" Courtney started beating up Harold.

"But I didn't even start it!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Okay, I admit I volunteered just so I could beat the snot out of Harold," confessed Courtney. "Seriously, I was suffering from withdrawal!"

* * *

"Don't you have a date to go to?" Courtney sneered at Samuel, who nervously zipped out the door.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Okay, I'll admit it…" Samuel was biting his fingernails. "I'm EXTREMELY nervous about this!"

* * *

Izzy leapt out of the cabin window. "AYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIIIII!!!!!!!!! Greetings, young grasshopper." She bowed respectfully.

"Uh…greetings, Izzy…" Samuel bowed awkwardly.

"You will refer to me as 'Sensei'." Izzy corrected. "Now, the forest we must go, for the craziness you must learn."

"…Why are you talking like Yoda?"

_"Because he's Yoooooooooda! Yo-yo-yo-yo Yooooooooooda! Yo-yo-yo-yo Yooooooooda!"_ Izzy jumped onto Samuel's back, causing him to topple over. "Young grasshopper, carry me you must, for back of yours to strengthen."

"Owwwwwww…My back is killing-"

Samuel was interrupted as Chris' car ran over him. "Nice wheels!" Izzy squealed.

Chris gave her a thumbs-up. "Thanks. Guess what?! For today's challenge, you get to make your OWN!"

"That sounds so super fantacular! I'll go tell EVERYBODY!" Izzy ran back to the cabins.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel struggled to put some ice on the back of his full-body cast. "Owwwwww…"

* * *

The ten campers, including Samuel on a wheelchair, went over to a new section of the island: an elaborate racetrack.

"Welcome, one and all, to…" Chris turned on a TV. "Totally Wacky Races!!!!!" The TV showed the vintage intro of Wacky Races. "I take it you're all familiar with this show, correct?"

Cody glued his eyes to the screen. "Man, I love this 'toon! Look, there's Penelope Pitstop! Quite the looker she is, eh?"

Chris turned off the TV. "Dude, you watch too many cartoons. Anyway, Mary will pass out the…uh…what's it called again?"

Mary sighed as Lou wheeled in ten high-tech helmets. "They're Telepathic Matter-Generating Helmets. Basically, when you put these on, you can create stuff out of thought. Today…" Lou put the helmets on all ten campers. "…you will think up your own dream racecars!"

"Yeah…that." Chris watched as Lou finished putting the helmets on the campers' heads. "After thinking 'em up, you'll be driving your sweet wheels in the Yurgonadynao 500, filled with dangerous obstacles and random explosions!"

The camera moved over to the track, which looked like it was thrown together haphazardly. A piece of the track exploded for no reason.

"This is gonna be awesome…" Chris chuckled. "The winner of this wicked race will receive a meal of the champions; whatever you want served by gourmet chefs!"

Chef growled. "I better be one of those chefs."

"Whatever. As for the loser…he or she is ELIMINATED!" All the campers froze.

Chris smirked. "That's right…No marshmallow ceremony, no votes, and no exceptions. So you better not lose."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"The loser of the challenge is ELIMINATED?!" Allison gasped. "Wasn't there a challenge like that last season? Except…with bikes, not racecars."

---

Casey sniffled. "I wouldn't mind losing today…I already lost my dignity."

* * *

The Wacky Races theme played. "Heeeeeeeeere they come!" Chris announced. "It's the Totally Wacky Races! Our first racer today is the Codemeister riding #1…which looks remarkably like the Batmobile!"

Indeed, Cody's car looked a lot like the Batmobile. It was long and mostly black, with bat wings to the sides and blue stripes along the hood. A blue "1" shaped like a bat was painted on the door.

The dark window opened, revealing Cody wearing a black racing outfit. "I told you, it's called the Gwenmobile!"

"CoughBatmobilewith Gweninstead ofBatcough!" Chris coughed.

"…Just shut up."

Chris shrugged. "Riding #2, it's Ayami in her delicious Candy Car!"

Ayami's car was shaped like a candy cane; thus it was so thin, there was no passenger seat. The body was painted with diagonal red and white stripes, and the tailpipe was the curved portion of the cane. The seats looked like they were made of chocolate, the sides had pockets for candy storage, and a cotton candy"2" was under the door.

"OmigoshIalways wantedtobea professionalracecardriver cuztheygettoride extremelyfastcars whichisSOCOOL nottomenionthe adrenalinerushIlike adrenalinerushes especiallywhenthey're causedbycandy andnowI'm anactual RACECARDRIVER! YAAAAAAY!"

Chris pushed the Candy Car to the starting line before Ayami could talk anymore. "Next is #3, the…uh…is that a dragon?" Chris turned around to see Izzy riding a large, green dragon, with red "3" painted on its side.

"Yup! Go on to the starting line, boy!" Izzy tossed a stick to the starting line, which the dragon chased eagerly.

"…I'm not sure if that's within the rules, but I don't really care! Because here comes #4, the Awesome Liger!"

"Driven by…" Harold put on a pair of sunglasses. "…Dirty Harold!" His car was large and orange, with black irregular spots scattered about, along with a black "4" on the side. The wheels had claws protruding from them, eyes were painted over the headlights, and there was also a LeShawna hood ornament next to the driver's seat.

Chris gave a thumbs-up. "Cool car, man! Gimme five!" The car extended a paw and started shredding him to pieces.

"Heheh…oops." Harold pressed a button to make it stop.

"No, I meant gimme car #5!" Chris yelled. "The Musical Menace!"

_"Ohhhhh, gonna get in first plaaaace, gonna win this raaaace!" _Allison put her microphone on the hood of her car, which was painted white with black notes all over the body and a black "5" at the side. At the back were some loudspeakers, along with saxophone tailpipes. The dashboard had piano keys instead of buttons or a steering wheel.

Chris looked over to the dashboard. "Hmmm…do you drive by playing the piano?"

Allison giggled, "Oh, it does more than that!" She played the first few notes to "Chopsticks" and a giant pair of chopsticks grabbed Chris and flung him away.

---

One exceedingly large hospital bill later…

"Here's car #6, Samuel's Sudsy Speedster!" Chris announced as he nearly got run over by the car. It resembled a hovercraft, except that large quantities of foamy, bubbly soap came out from the bottom, creating a trail of suds wherever it went. The interior was covered by a glass dome, which had a windshield wiper attached. "Hey, I thought you got over the cleanliness thing!"

"Uh…I did…" Samuel sweated. "The soap is for low friction and extremely high top speeds!"

"MUD FIGHT!!!!!" Izzy opened up the glass dome and threw mud at Samuel's face.

"GAH! UNCLEAN!!!!! UNCLEAN!!!!!" Suds shot into the car, cleaning everything up.

Izzy shook her head. "If free is what you want to be, get dirty, you must allow."

"…Okay, so I haven't quite gotten over the cleanliness thing…"

"That's too bad…" Noah drove up beside Samuel in his car. "I guess that means I'll be seeing you at the finish line."

"You mean you'll be seeing the back of my head at the finish line!" Samuel retorted.

Noah rolled his eyes. "Worst. Comeback. Ever."

Chris walked over to Noah's car. "Alright, here's #7, the Bookworm!"

The Bookworm consisted of a large earthworm slithering beneath the car, while the top contained a shelf of books, a wooden table, a beanbag chair, and a steering wheel. Noah sat at the table, keeping one eye on the road and one hand on the wheel, while he read. Also, there was a picture of a book opened up to page 7 on the side of the car.

Ayami squealed, "Omigoshthatlooks justlikethecars inChowder!"

"Purely coincidence."

At that point, Casey passed by in her car; a hot pink fifties-style with a curvy, yellow "8" at the side.

"Hey Casey, I just got back with the lawyers," Chris showed her a piece of paper. "You can't name that car the Pink Panther, 'cause it's still copyrighted."

Casey sighed. "Uh…how about the Pink Panda?"

Chris shrugged. "That's fine. Okay, here's #9, Courtney's…bicycle?"

Sure enough, Courtney was riding a bicycle. It appeared to be light and aerodynamic, and it was painted brown. Also attached to one of the wheels was a piece of paper with a "9" written on it.

"Bicycle…" Several campers chuckled.

"Shut up!" Courtney snapped. "This so happens to be the best bicycle ever made, and it will kick your lousy cars' BUTTS!"

Chris laughed. "Courtney…just admit you don't have your driver's license yet."

She folded her arms. "Actually, I DO have a driver's license, thank you very much! It's just that, as a CIT, I need to work on my cardio."

Chris held up a lie detector, which was blaring **LIE! LIE! LIE!**

"…WHO ASKED YOU?!" She started to throttle Harold.

Chris looked upon this attempt at anger management in fear, and shuddered before continuing. "Alright, now let's meet our last car! #00, the Scheme Machine!"

Ethan's car looked exactly like the Mean Machine, except for various Heather-related aesthetics in the interior. He was even wearing Dick Dastardly's famous purple coat and red hat.

"What is this? A cosplay convention?"

Ethan snickered and twirled his goatee. "Nah, it's just that Dick's one of my all time favorite cartoon characters! I've got a Muttley, too!"

A dog popped from out of the backseat, holding up a dead duck.

"Though for some reason, he only snickers when I fail to shoot ducks…" Ethan drifted into his thoughts as he drove his car to the starting line.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan rubbed his hands together. "Dick Dastardly had the right ideas, but the wrong implementation. I shall cheat like no one has ever cheated before!" He shot at a duck, but missed. The dog snickered.

---

Izzy petted her dragon. "Hey viewers at home! Didja know this is the same dragon that I met during the time-travel challenge?"

* * *

Chris held up a green flag. "On your marks…get set…graves dug…GO!" He lowered the flag, prompting all ten vehicles to zoom past the starting line. At least, that's what seemed to happen. The exhaust from the cars obscured two stationary racers for a moment.

Courtney coughed. "GAH! I HATE CARS!!!!!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"I HATE CARS!" Courtney complained. "They're big, loud, and annoying! Not to mention how idiot guys like to brag about them! And don't even get me started on motorcycles!"

* * *

Courtney slowly pedaled past the starting line, leaving Izzy smiling atop her stationary dragon. It whimpered.

"Awwwwww, it's okay." Izzy patted the dragon on the head. "You can go when you feel like it."

The dragon opened its mouth and pointed inside it.

"Huh, what's that? You wanna kiss?"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Me hungy!" the dragon whined, translated.

* * *

Chris hopped up to the commentator room and grabbed a mike. "And they're off! In the lead is #6, the Sudsy Speedster! Right on its tail is #5, the Musical Menace, and coming from behind is #8, the Pink Panda!"

Owen and Mary came out of nowhere. "Yeah, we can SEE for ourselves," Mary rudely remarked.

Owen pointed at his eyes. "I can't! I need laser eye surgery!"

Chris frowned. "I'm the race commentator, dudes. It's my job to say glaringly obvious stuff!"

Mary pointed down to the track. "You mean like how #00, the Scheme Machine, is obviously cheating right now?" At the track, Ethan pushed a button on his car, thrusting it into the air ahead of the pack.

"Yeah, like that."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris laughed. "Oh, did I forget to mention? In this race, cheating is A-okay, as long as ya don't kill anybody! That makes it awesome!"

* * *

The Scheme Machine roared far ahead of the other cars, infuriating the drivers.

"Why the heck is that thing twice as fast as our cars?" Allison asked.

"Have you ever watched Wacky Races?" Cody sped up until he was neck and neck with Allison. "On the old show, the Mean Machine was so fast so Dick Dastardly could plant traps ahead of the other racers. Fortunately, they never work."

"Oh." Allison blushed. "Thanks…"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison swooned. "He's so smart, and cute, and…HAWT!"

* * *

**BOOM! BOOM!** Random explosions nearly knocked Ethan off the track, but he managed to hold on. He looked back to see the mutilated track behind him, turned jagged and pock-marked by the explosions. "Man, Chris isn't f*#$ing around with this one." He then came up with an idea.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"As far as I could see, anyone who fell from a hole was a goner, so I decided to create a little…detour." Ethan grinned, until the dog threw a duck at his face.

* * *

Ethan stopped his car at a particularly sharp turn and hurriedly bundled supplies from the trunk in his arms. He rearranged them at a large hole; several arrows and a sign reading "tunnel shortcut". "Yes…that's grand."

The dog held up a duck.

Ethan turned towards his sidekick with a scowl. "This is the part where you snigger."

It held up a sign, a la Wile E. Coyote, that read "Shoot the duck!"

---

By the time Allison and Ayami reached the trap, Ethan was long gone.

"Omigosh!!!!! It'sashortcut let'susetheshortcut cuzwhenweuse theshortcutwe'll wintherace andeatfood duetotheshortcut!"

Admiral Ackbar suddenly popped out of Allison's exhaust pipe. "IT'S A TRAP!"

Ayami ignored him and fell through the hole.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"No one ever takes me seriously!" Ackbar lamented. "My brilliant advice has been turned into a freaking internet meme!"

* * *

"Well, I guess that means Ayami's gonna die. Oh well." Allison shrugged and drove past the hole. Ackbar sighed in relief.

However, her conscience kicked in, giving her a nasty stomachache.

"Urgh…Stupid conscience!" Allison slammed onto the brakes and turned the Musical Menace around. "I'm coming Ayami!"

---

"WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" Samuel thought he saw a green blur pass him by, until he recognized the mirthful scream.

"IZZY! WAIT!!!!!"

The dragon dug its claws into the pavement, causing it to stop while tearing the track apart. Izzy turned around, beaming. "Sammy! What's happening?"

Samuel drove up to her and blushed. "Hey…I know we're in the middle of a challenge and all…but do you think we could continue the crazy lesson?"

Izzy leaned her face into his. "…ABSOLUTELY!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"I'm so glad Izzy's being such a great sport about this," Samuel said. "Not many girls are that nice."

* * *

"Ready for your first lesson, young grasshopper?"

Samuel perked up. "Am I ever! …Sensei."

Izzy put on a pair of glasses. "Your first lesson is to…KISS ME YOU FOOL!" She grabbed Samuel and planted a big one on his lips.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel looked shocked. "…Then again, it is possible to be TOO nice."

* * *

"Mmf mm mum mff!"

Izzy let go. "What was that?"

Samuel furiously wiped his lips. "Owen's gonna kill me now! Thanks a lot!"

"You're welcome. Oh, and by the way, you're already learning Sam. You complained about Owen before complaining about swapping spit with me!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Uh…then again…okay, Izzy's still cool."

* * *

Allison drove into the hole and started playing "Flight of the Bumblebee". The Musical Menace sprouted a pair of buzzing fly wings as it dove down to The Candy Car. "Ayami! Jump on!"

"EEEEEEEKKKKKKK I'MGONNADIE I'MGONNADIE I'MGONNADIE!" She was paralyzed in fear.

Allison sighed. "You won't die if you just JUMP IN MY CAR!"

"WHYTHEHECKWOULD IDOTHATIHATEYOU!"

Allison pointed to the rapidly-approaching ground, which was covered in explosives.

"OUTTAMYWAY!" Ayami jumped into Allison's car and watched sorrowfully as her Candy Car was destroyed by the explosives.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ayami cried. "NOOOOOO!!!!!!! WHATAWASTEOF PERFECTLYGOODCANDY!"

* * *

Allison drove back onto the track. "Well, looks like we're in last now, huh?"

Courtney passed by them in her bicycle. "Whew! I'm not in last anymore!"

Ayami and Allison stared at each other, then nodded. "…Let's get moving!"

---

Harold and Noah were locked in a fierce battle for fourth place, when suddenly…

"Hey, is that Katie in a bikini?!" Harold shouted, pointing behind them.

Noah scoffed, "Yeah, like I'll fall for that one."

Harold squinted behind him. "Oh, wait…she's naked."

Noah turned around his car and sped in the opposite direction.

"Sucker…WHOA!" Harold's car nearly flipped over when he saw LeShawna pop up in the middle of the track. "LeShawna…" He drooled.

"Whassup, big boy?" She wiggled her hips and winked.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan held up some small cubes. "I knew those hologram projectors I stole from Mary would come in handy!" Some clay pigeons hit him in the face.

* * *

Ethan was approaching the finish line fast. "Yes, I'm going to win! I'm going to win! I'm going to…huh?"

**BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!** The Scheme Machine sputtered and came to a stop five feet from the finish line.

"…What?"

The dog pointed at the gas needle, which was pointed at the "E".

Ethan's jaw dropped. "…"

The dog snickered.

"…YOU DON'T LAUGH AT MY MISFORTUNES!!!!!!!!!!" Ethan started chasing after the snickering dog, while the Benny Hill theme played.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris chuckled. "Ooh, that's a tough break for Ethan there! Looks like he'll have to push his car past the finish line!"

* * *

Ethan futilely pushed his car, but it didn't budge. "WHY IS THIS SO HEAVY?!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Maybe it's because of all the evil traps ya put in there." Kiwi wiggled his arms.

* * *

Ayami and Allison finally passed Courtney. "YAY! We're not in last anymore!" they cheered.

At that moment, a piece of the track exploded, blasting Courtney forward.

"…" The girls cried.

---

While Chris was watching the hilarious antics of Ethan, Mary noticed something in the sky approaching them. "Chris, someone's coming!"

Chris then looked up at the sky. "A flying car? That's so…AWESOME!"

**CRASH!** The charred remains of Courtney and her bike landed atop of Chris.

"Not awesome…" he mumbled.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Owen guffawed. "I have no idea what Chris is thinking. Him getting hurt is ALWAYS awesome!"

* * *

Owen lifted Courtney out of the wreckage by the arm. "And the winner is…#9, driven by Courtney!"

She clutched her head dizzily. "I…won? I fun…I bun…I nun…heheh…" She fainted.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"I WON!!!!!!!!! I FINALLY WON!!!!!!!!!" Courtney screamed. "YES! YES! YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She dug into her salad.

* * *

"And second place goes to…" Chef waved the checkered flag as another car whizzed past the finish line. "#1, the Gwenmobile, driven by Cody!"

"Nice!" Cody turned toward Ethan, who was trying to remove the traps from his car. "Hey Ethan, nice job on the Gwen hologram! I almost believed it for a second!"

Ethan grumbled as he removed a pair of chattering teeth, which promptly bit him on the nose. The dog chuckled.

---

Samuel yawned. "Izzy, we haven't seen any other racers for fifteen minutes now…can we move on to the next lesson?"

Izzy stared at him. "You really want to start the next lesson?"

Samuel took a deep breath. "Yeah. Bring it on!"

Izzy shrugged. "Well, okay then." Suddenly, her dragon went berserk and crushed the Sudsy Speedster into a pulp.

"GAH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!!"

"Teaching!" The dragon then took Samuel by the scruff of the neck and dropped him at the edge of a cliff.

He just managed to hold on to a branch near the top. He looked down at the chasm below, and suddenly experienced a wave of vertigo. "Ohhhh man…I DON'T WANNA DIE!"

"Then grab my hand!" Izzy held her hand above Samuel's head.

"Okay, I'll-WAUGH!" It was then that he noticed her hand was absolutely filthy, covered in food, bugs, and brown stuff that he was sure wasn't mud.

---

Allison and Ayami noticed the Pink Panda on the side of the road, with a moping Casey at one of the wheels. "…You need any help?" Allison asked.

Casey waved them off. "It's just a flat…I can fix it."

"Thenwhyaren't youdoinganything?"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Casey buried her head in her hands. "What are the kids at school gonna say when they see me flirting with a GAY? My social life is RUINED! WAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!"

* * *

"…Never mind. Just go."

Allison clutched her head. "But, my conscience…IT BURNS!" She leapt out of the car and started to compulsively replace Casey's tire.

---

"Third place goes to #4, the Awesome Liger, and Harold!" Chris announced as the car and teen in question sped past the finish line.

"Hey Ethan, nice LeShawna hologram!" he taunted, as Ethan fumed.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold rubbed his head. "I wonder if Noah ended up with a hologram, too."

* * *

Noah grabbed some popcorn and watched Katie pole dance. "Best. Hologram. Ever."

---

Samuel's tree branch snapped, bringing him one inch closer to death.

"C'mon Sammy! You can do it!" Izzy egged on.

He stared at Izzy's filthy hand again, fear in his eyes.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Izzy says that to conquer my habits, I have to dive head-first into the metaphorical pool," Samuel mentioned. "I'm not sure if I'm ready to do that."

* * *

He closed his eyes as he started to lift his hand. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally opened his eyes. He was touching Izzy's hand.

Samuel, for the first time in his life, willingly got dirty.

"…" At that point, he was too shocked to do anything, so Izzy pulled him up.

"So, didja learn anything?" she asked.

"…"

---

Allison and Ayami sped past the finish line in the same car, which confused Chris. "Uh, dudes? Where's the Candy Car?"

Ayami suddenly burst into tears, so Allison answered for her. "It got blown up."

"Awwww, that's too bad," Chris apologized, not looking at all sympathetic. "Well, since Allison was nice enough to let you ride the Musical Menace, she gets fourth and you get fifth."

Ayami stopped crying. "YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!"

---

Ethan removed a death laser from his trunk, then barely managed to push his car past the finish line.

"Ethan gets sixth place!" Chris announced. "And guess what? You could've gotten in first if you just abandoned your car!"

Ethan's eyes widened. "…We were allowed to do that?"

Chris grinned. "Yup."

The dog snickered.

"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GOING DOWN!!!!!" Ethan swiped the gun from the dog's paws and fired several rounds, turning man's best friend into a bloody heap on the ground.

Cody whined, "Aw man! I've always wanted to do that!"

---

Chris sighed. "Okay, now everyone's taking way too long. Let's see what they're doing." He turned on three TVs. The first showed Casey driving really slowly, the second had Noah staring at the Katie hologram, and the third had Samuel and Izzy making out.

Owen gasped. "…SAMUEL IS A DEAD MAN!"

---

Noah sipped his soda as he watched Katie do more sexy stuff.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Yeah, I knew perfectly well it was a hologram," Noah confirmed. "Did I give a damn? Nope."

* * *

All the sudden, the image of Katie started to flicker, and then it vanished completely.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!!!!!!!!!!!!"

---

"Seventh place goes to Noah and the Bookworm!" Chris announced as Noah pleaded Ethan for more holograms.

---

Casey sighed as she saw the finish line slowly approach. "Well, guess I'm still in the game now…And I'll have to do more stupid challenges…" A rumbling sound coming from behind caused her to turn around. "Thank goodness."

"WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Catching up fast was Izzy's dragon, with Samuel riding on the front whooping like the madman he had just become.

"Whoa, they're going to catch up!" Owen yelled.

"Actually, due to Casey's distance from the finish line, it is questionable." Mary pointed to the Pink Panda, which was only about twenty feet from the finish.

"Chef! Ready the instant replay cameras!" Chris ordered.

As the cars got ever closer to the finish, you could almost see the tension in the air. Courtney was sweating, Cody was biting his fingernails, and the dog continued to snicker, despite being a bloody heap.

**SNAP!** A picture was taken as the two cars seemed to pass the finish line simultaneously.

Everyone crowded around Chef as the picture developed, many holding their breath.

"Look at this, guys." He pointed to the car and dragon, which looked exactly tied. "The cars were tied, but the passengers weren't." He pointed to each camper. "Here's Sam on the dragon's neck, Casey's slightly behind him at the Pink Panda's driver seat, and Izzy over here is riding the dragon's rear."

"The loser of the challenge was the last CAMPER to cross the finish line," Chris reminded everyone. "And as far as Chef can see, Samuel got eighth, Casey got ninth, and Izzy got last." Chris turned toward her solemnly. "Izzy, you are the last camper to arrive. I'm sorry to say, you've been eliminated from the game."

"NOOOOOO!!!!!!! NOT IZZY!!!!!!!!!" Owen bounded towards Izzy and hugged her, bawling. "ANYONE! ANYONE BUT IZZY!"

"Hey. Someone's gotta lose, right?" Izzy gave him a kiss. "And I guess it was just my time." She started making out with him.

"HEY!" Samuel broke the two apart. "Owen, get your hands off my girl!"

"She's not your girl, she's MINE!" The boys started sissy slapping each other.

"HEY! YOU'RE BOTH MAH GUYS!" Izzy wrapped her arms around both of them and kissed Samuel, then Owen.

They both looked confused. "…Both?"

"I'm a polygamist!" she blurted. "Why have one boyfriend when I can have two? Then there's more to love!" She brought them both to the floor and started making out with them at the same time.

Chris covered his eyes. "Whoa whoa whoa, I don't need to see that! Izzy, ya need to catch the Boat of Losers now!"

Izzy got up and grinned, with a twinkle in her eye. "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIIIIIIIVE!!!!!!!!!! WA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!" She leapt onto her dragon and it started to fly away. A bunch of fighter jets came out of nowhere and started to shoot at her, but she just dodged them all while laughing like a lunatic. They all flew off into the sunset.

Owen and Samuel stared off at the spot Izzy disappeared at, smiling and waving. They then looked at each other, nodded, and shared the exact same thought. "We have the best girlfriend ever."

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

**Something wicked this way comes, killing off the nine campers one by one.**

_"…Well…then……………I guess I'll kill you now." The window broke as the hooded figure leapt into the cabin, holding a blood-soaked dagger._

**But is this just another of Chris' sick tricks?**

_"…No…Look…behind…you…" The figure pointed with a rotting finger towards a lump on the ground. Mary turned around and screamed._

_It was Chris' blood-coated, rotting corpse._

**Or maybe Chef's?**

_The nine campers, plus Owen, made their way to the Dock of Shame, only to find the bloated, rotting corpses of Chris, Chef, and Mary._

**Or Owen's?**

_"HOLY SWISS CHEESE!" Owen hollered at the top of his lungs. "I'M OUTTA HERE!" He lumbered for his life as the campers just stared at his receding backside._

…**Okay, maybe not. Anyway, find out who leaves next time on Total Drama Action.**

**

* * *

**

Author's Note: And there goes Izzy... *sniff* Well, at least she'll live on in Samuel's spirit, because no one can kill Izzy! I think...

Yep, that was essentially a reversal of what happened on TDI. There, the "student" left and the "teacher" stayed. Though at least Harold had nothing to do with it this time. Otherwise Courtney would blow the gasket she'd already blown five times. And I think she's getting sick of replacing her gasket.

Next chapter is my version of "Hook, Line, and Screamer". If you like horror-themed stuff, today's your lucky day. Well...not today; the day I upload that episode will be your lucky day.

I'll update Samuel's bio now.


	17. Slashes to Slashes

Disclaimer: I do not own the Total Drama series, any slasher/horror/thriller films, or any other references. I need to start owning more things...

Author's Note: As mentioned last time, this episode is the "Hook, Line, and Screamer" of my season. However, this version contains a few brief scenes of violence that could arguably be M-rated. If you do not enjoy envisioning people dying in such ways, you can try to read over those parts. You have been warned...

BOO!

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 17: Slashes to Slashes

Mary wheeled over the Dock of Shame, wearing a robot suit. "Beep beep boop. Searching previous episode archives…………Results found. During the prior episode of the reality parody cartoon known as Total Drama Action, the human contestants participated in a contest of building ingenuity and velocity."

A clip of the race starting was shown.

"The evil masculine racer whom has had the name "Ethan" bestowed at birth consorted to diabolical methods to acquire the top position. However, our villain also had to overcome the wrath of an infamous canine."

A clip of the dog snickering was shown.

"Several other racers also faced a cornucopia of ordeals. The rivalry between Cody-obsessed Allison and Ayami grinded to a halt when the former saved the latter's life…"

A clip of Ayami's car exploding was shown.

"The female known as Casey faced severe depression after her relationship with a homosexual…"

A clip of Casey moping was shown.

"The normally sensible Noah had his primal, animalistic instincts triggered due to Ethan's hologram…"

A clip of Noah watching Katie was shown.

"And the mentally unstable Izzy succeeded in transforming the typically germophobic Samuel into a more balanced human being."

A clip of Izzy saving Samuel's life was shown.

"Unfortunately, Samuel's training regimen was cut short when Izzy finished in last, and was eliminated from the program."

A clip of Izzy flying off into the sunset was shown.

"Now I shall leave the viewers at home with the following questions. Has Allison and Ayami's ridiculous feud ended, or is it merely on hiatus? How will Samuel fare now that his sensei and girlfriend has been eliminated? Which camper will be eliminated later today in the typical ceremony of passing out sugar-laden treats? Find out in approximately 28 minutes, at the conclusion of tonight's episode of Total. Drama. Action…Okay, I'm so sick of this monotone thing!" Mary took off her robot helmet and waggled her tongue around. "Besides, why am I even doing this? Where the heck is CHRIS?!"

_"Chris…is…dead…"_ A cloaked figure approached her.

Mary raised an eyebrow. "Yeah yeah, mysterious scary guy appears on the Halloween-themed episode. Could you BE any more cliché?"

"_…Uhhhh…I…dunno…"_ The figure shrugged.

"That's what I thought. Chris is behind this whole thing, isn't he? Trying to get a few cheap scares?

_"…No…Look…behind…you…"_ The figure pointed with a rotting finger towards a lump on the ground. Mary turned around and screamed.

It was Chris' blood-coated, rotting corpse.

"Wow…you got me there for a moment!" Mary covered her nose. "You even managed to make it smell dead! Kudos, Chris!"

The figure rolled its eyes. _"…Oy…vey…"_ He took out a rusty knife, then the screen turned black.

* * *

"And then the Voodoo Vampire screamed his bloodcurdling scream…EEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" Ethan screamed, making everyone flinch.

Allison shivered. "Th-th-th-then what happened?"

Ethan smirked under the glow of the flashlight. "What do YOU think happened? No one's heard from them again."

"Geez, that's scary…" Cody muttered. "Say…what did he look like, anyway?"

"Well…no one who's seen him fully has ever lived afterward," Ethan replied. "Buuuuut, what IS known is that he wears a hat, is very muscular, and always carries a doll around with him."

**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!** A muscular-looking silhouette wearing a hat and carrying what looked like a doll peered into the window.

Ethan snickered. "Looks like we've got company. Harold, would you like to welcome in our guest?"

"And get me killed? No way!" Harold jabbed a finger in Ethan's face. "You set this up, didn't you?"

"Nope…how about fraidy-cat Cody? Willing to open that door?"

"I am NOT a fraidy-cat!" Cody thumped his chest, causing him to cough. "I'll show you!" He closed his eyes as he reached for the handle…

* * *

**Confessionals**

"These losers are such…losers!" Ethan laughed. "Honestly, they hear a stupid ghost story and think they're gonna get killed by some voodoo vampire. Whatever; their fright is my gain."

---

Cody shivered. "H-h-hey, can't l-l-let the l-l-l-ladies see me sc-scared, c-can I?"

* * *

**CRRREEEEEEEEEAK! **The door slowly opened………………………

Cody screamed.

"Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat!" It was Owen, wearing a Stay Puft costume and holding a strangely-shaped candy sack in front of him.

Cody wiped his forehead. "Phew! We all thought you were a voodoo vampire!"

"…A voodoo what?" Owen lumbered into the cabin and started haphazardly opening drawers. "Hey guys, where's the candy?"

Ethan sighed. "Owen…this is Total Drama Action. We DON'T HAVE candy."

"Awwwww…but Halloween isn't Halloween without the candy…" Owen's face drooped. "Or the Izzy…"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel cried. "YOU HAD TO REMIND ME, DIDN'T YOU OWEN?!!!!!"

* * *

Noah rolled his eyes. "Doesn't Chris keep candy at his place?"

"I haven't seen Chris all night, though, and he keeps the keys." Owen stopped in his tracks. "Come to think of it, I haven't seen Chef or Mary either."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Chris and Chef are gone." Noah beamed. "The world loves me."

* * *

Owen continued, "As a matter of fact, all I could find were these fake dead corpses that looked just like them!"

"Just as I thought…" Ethan shifted his eyes. "Another stupid Halloween challenge. Let's go, guys."

---

The nine campers, plus Owen, made their way to the Dock of Shame, only to find the bloated, rotting corpses of Chris, Chef, and Mary.

"Whoooooweeeee!" Owen waved his hand in front of his nose. "Wherever Chris is, he sure did a great job making these corpses. They even SMELL like REAL rotting flesh!"

Ethan knelt besides the corpses and inspected them for a moment. His eyes widened. "These are real corpses."

"Yeah, like you could tell," Harold scoffed, folding his arms.

Ethan faced him. "I'm not f&*(ing kidding, loser. Someone or something murdered these hosts! I can feel their life energy fading. I wonder what did this…"

"Hey Mr. Observant, there's a note." Harold took a blood-stained note from under Mary's costume. It read:

_Nine TDA contestants went too far in, and now it's too late._

_One of them sunk even deeper, and then there were eight._

"HOLY SWISS CHEESE!" Owen hollered at the top of his lungs. "I'M OUTTA HERE!" He lumbered for his life as the campers just stared at his receding backside.

Ayami shivered. "OkaynowI'm reallyreallyscared thatsoundslike someclichéhorror movieplotwhere peoplegetkilled onebyonein gruesomeways IDON'TWANNA DIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!" Noah grabbed onto her to stop the shivering, but he just ended up shaking too.

"Calm down! This totally sounds like something Chris would do."

"Yeah…butChrisis RIGHTTHERE!!!!!" She pointed at Chris' corpse, which seemed to rot before everyone's eyes.

"Okay, okay, fine." Noah stood atop the corpse. "Even if Chris isn't doing this, we need to stick together to survive. I recommend we head to the cabin."

Cody sprinted to the cabin. "Way ahead of you!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"S-s-seriously, I wasn't sc-sc-sc-scared or anything…" Cody rattled. "I w-was just in a b-b-big hurry to…uh…go to sleep?"

* * *

"OOF!" Cody tripped on a stray root and suffered a nasty fall on the face.

"CODYYYYY!" Allison and Ayami ran over to him.

"Are you okay? PLEASE tell me you're okay!"

"Omigoshpoorbaby areyoubleeding doyouneedfirstaid doyouneed secondaid doyouneed thirdaid doyouneedakiss?"

Cody weakly lifted his head. "Ugggghhh…I think I'll be o-YEEEEEOOOOOWWWWW!" Two loud cracks rang into the air as a pair of tree roots coiled around his ankles and broke them. They then started to sink in the earth, dragging Cody with them.

"OH NOOOOOO!" Allison grabbed his left arm and Ayami grabbed his right and they both pulled with all their might, but it was clear by the way they were sliding on the grass that they were outmatched.

"Girls! GET OUT OF THERE!" Noah and Harold forced the girls to let go as they watched their crush get swallowed into the ground.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison cried. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" The camera ran out of film.

* * *

"NONOTCODY!" Ayami screamed. "IHATETREESNOW DIESTUPIDTREES!" She furiously kicked a tree, which accomplished nothing other than a painful foot.

Ethan turned to Noah. "So, you wanna go back to the cabin NOW?"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ayami cried. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO-"

"Hey, stop wasting our precious film!" the cameraman complained. He then petted his camera. "Our Preciousssssss…"

* * *

"What do you want to do?" Noah retorted. "Just stay here and do nothing? That sounds really helpful."

Ethan twirled his goatee in anxiety. "Well…I could try a levitation spell…but I'm not very good at those."

"As long as it won't kill us, go for it."

---

"Great levitation spell," Noah muffled from inside a tree.

"I told you I'm no good at them!" Ethan slowly lifted off the ground, then rocketed toward the cabin. He ended up crashing through the wall, with his head in the cabin and his body out.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"I took a picture of that." Harold showed the camera a picture of Ethan crashing into the cabin and burst out laughing.

* * *

The eight campers removed themselves from their landing spots and quickly scurried into the cabin. Noah bolted the door shut, while Allison and Casey stacked drawers, tables, and chairs beside it.

"Okay guys, this is serious," Harold addressed the group. "We need to-"

Courtney interrupted him. "Last time I checked, you're not the expert here."

"And…you are?" Noah raised an eyebrow. "Oh wait, now I remember! You're a CIT, which makes you an expert in everything."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Those nerds are so RUDE!" Courtney screeched. "Honestly, I had half a mind to kill Harold…and Noah, right then and there!"

---

Noah yawned. "She makes it too easy."

* * *

"SHUT UP!" The arguing ceased as Ethan grabbed Noah and threw him to a bed. "I know more about murderers than the rest of you combined, so LISTEN UP!"

Noah dusted himself off as he rose from the bed. "I wasn't born yesterday. I saw this kind of episode on the first season, and I believe the rules of never going off alone, never going into the woods, and never making out will suffice in this situation."

"No." Ethan flicked his nose. "I bet you didn't know that the first victim is always the lighthearted goof, right?"

"Maybe in the movies, but this is real life, nimrod."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Izzy sighed. "DANGIT! If I weren't eliminated, I could make a fourth-wall joke right now!"

* * *

Ethan shook his head slowly. "You poor, naïve fool…Cody died first, and he was our lighthearted goof. And guess who dies second?"

Noah remained defiant. "The guy who can't tell fact from fiction?"

"The smart guy." Ethan brought up a wicked grin. "If I were you, I'd stop insulting me and start panicking."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah faced the camera defiantly. "Ethan doesn't scare me."

---

Ethan shrugged. "I warned him."

* * *

A shriek echoed from the other end of the room. The campers stopped in their tracks and rushed over, only to find Casey looking a little shaky.

"N-n-note." She pointed at the crumpled-up note that somehow found its way onto her pillow. While she turned away, shivering, Harold grabbed the note and uncrumpled it.

_Eight TDA contestants thought their cabin was a safe haven._

_Turns out it wasn't; now there are seven._

_P.S. There needs to be more words that rhyme with "seven"._

**WHACK!** The campers turned back to see one of the most grisly sights any of them had ever seen. A giant axe attached to a rope swung down, turning a camper into a bloody mess. All that remained were pair of legs, two halves of a torso, a hand rested on a knob, and a rather large head, pale white with a look of horror frozen upon it.

Courtney gasped. "…My word…" She dropped into a dead faint, while the other three girls were screaming their heads off. Harold picked up the decapitated head with a grimace.

"Noah…why?" Tears streamed down his face.

Ethan scowled. "WHY? You want to know WHY some crazed murderer is killing us off? Because he CAN, that's why."

_"…That's…right…"_ A pair of gleaming red eyes appeared out the window. _"By…the…way…………are my couplets any good? I've been practicing."_

Ethan tapped on the window. "They suck."

_"…Well…then……………I guess I'll kill you now."_ The window broke as the hooded figure leapt into the cabin, holding a blood-soaked dagger.

"…RUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" Ayami burst through the blockade blocking the door, followed by Allison, Samuel, and Casey. Ethan was close behind, carrying the unconscious Courtney, and Harold brought up the rear.

The figure shook his head. _"Fools………they are just prolonging…their eventual deaths…"_

---

The seven campers ran, and ran, and ran some more, until they reached the base of the volcano.

"Okay guys," Ethan panted. "I think, we lost him…"

"Do you think he'll think to look here?" Casey asked worriedly.

"Not first. He's gonna start looking for us in the forest."

Ayami suddenly blurted, "IgottagoPOTTY!"

Ethan rubbed his forehead. "Ayami, you're gonna get murdered if you go to the bathroom. Just hold it in."

She nervously jumped from foot to foot. "ButIreally needtogo! ImeanIreally reallyreallyreally reallyreallyreally reallyreallyreally reallyreallyreally real-"

"FINE! Just…pee in the volcano, or something."

Ayami's face suddenly turned red. "WHYYOULITTLE YOUKNOWGIRLS CAN'TDOTHAT!" She ran up to Ethan and slapped him hard on the cheek, nearly toppling him.

Samuel held up a bottle and a funnel. "Here Ayami. You can use these."

Everyone stared at him strangely. "Why do you keep those with you?" Allison asked.

"Uhhhh…for cleaning?"

"WhateverI don'tcare!" Ayami snatched up the bottle and funnel and scurried off behind a bush. "DON'TANYOFYOU LOOKORELSE!"

It was then that Harold noticed the note attached to the bush. He tore it off, with complaints from Ayami, and started to read.

_Seven TDA contestants aren't enjoying my sick kicks._

_One had to go, and then there were six._

Harold reread the note, and made an observation. "These rhymes are getting more and more desperate…GOSH!" He jerked back as the bush started flinging knives, hatchets, and axes to the opposite side.

**_"EEEEEAAAAUUUUHHHH!"_**

The other campers stared at the bush. "What the HECK was that?!" Casey asked, panicked.

Harold sighed. "I wouldn't look there if I were you. Unless you want to see some Ayami sushi." More tears fell down his face.

Ethan shook his head. "She should've held it in, the idiot."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Something smelled awfully fishy…" Courtney rudely sniffed the air. "Harold was at the bushes at the time Ayami died, and he's always the one that reads the letters."

* * *

Courtney strode up to Harold and gave him a harsh look. "What?" he asked.

"I'm keeping my eye on you." She pointed at her twitching eye.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold sighed. "Courtney…ugh. If she cheated to get me voted out because LeShawna tortured her, I'd've forgiven her ages ago. Why can't she let go of a simple grudge? Gosh…"

* * *

"Omigosh omigosh omigosh! We're all going to die! We're all going to DIE!" Casey continued to mumble, annoying everyone as they continued their walk though the island.

Ethan turned back to her from his position at the front of the pack. "As long as we keep moving, we should survive."

This did not calm her one bit. "B-b-but the LETTERS! The letters kill people! And then there's gonna be a letter and someone's gonna die, then there'll be another one, then another, and we're all gonna DIE! EEK!" She screamed when Allison stood in front of her.

"Casey, I'm scared too, but hyperventilating won't help anything. Please try to calm down."

"How am I supposed to do that when we're all gonna DIE?!"

"…Just try taking some deeeeeep breaths."

Casey held her hand to her heart as she drew large, painful breaths.

Allison gave her a paper bag. "This should help."

Casey took the bag and breathed into it. Gradually, the breaths started to slow down.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Casey looked quite overwhelmed. "It was s-so nice of Allison to h-help me…I'M SUCH A WRECK! WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

"Hey look, another note." Harold reached to grab the note hanging from the tree branch overhead, but Courtney snatched it first.

"Oh no, I'm not letting you read this letter!" she threatened, waving the note in his face.

"Then how the heck will we know who's gonna die? GOSH!" Harold threw up his hands and walked back to Casey and…

"GAGALACKAGAGAALACK!" Allison furiously struggled to escape the grasp of the branch that was choking her, but it was all in vain. The tree squeezed harder, and **POP!** Her head came clean off, followed by a fountain of blood from her bloated neck.

Casey's bag popped. **_"…EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!"_** She broke down on the spot, curling into a fetal position and bawling her eyes out.

Courtney grimaced as she peeked at the note.

_Six TDA contestants all running away to stay alive._

_But they can't escape; now there are five._

Harold snatched the note. "See? If we known that earlier, we could've searched for shelter and saved Allison's life!"

Courtney looked like she was going to explode. "OH, THAT'S BIG TALK FOR THE MURDERER!"

Everyone gasped, and lighting struck in the distance.

Harold shook his head. "I'm NOT the murderer…"

Ethan chuckled. "Courtney…I know you hate Harold, but seriously, HIM killing people? He doesn't have the guts."

"He seems pretty gutsy to me!" Courtney argued. "He had enough guts to break the rules to get me eliminated last season!"

"WHEN WILL YOU LET THAT GO ALREADY?!" Harold roared. "GOD!!!!!"

"…Did he just say 'God'? As opposed to 'gosh'?" Samuel asked, scratching his head.

"WAHHHHHH! ALLISON'S DEAD! SHE CAN'T CALM ME DOWN! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!"

Everyone faced Casey. "SHUT UP!"

_"Yes…shut up…then I won't be able to find you…"_ The hooded figure emerged from the trees. _"Seriously…you guys are hurting my ears…So I'll just kill you…hopefully I'll find some Ibuprofen in your pockets…"_

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE WE'RE ALL GONNA-" Ethan zapped Casey's lips shut and carried her off, followed by Courtney.

Harold looked back at them, then turned back to Samuel, who was looking the killer dead in the eye. "Sam? Uh…what are you doing?"

"Go!" Samuel pointed at the direction the other remaining campers ran toward. "I'll hold this bozo off, and you get to somewhere safe!"

"But-"

"GO!" Samuel took out a vacuum nozzle and blew Harold away, then turned back towards the hooded figure.

_"Foolish…boy…I've already got your poem written…"_ The killer pulled a letter out of his robe and read from it.

_Five TDA contestants can't take it anymore._

_One foolishly played the hero, and then there were four._

"You don't scare me, man!" Samuel boldly proclaimed, holding out his cleaning weapons.

The hooded figure looked confused. _"I…don't scare you? Are you…retarded? I'm an enigmatic, hooded psychopath that murdered four of your friends!"_

"You. Don't. Scare. Me," Samuel repeated. "You know why?"

_"Is it the poems? Do they…still need work?"_

Samuel suddenly broke into a huge grin. "No…it's 'cause I'm CRAZAY! HEHEHAAHA HEEHAHAOOE HAOEAHEEHA!!!" He started beating himself on the head with a stick.

* * *

**Confessionals**

The hooded figure crossed his arms over his chest. _"Geez…that kid was annoying…I particularly enjoyed…killing him."_

* * *

The four remaining campers made it to Chris' pad. Ethan kicked down the door and ushered everyone inside.

"Okay guys; start destroying everything that can potentially kill you!" Ethan pulled the wires out of the TV screens and started chopping them to bits.

"BUT WE'RE ALL GONNA-" Courtney gave Casey a harsh glare, which shut her up.

Harold sighed as he smashed apart some recording equipment. "Guys, I seriously doubt this will work."

Ethan faced him. "It WILL work."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Pardon me for being the cynic, but that killer was always successful before," Harold recalled. "I bet that the next letter will say something like, 'Four TDA contestants tried to outsmart me. One got something, and then there were three.'"

* * *

While three campers continued to destroy anything they could find, Casey continued to rock back and forth in the fetal position. "We're all gonna die…We're all gonna die…We're all gonna die…We're OH NOOOOOOOOOOO!" A letter landed right beside her.

Harold walked over and picked it up. "Right on cue."

_Four TDA contestants tried to outsmart me._

_But their silly plan backfired; now there are three._

**RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE! **Harold and Casey looked upward and found the roof of the shack start to wobble dangerously.

"…GET OUT!" Harold took Casey's hand and dragged her out of Chris' place. They made it out just in time before the whole building collapsed.

They then saw another figure dust itself off from the back entrance. "ETHAN, YOU IDIOT! YOU PLAYED RIGHT INTO HIS TRAP!"

"THAT'S NOT MY FAULT!" he roared.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

The two rivals stared at Casey intently. "…She's right," Harold noted.

"We're all gonna die," Ethan agreed. "But that doesn't mean we can't put up a fight."

"If we all must die, then at least we should take the murderer down with us." The two boys furiously shook hands.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

---

Ethan took a tree branch and swung it around a little bit. "HEY MR. MURDERER! COME AND GET US!

Harold spun around his nunchuks. "YEAH, UNLESS YOU'RE CHICKEN! BRAWK BRAWK BRAWK!"

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE WE'RE ALL GO-OOF!" The boys turned around to see Casey with a knife stuck in her back, with a letter attached.

_Three TDA contestants have nothing else to do._

_So I'll take their challenge. Oh, and by the way, now there are only two._

"COWARD!" Ethan growled. "STOP THROWING KNIVES FROM BEHIND AND FACE US LIKE A MAN!"

The two boys turned in a circle, holding out their weapons. Laughter echoed through the woods, but no hooded figure came out.

"Grrrrr…this guy is seriously annoying."

"He's just trying to mess with us," Harold reminded. "Try to keep your cool."

The laughter stopped, and all anyone could hear was Ethan's and Harold's deep breathing. The night seemed to get darker and darker, until even the night vision in the cameras wasn't working too well. Finally…

_"You guys…are good…"_ the voice of the psychopath rattled. _"Almost…too good…if you ask me. Therefore…you must be…destroyed…"_ A fight scene started, which probably would've been awesome if anyone could actually see it.

_"Two TDA contestants fought before the rise of the sun,"_ the killer grunted as he fought. _"But they were clearly outmatched, and then there was ONE!"_ A sickening crunch of a broken weapon, followed by the slice of a decapitation was heard.

Ethan caught Harold's head in his hands, and couldn't even tell how he wanted to feel.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Wow…" Ethan whistled. "Harold…actually died. Yay…but that means I can't possibly live!"

* * *

Ethan backed up as the killer held his knife in the air. _"Now the last TDA contestant thought the day was done. But it wasn't. Now there are none…"_ The killer brought his knife down, then…

**_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"_** Owen ran into the clearing, screaming his head off. "SAVE ME! SAVE ME FROM THE KILLER! SAVE-" He bumped into the killer, causing them both to crumple on the ground. "Hey, nice costume."

The killer glared angrily at the oaf atop him. _"You idiot! I was about to kill everyone, and YOU RUINED IT!"_

The horizon started to lighten up. Ethan looked back to see the beginning of a beautiful sunrise. "HAHA! It's no longer nighttime, so you'll now be destroyed!"

The killer furiously pushed Owen off him and stood up. _"FOOL! You honestly think something as pathetic as SUNLIGHT can stop me?!"_

Ethan shrugged. "It's a horror movie cliché."

The killer slapped his forehead. _"This isn't a horror movie! This is real life!"_

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Again with the missed opportunity for a fourth-wall joke!" Izzy complained.

* * *

Owen farted.

_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My…one…weakness…"_ The killer evaporated, while Ethan stared in confusion.

"WHOOOOOO! That was AWESOME!" Owen cheered. "You rock, Ethan! Ethan! Ethan!"

---

"Ethan? Ethan?" He suddenly found himself in bed, Courtney shaking his shoulders. "Are you okay?"

"Urghhhh…" He slowly lifted his sore body out of bed, clutching his head. "I had the most horrible dream…everyone died one by one from this hooded killer guy."

Courtney looked at him strangely. "Dream? Uh…that's what really happened last night."

"…" Ethan looked at a loss of words. "…But you're alive! If the killer was real, how did you survive?"

"I used those powers you gave me to bring everyone back to life, duh!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan chuckled and shook his head. "Wow…I completely forgot about that. I feel like a moron."

* * *

Suddenly, a group of alive campers came into the cabin, followed by Chris, Chef, and Mary.

"What an awesome night last night was!" Chris exclaimed. "It was so awesome, we decided to treat it as today's challenge! Tell 'em the results, Chef!"

Chef put on a pair of glasses and read from a production card. "The staff of Total Drama Action has decided to award invincibility to Ethan today, for being the last camper alive."

Everyone cheered except for Harold.

"Furthermore, we also will award invincibility to Courtney, for bringing everyone back to life afterwards."

"Not everyone." Courtney looked down to the floor in shame. "No one could find Cody after he was swallowed by the earth."

Everyone mourned. Allison and Ayami hugged each other and cried their eyes out.

Chef wiped a tear from his eye and picked up his card again. "A-and, due to Cody's mysterious dis-disappearance, it has been decided to…skip the Camp-campfire…WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"Poor Cody," Harold sighed. "He was too young…too innocent…"

"WE LOVE YOU CODY!!!!!" Allison and Ayami wailed. "WE'LL MISS YOU!!!!!"

"Oh man! I'm really gonna miss that guy!" Cody cried.

…

"…Cody?" Everyone turned around to see Cody standing at the doorway, his clothes tattered and his face red.

"CODY!!!!!" The girls ran up to him and gave him the biggest hug they could muster. "WHERE WERE YOU?!"

He chuckled. "You guys won't believe it! So this living tree pulls me down below the ground, and I find this huge room FILLED WITH GIRLS! Screaming, kissing, and cheering for my name! They said they were all my biggest fan!"

Noah interrupted him. "So…they were your internet fangirls?"

"Yup! It was amazing! I got kissed until my entire face was covered with lipstick! I drank beer until I was stone drunk! I even lost my virginity! You guys should've seen it!"

…

"You mean, we spent all night getting killed by a psycho while you were swarmed by FANGIRLS?!" Ethan yelled, outraged.

"Yup, that sounds about right."

"…Send him to the Boat of Losers." Chris snapped his fingers, and Chef lifted Cody onto his shoulder and carried him over the Dock of Shame.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison just stared into the camera. "…I can't believe Cody could be such a USER! HE'S DEAD TO ME!"

---

"CODYISSUCHA SKANKIHATEHIM!"

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

**The eight remaining campers get on each other's nerves…**

_Casey started. "I want to vote out Ethan. He scares me…"_

_Allison disagreed. "Noah definitely doesn't deserve to be here. When's the last time he did something useful?"_

_Courtney slapped her forehead. "C'mon girls! We all know Harold needs to leave!" They then all stared at Ayami._

**So Chris forces them to date the ones they hate the most.**

_"Andthenmyfriend Karenwaslike 'I'mgettingbraces' andI'mlike 'I'vehadbracesbefore' andshe'slike 'aretheybad?' andI'mlike 'yeah' andshe'slike 'howbad?' andI'mlike 'reallyreallyreally reallyreallyreally reallyreallyreally reallyreallybad' andshe'slike 'ohnoI'mgonnadie' andI'mlike 'I'mstillalivethough' andshe'slike-"_

_Samuel hit his head on the table._

**Will Harold be able to survive his first date?**

_"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Courtney screamed, bashing Harold's head onto the table._

**Find out next time, on Total Drama Action.**

* * *

Author's Notes: Sorry to all those rabid Cody fangirls for kicking him out after five episodes. At least he got laid (but not to Gwen or Noah...I know that's what you all really want)

I actually finished writing this on Halloween 2008. It is meant to be the TD Halloween special!

Yes, Courtney and Harold are being forced to DATE next episode. I am pure evil. Muahaha.


	18. Date Expectations

Disclaimer: I do not own the category that this fanfiction is listed under. Is that clear enough?

Author's Notes: Ahhh...Valentine's Day (belated; sorry). Isn't it great, with all the love and romance in the air? Nope! This chapter contains a great deal less romance than you'd expect, so don't kill me for it. I'm not a huge fan of romance (OMFG APOCALYPSE A TDI FAN WHO DOESN'T OBSESS OVER ROMANCE). Probably comes from being a guy...though even the guys seem to write about romance constantly. I'll stop ranting now.

There's some more potential M-rated stuff in here, but I'm really not sure how "bad" the content has to be to raise the rating. Is mentioning erections appropriate for T?

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 18: Date Expectations

Chris sat at a fancy dining room table, tucking in the last of a fine meal. "Mm mm mm…oh! Hey viewers, last time on Total Drama Action, a killer was on the loose!"

A clip of the killer killing Mary was shown.

"But if ya think we're just rehashing plots from season one, then you're WRONG! This guy killed ME, for Pete's sake!"

A clip of everyone finding Chris' corpse was shown.

"After that, the psycho sadistically killed off the campers one by one! I like his style!"

Clips of Cody, Noah, Ayami, Allison, Samuel, Courtney, Casey, and Harold dying flashed past the screen.

"Of course, all the bloodshed and death was too much for some of our more squeamish campers. Cody tried to hide his fear, but failed!"

A clip of Cody screaming at Owen's costume was shown.

"Ayami and Allison were sad due to their crush's death!"

A clip of the girls hugging each other and bawling was shown.

"And Casey…uh…she seriously needs help."

A clip of Casey hyperventilating was shown.

"In the end, Harold and Ethan fought off the killer, but it was Owen who did him in!"

A clip of the killer evaporating was shown.

"As the last remaining survivor, Ethan won immunity! And because she saved the show…I mean everyone's lives, so did Courtney! In the end, the votes were unanimous; Cody walked the Dock of Shame, due to 'dying' first and spending the whole night with his fangirls!"

A clip of Chef carrying Cody to the Boat of Losers was shown.

"Getting laid when everyone else was getting murdered? Not cool, brah. Now, how pissed are Ayami and Allison? Will Courtney get Harold to STAY dead? And who will leave the island tonight in the most dramatic campfire ceremony EVER? Find out on tonight's special Valentine's Day episode!"

Mary suddenly came into view and whispered in Chris' ear.

"What? What do you mean, 'it's not Valentine's Day'?"

More whispering.

"…Okay, so you're saying that the episode took place in early November, despite it being Valentine's Day right now?"

More whispering.

"Whatever. If I say it's a Valentine's Day special, it's a Valentine's Day special, on Total. Drama. Action! BURP!"

* * *

**CRASH!** Courtney woke up in a start, wondering where that noise was coming from. She got her answer soon enough when she heard a loud voice scream, "THAT'S MINE, MOTHERF*&%ING B(TCH!" She furiously covered her head with her pillow, but even it failed to block out the intense arguing from the boys' cabin.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Courtney rubbed her eyes, bloodshot and droopy. "Ughhhh…I know Ethan and I are in an alliance…but his temper really isn't helping the whole 'Harold' issue. I can't stand any of those boys anymore!"

* * *

"Samuel! Heads up!" Harold threw a porcelain Heather figure at Samuel, who broke it with a baseball bat.

"YOU WILL STOP RIGHT NOW OR I'LL KILL YOU!" Ethan thundered.

Noah picked up another Heather figure and started playing with it on the ground. "Hi, my name is Heather, and I'm a nasty b*tch who doesn't give a sh*t about other people's feelings!"

"GIVE ME THAT!" Ethan readied to hit Noah as hard as he could, but he held the Heather figure in front of him.

"I'd like to see you try," he dared.

---

**_"GRAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!"_** Ethan's guttural cry echoed through the island as Courtney led the other girls over to the lake.

"WowEthansounds reallymad," Ayami noted. "Imean reallyreallymad likesomad hisheadcould explodeandthat wouldbekindacool butreallygross cuzwe'dhafta cleanitupafterwards andIdon'twanna cleanupbrains cuzthey'reicky!"

"Shush!" Courtney clasped her hand over Ayami's mouth. "What, are you trying to lead the boys here?"

"Mmfmffmfm mfmfmffmfmf mfmfmmffmfmffm fffmmfmmmfm ffmfmffmfmffmfmfmf mfmfmfmfmfm fmfmfmfmmfm fmfmffmfmfmfmf mfmfmmfmmffmfm mfmfmmmfmfm fmffmffmmfmfm mfmfmfmmfmfmfmf-"

"Alright, we get it!" Courtney hissed, though she didn't get it at all. "Okay girls, the boys are getting really annoying now, so we should try to get rid of them."

"But I like boys!" Casey whined. "They're so cute!"

"Butwhatabout Josephherejectedyou cuzhe'sgay!"

Casey clenched her fists. "Those boys are going down!"

"I hate those boys," Allison added. "Harold's a nerd, Ethan's evil, Noah's a jerk, and Samuel's a freak! And don't even get me started on Cody!"

"We need a plan, girls," Courtney interrupted, bringing the others' attention back to her. "We need to agree on which boy to eliminate tonight, as well as a backup boy in case the first wins invincibility."

Casey started. "I want to vote out Ethan. He scares me…"

Allison disagreed. "Noah definitely doesn't deserve to be here. When's the last time he did something useful?"

Courtney slapped her forehead. "C'mon girls! We all know Harold needs to leave!" They then all stared at Ayami.

"…What?"

"Aren't you going to say why you want Samuel to be eliminated?"

"…NoIkinda likeSamuel." The girls continued to argue.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris watched the whole thing through his TV screens, rubbing his hands in glee. "Yes! I just figured out the teams for the next challenge! Hehehe…"

---

Allison sulked. "Courtney got all the girls to join an alliance, but no one can agree on who to vote out!"

---

"Ethan made me join an alliance with him one time…" Casey recalled. "But…but after seeing what he did to LeShawna…I just can't stand him."

---

"I would've kept Harold dead, but Chris told me I'd go to jail!" Courtney complained. "As far as I'm concerned, he should be dead."

---

"Noah's such an ungrateful little prick!"

---

"Ethan needs to go to the loony bin!"

---

"Harold needs to DIE a horrible, painful death!"

---

"Iloveeveryonehere!" Ayami confessed.

* * *

The eight campers arrived at the field in two distinct groups. The girls were merely looking away from each other with Ayami darting in between them, while the boys...well… Harold and Ethan were hobbling on crutches and were still trying to beat the tar out of each other, but Samuel was stopping them. Noah stayed a few paces behind them, trying to avoid Ethan's sight.

"Welcome campers!" Chris announced. "I see we're all getting along very well, aren't we?"

"No," Noah grunted.

"Well, let's change that, shall we?" Chris beamed as he heard the annoyed grunts of the angry campers. He then pulled out a pair of handcuffs. "I take it you're all familiar with these, correct?"

Several eyes bugged out. "Oh no!" Courtney gasped. "We're not doing the Tri-Armed Triathlon already, are we?"

Chris' grin widened considerably. "Not exactly…Anyway, the pairs will be…Casey and Ethan…"

Casey gasped as Chef dragged her towards Ethan and cuffed them together.

"…Ayami and Samuel…"

"Well, she's a LITTLE crazy, at least," Samuel muttered to himself as he was chained.

"Heyisthata jokeonmyheight cuzit'sprettyfunny!"

"…Allison and Noah…" Chef chained them together.

Noah rolled his eyes toward his partner. "Wonderful. I'm with the bossy, jumpsuit-loving girl."

Allison jabbed a finger at Noah's nose. "I do not appreciate that attitude!"

Chris walked up to the two unchained campers. "Hehehe…and that leaves Harold chained to everyone's favorite homicidal nutcase!" He chained them together personally.

Courtney held out her free hand. "Wimp key. NOW."

Chris chuckled. "I'd LOVE to, but due to the interest of ratings, I SCRAPPED that part of the challenge!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Did I mention that Chris wants me dead?" Harold asked. "Because he does."

---

"Forget the screws and thumbtacks!" Courtney complained. "Forget the racks, forget tar and feathering, even forget CRUCIFIXATION! Working as a team with HIM is the most brutal torture POSSIBLE!"

* * *

"That's right, guys! You'll all be spending several hours chained to your partners today whether you like it or NOT!"

Everyone glanced at their partners, some with uneasiness and others with rage.

Chris rubbed his hands together. "And you think it's bad NOW? Chef, reveal the challenge!"

Chef grunted as he removed the huge white tarp covering the field. Within were four fancy tables, each draped with a white cloth and loads of silverware and a candelabrum on top. Owen, Mary, and Lou were dressed as fancy waiters with dignified expressions. Owen was even wearing a false mustache.

"Today's challenge," Chris announced, "is Date Expectations! Each handcuffed pair must go on a date, and the pair that seems most romantic and smitten wins invincibility!"

…

All eight campers stared in horror at their new dates.

"This is gonna be awesome…"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah's eyes were bugged out. "…Wow. That is the most brutal challenge ever."

---

"This will be easy!" Ethan exclaimed. "All I have to do is pretend that Casey is Heather! That shouldn't be a problem…right?"

---

Courtney tied a noose to the roof of the Confessional Stall.

---

"YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY I'VEALWAYSWANTED TOGOONADATE butallthecuteguys inmyschoolareafraid ofmesoIcouldnever getadatebefore THISISSOEXCITING!"

* * *

The new couples took their seats at the tables as Chris struck a tiny bell. **DING! **"First round is Small Talk! The couple with the most engaging conversation after five minutes wins a point! Ready…CONVERSE!" **DING!**

For a few seconds, the couples just stared at each other, some fidgeting in their seats. Finally, Noah spoke up. "…Sooooo…what's your stance on particle physics?"

Allison looked confused. "Uhhhh…particley?"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Okay okay, I know nothing about particle physics!" Allison admitted, flustered. "Why does Noah have to be so frickin' smart?!"

---

"Talking to Allison was like talking to a retarded parrot," Noah complained.

* * *

Ethan stared at Casey, who was twiddling her thumbs. "…Are you planning on saying anything?"

She shook her head. "You first."

Ethan sighed.

---

"ASK ME SOMETHING ALREADY!" Courtney exploded.

Harold lifted his head slowly from the level of the table. "…Uh…what's your favorite color?"

"THAT'S LAME! ASK ME SOMETHING ELSE!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Courtney growled, holding her forehead. "Seriously, is that douche even going to TRY?! I mean, he must be the most idiotic, self-centered, unmotivated-"

"HEY!" Harold yelled, still chained to Courtney. "I'm right here you know! GOSH!"

"I know."

* * *

"Andthenmy friendKarenwaslike 'I'mgettingbraces' andI'mlike 'I'vehadbracesbefore' andshe'slike 'aretheybad?' andI'mlike 'yeah' andshe'slike 'howbad?' andI'mlike 'reallyreallyreally reallyreallyreally reallyreallyreally reallyreallybad' andshe'slike 'ohno I'mgonnadie' andI'mlike 'I'mstill alivethough' andshe'slike-"

Samuel hit his head on the table.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel rubbed his bloodshot eyes. "Does she EVER shut up?"

"-Andshesaid 'Iwannapony' andIsaid 'omigoshmetoo' andshesaid-"

Samuel cried.

* * *

**DING!** "The winners of round one are…Ayami and Samuel!" Chris announced. "Seriously, you guys were the only ones that were actually TALKING."

"I hardly talked at all!" argued Samuel.

"Yeah, but Ayami counts as two." She beamed and held up a victory sign.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Courtney screamed, bashing Harold's head onto the table.

"MY FAULT?! WHY I-Owwwww…" Harold held his head, and gasped when he saw blood.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"COURTNEY JUST MADE ME BLEED!!!!!" Harold shrieked. "WHAT THE F*$( IS WRONG WITH HER?!!!!!" Courtney then punched him in the face.

* * *

**DING! **The arguing ceased as Chef, Owen, Mary, and Lou each brought a massive platter of spaghetti to each table.

"Round two is-"

"I hope she made lotsa spaghetti!" Luigi chirped.

Chris kicked Luigi away. "Round two is Lady and the Tramp on Steroids!" he exclaimed. "Just like those lovestruck Disney dogs, you're gonna be eating spaghetti in couples! The couple to finish their entire platter first wins a point!" **DING!**

---

As Samuel slowly slurped his spaghetti, he noticed Ayami wasn't even touching her fork. "C'mon, Ayami! Eat!"

"NuuhI hatespaghetti!"

Samuel stared at the spaghetti, which was coated in tomato sauce. "This stuff's actually pretty good." A record scratched as the camera did a close-up on his face. "…Wait…Chef made something that tastes good?"

The universe imploded……………………………………nah, just kidding.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"I've cooked in the finest French restaurants for years!" Chef bragged. "I just feed the campers crappy glop every meal 'cause I'm sadistic! Heheh!"

---

Chris shrugged. "Why else would I have hired him?"

* * *

"Doesithave sugarontop ofsugarwith sugarontheinside andsugar flavoredsugarand sugarlaxatives andsugarsubstitute andsugarpizzaand-"

"NO!" Samuel roared.

"ThenI'mnoteatingit." Ayami turned away from the platter with a small "hmph".

---

Harold stuffed a large wad of spaghetti in his mouth and furiously chewed. His jaws were cramping.

"EAT FASTER!" Courtney ordered, bits of spaghetti flying onto Harold's face.

"Mum meemim ma mas ma mossbull! MUSH!"

"MUSH YOURSELF!!!!! She stuffed more spaghetti into his overfilled mouth, causing him to gag.

---

As Noah fed himself his nth forkful of spaghetti, he noticed a rumbling in his stomach. "…That can't be good."

"Urgh!" Allison stared at their half-finished platter. "I can't eat any more! I'm soooooo full! You finish, Noah."

He patted his stomach. "I'm full too. My body isn't used to this…"

"Ohhhhhhhhh…I feel sick! I'm gonna vomit!"

Noah's stomach rumbled louder. "Not helping, Allison."

"But…oh no! I can't keep it down anymore…"

"Allison, please!"

"Urp…ugh, I think there's some in my mouth!"

"BLEAUGH!!!!!" Noah threw up all over Allison, causing her to throw up all over him, causing him to throw up all over her, causing her to throw up all over him, causing a really nasty cycle.

---

**DING!** Chris nervously stepped away from the approaching waves of sick as he tabulated the scores. "Wow, that's more vomit than in Brunch of Disgustingness! And the food wasn't even disgusting!"

"Saysyou!" Ayami grunted, still facing away from her spaghetti.

"Whatever. The winners this round are…Harold and Courtney!" Chris passed by their table, with an empty platter and a sauce-covered Courtney strangling a sauce-covered Harold.

"C-C-Courtney! Stop choking me! We won!" Harold pleaded.

"Yeah, but we ALMOST LOST! BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold sulked. "We won a round, and Courtney is STILL complaining about my performance?! I really can't take much more of this…"

"SHUT UP!!!!!" Courtney started strangling him again.

* * *

**DING!** "Time for round three, my personal favorite…" Chris chuckled. "It's called Don't Cheat! Take it away, girls!"

A spotlight shone on the stage, where Izzy, LeShawna, Heather, and Katie were all posing, wearing ridiculously tiny bikinis.

"Why did I agree to do this?" Heather grumbled. Chef held out a large sack of money. "Oh, right."

"Hiiiiiiiiiii!" Izzy waved enthusiastically to Owen and Samuel. "This round is for the guys only! We're gonna be sexy for five minutes, and the guy who can keep their eyes on their date the best wins a point!"

Chris looked back at the tables and noticed all four male campers staring at the stage and drooling. "This is the best challenge I ever came up with…GO!" **DING!**

---

Harold tried to stare at LeShawna wiggling her butt, but Courtney kept wrenching his head back to her direction. "DON'T YOU DARE STOP LOOKING AT ME!"

"Maybe if you weren't always trying to kill me, I'd be more willing to oblige! GOSH!" He stared back at LeShawna, but got yanked by the chain and dropped onto the ground.

---

Noah closed his eyes, focused intently on Allison. "Don't lose the challenge…don't think about you know who…don't let your animalistic instincts take over…" Pictures of Katie flashed through his mind.

_"Well, I guess this will work,"_ he thought. _"As long as I see her in my mind, I shouldn't have to see her in real life."_

Allison waved her hand in front of Noah's glazed-over eyes. "…Hello?"

---

"HEY SAMMY! Check this out!" Samuel instinctively swiveled in his chair to see Izzy doing a belly dance.

"Omigoshthat issocoolIzzy's doingabellydance!" Ayami shrieked, watching her as well, but in interest instead of lust.

Izzy leapt over to Heather, who recoiled. "Heather! Dance with me!" She took her arm and started bashing her all over the floor.

"YOU-OW-FREAK-OW!"

"GRAND FINALEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!" Izzy crashed onto the floor and started bouncing on her head, while spreading out her legs. "C'MON IN SAMMY! YA KNOW YA WANNA!"

Samuel looked mesmerized.

"HeySamuelIzzy dancessocool donchathink?!" Ayami asked. "Imeanshe beatupHeather whichgivesher somepointsand stuffheywhat's inyourpants?!"

Samuel looked down and gasped, seeing a lump. He blushed almost purple and brought his hands over his crotch, bringing Ayami to the ground.

Chris was on the ground, laughing into tears. "NO FREAKING WAY! WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A BONER, FOLKS!!!!!"

"I remember my first time…" Owen recalled, staring wistfully at Izzy.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"I think I'm gonna die of embarrassment," Samuel whined, constantly staring at his pants.

"Wait…soyamean thatwasn't asausage?"

* * *

Ethan smirked, effortlessly keeping his eyes fixed on Casey.

She looked confused. "…I thought you liked Heather?"

"I don't like Heather!" Ethan grabbed Casey's shirt and pulled her into his face. "I love her!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan grinned. "That challenge was easy, Chris. You know why? The only reason why I'm playing this stupid game in the first place is BECAUSE of Heather! Not staring at her was a bigger act of love than staring at her!"

* * *

**DING!** Chris looked shocked as he saw Ethan's back completely turned away from the stage. "Wow, looks like Ethan and Casey won that one!"

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!!" I think you can guess who said that.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Okay, this may be a problem," worried Ethan. "Courtney's basically placing a giant target onto herself today. In order for our alliance to work, I need to create another target…"

* * *

**DING!** "Time for the final round, peoples!" Chris announced. "If Noah and Allison win this one, no one will receive invincibility, but if any other couple wins, that couple wins invincibility!"

"Just get on with it," Noah muttered, circling his hand around.

Chris glared at him. "Fine, Mr. Impatient. The last round is a two parter! First part is the Budding Romantic! Each guy will have to woo their date with a little something…special. Part two is the Kiss, which is self-explanatory!" **DING!**

* * *

**Confessionals**

"…Kiss?" Courtney's eye twitched.

---

"…Kiss?" Samuel's eye twitched.

* * *

Harold took out a crumpled piece of paper and began to scribble on it with a pen.

"What are you DOING?!" Courtney seethed.

Harold sighed. "I'm editing one of my LeShawna poems."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Crossing out LeShawna's beautiful name…" Harold started to cry. "…And replacing it with Courtney's…That was probably the hardest thing I've done in my entire life…"

"SUCK IT UP!!!!!"

* * *

Harold wiped a painful tear from his cheek and began to read the edited poem. "T-t-to the girl w-with the sm-smoldering eyes…"

"SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!"

---

"Ahem…" Samuel took out a small box. "Uh, this is to a very special girl…"

"YAYPRESENT!" Ayami took the box and ripped it into shreds, revealing a small chocolate. "CHOCOLATECHOCOLATE CHOCOLATECHOCOLATE CHOCOLATECHOCOLATE CHOCOLATECHOCOLATE CHOCOLATECHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE!!!!!"

"CHOCOLATE!!!!!" a random fish screamed.

---

Noah fiddled around his pockets before fishing out a ring. "Here ya go, Allison. A class ring." He dropped the ring in her hands, while she looked at it curiously.

"Why does it say 'K+N-S Forever'? Is it an algebra ring or something?"

Noah rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Heheh…I made it for Katie, in the off chance she'd actually ditch Sadie for me…"

Allison slapped him hard.

---

Ethan took out a saxophone and started playing a jazz instrumental of "Bohemian Rhapsody" on it.

"Wow, I didn't know you could play saxophone."

He removed the instrument from his mouth. "Yeah, my mom forced me to have a hobby, seeing as 'worshipping Heather' doesn't count."

Casey stared at the saxophone in his hands before saying, "You know, sometimes I wish I wasn't so boy-crazy. I'd like to have a steady relationship with a boy that understands me."

Ethan smirked in his thoughts, having received his chance. "And what is there to understand?"

Casey twiddled her thumbs. "…Well, I like horses. Sometimes I even wish I was a horse, so I could gallop on the prairie, with all my horse friends."

"I know exactly what you're talking about."

Her eyes sparkled. "Really?"

---

**DING!** "Kisses begin…NOW!" **DING!**

---

Courtney looked torn. She wanted to win the challenge, but kissing Harold freaked her out.

"C'mon, Courtney. Let's just get it over with…" Harold sighed, puckering his lips.

"…EW! You probably eat your boogers, you FREAK!" Courtney shrieked, leaning back on her chair.

"I don't eat my boogers! GOSH!"

---

"KISSMEYOUFOOL!!!!!" Ayami, now high on chocolate, latched onto Samuel's face and sucked on his lips. He tried to scream, but couldn't.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel clutched his chest as it heaved. "Man, that Ayami kisses like a beast! Now I know what Mikey had to go through!"

---

Ethan started smiling like a madman. "Heather, if you're watching this, keep your eyes peeled. I'm about to make you proud."

* * *

"Wow…" Casey breathed. "You're like, my dream guy."

"Would you mind a kiss, then?" Ethan wiggled his eyebrows and puckered his lips.

"WOULD I?!" Casey leapt into his arms and they kissed.

Chris walked around the tables, watching each of the couples kiss. "Well, looks like Courtney and Harold ain't winning," he observed, watching Courtney holding Harold away at arm's length. "And Noah and Allison don't seem very enthusiastic either. Samuel looks like he wants to stop…poor guy."

He watched Samuel desperately trying to break away from Ayami's death kiss.

"Never thought I'd see that guy swapping spit in the first place…anyway, looks like the winners are gonna be Ethan-"

**_"GAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"_**

Chris turned around to see Ethan backing up from Casey, looking absolutely mortified. "Dude! What happened?!"

Ethan, still shocked, flapped his gums uselessly as he shakily pointed to Casey. She looked half as shocked as he did. Finally, he stammered, "…Y-y-you…PERVERT!"

"Pervert?"

"DON'T PLAY DUMB!" Ethan roared, eyes bloodshot and spit flying. "YOU ADVANCED ON ME!!!!!"

Casey looked like she was about to cry. "…But I didn't-"

"I CLEARLY SAW YOUR HAND DIGGING IN MY PANTS!!!!!"

"You lie…" Ethan turned to see Harold, looking murderous. "Does she LOOK like she just advanced on you?" he asked, pointing at the saddened Casey.

"OH, YA WANT PROOF? WELL, I'LL GIVE YOU PROOF!!!!!" Ethan swiped the camera filming his table and played the scene where they were kissing. Partway through, you could see a hand dig into Ethan's pants, followed by him screaming.

Harold remained defiant. "That's your hand. Seriously, who are you trying to kid?"

"I'M NOT LYING, YOU IDIOT!" Ethan raged. "REMEMBER? CASEY'S BOY-CRAZY!"

Chris rubbed his stubbled chin in thought. "Well, that is true…"

Harold sighed and furiously stomped away.

"Well, regardless of whose hand that is, Ethan pretty much killed his chances of winning with his freak out, so I'll give the final point to…Ayami and Samuel! That means they both win immunity!"

"YAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!" Ayami cheered, finally letting go of Samuel. He proceeded to drop in a dead faint.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"If Ethan or Courtney doesn't leave tonight, I'll lose all my faith in humanity," Harold solemnly said.

---

Ethan rubbed his hands together. "Casey, consider yourself HEATHER'D!"

* * *

Campfire Ceremony…

Chris held up the all too nerve-wracking plate of marshmallows. "Campers, I only have seven tasty marshmallows on this plate, which means only seven s'mores, or seven of whatever you eat your marshmallows in. When I call your name, please claim your marshmallow. The camper who does not receive one must immediately walk the Dock of Shame and catch the Boat of Losers. And you can never come back. Ever."

Not a single facial expression changed.

Chris frowned. "C'mon people! Where's the fright and terror?"

Noah sighed. "That speech is getting really old."

"Grrrr…anyway, Ayami and Samuel get the first two marshmallows."

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"OW!" Samuel, holding an ice pack to his head, closed Ayami's mouth.

"Next marshmallow goes to…Noah."

"Of course." Noah smirked as he picked up his marshmallow.

"…Harold…"

"…" He stared at Ethan and Courtney the entire time.

"…Allison…"

"Oh yea-ah-ah!"

"…Ethan."

Ethan did a short bii-da taunt to Harold as he took his marshmallow.

"Campers…this is the final marshmallow!" Chris exaggerated, pointing to the lone marshmallow remaining on the platter.

Courtney growled at Harold, but didn't show any apprehension towards the marshmallow.

Casey shivered nervously.

"The final marshmallow goes to………………………………………Courtney."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan did a fist pump. "YES! I am now officially controlling this game!"

* * *

Casey drooped her head as she saw the final marshmallow fly into Courtney's hands. "…But I didn't do it…"

"Doesn't matter, brah." Chris shrugged. "All that matters is that you're left marshmallow-less tonight. To the Boat of Losers with ya."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"…I…I don't get it…" Casey wiped a tear. "Ethan was just so nice…and…and…"

---

"IDIOTS!" Harold bellowed. "How could they all let Ethan play them like that? How many of them watched the first season?!"

---

"WHY ISN'T HAROLD ELIMINATED YET?!!!!!!!!!!!!" Courtney foamed at the mouth.

---

Noah shrugged. "I couldn't care less about who leaves when at this point, as long as it isn't me."

---

"EXTREMELYRANDOMCARAMELLDANSEN!!!!!" Ayami started doing the Caramelldansen.

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

_Nigel waved to the camera. "Cheerio, inferior humans! This is Nigel and Monty, saying that, in case your feeble minds couldn't grasp the meaning of the internet meme, we have just taken over this show!"_

**With seven campers left, Total Drama Action is now for the birds…literally.**

_"The rules are simple!" Nigel exclaimed. "Whenever a camper doesn't do what we ask them to, we'll eliminate them from the show and eat their brain!"_

**And while Courtney continues to get madder…**

_"…GRAGH! I NEED MORE STUFF TO VENT MY ANGER ON!!!!!"_

**Samuel gets sadder…**

_Samuel went into the fetal position as the other campers slowly approached the birds' dastardly talons._

**And Ethan gets badder.**

_Ethan rubbed his hands together deviously. "Get this bird on my good side, and he'll be having a serving of fried Harold brains! Heheheh…"_

**Who will walk the Dock of Shame next time? Find out, on Total Drama Action.**

* * *

Author's Notes: There was someone who wanted Casey to win on my poll...uh, I apologize to whoever that was. Not to mention, she was kicked off unfairly due to Ethan's trickery.

The next episode is my very favorite. It contains 157.2% of your daily recommended allowance of hilarity, Cockney accents, references, surprises, drama (maybe), epic win, and birds. Bird's the word.


	19. Total Drama BIRD

Disclaimer: We do not own the Total Drama franchise; we're just a couple of highly-intelligent birds created by a loser human with...

Hey! Give me back that computer! You've already taken over the show, so why...

Oh look, it's that pathetic human who created us. His brain sure looks delectable, eh chum?

Right, Nigel! Let us feast!

AAAAARGHGHGGHGH AGHGHAGHGHGH AGHGH!!!!!

Brooding Budgerigars' Notes: Apparently, our creator labelled this as his favorite episode. He must've realized how superior we really are.

Ah yes indeed, we are so superior! Quite!

Now what does the author do at this point...aha! Answer inquiries! Apparently, another pathetic human who has decided to christen herself "TotallyTerriblyTaylor"...

Bloody heck, that's horrendous grammar! Three capitals in the same sentence and no spaces!

Do not question the humans' endless stupidity, Monty. Anyway, she apparently wishes to obtain the correct pronounciation of the name, "Ayami".

What, does she think we're Japanese or something?!

Everyone on the internet pretends to be Japanese, Monty...Well, I'm no expert on oriental languages, but my guess on the pronounciation would be ay-YAH-mee. Does that help?

Probably not. It's bloody useless information that only a human would be interested in, anyway.

Right. I do believe this is also where the author gives out warnings for potentially mature content.

True, Monty, true. This chapter of this poorly-written, cliche, and overall terrible story that you shouldn't even be wasting your time on contains several instances of underaged drinking. You have been warned.

Why do humans enjoy such nonsensical activities?

Because they're stupid, of course! Well then, on with the story! Ta ta!

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 19: Total Drama BIRD

A pair of glowing yellow eyes shone in the pitch blackness of the screen. "GOOD EVENING GENTLEMEN," a dark and sinister voice droned. "ALL YOUR SHOW ARE BELONG TO US. YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO BE BORED MAKE YOUR TIME. HA HA HA."

A second pair of eyes appeared next to the first. "I say, your grammar has greatly deteriorated, Nigel!"

"Monty…I was making fun of the humans again. They find horrendous grammar to be unreasonably hilarious." The screen brightened, revealing the owners of the eyes; the two Brooding Budgerigars from episode 12.

Nigel waved to the camera. "Cheerio, inferior humans! This is Nigel and Monty, saying that, in case your feeble minds couldn't grasp the meaning of the internet meme, we have just taken over this show!"

"Seized it with an iron wing!" Monty added.

"That we have, chum! Last time on this ridiculous mind-numbing cartoon, the campers got tortured, and that loon Casey was eliminated!"

A clip of the campers kissing each other was shown, followed by Casey walking the Dock of Shame.

"But all of that is irrelevant now. Today, we're going to do reality TV our way!"

"On Total. Drama. BIRD!"

* * *

"Oh Katie…I love you…" Noah muttered in his sleep, not noticing that he was in the middle of the woods. "Kiss me…kiss me…" He grabbed a passing squirrel and started kissing it over and over.

"Uh, Noah?"

After hearing his name, the nerd slowly came to. "Hey Mr. Squirrel…MR. SQUIRREL?!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"That's the second time I kissed something in my sleep!" Noah complained. "I really need to stop dreaming about Katie…"

---

The squirrel guffawed, hearts surrounding it.

* * *

At that point, Noah was fully awake, and noticed something strange. "Uh…where are we?" The other six campers looked around, finding themselves in a clearing in the middle of the woods. Nothing from the campsite was there, even their beds, so it was like someone carried their sleeping bodies there.

"Top o' the morning, inferior humans!" The campers swiftly craned their necks up the tree next to them, where Nigel and Monty were perched.

"OH NO, YOU ARE NOT EATING OUR BRAINS!!!!!" Allison screamed, pointing a finger up to them.

"YOUR brains?" Monty stifled a laugh. "Please…we've just had a brain banquet, courtesy of your pathetic host!"

"Eh Monty, those cameramen sure had much larger brains than the hosts, didn't they?" Nigel chortled, elbowing his chum.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Peopleseemto diealothere," Ayami noted. "Iwonderifthat's whyit'scalled CampYurgonadynao?"

* * *

"So, due to the…unforeseen circumstances the crew has gotten into," Nigel laughed, "We're going to host the show!"

"And what a show it is!" Monty added. "Today, you lucky hominids are going to participate in a challenge called Do Whatever We Want!"

"The rules are simple!" Nigel exclaimed. "Whenever a camper doesn't do what we ask them to, we'll eliminate them from the show and eat their brain!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah grimaced. "Great. We're going to become the slaves of British birds today."

* * *

"This is going to be smashing…" Nigel deviously rubbed his wings together. "Inferior humans, your first task will be…to hold your breath!"

Everyone started to hold their breath. The birds watched in glee as the campers' faces turned blue.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"This show has gone down the toilet," Samuel remarked. "And toilets are dirty!"

* * *

After a minute, the campers started gasping for breath.

"I DID NOT TELL YOU TO STOP!" Nigel roared.

"Butwecan'thold …ourbreaththat …long!" Ayami panted.

Monty shook his head. "Pathetic humans…your next task is to chop down the mightiest tree in the forest…WITH A HERRING!!!" He passed seven small fish to the campers. "Knock yourselves out! And I mean that literally!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold stared at his herring in disbelief, before waving his hand in front of his nose. "What the heck?"

---

"This show has too many Monty Python references," Noah droned.

* * *

Allison was walking through the woods, looking throughout all the trees. "How am I supposed to know which one's the mightiest?" she complained. "They all look the same to me!" She then spotted Ayami, randomly zipping through trees and giving each a whack with her herring. "Ayami!"

She turned around, giving the nearest tree another whack for good measure. "HeyAllisonhoware yadoinghow's thecontestdidja chopdownanytrees?!"

Allison stared glumly, trying to look as forlorn as possible. "No…I can't even find the correct tree!"

Ayami looked confused. "…Acorrecttree?"

"Those blasted birds wanted us to chop down the MIGHTIEST tree in the forest!"

Ayami continued to look confused for a moment, then suddenly grinned and smacked her forehead. "DUHIreallyneed tostartlistening betterheyAllisondoya thinkwecouldfind themightiest treetogether?!"

"…Sure."

"YAYALLIANCE!!!!!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ayami, once again, was bouncing on the toilet seat in excitement. "YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY I'MINANALLIANCE I'MINANALLIANCE I'MGONNABEIN THEFINALTHREEOR SOMETHINGTHISIS SOEXCITING!!!!!"

* * *

"Hey Harold! I think I found it!" Samuel pointed towards a huge tree while an angelic chorus sang.

Harold panted. "Thank goodness…I thought this challenge would never-"

"OUTTA MY WAY, TRAITOR!" Courtney threw Harold onto the ground as she approached the tree herself.

"Hey! You can't just throw me onto the ground!" Harold argued. "GOSH!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel shrugged. "Harold's a cool guy, so it really grinds my gears when Courtney inflicts pain on him. She seriously needs counseling…GOSH!" He suddenly looked freaked out. "Oh crap…I'm turning into Harold."

* * *

"This is what I'd do to Harold if he were a tree…" Courtney steadied herself, then proceeded to throttle the tree with her herring. "DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!" At that point, the tree fell over, ploughing Samuel into the ground. She stared at the large stump in front of her, then at the pulpy remainder of her herring. "…GRAGH! I NEED MORE STUFF TO VENT MY ANGER ON!!!!!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Courtney's got issues." Ethan smirked. "That's exactly why she's in my alliance."

---

Samuel was in a full-body cast. "Uh…am I the new Trent now?"

* * *

The seven campers returned to their new hosts, waiting for their next gruesome order.

"Congratulations Courtney!" Monty announced. "For actually cutting the tree down, you get…this plushie!" He threw her a Harold plushie.

"…" Courtney's eye twitched.

"GOSH! IDIOTS! AWESOME! BOOYAH!" the doll crackled.

"…" Courtney cracked her knuckles as she approached the birds.

Nigel sweated. "Heheheh…I do think this is the capital time for an advertisement break, eh Monty?"

"Quite so, Nigel!" Monty laughed nervously. As Courtney was about to attack them, the screen turned black.

* * *

**Commercial Break!**

_A tiny red speedo: $25._

_"Winning is inevitable!"_

_A seadoo built to ride on mud: $200._

_"It's REALLY HARD."_

_A pocket-blade to remove that pesky nerd from your boat: $50._

_"I decided to cut him loose."_

_Having your breasts revealed on international television: Priceless._

_"Boobies…"_

_There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Master Chief._

_"That's right, ya maggots!" Chef declared. "If ya'll wanna buy somethin', just call up Masta' Chief and he'll kick your ASS!"_

---

_Courtney fidgeted as she approached her mom. "Uh…mom?"_

_She turned from her knitting board. "Yes sweetie?"_

_"…I've got some stuff to tell you." Courtney looked down on the floor as she shuffled her feet._

_Her mother put on a stern look. "This better not have anything to do with that Duncan boy, does it?!"_

_Courtney just stared at her mother, then suddenly burst into tears. "YES! It has EVERYTHING to do with him! I've gotten a life sentence in jail!!!"_

_Her mother gasped. "I told you he was nothing but trouble!"_

_"I'm not done yet." Courtney tried to regain her composure, but failed and released a flood of new tears. "I'm addicted to crack, too! And worst of all…I'M PREGNANT!!!!!"_

_Her mother dropped into a dead faint. Courtney continued to cry as she embraced her._

_"I'm so sorry, mom…I started and then…I didn't know when to stop. I do have some good news, though."_

_Her mother slowly regained consciousness and squinted her eyes towards her daughter. "What…could THAT possibly be?"_

_Courtney gulped. "…I…I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geoffco."_

_Her mother fainted again._

_Geoffco. Fifteen minutes can save you up to fifteen percent or more on car insurance, dudes! It's so easy, even Lindsay can do it!_

* * *

The show came back on, with the camera focusing on Courtney struggling in a straightjacket. "MMF MF MM MMM MFF!"

"And we're back!" Nigel greeted. "Inferior humans, your next challenge will be to fetch us some quenching drinks!"

"We're parched!" Monty added, lolling his tongue and panting.

"But not just ANY drinks! Oh no, that would be too easy! Instead, you must locate…" Nigel thought for a moment. "Wolf Coffee."

The campers just stared. "…What's Wolf Coffee?" Allison asked.

Nigel shook his head. "Such inferior humans, not even knowing what Wolf Coffee is…GO!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"WHAT THE HECK IS WOLF COFFEE?!!!!!" Allison complained.

* * *

Allison headed back to the cabins to find some coffee, but Ayami suddenly jumped in front of her.

"Hey Ayami. Wanna help me find some Wolf Coffee?"

Ayami shook her head. "Wecan'tdothat untilweputon ouralliancesuits!" She put on a purple jumpsuit with hers and Allison's faces on them, then handed her ally a sky-blue one. "Iworkedon theseduringthe commercialbreak!"

Allison slapped her forehead.

---

Noah walked around Chris' empty cabin until he found his big book on Yurgonadynao wildlife. "I hope this will tell me the answer…" He skimmed through the pages until he found something. "The Sun Wolf receives its toxins by eating a type of poisonous coffee bean. After eating several of these beans, it will absorb the toxins into its fangs and excrete the shells. Brewing these produces a rare delicacy known as Wolf Coffee…Great."

---

"How much longer?" Harold complained, obviously getting tired from all the walking.

Samuel looked at concern towards his tired comrade. "As long as it takes to find some Wolf Coffee…where the heck are we looking anyway?"

Harold weakly shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe it involves wolves?"

"…Of course!" Samuel suddenly ran off, leaving Harold confused.

"Hey! Where are ya going?!"

Samuel reached a cliff and got on all fours. "ARRRROOOOOOO!!!!!!!! AROOOOO-HOOO-HOO-HOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

"Are you trying to attract wolves?!" Harold asked, shivering.

"That's the plan, Stan!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel smugly grinned. "And that's why Izzy is the best girlfriend ever."

* * *

"MMF MM MFFFFF!!!!!"

"I know, I know…" Ethan answered, carrying the straightjacketed Courtney over his shoulder. "But it's not up to me who loses; it's up to those birds."

"MMF!"

"Sabotage? That's too risky with these hosts. Didn't Chris say those guys are smarter than humans?"

"Mm mm mm." Courtney tried to shrug.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"I don't know what Ethan's agenda is," Courtney complained, "But letting HAROLD in the final seven doesn't slide well with me. I want him out NOW!"

---

Ethan sighed. "The problem with eliminating Harold is that everyone else likes him. If I try to eliminate him too early, poof! I've got no support in the finals! I'll end up like Gwen and lose!"

* * *

"GYAYAAHAHAHHHHH!!!!!" Harold screamed as his internal organs were being rearranged. "SAMUEL YOU IDIOT!!!!!"

"NO! STOP!" Samuel protested as the wolves ripped him into shreds. "I am a spiritual brother to you guys! HONEST!!!!!"

Meanwhile, Noah sneaked behind the chaos and carefully picked up the droppings left behind.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Those two make excellent bait." Noah grinned evilly.

* * *

Noah entered the kitchen and, to his surprise, found Allison and Ayami next to the coffee machine.

"Ayami…" Allison groaned. "Can't we start looking for that Wolf Coffee yet?"

"Nuhuhuhuhuhuhuh uhuhuhuhuhuhu huhuhhuhuhuhu huhuhuhuhuh uhuhuhuhuh!" Ayami whined, shaking her head vigorously. "Firstweneedto makeupourthemesong howaboutthis?! _TheAllisonand AyamiAllianceis socooljoiningitis betterthandrinking droolwe'regonnakick yourbuttstoday causewe'rethe twomembersof theTripleA!_"

Noah walked over to the girls, clenching shut his ears. "Ladies? Do you mind if I use this coffee-maker?"

"HeyNoahofcourse youcanusethe coffee-makerheydidja knowAllisonandI areinanalliance doyawannahear ourthemesong itgoeslikethis-"

"No thanks." He shoved Ayami out of the way before she could start her sped-up song and poured the feces into the machine.

"EWWWWWW!!!!!" Allison shrieked. "Are you drinking POOP?!!!!!"

Noah raised his eyebrow. "No, this is for the birds…and I mean that both figuratively and literally." The coffee poured into the cup and Noah carried it out, taking care to avoid smelling it.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison scrunched up her face and wrung her hands. "EW EW EW EW EW EW EWWWWW!!!!! That's so freaking NASTY!!!!! It's like that one internet video my jerky ex-boyfriend showed me…2 Cups 1 Girl, or something."

---

Ayami hummed her made-up theme song to herself. "Manthat'scatchy!"

* * *

Noah scowled and handed Nigel the steaming cup of…you know. "Here."

The bird took the cup and took a quick sniff. "…Whatever wolf made these didn't eat coffee beans!"

Monty gasped. "No beans! But without beans, that's just a cup of…you know."

Nigel shuddered and threw the cup onto the ground. "How uncouth!"

"I'll say!" his companion agreed. "For a genius, you sure are stupid, Noah!"

Nigel pointed to him. "You're on thin ice, human! One more slipup like that, and THIS could be your brain!" He turned on a TV that came out of nowhere which showed that famous PSA.

_"This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?"_

Noah shuddered. He didn't want his brain to be eaten by a couple of British birds.

---

The Brooding Budgerigars waited until the other six campers arrived back at the clearing, all fruitless.

"Awwwww…" Nigel mocked. "Was that challenge too difficult for your feeble minds?"

"I don't really appreciate that," Harold moaned, covered in bandages.

Monty stared at him hard. "Do we look like we care?"

"Don't waste your time with him," Nigel scolded, bringing Monty back to him. "Since that last challenge was apparently too difficult, we'll provide an easier one. Next challenge will be to give us a talon massage."

The campers all stared at the birds' talons, which were big, smelly, and covered in fungus and boils.

**WAH WAH WAH WAAOOAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!**

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel twitched. "…Feet. Bird feet. Icky, yucky bird feet. Icky, yucky, gross, disgusting bird feet. Icky, yucky, gross, disgusting, revolting, nauseating bird feet."

* * *

Samuel went into the fetal position as the other campers slowly approached the birds' dastardly talons.

"Make sure you rub them good," Nigel reminded, closing his eyes. "I've got knots you wouldn't believe…"

"Eh Nigel? What about Samuel?" Monty asked, pointing to the boy in the fetal position.

"Hmm?" Nigel opened his eyes. "Samuel! You do know that if you refuse this challenge, you will forfeit this game…AND YOUR BRAIN!"

Samuel rocked back and forth, sweating and singing to himself. "Stuck 'tween a rock and a hard place! Stuck 'tween dirt and a punch in the face…"

_"Samuel…"_

"Huh?" He looked above him, and saw the ghostly image of Izzy fly by his head.

_"Use the Force, Samuel…Use the Force…"_ she whispered before vanishing in a puff of smoke.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel looked confused. "Use the Force? What is this, a Star Wars movie?"

* * *

The Star Wars theme played as Samuel lifted his arm triumphantly. Suddenly, a lightsaber flew into his hand.

Nigel was flabbergasted. "What the bloody hell was THAT?!!!!!"

Samuel grinned as he pressed the button on his lightsaber, releasing a green beam of light. "THAT is the Force, motherf*($er!"

"…I thought force was defined as mass times acceleration!" Nigel could say no more as Samuel swiped, almost cutting his legs off.

"OH DEAR!" Monty screamed. "NIGEL! RUN!!!!!"

"FAR AHEAD OF YOU!!!!!" Nigel flew for his life as Samuel chased, swinging the lightsaber wildly and cackling.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah looked around the confessional stall for a moment. "Wow…this episode is getting really random."

* * *

Monty continued to panic well after his chum and Samuel left his sights. "…W-well then, shall we continue?"

"With what, may I ask?" Noah asked, expecting the worst. "Are you going to make us eat vomit?"

"Or kill Harold?" Courtney suggested. Harold glared at her.

"Oractlikechickens orgonakedorfight eachothertothedeath orrubporcupines onourbodies orcarrytrees ordigtoChinaor-"

"…" Monty looked back to see if Nigel and Samuel returned. They hadn't, so he leaned into the campers and whispered, "I want you to throw a party."

Allison looked skeptical. "You mean, like a party where you'll pin tails on us?"

"Shush!" Monty nervously peered behind him, checking again if the missing animals returned. "Not so loud…I want a fun party, full of idiots and booze."

"…" Everyone stared at the bird as if he lost his mind.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Monty fidgeted his wings together. "I never wanted to tell Nigel this, but…I secretly envy the recreational activities of humans. Truth be told, the life of a Brooding Budgerigar is rather dull."

* * *

"Please?" Monty whispered.

Ethan smirked. "A wild party, huh? Sounds like my cup of tea."

"Tea time?" Everyone stared at Monty again, as he cleared his throat. "Ahem…I've got to get rid of this ridiculous accent."

"Then a wild party it is! C'mon guys!" Ethan headed back to the campgrounds and everyone else quickly followed.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan rubbed his hands together deviously. "Get this bird on my good side, and he'll be having a serving of fried Harold brains! Heheheh…"

* * *

"OH DEAR OH DEAR OH DEAR ME!" Nigel shrieked, trying to shake off Samuel, who was hanging on his leg. "DON'T CUT OFF MY LEG, HUMAN! I REQUIRE IT!!!!!"

"AYIYIYIYIYI!!!!!" Samuel continued swinging, far too engrossed in his bout of insanity to listen.

Nigel faced the camera. "Excuse me audience, but I do believe I'll have to create another advertisement break to handle this situation…AIEEEEEEEEE!!!!! MY TOE!!!!!"

* * *

**Commercial Break!**

_Owen faced the camera, a solemn frown on his face. "Citizens of America, a terrible crisis is upon us…THERE'S NOT ENOUGH BROWNIES!!!!!"_

_Vote for Owen. He won a game show!_

_"WHOOHOO! Check out my AWESOME YACHT!" he called from atop a yacht._

_Vote for Owen. He'll lower taxes!_

_Owen put his finger to his chin. "Uh…how do ya do that?"_

_Vote for Owen. He loves kids!_

_"Mmmmm…it's true. I LOVE kids…" he mumbled, a small human leg dangling from his mouth._

_Vote for Owen. He'll bring great change!_

_"For now on, every Tuesday is PANCAKE DAY!" Owen threw a bunch of pancakes in the air._

_Vote for Owen. He's honest!_

_"I'm a human!" he exclaimed, jerking his thumb to his face._

_Don't just sit there! Owen for president! Owen for 2012!_

_Owen scratched his head. "Don't I hafta be 35 to be president?" he asked the narrator. "And don't I hafta be a natural-born American citizen?"_

_Um…Vote for Owen!_

---

_"Hello girls…" Heather announced. "Wanna be famous? Wanna have boys in your beck and call? Wanna attempt to be half as perfect as me? Try my new product, Eau de Heather." She held up a fancy bottle of perfume. "Only Eau de Heather uses an all-natural process to make you smell almost as good as me. And it only costs $100,000. So what are you waiting for? BUY SOME NOW!!!!!"_

_Side effects may include blue skin, slanted eyes, hair removal, and sudden drop in friends. For ordering information, call 1-800-555-HEATHER-SHOULD-HAVE-WON-TOTAL-DRAMA-ISLAND. Hurry; offer ends soon…oh snap, some creepy boy named Ethan just bought it all. Too bad!_

* * *

The campers, minus Samuel and including Monty, were in the Hollering Otters cabin preparing for the party.

"Let's see here…" Ethan muttered to himself, rummaging through his drawer. "Where are those party favors?" He took out a bottle of perfume labeled "Eau de Heather".

"I've got party favors," Harold reminded everyone.

Monty grabbed him and started shaking him around. "Well what are you waiting for? Nigel could get back here any moment!"

"Okay, okay, gosh! Just let me go!" Monty dropped the nerd and he walked over to his drawer. As soon as it was opened, party favors flew out, turning the cabin into a hardcore party house in nothing flat. He asked, "Ready to partay?"

"Ready as I'll ever be!" Monty hollered triumphantly. "Let's do this!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Monty hiccupped, holding a glass of wine in his wing. "I'll-hic-admit that I was nervous at first…BUT THAT PARTAY WAS CRUNK, YO! HIC!"

* * *

"Let's get it on!" Harold yelled, blasting some dance music from his keyboard. Everyone started to dance.

Monty looked at his feet, moving and grooving like they had minds of their own. "Great Scott! This is incredible!"

"YeahIknowdancing issomuchfun DANCEWITHME!!!!!" Ayami grabbed the large bird by the wing and started doing a strange mixture of the Jitterbug and a waltz with him.

Meanwhile, Ethan held out his hand to a sulking Courtney. "Care to dance?"

She stared away. "I'm refuse to enjoy a party hosted by Harold. WHOA!" Noah pushed her into Ethan's arms.

"C'mon, we all you have a bad boy fetish," Noah told her. "Just dance with your new boyfriend and enjoy the moment."

Courtney glared at him. "He's NOT my boyfriend."

"Riiiiiiiiight…"

Meanwhile, again, Monty was holding up a huge barrel of wine. "I've stashed this on the island!" he bragged. "Who wants to get drunk?!"

Allison looked up the huge container and cringed. "I don't think I'm ready for-"

"C'mon, live a little!" Monty tipped the barrel into Allison's open mouth mid-sentence.

"…ASDFKJSALFKJAS DLFJASJFOW IFWVXN DNUJEAQOIWk mdvasmvlikwjagp aiagksdgjakK ADMKSDFGLIWJ ENLMNVASLDKA!" She fainted.

"WOOHOO! THAT WAS AWESOME!" He turned to Ayami. "Now it's YOUR TURN!"

"Idon'tthinkI wantwinewhat doesittastelike?"

Monty shrugged. "Chocolate?"

"MINEMINEMINEMINE MINEMINEMINEMINE MINEMINEMINEMINE!" Ayami tipped the barrel into her own mouth, then shuddered.

"HEYthisdoesn't taste like chocolate…it…tastes…liiiiike………………." She fell asleep.

"MY TURN!" Monty dumped the entire contents of the barrel on his head, then licked his face. "TOGA! TOGA! Everyone say it with me!"

Noah shifted his eyes. "Uh, I think I'll have to decline…"

"NOW YOU WON'T!" Monty flew around the room, placing togas around all the campers. "NOW SAY IT WITH ME! TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!!!!!"

Noah clutched his head. "Urgh…I think I'll have some wine now…"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah sighed. "I thought my troubles would be drowned out with a little alcohol…Instead, they got worse."

* * *

"DEAR HEAVENS, CHILD!" Nigel yelped, desperately trying to keep Samuel at bay. "DON'T YOU EVER GET TIRED?!"

"Nope!" Samuel grinned as her slashed at the bird again. "After years of being a neat freak, you never get tired!"

Nigel, clearly fatigued, crawled backward away from an advancing Samuel until he reached the face of a cliff.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"I was too weak to fly!" Nigel sobbed. "I was going to die! My entire life flashed before my eyes!"

* * *

Samuel smirked as he lifted his lightsaber, ready to deal the final blow. "Any last words, BIRD?!"

Nigel whimpered, holding his wings in front of his face. "No…no last words. Do your worst, human…"

"WAAAAAHOOOOO!!!!!!" This cry startled Samuel, causing him to drop his lightsaber.

"What in the bloody hell…?" Nigel turned around and peered down the cliff, noticing one of the two cabins down there was flashing in different colors. "What is going on down there?"

Samuel joined Nigel at the edge of the cliff and peered down. "It looks like a party…and I WASN'T INVITED?!!!!! C'mon Nigel, we've got a party to crash!" He leapt onto the bird's back and kicked him off the cliff.

---

"THIS IS THE BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!!!!" Monty screamed. "I WANT IT TO LAST FOREVER!"

At that moment, Samuel and Nigel crashed through the roof, turning the Hollering Otter cabin and the party into a messy pile of wood.

Monty cried, "NOOOOO!!!!!!! IT'S RUINED!!!!!!!!!"

"Owwwww…" Nigel got up from the wreckage and dusted himself off. "Monty? What were you doing?"

"Ummm…noth-hic!"

Nigel cocked an eyebrow. "Nothing, eh?"

Ayami suddenly popped out of a pile of wood. "Wewerehaving awildpartyitwas allMonty'sidea itwasalotoffun Idrunkwine andgottired butitlonlylasted-"

"…MONTYYYYY!!!!!" Nigel furiously grabbed his chum by the neck. "HAVE YOU BEEN TAINTED BY THE HUMAN WAYS?!!!!!"

A tear fell from his cheek. "…Yes, yes I have. Nigel, you wouldn't believe how much better being a human is than-"

"NO! I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT!" Nigel roared, dropping Monty to the ground. "YOU ARE EXILED FROM THE BROODING BUDGERIGARS! AND NOW I NEED TO FIND ANOTHER CHUM!" Nigel furiously stomped away from the wreckage, tears falling from his cheeks.

Monty stared in the direction his friend went, then hung his head. "Nigel…I'm sorry…"

Allison gave him a gentle hug. "Awwww, I'm sorry Monty. He was your best friend, wasn't he?"

Monty sniffed and nodded slowly.

"Who needs Nigel?" Ethan asked, putting his arm around Monty's shoulder. "That guy was just a big party pooper!"

"B-b-but where will I-hic-go? I've been exiled!"

"Don't worry, big guy," Allison reassured. "People love smart parrots. I'm sure you'll find some human who'll love you."

"Like us!" Harold added.

Monty blinked back a few tears and smiled. "Awww, you guys…c'mere, GROUP HUG!" He then found himself surrounded by campers, all hugging him. Even Courtney joined in, though she was on the opposite side of Harold.

"Thanks, humans," he sniffed. "Your kindness means the world to me…Where's Noah?"

The campers gasped and quickly broke up the hug. They then found what was probably the most gruesome sight they ever saw, besides the death scenes in episode 17 of course. It was Noah, his entire body bloated and red, fainted beside the barrel of wine.

"Oh dear…That's not supposed to-hic-happen!" Monty held up Noah's bulbous head and cried. "I made this cherry wine with love, and it only destroyed!"

"Hold up!" Harold dipped his finger in the wine and tasted it. His eyes widened. "This IS cherry wine!"

"It's-hic-my specialty!" Monty sobbed.

"Cherry wine…" Harold remembered something.

* * *

_Flashback…_

_He raised an eyebrow. "Truth again. I've got nothing to hide."_

_"We'll see about that…name your greatest fear."_

_Noah sighed. "My greatest fear? That would be………………………cherries. I'm deathly allergic to them…"_

_End Flashback…_

* * *

Once Harold told Monty about his memory, Monty wailed harder. "I didn't know Noah would be allergic! HIC!"

Harold turned to Courtney. "Courtney, can you fix him?"

"And why would I take YOUR suggestion?" she shot back. Ethan sighed.

"Just do it."

"Grrrrr…fine!" Courtney walked up to Noah and zapped him. It did nothing. "He's still alive, guys. I can't do anything."

Harold bowed his head. "Poor Noah…"

---

Monty lifted up Noah with a crane and placed his bloated body onto the Boat of Losers. "Sorry there's no vote tonight, but Noah's in no condition to continue the game."

Allison called, "It's okay! We'll miss him!"

Monty got out of the crane and got into the driver's seat of the Boat of Losers. He waved. "Farewell, my friends…To wherever the Boat of Losers takes me…And Noah bids his adieu as well."

The boat started, and the six campers sadly waved as it receded into the horizon.

"Hey guys! What'd we miss?" The campers turned and found Chris, Chef, Owen, and Mary getting out of a helicopter, wearing beach clothes.

Harold chuckled. "Man, have we got a story for you…"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"HAROLD IS STILL HERE?!!!!!" Courtney raged. "NEXT CHALLENGE, I'M GOING TO SEE TO IT PERSONALLY THAT HE LEAVES!"

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

**With only six campers still fighting, the challenges get even tougher!**

_"Welcome to the final six, campers! Now, since you all are obviously so good at this game, I'm gonna raise the bar a couple of notches! Heheh!"_

**And I mean, really really tough…**

_"ARE YA READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!!!!!" Allison sang. "Dadadum dada DAAAAA! Dadadum dada DAAAAA! Dadadum dada DA DA DA DA DUUUUUMMMM!!!!!"_

**Really, really, REALLY TOUGH…**

_"Ugh…" Chef walked up to him, wearing a housemaid's outfit and holding some yarn. He began to knit._

**Uh…maybe that wasn't the best example…how about this?**

_Harold rocked back and forth in the fetal position. "…I just saw Satan."_

**You'll never guess who's leaving next time, on Total Drama Action.**

* * *

Author's Notes: ...Are they gone? *Checks all over the room* Good. Looks like that clone of me really came in handy.

Yeah, Noah got cheated out. I'll miss his realistic, sarcastic commentary towards the insane show around him. In fact, the only reason I got rid of him now is so he could complain about the finalists in the Playa Des Losers episode. Playa Des Losers ain't Playa Des Losers without Noah.

This episode was a goofy filler. You know what comes after goofy fillers? That's right; next episode is REALLY, REALLY DRAMATIC. Expect character development, surprises, and bad stuff happening to good characters.

*Blows noisemaker* I FINALLY REACHED 100,000 WORDS, BABY! Maybe now people will take this fanfic seriously!

And what bloody idiot would take this pile of rubbish seriously, eh?

NIGEL!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! *Runs away*

Time to eat some brains! *Flies off* Hey wait a minute...how can I be typing and chasing someone at the same time?

I don't know. People on the internet do it all the time.

Pathetic humans.

Yeah, I know.

...Shouldn't you be running?

Oh right. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! *Runs away again*


	20. Battle of the Sexists

Disclaimer: You've all heard this jazz before. I do not own the Total Drama franchise or any other references.

Author's Notes: Today's my birthday! *Blows noisemaker* You can consider this chapter as a birthday present...from me, to you...uh...I think I got it backwards.

Anyway, enjoy this dramalicious episode!

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 20: Battle of the Sexists

Chris stood atop the Dock of Shame, raring to host another jam-packed episode of Total Drama Action. "Last time on Total Drama Action, me and the crew went on a little vay-cay, but those dang birds stole my show!"

A clip of Nigel and Monty taking over the show was shown.

"They sorta changed the format, too! The campers had to do whatever they pleased, or else they'd have their brains eaten!"

A clip of the campers massaging Nigel's feet was shown.

"DUDE! No one messes with my show's awesome format! Anyway, with Samuel acting more and more like Izzy with each passing day, Nigel and Monty were separated! Now that he was alone, Monty let his true feelings shine!"

A clip of Monty partying was shown.

"Alliances formed, too! Ayami and Allison, former rivals and Cody-lovers, are now allies, though Ayami's really annoying!"

A clip of Ayami singing her theme song was shown.

"And Ethan and Courtney are still plotting for Harold's demise…and failing."

A clip of Courtney getting really mad was shown.

"After a rousing party and a shocking break-up between Nigel and Monty, it was Noah the know-it-all who, again, didn't see it coming! He drank cherry wine and nearly died due to his allergies!"

A clip of bloated Noah was shown.

"And with that, only six campers remain! Who will fall tonight? Who will rise tonight? And who will do something so awesome, milk will spurt out our noses tonight? Find out tonight, on Total. Drama. Action!"

* * *

It was a quiet, peaceful day at Camp Yurgonadynao. The birds were singing, the trees wafted in the breeze, and…aw screw it. Quiet, peaceful days don't exist at Camp Yurgonadynao.

"CAMPERS!" the intercom blared, jolting everyone awake. "LET ME BE THE FIRST TO SAY, CONGRATULATIONS ON REACHING THE FINAL SIX! THROUGHOUT THE LAST SIX WEEKS, YOU HAVE BEEN TORTURED, HUMILIATED, AND PHYSICALLY MAIMED, BUT YOU ALL MANAGED TO OUTLAST…EZEKIEL,"

A clip of Ezekiel getting pummeled by girls was shown.

"COLIN,"

A clip of Colin pranking Samuel was shown.

"LESHAWNA,"

A clip of Ethan threatening to kill LeShawna was shown.

"JOSEPHINE,"

A clip of Josephine running on the hamster wheel was shown.

"BETH,"

A clip of Beth hyperventilating was shown.

"HEATHER,"

A clip of Heather beating up GIR was shown.

"TAM,"

A clip of Tam kissing Mikey was shown.

"TYLER,"

A clip of Tyler crying in the confessional stall was shown.

"MARY,"

A clip of Mary arguing with Noah was shown.

"DJ,"

A clip of DJ prancing in the woods with Bunny was shown.

"EDMUND,"

A clip of Edmund pointing at his forehead was shown.

"MIKEY,"

A clip of Mikey running and screaming from the Sun Wolves was shown.

"LINDSAY,"

A clip of Lindsay verbally assaulting Ethan was shown.

"JOSEPH,"

A clip of Joseph kissing Samuel was shown.

"IZZY,"

A clip of Izzy riding her dragon was shown.

"CODY,"

A clip of Cody being pulled down by the tree was shown.

"CASEY,"

A clip of Ethan accusing Casey was shown.

"AND NOAH!"

A clip of Noah bloating up was shown.

"JOIN ME AT THE FIELD IN THRITY MINUTES FOR YOUR NEXT EPIC CHALLENGE! CHRIS MACLEAN, OUT!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold drummed his fingers on his leg, looking side to side as if looking for someone. "I'm in the final six now…it's awesome! I never thought I could make it this far, after making so many enemies. Duncan, Geoff, DJ, Courtney, Heather, and Ethan. Unfortunately, two of them are still here. If I can't convince people to vote out those two for their conniving ways, there's no way I'll win."

---

Allison smiled and brushed her hair. "Oh yeah, I'm in the final six! Take that, Noah! I think I've got a pretty good chance of winning, seeing as no one here hates me. I've still got an alliance, though Ayami's really annoying. I may try to blindside her later…but that seems too mean. Right now, I'm just gonna focus on winning challenges and not pissing off people."

---

Courtney crossed her arms over her chest. "Final six? As far as I'm concerned, that's nothing worth celebrating about. I only know winning and losing, and I came to win. Oh yeah, and I also came to make Harold lose in the most brutal, painful, and deadly way!" She shoved the camera in her face. "YOU HEAR ME HAROLD?! I WILL NOT REST UNTIL YOUR PITIFUL EXISTENCE IS PERMANENTLY ENDED!!!!!"

---

Samuel smiled, seeming to be lost in his thoughts. "Yeah, the final six…that's something alright. However, it doesn't really mean much to me. What I got out of this camp is worth far more than $500,000. That angel, Izzy, helped transform me from a neurotic germaphobe into a free spirit…and that just means everything to me."

---

Ayami bounced up and down while holding the camera, so the whole room looked like it was vibrating. "Omigosh omigosh omigosh I'MINTHEFINALSIX Ican'tbelieveit thisissoamazing thoughIguessit's duetothefactthat I'minanalliance andIneverseriously screwedupbut stillit'sAMAZING IhopeIwin!!!!!!"

---

Ethan smirked. "The final six…at this point of the game, everyone's a threat, resorting to every trick in the book to get that prize. That's exactly how I like it. None of those other fools can possibly compete with my strategic genius. I will win, and I will transform Heather into a goddess."

"CAMPERS! IT'S TIME FOR YOUR NEXT CHALLENGE!!!!!" the intercom blared from outside.

Ethan stared at the camera in shock. "Oh sh%t!" He opened the door of the confessional stall, leapt out, and slammed the door.

* * *

Chris rubbed his hands together deviously, looking back and forth between the six campers in front of him. "Welcome to the final six, campers! Now, since you all are obviously so good at this game, I'm gonna raise the bar a couple of notches! Heheh!"

…

Everyone stared awkwardly for a while, before Allison said, "This is normally the part where Noah makes a sarcastic comment."

"Yeah, I know!" Samuel responded. "I still can't believe he's gone after lasting so long."

"Imisshim!" Ayami sobbed. "IalsomissCasey andCodyandIzzy andJosephandLindsay and-"

"Ahem!" The campers stopped their idle chatter and focused upon Chris. "That's better. Anyhoo, today's challenge is going to test a rivalry as old as time…well not as old as time, exactly…" He turned to Mary, who was supervising alongside Owen and Chef. "Mary, how long have there been sexes?"

"Uh, about 2 to 3 billion years."

"Oh, okay!" Chris turned back to the campers. "Today's challenge is going to test a rivalry as old as…2 to 3 billion years! Can ya guess what it is?"

"Oohoohoohoohooh whatisit?!" Ayami asked, waving her arm about. Everyone else facepalmed.

"It's a Battle of the Sexes!" Chris announced. "Girls on the left, and guys on the right! C'mon, move move move!" Allison, Ayami, and Courtney scurried over to the left, while Harold, Ethan, and Samuel scooted to the right.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold sighed. "Zeke would've loved this challenge…but I sure don't!"

* * *

Ethan glared at his new teammates, one which was picking his nose and the other doing jumping jacks. "Okay guys, you better not get in my way."

Harold quickly removed the finger from his nose and wiped it on his shirt. "Your way? I'm gonna be carrying this challenge, GOSH!"

"Nah, I'm obviously the best one on this team!" Samuel exclaimed, now doing push-ups. "You guys are wimps!"

Ethan scoffed and threw some mud on Samuel's shirt. He shrieked like a girl and started trying to clean it up.

---

"YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY I'mwithmy alliancebuddy!" Ayami cheered, glomping Allison.

"Get offa me!"

"GIRLS!" Courtney screamed, getting her teammates to stop in their tracks. She began a pep talk. "Girls, now I know you're here just for fun and games, but I'm NOT! We are going to BEAT THOSE BOYS!!!!! I WILL NOT TOLERATE FAILURE!!!"

"Yesma'am!" Ayami saluted, somehow wearing army fatigues.

Allison frowned. "I don't think you're giving us enough credit, Courtney. We do want to win, and we do want to beat the boys!"

"THEN WIN!!!!!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Okay, Courtney really creases me," Allison revealed. "She's bossy, always takes leadership roles even when she's not the most qualified, and cannot tolerate error. If it weren't for the fact that we're gonna win, she'd so get my vote."

* * *

Chris held up his arms, signaling he was about to speak. "Today's first challenge will give the girls a perfect opportunity to dispel an ancient stereotype. You're gonna be playing…" A brown object whizzed towards Chris. He caught it and held it over his head, revealing that it was a football. "…American Football! Chef, roll the tarp!"

The cook grumbled as he unraveled a small football field.

"Since there's only three players per team, this game is gonna be simplified! Tackling is okay, gouging out eyes isn't. Best out of three wins!"

---

"_ARE YA READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!!!!!" _Allison sang. _"Dadadum dada DAAAAA! Dadadum dada DAAAAA! Dadadum dada DA DA DA DA DUUUUUMMMM!!!!!"_

"SHUT IT!" Courtney snapped, punching Allison in the mouth. "Now as far as I can tell, there's only one way to win: throw the ball to our little hyperactive ball of energy here!" She pointed at Ayami, who looked confused.

"Wehaveaball onourteamIthought weweresupposed tothrowtheball!"

Courtney slapped her forehead. "I meant YOU! You're perfect for football; you're fast, you never run out of energy, and your size makes you hard to tackle!"

"Youmean …Ihaveadream?!" Ayami gasped. "THISISTHE BESTDAYEVER!!!!"

Allison patted her on the back. "Go out there and make us proud."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"WhenIwaslittle Imeanevenlittler thanIamnow I'vealwayswanted tobeanastronautor acandyfactoryowneror apirateor aninjaor anexecutioner!" Ayami blabbered. "ButnowIknow Iwasdestinedtobea FOOTBALLPLAYER!"

* * *

"And then we perform the Chicken Splice," Ethan whispered to the boys in a huddle. "Then Harold catches the ball and does the Corkscrew Machine and we all do the Mushroom Turtle!"

Harold scratched his head. "The…Mushroom Turtle? What?"

"Why are we huddling up, anyway?" Samuel asked. "We're in a separate locker room from the girls."

"Do not question my judgment!" Ethan hissed. "And Harold, you better memorize those plays. Our victory depends on it!"

"But you just made them up!" he complained.

"So?"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan growled. "Harold's gonna be completely useless in this challenge…"

---

Harold growled. "Ethan knows nothing about football! Well…neither do I, but c'mon…the Mushroom Turtle? Even I can think of better fake plays than that! GOSH!"

* * *

"Campers! Or should I say football players!" Chris yelled into his microphone. "Line up at the field NOW!"

"Take Me Out to the Ball Game" blared from the speakers as the boys ran out into the field, wearing blue football jerseys.

"YEAH!!!!! WAHOO!!!!!" Owen cheered from the stands, shaking his shirtless body around. "GO BOYS GO!!!!! GO BOYS GO!!!!!"

Mary shook her head in shame.

"GO BOYS GO!!!!! GO BOYS…WHOA! THOSE GIRLS LOOK WEIRD!" Owen pointed down at the field, where the girls lined up. They did look weird wearing their huge pink jerseys.

"Pfffft…HAHAHA!" Mary laughed alongside him. "I have to admit, that looks pretty funny!"

Chef, wearing a referee's uniform, blew his whistle as he stood between the boys and the girls. He held up a quarter. "Boys! Call it!"

"Tails!" Ethan shouted as Chef flipped the coin. It landed heads, giving Harold a very good reason to scowl at him. Chef threw Courtney the ball as the campers crouched down.

"27!" Courtney shouted. "300! 9001! Hut hut, HIKE!" She passed the ball to Allison and ran ahead, while Ayami sprinted to the side.

"AYAMI!" Allison threw the ball to her as the boys tried to block, but they failed to reach her in time (they were originally going to Courtney).

Ayami caught the ball. "YAYAYAYAYAYAY IHAVETHEBALL!" She zipped past the boys' grasps and reached the endzone in nothing flat.

Chef blew his whistle. "POINT FOR THE GIRLS!" Chris screamed as the scoreboard changed, now displaying "Boys: 0 Girls: 1".

"IWINIWINIWIN IWINIWIN!" Ayami cheered, spiking the ball. However, the tarp was very bouncy and the ball ended up hitting her square in the jaw. "GAAAAAH GIRLDOWN GIRLDOWN!!!!!" She fell onto the ground, unconscious. Chef put her on a stretcher and headed to the infirmary.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Courtney shook her head, rubbing her temples.

---

"We're DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!" Allison cried.

---

Ethan looked confused. "Uh…did they just use AYAMI as a secret weapon? Well, at least she's out of the picture now."

* * *

After huddling up, Courtney looked back at the three boys nervously. "Okay…I think we're screwed."

"I could try and distract them with my hot body," Allison suggested.

"No no no, they're all already in couples."

"Maybe we can cheat? Chris seems to allow that a lot."

"Cheat?!" Courtney suddenly became nervous. "But I never cheat…if only Duncan were here…"

"He'd be on the other team."

"Oh."

---

"This challenge is in the bag, boys!" Ethan cackled, sipping a soda.

"It sure is!" Samuel agreed, lounging on a lounge chair. "Now let's just put our guard down and relax, while completely underestimating the girls!"

Harold slapped his forehead. "You guys…GOSH!"

---

Chef blew his whistle, and the players lined back up at the center of the court. He gave Ethan the ball.

"4! 8! 15! 16! 23! 42! Hut hut, HIKE!" Ethan passed the ball to Samuel, who just stood there whistling.

"GRAAAAAAGH!!!!!" the girls screamed, running towards him.

He started reading a book. "'You're a wizard, Harry'? Man, I so didn't see that coming!"

"GRAAAAAAGH!!!!!" the girls screamed, running towards him.

"Hmmmm…I wonder what's on Pay-Per-View," he mused, turning on the TV that suddenly appeared in front of him.

"GRAAAAAAGH!!!!!" the girls screamed, running towards him.

He stepped into a shower that came from out of nowhere. "_Doo doo doo…taking a shower…"_

"GRAAAAAAGH!!!!!" the girls screamed, running towards him.

"Good night…" He got into bed and flicked a light switch, somehow making the entire area dark.

Courtney took the ball and ran to the endzone.

"TOUCHDOWN!" Chris announced. "THE GIRLS WIN THE FIRST CHALLENGE!!!!!"

"YES!" Allison ran over to Courtney and gave her a hi-five, while the boys sulked.

"Samuel!" Harold yelled. "You gotta keep your head in the game! GOSH!"

Samuel fell out of bed, shocked. "Huh? Whazzat?"

Ethan sighed. "I'm surrounded by idiots…"

---

"Now that we got the boys' stereotype out of the way, and proved that girls are better at sports than guys," Chris began. "It's time for our next challenge! Chef?"

"Ugh…" Chef walked up to him, wearing a housemaid's outfit and holding some yarn. He began to knit.

"This is gonna be our most boring challenge ever…" Chris muttered to himself. "Anyway, now let's see if the boys are any good at a girls' stereotype! Each of ya is gonna knit, and whoever does the best job wins! GO!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan cocked his eyebrow. "Knitting? Is THAT the best these crappy producers can think of?!"

---

Chris shrugged. "Steve was on holiday that day."

* * *

"YAYAYAYAYAYAY TIMETOKNIT ILOVEKNITTING!" Ayami cheered, having just been released from the infirmary. She took a strand of yarn and started twisting it around. "DONE!"

Allison stared at what Ayami did. "Uh…I don't think that's knitting."

"It'sasnake!" she declared, throwing the strand in Allison's face.

"It's NOT knitting."

"SHADDAP!" Courtney screeched, busy at work knitting what looked like a sweater.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"I have experience knitting." Courtney admitted proudly. "I am a Counselor in Training, after all!"

* * *

"Samuel, you can knit, right?" Ethan asked sternly.

He shrugged. "I never tried it before. What do you think I am, a girly-boy?"

"Aren't all neat freaks girly-boys?"

"I'm offended by that!" Samuel slapped him like a girl. "I'm definitely NOT girly!"

Ethan snorted. "Riiiiight…just knit. Now."

"Why do you even care?" Harold asked, not even looking up from his knitting. "If we win today, I can't be voted out. And I know you want me voted out."

"Well…yeah," Ethan admitted. "But I don't want to put myself in danger, either!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan sulked. "I REALLY REALLY hate this 'boys versus girls' thing. In order to guarantee my safety, I need to make Harold safe too. And in this crucial point in the game, he needs to leave soon or he'll win. Plus, Courtney's on the other team."

* * *

"OkaynowI'mdone!" Ayami cheered, holding up a bad-looking sock, which disintegrated immediately.

"Slow down, Ayami," Allison suggested. "Your knitting is imprecise and rushed."

"I'llslowdown whenI'mdead!"

"Knitting requires patience!"

"…What'spatience?"

Allison slapped her forehead, then a sweater fell upon her head.

"Okay girls, tell me what you think," Courtney demanded.

Allison took the sweater off her head and inspected it. It was red with a turtleneck, and adorned with…

"AwhowKYUT Duncandressedas SantaClaus!" Ayami squealed, hugging the sweater.

"It looks…nice." Allison patted Courtney on the back. "Definitely good enough to win, given we're against boys."

Courtney slipped the sweater out of Ayami's grasp and handed it to Chris. "We better win…" she threatened.

Chris looked at the sweater for a few moments, then chuckled. "It looks good, Courtney…but Duncan dressed as Santa Claus?" He fell onto the ground laughing. "Most girls kiss the guys they like…this chick makes a sweater! HAHAHA!"

Courtney put her hands on her hips. "Are you comparing me to Duncan last season?"

Chris abruptly stopped laughing. "Yeah. I was." He stood up and dusted himself off. "Now let's see what the boys are up to!" He walked over to the other group, where Ethan and Samuel were sissy-slapping each other. "Uh…dudes?"

Harold rolled his eyes. "They were going on for ten minutes now. Here's my thing." He handed Chris one of the best knitting jobs he had ever seen. It was a blue quilt with alternating pictures of burgers and LeShawna.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold grinned confidently. "I've got a badge for knitting in the Possum Scouts. I once knitted my entire troop blankets out of cotton stalks when we were lost in the wild."

* * *

Chris inspected it for a moment before saying, "Daaaaaang, this kid's got skills! The winners of this round are…THE GUYS!"

Courtney's jaw dropped. "WHAT?!!!!! NO WAY, MINE WAS MUCH BETTER!!!!!" She kicked Harold in the crotch, then went up to Ethan. She whispered, "I thought you were going to sabotage the challenge!"

He glared at her. "What, and give everyone a good reason to vote me off? No thanks!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan rubbed his hands deviously. "I just figured it out…I need to make sure the final challenge ends in a tie. That way, anyone can be voted out."

---

Harold winced. "Oof…Ow…I'm not sure if I can procreate anymore…"

* * *

"Time for your final challenge, boys and girls!" Chris announced with much gusto. "This one's a doozy, and it involves both boys and girls!" He gestured towards three beds, and everyone gasped.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"WHAT?!!!!!" Allison shrieked. "HE WOULDN'T DARE! THE SHOW WOULD BE CANCELLED IF WE HAD TO DO THAT!"

* * *

Chris stared at the beds he gestured at, then blushed. "Oops, that's for the cancelled Awake-athon challenge! HERE'S your challenge!" Chris moved a few steps to the right and gestured to a pair of children; one boy and one girl.

Ethan's eyes bugged out as he recognized the boy.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Crap. Double crap. Triple, quadruple, to the googolplex power crap. If that boy is who I think he is, then this challenge is worse than the beds."

* * *

"Today, you guys are going to play the role as parents!" Chris cheered, an evil glint in his eyes. "Boys, you're gonna prove that you're capable dads by raising the most evil boy in existence…Heather's brother!"

The boy stepped forward and smirked, his eyes glowing red. "Hello, meat…" he hissed. "I'm Damien. I hope we'll have lots of FUN together. Heheheh…"

Ethan shuddered, then dropped in a dead faint. Harold sighed, then walked up to the embodiment of evil himself.

"Hey little guy. My name's Harold!" He extended his hand in a jovial manner, but Damien didn't move a muscle.

"I know you," he said. "You will die soon."

Harold's eye twitched. "You, you mean by Courtney, right? Relax, she won't actually-"

"Yes she will."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold rocked back and forth in the fetal position. "…I just saw Satan."

* * *

Even Chris looked freaked out as he saw Damien cackle in a low, croaky voice. He then turned to the girl, who was looking impatient. "Alright girls, are ya ready to become the mothers of-"

"COUSINMUSHI!!!!!" Ayami squealed, hugging her evil cousin. "OmigoshIhaven't seenyainlikeforever you'vegrownup somuchandIheard yoursisterKuki's insometopsecret organizationis thatTRUE?!!!" (A/N: Sorry, couldn't resist. They have WAY too much in common!)

"Get off me, cuz," Mushi growled, throwing Ayami off her.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Courtney looked really confused. "…Did this fanfic just become a crossover?"

"THAT'S MY JOB!" Izzy screeched.

* * *

The three boys stared and kept their distance from Damien, who seemed to be relishing their fear.

Samuel's eyes darted back and forth between his teammates, then he decided to settle with Ethan. "What do we do?"

"Whatever he wants," he muttered out the corner of his mouth. "I know Damien personally, and you do NOT want to cross him."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan shivered. "Damien's the reason I didn't just sneak into Heather's house and give her superpowers that way."

* * *

"Ethan, I heard everything you just said," Damien jeered. "Now, what I want is for you to castrate yourselves. I will relish your screams of torment and anguish."

The boys stared at each other in pure horror. "C-castrate myself?" Harold squeaked.

Damien suddenly frowned, and his eyes glowed red. _**"DID YOU JUST DEFY ME, MORTAL?"**_

"Harold, you IDIOT!" Ethan yelled. "YOU JUST PROVOKED HIM!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Uh…I guess I'm happy that Harold just made himself a target," Ethan admitted. "But honestly, after what Damien's gonna do with us, I think I would've preferred him to keep his mouth shut."

* * *

Mushi stepped on Courtney and placed a flag on the ground. "I claim this island in the name of Mushi!" she declared.

"Get off of me!"

Mushi stared at the girl she was atop of, then sneered. "You'll wish you hadn't said that." She stomped on Courtney's head.

"Okay, that's it!" Courtney grabbed Mushi by the leg and stood up. "Listen here you brat! Be a good little girl, and I may not spank you! OW!"

Mushi kicked her in the stomach, forcing her to let go. "Hmmm…I think I'm going to refuse. Better yet, I'll give you a deal. YOU stop underestimating me, and…" she took out an enormous laser cannon. "I might NOT rip apart your molecules in the most painful way possible. CAPICHE?!"

"Haha, nice toy," Courtney remarked sarcastically. After that, her molecules were ripped apart in the most painful way possible.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"NO ONE messes with Mushi," she growled. "That is, no one except my little lovey-bear!"

Damien suddenly appeared in the confessional stall. "Oh Mushi…you're the only one evil enough for me!" They kissed.

She giggled. "I'm so glad I ditched that King Sandy for you…"

* * *

The boys found themselves twitching on the ground, scarred for life. "You…had…to…provoke him…didn't you?" Ethan sputtered.

Harold was too scared to respond.

Damien smiled, showing some unnerving fangs. "What losers…scarred for life from a little torture. Pathetic." He walked away.

---

Chris was startled when he saw both kids approach him at the same time. "Uh, soooo…how did it go?"

"They sucked," Damien and Mushi explained simultaneously.

Ethan limped over, trying to smirk. "I suppose…that means…we tied, huh? And anyone…can get voted out?"

Chris rubbed his stubble in thought. "Well, normally I'd create a tiebreaker, but I suppose twice the number of losers means twice the drama. And I love drama!"

"Yeah, whatever." Damien kicked Chris in the crotch for no reason. "C'mon Mushi, let's leave this pathetic excuse for a game show."

"And get some evil ice cream?" she asked, holding his hand.

He smirked. "The evilest, just for you." They skipped off into the sunset together.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan cackled wildly and rubbed his hands together. "Finally…my plans are coming to fruitition. I am so going to win this game."

---

Samuel looked nervous. "Anyone can be voted out tonight? Oh geez, I hope it's not me for screwing up that football game! Fortunately, Ethan's going around telling people to vote out someone else."

---

Ayami shivered. "Omigoshomigosh anyonecouldgo hometonight Imessedupon theknittingchallenge andpeoplemightvote meoffbut Ethantoldusall tovoteout someoneelsesoIhope thathappens!"

---

Courtney smirked. "Harold. Is. Gone."

* * *

Campfire Ceremony…

The six campers, still a little shaky from the previous challenge, sat down on their stumps as Chris popped up in front of the podium. "Now that our little battle of the sexes ended in a tie, I think it's safe to say that both boys and girls SUCK!"

"Just pass the marshmallows," Courtney sulked.

Chris held up his marshmallow platter. "There are only six campers in front of me…and in my hands are only five marshmallows. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow-"

"Must immediately walk the Dock of Shame and catch the Boat of Losers!" Courtney interrupted. "We know, we know!"

Chris smirked. "You forgot the part where the camper can never come back. Ever."

Courtney rolled her eyes. "We all know that's a lie, anyway."

"Whatever." Chris picked up a marshmallow and eyed it for a moment. "First marshmallow goes to…Ethan." He threw the marshmallow to the villain, who caught it with a smirk.

"Allison…Ayami…Samuel." Three marshmallows flew in the air. Allison caught hers, but Ayami shielded herself and Samuel dropped to the ground in shock.

"Campers," Chris announced, pointing at the sole marshmallow on the platter. "THIS is the final marshmallow."

Dramatic music started to play. Harold shook all over the place, a smile crept onto Courtney's lips, Ethan smirked, Ayami looked impatient, Allison looked worried, and Samuel was biting his nails.

"Both of you guys provoked your evil children," Chris reminded. "But only one of you is gonna be in the final five."

"Pass the marshmallow already!" Ethan yelled.

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A record scratch played as Courtney's eyes widened. She caught the marshmallow aimed at Harold and crushed it in her fist, as she pointed at him. **_"…YOU…YOU…YOU DID IT AGAIN!!!!!_**" Her scream echoed through the night, then into the heavens, then into space, where some aliens covered their ears.

Harold looked windswept. "…What?"

Courtney turned so red, everyone swore she was about to explode in a million pieces. _**"YOU SWAPPED THE VOTES AGAIN!!!!!"**_

"WHAT?!" Harold fell onto the ground, shaking and shivering. "I-I-I didn't! I swear! Chris wouldn't-"

He was cut short as Courtney shot a green blast of energy at him. He crumpled to the ground, dead.

Everyone just stared, wide-eyed. "…Dude…I don't want lawsuits!" Chris squeaked.

"Bring him back to life," Ethan commanded.

"WHY SHOULD I?!!!!!" she demanded, looking ready to kill him, too.

"What about your career in politics?"

"SCREW POLITICS! HAROLD MORE THAN DESERVED TO DIE!!!!!" She started foaming at the mouth. "HE'S NOTHING BUT A LITTLE CHEATING DILLHOLE!!!!!"

"Whoa whoa whoa, calm down guys!" Chris shouted, holding up his hands in defense. "Harold didn't cheat this time! And I can prove it!" He picked up a remote and turned on the TV.

"No Chris, don't show-" Ethan pleaded, but it was too late.

---

Somewhere between episodes 13 and 14, Ethan was sitting at the confessional stall, holding a piece of paper. "Hey cameraman," he addressed. "I must have your word that this confessional will not air on television, and you do not tell a soul what you heard! GOT IT?!"

A small voice spoke, "My name's John…"

Ethan frowned. "Fine…John. Anyway, here I'm going to announce my plans." He started reading off the paper. "'Episode 12: Convince Chris to bring Courtney back. Check. Episode 13: Create an alliance with Courtney. Check. Episode 14: Give Courtney the power of death. Episodes 15 through 19: Avoid suspicion. Episode 20: Final six. Convince Courtney that Harold will leave, then blindside her. Episode 21: Final five. Eliminate Harold using the parrot.' This should be cake…"

"Wow…that's a complicated plan," John commented.

"You bet your head it is."

---

"NO!" Ethan growled, holding Chris by the collar. "YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO SHOW HER THAT!"

"Ratings…" Chris reminded.

Courtney just stood there, absolutely dumbstruck. "…Blindside? Blindside? BLINDside? BlindSIDE? BLINDSIDE? Ethan…BLINDSIDED ME? Not Harold? I was BLINDSIDED? Someone would BLINDSIDE ME?"

"How many other ways are ya planning on saying that?" Chris asked.

"…" Courtney stared at Ethan. "I'm going to KILL YOU!!!!!"

"Fat chance." Ethan smirked and pointed to Courtney, muttering some strange words. She glowed green for a moment before fading. "Now, how are you going to kill me without your powers?"

"…You'll pay." Courtney gave him one last glare, then angrily stomped down the Dock of Shame.

---

"PRINCESS!" a familiar voice shouted from the Boat of Losers.

Courtney looked up to see her boyfriend waving at her, the other hand in a sling. "DUNCAN!" She ran onto the boat and hugged him. "Oh Duncan…you wouldn't believe what I went through!"

"Oh, I would…" He smirked. "I saw the whole thing. Ethan's gonna pay." He leapt out the boat and held out his hand for Courtney. "But first, you need to fix what you broke."

---

Chris wept upon the body of Harold. "Goodbye TDA…goodbye awesome ratings…goodbye career…WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" He then saw Duncan and Courtney head back to the campfire ceremony.

"Okay, PUNK!" Duncan roared, holding his pocket knife to Ethan's neck. "YOU BRING HAROLD BACK TO LIFE! NOW!"

"Why would you want Harold back?" Courtney asked. "He's a no-good, cheating little-"

"He's awesome." Duncan looked back at Courtney. "Dude just owned me after I tortured him."

She looked confused. "…You LIKE him for that?"

"What, are ya kidding? That's the kind of underhanded trickery I respect." He turned back to Ethan. "Now, bring back Harold so Courtney can forgive him. Or else."

Ethan shrugged, not looking intimidated in the least bit. "I can't. Courtney has to do it." He gave her her powers back.

"What? Me? B-but-"

"Yeah, he's right. You must do it," Duncan pleaded. "You're the one who killed him, so you're the one who needs to bring him back. Fix your mistake, Princess."

Courtney lowered her head in shame, and a red light bathed Harold's corpse, bringing him back to life. Ethan then removed her powers again.

"Whoa…" Harold held his head dizzily. "I died twice this season…there's something seriously wrong with that…" He then gasped as he saw Courtney staring at him.

"Harold…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so obsessed with revenge, after you voted me out of TDI…" she apologized. She didn't seem very happy, but the apology sounded sincere. "Seriously, you're a nice guy, and you only voted me out because my boyfriend tortured you…You didn't deserve that."

Harold just stared at her.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ayami spat out her drink. "COURTNEYAPOLOGIZED TOHAROLD?!!!!!"

---

Allison spat out her drink. "The apocalypse is upon us!"

---

Ethan spat out his drink. "DOOMSDAY!"

---

Samuel spat out his drink. "I was quite shocked."

* * *

Courtney gave him a hug. "Good luck, Harold! I'll be rooting for you!" She took Duncan's hand and walked the Dock of Shame again. "Oh!" She turned around. "One more thing: Harold, give Ethan hell for me."

Harold grinned. "Will do, Courtney. Will do." He waved as he saw Courtney and Duncan hop on the Boat of Losers, then sail away.

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

_Chris got off his speedboat, landing at a paradise island that was almost entirely covered by a massive skyscraper. "Welcome, folks, to Playa Des Losers 2.0!"_

**The losers are living it large.**

_Ezekiel was hanging out by the pool, wearing his sunglasses and bling. "Yo, whassup Chris? I've just been chillin', and…aw screw it. I WANNA HAVE A MARSHMALLOW, EH!" He leapt towards the camera._

**And they all have some opinions they're dying to share!**

_"Now that she's out of the way…Allison is H-O-T HOT! I hope she wins!"_

**And check out Joseph…HAHAHAHAHA!**

_"Here we have Joseph, who changed more than everyone else combined…" Chris approached the twin, but couldn't help but laugh as he saw him stroke his feathered boa._

_"Oh Chrith!" he lisped, giving the host a hug and a kiss. "It'th abtholutely FABULOUTH to thee you again!"_

**Who will these losers vote out? Find out next time, on Total Drama Action.**

* * *

Author's Notes: And...Courtney's out?!!! I hope that wasn't too predictable, like it was in the show.

You guessed it (wait, I already told you); next episode is Playa Des Losers. I bet you're all excited to see all the losers again, huh? Especially flaming gay Joseph, heheheh...

...Oh crap, now Joseph's going to get a yaoi fangirl following. Well, at least he isn't emo.

Joseph: Life thuckth.

NOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Joseph: Haha, jutht kidding!


	21. Playin' With Des Losers

Disclaimer: Can't own this. Dununununuh, nunuh, nuhuh can't own this. *Shot* Uh...yeah, I don't own TD or any other references. Including the really bad one I just used.

Author's Notes: People seem to be really excited for this episode, so I think I'll be nice and update it a little early. I'm such a pushover...

Okay, I'm slightly annoyed about all the belated birthday wishes. Either wish me a happy birthday on March 17, or not at all. It's a bit of a pet peeve I have.

I'm not sure if this episode is up to snuff with "After the Dock of Shame" on the real show. I'd like to hear some critique and comparisons in your reviews, if you don't mind.

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 21: Playin' with Des Losers

Chris walked past the campgrounds, his usual shiny smile adorning his face. "Greetings viewers, and welcome to Total Drama Action. In case you spent the last twenty episodes hiding under a rock or something, here's where we're at. For the past six and a half weeks, these five campers have been roughing it out, performing brutal challenges and surviving many a marshmallow ceremony! Allison…"

Allison ran by, being chased by the Gladiator Bear.

"Harold…"

"Hi-ya!" Harold flew into the air and kicked the bear, which did absolutely nothing.

"Ayami…"

Ayami hopped onto the bear and started feeding it candy.

"Samuel…"

Samuel stepped in front of the bear and twirled a broom around like a bo-staff. The bear looked unimpressed.

"And Ethan!"

Ethan sighed and hit the bear with a spell. It ran away, whimpering.

"Since these campers have been working so hard, we figured we'd give 'em a break! Especially after being scarred for life by those evil kids…" Chris shuddered. "Instead, we're going to give you viewers a special episode. Have ya ever wondered what happens to all the losers who got their butts kicked off the island? Have ya wondered where exactly the Boat of Losers goes every night? Well, you're about to find out, on this special episode of Total. Drama. Action!" Chris got on a speedboat and sped off.

* * *

Chris got off his speedboat, landing at a paradise island that was almost entirely covered by a massive skyscraper. "Welcome, folks, to Playa Des Losers 2.0! Since being eliminated, the losers have been staying here, enjoying the lap of luxury in this 10-star hotel! That's right, I said 10-star! Burj Al Arab, eat your heart out!"

---

At the Burj Al Arab…

"Yes, sir." All the butlers ripped their hearts out of their chests and ate them.

---

Back at the Playa Des Losers 2.0…

Chris walked into an elevator and pressed a button. The doors closed. "Today, I'm going to pester the losers by asking them how things have been going for them! We'll also find out their opinions on the final five! Ah, here we are!"

---

Lindsay and Colin were on a king-size bed, furiously making out. At that point, Colin noticed the camera and stopped. "Uh…hey Chris! This place is great!"

"Tyler!" Lindsay whined. "Why did you stop?"

Chris looked at her strangely.

Colin clenched his teeth, looking nervous. "Uh…I have no idea what she's talking about."

"Why not?" she asked. "I thought you were smarter than me, Tyler."

"I'm not Tyler," he hissed between closed teeth.

"But you said you were Tyler!" Lindsay responded, now very confused. "Then you said we should make out, then make fun of the kid wearing red-"

Colin slapped his hand over her mouth. "Go question someone else, Chris!"

---

Ezekiel was hanging out by the pool, wearing his sunglasses and bling. "Yo, whassup Chris? I've just been chillin', and…aw screw it. I WANNA HAVE A MARSHMALLOW, EH!" He leapt towards the camera.

---

Chris approached Tam, who was cradling Mikey in her arms, then she suddenly stood up. "DON'T TOUCH HIM!"

"WHOA!" Chris yelled, shocked. "I just wanted to know-"

**_"DIE!"_** Tam placed Mikey down gently, then pummeled Chris until he was barely recognizable. She walked over to her boyfriend, who looked paralyzed in fear. "Don't worry, little Mikey…I'll make sure nothing ever hurts you."

"B-b-but he's the host."

"Still, he won't hurt you now."

---

"Here we have Joseph, who changed more than everyone else combined…" Chris approached the twin, but couldn't help but laugh as he saw him stroke his feathered boa.

"Oh Chrith!" he lisped, giving the host a hug and a kiss. "It'th abtholutely FABULOUTH to thee you again!"

"Uh…likewise. So how's it been going?"

"Abtholutely marvelouth, dahling," Joseph giggled, pointing towards his sister. "Jothephine is abtholutely horrified by me, now that I'm embrathing my homothexuality, and there's tho many hot guyth!"

Josephine crossed her arms. "I'm not related to him. He's adopted."

Chris laughed and slapped her on the back. "Don't be modest, dude! That's totally your flesh-and-blood brother!"

"Yeah, whatever." She walked away, only to bump into Edmund. "Out of the way, freak."

Edmund didn't move. He only stared. "…Yer purdy…"

Josephine rubbed her temples. "Okay, if I told you once, I told you a thousand times…YOU'RE NOT GETTING IN MY PANTS!"

Izzy suddenly ran up to Edmund and put him in a pair of Josephine's pants. She winked.

---

"Whassup, y'all?" LeShawna asked, waving to the camera. "LeShawna's in da house! Man Chris, ya'll interns outdid themselves here!" She was laying in a lounge chair, a butler at her side.

"Would you like anything else, ma'am?"

She got up and walked to a dirty shack. "Maybe ya can get Heather ova' here some more pain."

"MORE?!" Heather's voice screamed from inside.

The butler bowed. "As you wish, ma'am." He pulled a large bucket of electric eels out of nowhere and poured them down the chimney. Screams could be heard.

---

Chris entered the shack to find Heather, a pale, unkempt mess shivering on the floor. "So, I take it people have been getting their revenge?"

She scowled. "Revenge, revenge, revenge! Everything's always about revenge, when all I did was PLAY THE GAME!" she roared. "If Ethan knew about this, that n$*%er would be SO DEAD!"

Chris stared. "…Did you just call LeShawna…?"

"She deserves it! Her and everyone else who got in my way!"

---

DJ was lounging on the balcony of his hotel room, petting Bunny. He waved. "Hey Chris! How's the show been goin'?"

"Oh, it's amazing!" he replied. "I can almost taste the ratings…Now tell the viewers at home about what you've been doing."

DJ shrugged. "Not much, really. Been hangin' out with Bunny, obviously. Tried to make Zeke and Tyler feel better once, but failed. Right now, I'm just chillin'."

---

Tyler was at the bar, many empty bottles beside him.

"Whoa…haven't gotten over it yet?" Chris sympathized.

"Hic! Yeah…" Tears welled in his eyes. "Lindsay…Why did you have to leave-hic-me?! Why are you-hic-dating that charlatan? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!"

Chris slowly walked out of the bar. "Oooookay. I'll…be seeing ya, then…"

---

Noah and Courtney were both in the library, reading large volumes. "How have I been?" Noah asked. "Well, I haven't been here very long, but that's a good thing in my eyes. Seventh place is much better than…22nd. Oy vey…"

Courtney pointed at the camera. "ETHAN! If you're watching this, I WILL KILL YOU!!!!!"

"Pardon me if I'm repeating myself," Noah droned, turning a page in his book, "But you're here. You lost. Get over it."

Courtney furiously slapped the book out of Noah's hands. "NEVER! WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOU WERE BLINDSIDED?!!!!!"

"I'd move on. Can I have my book back, please?"

---

Casey was grabbing onto Ezekiel's arm. "Hey Chris! This place is so neat, especially with all the cute guys just WAITING to be taken!"

Ezekiel wrenched his arm out of Casey's grasp. "I'm not waitin' to be taken, eh! How many times've I got to tell ya that?"

Izzy popped out of nowhere. "OVER NINE-THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!"

Casey kicked her away. "As I was saying, this place is great, except for one thing…"

Joseph popped out of nowhere. "Ezekiel, dahling! Aren't you thcrumptiouth?"

Casey sighed. "Him."

"I'm not gay, eh!" Zeke yelled, running away from the homosexual.

"Come back, Mr. Yummy! Get in my tummy!"

---

Cody was watching something on his 6 foot TV, but when he saw Chris he quickly turned it off. "Oh! Hey Chris!"

"Hey Cody. How's your love life been since you were eliminated by your fangirls?"

Cody put on a sly grin. "It's been going great, actually. I've got a girlfriend now!"

Chris looked around the room. "…And where is she?"

"The bouncer said she wasn't allowed in, because she wasn't a contestant." Cody's face drooped. "Don't worry, though. You should see her soon enough. She's auditioning for next season!"

"I can't wait!" Chris announced excitedly, though he rolled his eyes.

---

Beth was inside a padded cell, cackling to herself. "They didn't believe me, no they didn't. But soon, they shall all see that I was right! Those flashes could only mean one thing…FAIRY GODPARENTS!" She contorted into a bunch of crazy positions.

Chris slapped his forehead.

"Yessssss…my preciousssss…" Beth rubbed her tiki idol. "You are a gooood luck charm, yes you are…You will help me find them! And when I find them…I'll be right! ABOUT THE FAIRIES!"

"Uh, Beth?"

"NONBELIEVER! KILL THE NONBELIEVER!" Beth foamed at the mouth and lunged towards Chris, who left the room just in time.

---

Mary was walking along the hotel, Lou in tow. "Okay, let me get this straight; when I was helping you, I was missing out on THIS?!" She furiously gestured towards the lavishly decorated interior of the hotel. "I WANT MY MONEY BACK! I QUIT!"

Chris smirked and held up a contract.

---

Chris was standing outside the hotel, face in front of the camera. "Okay then, now that we've seen what the losers have been up to, let's find out their opinions on the other campers!"

---

"Samuel?" Noah asked, flipping through another page. "I honestly have no idea how he made it so far. In my opinion, he should've left…I dunno, fourth?"

"Which one's Samuel again?" Courtney asked. "I know Ethan, Harold, Ayami, and Allison, but no Samuel…"

Noah sighed. "Such close-mindedness…At first, Samuel was a one-dimensional character, a simple neat freak who couldn't win a challenge to save his life…"

* * *

_Flashback_

_Samuel shivered. "Ewwwwww, corpse! Dirty, filthy corpse! Disease-ridden, rotting corpse!" DJ went back down, picked up a protesting Samuel, and carried him to the portal._

_End Flashback_

* * *

"…But after the merge, he totally changed. Now he's trying to become Izzy's brother or something…"

* * *

_Flashback_

_"You. Don't. Scare. Me," Samuel repeated. "You know why?"_

"Is it the poems? Do they…still need work?"

_Samuel suddenly broke into a huge grin. "No…it's 'cause I'm CRAZAY! HEHEHAAHA HEEHAHAOOE HAOEAHEEHA!!!" He started beating himself on the head with a stick._

_End Flashback_

* * *

Noah shrugged. "I guess it makes him more interesting, but I still don't see him making the finals."

Courtney scratched her head. "Samuel…Samuel…It's still not ringing any bells!"

---

"I felt sorry for him when Colin tortured him," DJ remembered, absentmindedly stroking Bunny's fur. "It reminded me of when I helped Duncan torture Harold…I didn't wanna see that happen again."

* * *

_Flashback_

_"NEED…SOAP!" Samuel grabbed the soap and started lathering himself with it. However, it blew up, covering him with soot._

_"GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! SHOWERSHOWERSHOWER SHOWERSHOWER!!!!!" Samuel sped off to the confessional stall in record time._

_End Flashback_

* * *

"I remember tellin' Colin to stop, but he didn't. I warned him karma would catch up…" DJ shrugged, "But he didn't listen until it was too late."

---

"OMIGOSHOMIGOSH!" Joseph squealed. "Thamuel'th, like, tho hot! Jutht look at thothe beautifully thculpted pecth, that marvelouth blond hair…Ooooohhhh…" He dropped in a dead faint.

Josephine snorted and faced away from her brother. "I wasn't really on the show long enough to really know him, but he's an Otter. I'm supporting Otters."

Edmund waved from the pool. "Hey! Ah'm an Otter! QUACK!" He fell into the pool and started thrashing about.

Josephine rolled her eyes. "Hope he drowns. Anyway, I want the other Otter, Allison, to win. She's the only one left with a shred of sanity."

"She'th tho bothy!" Joseph whined.

* * *

_Flashback_

_"STOP BEING SUCH A WISEA$$!" Allison shook Noah's shoulders until he got good and dizzy. "You know why we keep losing challenges? Because we HATE EACH OTHER!"_

_End Flashback_

* * *

"Got a problem with that?" she asked, glaring at her brother.

"…EEK! Girlth are tho thcary!" He ran away.

"Allison's bossiness won the Otters that forest challenge, so I consider it a good thing."

---

Lindsay looked confused. "Who's Allison?"

Colin slapped his forehead. "C'mon, I was eliminated second and even I know who she is! She's that singer girl."

"…Ohhhhhhhhh…Wasn't that Arson?"

"…Hey look, it's Tyler!" Colin shouted, pointing at a bird outside the window. Lindsay squealed and jumped out.

"Now that she's out of the way…Allison is H-O-T HOT! I hope she wins!"

Chris frowned. "Dude, are ya really that superficial?"

"Nu-uh! I think her voice is great, too!"

* * *

_Flashback_

"_Mama, just killed a man…Put a gun against his head, pulled the trigger, and now he's dead…Mama, life has just begun…But now I've gone and thrown it all away…Mama, ooh, didn't mean to make you cry…If I'm not back here tomorrow…Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters…"_

_End Flashback_

* * *

"What about personality?" Chris asked, getting impatient.

"…Isn't singing personality?"

Chris slapped his forehead.

---

"Allison? She's a Mary Sue," Noah explained bluntly.

Courtney shook her head. "No, I don't think so. She had a pretty short temper, right?"

"When's the last time she did something wrong?"

* * *

_Flashback_

_"Allison, yours was EXTREMELY cliché, but my heart nearly melted from the song. Eighteen points!"_

_"I believe I can fly…I believe I can touch the sky…" Allison sang, to further her point._

_---_

_Allison drove into the hole and started playing "Flight of the Bumblebee". The Musical Menace sprouted a pair of buzzing fly wings as it dove down to The Candy Car. "Ayami! Jump on!"_

_End Flashback_

* * *

"Well, I suppose she messed up during the date challenge, but who wouldn't mess up when you've got me as a date?" Noah asked, smirking. Courtney threw a book in his face.

---

Heather huddled up in the corner of the shack as ice cubes continued to pour in. "Allison w-w-was s-so annoying! She was always l-l-like 'we h-have to w-win'. UGH!"

Chris rolled his eyes. "Reminds me of someone else I know."

"SHUT IT! Anyway, wh-who I really want to w-win is…Ethan…"

"ETHAN SUCKS!" LeShawna's voice cried out.

"NO HE DOESN'T!" Heather yelled back. "Chris…I've had m-many boyfriends before, at my sch-school. Whenever I was around them, I c-could tell…they only liked me f-for my popularity, or my money, or my l-looks. Ethan's the first b-boy I ever met who likes me for who I am…He actually cares about m-me…"

* * *

_Flashback_

_"Oh yes you can!" Ethan ran over to the computer and opened up a file with strange symbols on it. "For a year, I've scoured every nook and cranny of the Internet, and I believe I have found what I've been looking for. Painstakingly piecing together information from newspaper articles, nerd blogs, and tabloids, I have found ways to give you power. Power beyond mortal comprehension. Power that can fulfill the ultimate goal of Heatherism…to turn you into a goddess._

_"…You're insane, aren't you?"_

_Ethan smiled creepily. "Insane for you, baby."_

_End Flashback_

* * *

"HE'S A CREEP!" LeShawna's voice rang.

"OH, AND 'BOOBIES BOY' IS ANY BETTER?"

"OH NO YOU DIDN'T! YOU DID NOT JUST DISS HAROLD!"

---

"Ethan is a strange one," Mikey remembered. "I never really understood why he did what he did. Maybe he needs a friend or something…"

"What he needs is a good kick in the ASS!" Tam growled, punching her palm.

"What upset me the most about him was his rivalry with Harold…I joined Harold's alliance to learn more."

* * *

_Flashback_

_"Meet me next to the cluster of five trees at one in the morning, and we'll think of a plan," Harold whispered._

_"Uh…can I join you please?" Harold looked around until he spotted Mikey below him. "Sorry I overheard…"_

_Harold patted his head. "Aw, that's okay. You can join us." Mikey beamed._

_End Flashback_

* * *

"Seriously; what did Harold do to him?"

"Never mind him, sweetie…" Tam wrapped her arms around Mikey. "It's just that that F*#(ING ASSHOLE has nothing better to do than be a DOUCHE!"

* * *

_Flashback_

_Tam walked over and picked up Ethan with one hand. "Listen you snot nosed jerk. I don't take orders from ANYONE! Got it?"_

_"No one except Heather." Ethan kicked off Tam's stomach to break her grip. She growled._

_End Flashback_

* * *

Chris crossed his arms. "You're one to talk." He was then beat to a pulp again.

---

"Ethan? I've got a few choice words for that guy," Tyler growled. "He's an evil…"

---

"…conniving…" said Colin.

---

"…manipulative…" said Noah.

---

"…double-crossing…" said Courtney.

---

"…two-faced…" said Beth.

---

"…mean…" said Lindsay.

---

"…demonic…" said LeShawna.

---

"…no good…" said Josephine.

---

"…loony…" said Izzy.

---

"…sadistic…" said Mary.

---

"…unholy…" said Cody.

---

"…traitorous…" said Casey.

---

"…nathty…" said Joseph.

---

"…uncaring…" said Ezekiel.

---

"…yeah. All that stuff," said Edmund. "…Who's Ethan?"

---

"How the heck did he make it so far?" Casey asked. "I mean, everyone hates the guy!"

Izzy popped out of nowhere. "'Cause he's a major character in the plot, silly! Now let's talk about Ayami!"

"Urgh, Ayami…she's a walking headache." Casey covered her ears and shook her head around.

---

"Take Sadie, give her liposuction and five tons of Prozac, and you've got Ayami," Noah explained. "I have no idea how she got this far, but if Owen is anything to go by she'll probably win the whole thing now."

* * *

_Flashback_

_"OmigoshIcan'tbelieve I'mfinallyhereand meetingyouinperson thisissoawesome becauseI'mahuge TotalDramaIsland fanaticandwatched everysingleepisode IthinkGeoffandCody arecutearetheyhere?" _

_---_

_"YeahIknowIsay longsentencesbutmy Englishteachertoldme thatwhenyousay longsentencesyouseem smarterandIwanna seemsmartercuzthen I'llgetbettergrades andgetahigherGPA andgraduate with HighestHonorsand gotoanIvyLeague collegeandgeta highpayingjoband-"_

_---_

_"Thatwasthebest broccoliIeverhad I'mseriousafterbeing boiledandrancid andbeingbetween agiantweevil'stoes foraweekit actuallytastesbetter it'snotDELICIOUS butit'squite tolerableasopposed tothatnastystuff mymomforcesme toeateverydinner!"_

_---_

_"Andthenmyfriend Karenwaslike 'I'mgettingbraces' andI'mlike' I'vehadbracesbefore' andshe'slike 'aretheybad?' andI'mlike 'yeah' andshe'slike 'howbad?' andI'mlike 'reallyreallyreally reallyreallyreally reallyreallybad' andshe'slike 'ohnoI'mgonnadie' andI'mlike 'I'mstillalivethough' andshe'slike-"_

_End Flashback_

* * *

"I can still hear squeaky strings of syllables wherever I go…"

---

"I was Ayami's date in the prom challenge," Mikey remembered. "She's actually kinda cute…but I simply don't have the energy to keep up with her."

* * *

_Flashback_

_"YayIlovethissong itissocoolcuzit's bythatreallycute guysingerwhat's hisnameIdon'tknow hisnamedoyou likethissongMikey?"_

_Mikey couldn't answer, as he was spending all his energy trying to keep up with Ayami, who was dancing twice as fast as everyone else._

_End Flashback_

* * *

"Not to mention, she's like the only sixteen-year-old I know who's shorter than me…heheh."

"She isn't cuter than me though, right?" Tam asked, trying to look cute.

Chris was scarred for life.

---

"Out of all the season one campers, the only one left on the island is mah beau," LeShawna said. "And I am so proud of him! C'mon baby, I know you can win!"

---

"Harley? Oh, that guy is so weird!" Lindsay recalled while making out with a bird. "I mean, who actually wears green glasses? That's a big fashion no-no!"

---

"Harold?" Noah smirked. "All I can say about that guy is F*CK YES. Anyone who's seen Lindsay's boobies totally deserves to win."

* * *

_Flashback_

_"AH! WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, Lind…say?" Harold got out of the shower to see Lindsay grabbing the towel rack, completely nude._

_"THERE'S NO TOWELS!!!!! NO TOWELS!!!!! WHAT DO I DOOOOOOOOOOO?!"_

_"…"_

_"HAROLD!!!!!"_

_"…Boobies…" Harold's nose bled._

_End Flashback_

* * *

"Harold, you are a lucky, lucky man…"

"No kidding." Courtney rolled her eyes. "You guys and your chests…anyway, after all that I did to him, I really think he should win. He absolutely deserves it…and not because of boobies."

"You'll never understand," Noah taunted.

---

"When I lost, I was rooting for Noah to win," Mary announced. "But when those dang birds cheated him off, I switched to Harold. I respect nerds, especially ones that know martial arts."

* * *

_Flashback_

_A group of ninja__s, samurai, sumo wrestlers, martial artists, and pirates surrounded Harold, but he just smiled._

_"Time to unleash my wicked skills…" "Kung-Fu Fighting" played in the background as Harold took out his nunchuks and beat up everything that came his way. I'm not very good at describing action scenes. At the end, Harold was shirtless and panting, surrounded by thousands of unconscious bodies._

_"Booyah…"_

_End Flashback_

* * *

"Harold's just all-around cool."

---

Mikey shivered in excitement. "Harold officially became the messiah of bullied kids everywhere when he eliminated Courtney, then saw boobies last season. I wanted him to win this season the whole time, even over me!"

"I typically can't stand nerds," Tam admitted, "But there's something about Harold…maybe it's because we both hate Ethan's guts?"

* * *

_Flashback_

_Harold opened and closed his hand like a mouth. "Hi, my name is Ethan, and I use spells for personal gain and like to lie to people. Not to mention, I take advantage of nerds who like boobies and have an evil girl fetish. Now I'm going to hit myself on the head for fun!" He furiously banged his hand on the wall of the confessional stall._

_End Flashback_

"Harold's cool," Colin chuckled, looking out the window in interest. "He's pretty fly for a white guy."

"Hey…Aren't you a white guy?" Chris asked, confused.

Colin stared at the camera a chuckled nervously.

---

"Gawrsh!" Edmund yelled randomly.

Izzy popped up behind him. "Yeah, ya do bring out a good point. That Harold said 'gosh' an awful lot!"

* * *

_Flashback_

_"Where are they? Gosh!"_

_---_

_"GOSH!" Harold fell out of bed and started to hurriedly put on his clothes._

_---_

_Harold frowned. "I knew I should've sung 'Baby Got Back'. GOSH!" _

_---_

_"Gosh…" Harold went back to sleep._

_---_

_"GOSH!" Harold ran away in a huff._

_---_

_Harold waved his hands to quiet the audience. "Wow, would you look at this full house! GOSH!"_

_---_

_Harold sighed. "Chris wants me dead, because he sent Courtney, who wants me dead, to kill me. Ethan also wants me dead, Duncan wants me dead, and I'm pretty sure Tyler wants me dead. C'MON PEOPLE, I'M NOT A BAD GUY JUST BECAUSE I SWAPPED THE VOTES ONE TIME! GOSH!"_

_---_

_Ayami chased a squirrel, leaving Harold all alone._

_"…GOSH!"_

_---_

_Harold snorted. "Uh, who do you THINK I'm voting out? Ethan, duh. Leave already, GOSH!"_

_---_

_Harold slanted his eyes. "I didn't use a jetpack in that game. GOSH!"_

_---_

_Harold sat upright. "Just five more minutes…GOSH!"_

_---_

_"Then how the heck will we know who's gonna die? GOSH!" Harold threw up his hands and walked back to Casey and…_

_---_

_"HEY!" Harold yelled, still chained to Courtney. "I'm right here you know! GOSH!"_

_---_

_"Hey! You can't just throw me onto the ground!" Harold argued. "GOSH!"_

_---_

_Harold quickly removed the finger from his nose and wiped it on his shirt. "Your way? I'm gonna be carrying this challenge, GOSH!"_

_---_

_"WHEN WILL YOU LET THAT GO ALREADY?!" Harold roared. "GOD!!!!!"_

_"…Did he just say 'God'? As opposed to 'gosh'?" Samuel asked, scratching his head._

_End Flashback_

* * *

Edmund picked his nose in thought. "Guhhhhhh…Harold? I was bein' Goofy! Gawrsh!"

Izzy's eyes widened. "Ooh ooh, can I be Donald Duck then? WAWAWAWAWA WHY YOU?!!!!!"

---

Campfire Ceremony…

All nineteen eliminated campers were sitting around the pool at nighttime, when Chris suddenly did a cool ninja jump into the pool. He hurt himself badly.

"Owwwww…What a bad day for my stunt double to be on break…" he grumbled, holding his back. "Urghhhh…Okay losers, guess what time it is?"

Lindsay checked her watch. "7:30?" Tam punched her.

Chris rolled his eyes before wincing in pain. "No, Lindsay…it's time to choose who you want to join you at Playa Des Losers 2.0!"

"Ohhhhhhh…I want Tyler!"

Chris slapped his forehead as he took out a piece of paper. "Choose between these five: Samuel, Allison, Ethan, Ayami, and Harold."

Lindsay put her finger on her chin in thought. "…The only name I recognize is Harold." **DING!** "So I'll say Harold." **DING!**

"That's two votes for Harold," Chris noted. "Who's next?"

"Lindsay!" LeShawna scolded. "Don't be votin' for Harold just cause ya know him!" **DING!** She put her hands over her mouth. "Dangit."

"Hey, I remember this!" Mikey exclaimed. "Now whenever someone says Harold…" **DING!** "It counts as a vote, regardless of the intent."

Edmund picked his nose. "Guhhhh…who's Harold?" **DING!**

"STOP SAYING HAROLD!" Izzy screamed. **DING!**

Noah rolled his eyes. "Not helping."

A parrot showed up. "Brawk! Harold!" **DING!**

Mary pointed at the bird. "Okay, that vote for Harold shouldn't count!" **DING!** "ARGH!"

"Why are people so ignorant to vote off Harold?" Courtney asked. **DING! **"Wait, I mean Ethan!" **DING!**

Josephine twiddled her thumbs. "I actually want to vote out Harold." **DING!**

Heather smirked. "Harold Harold Harold Harold Harold Harold Harold Harold-"

**DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING!**

"Oh no ya don't!" LeShawna threatened. "Ethan Ethan Ethan Ethan Ethan Ethan Ethan Ethan Ethan!" **DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING!**

"Brawk! Harold!" **DING!**

"HAROLD!" Heather yelled. **DING!**

"ETHAN!" LeShawna yelled. **DING!**

"ETHAN!" Tam yelled. **DING!**

"ETHAN!" Mikey yelled. **DING!**

"Brawk! LeShawna!" Everyone stared at the parrot. It shrugged. "Old habits die hard. Brawk!"

"HAROLD!" **DING!**

"ETHAN!" **DING!**

"HAROLD!" **DING!**

"ETHAN!" **DING!**

"HAROLD!" **DING!**

"ETHAN!" **DING!**

"LEEROOOOOOY JENNNNNKINNNNNNSSSSSS!"

"STOP!" Everyone stopped at Chris' sudden outburst. "People, please! I can't tally votes that fast!"

"How many votes for Leeroy Jenkins?" Izzy asked.

"None…okay, let's just say Harold and Ethan are tied. Ezekiel, the last vote is yours."

He noticed that everyone was staring at him, then began to sweat. "M-me? I don't even know 'em that well, eh!"

Chris shrugged. "That's okay, just pick a random name. I really don't care as long as I still get ratings."

Ezekiel darted his eyes about the crowd. Heather and Tam were glaring at him angrily, LeShawna looked concerned, Mikey was shivering, and Izzy was singing dramatic music.

"…Uh…Ethan?" Heather growled as everyone else cheered.

Chris patted him on the back. "Good call, Zeke. You just gave Ethan invincibility next contest!"

A record scratch played, as everyone abruptly stopped cheering and glared at Chris. "…What? I love putting in twists!"

Tam cracked her knuckles. "I say we make him drink his own leaking bodily fluids. Mikey, you should cover your eyes."

"I'M GONNA KILL YA, CHRIS!" LeShawna screamed, as everyone started to attack, except for Heather, Ezekiel, and Izzy.

"Too bad…" Izzy sighed. "At least we have chicken."

Tyler suddenly jumped up in the air and hit his head on a tree branch.

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

**With only five campers left, Chris tries to keep them guessing.**

_"Uh…what do we do?" Samuel asked._

_Chris just continued to grin._

**While the brain training takes its toll on some…**

_"Sugarrrrrr…need…sugarrrrr…" Ayami was hunched on the ground, mouth frothing and eyes bloodshot. "Where…sugarrrrr…?"_

**Ethan is making sure Harold suffers the worst.**

_"Therefore, in today's immunity challenge, I will do everything in my power to sabotage Harold. No more f*cking around."_

**Who will fail to make the final four?**

_Allison slapped her forehead._

**Find out, on Total Drama Action.**

* * *

Author's Notes: I'm probably going to get a lot of flak for that twist...though it's nowhere near as unfair as LeShawna's elimination, you've got to admit.

And I just gave away the first hint about TDM: My Way. Yep, Cody's new girlfriend is going to be a contestant. I'm not revealing anything about her yet, though.


	22. Brain Feud

Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon Plat...uh, I mean Total Drama. Yeah, that. I also do not own any of the references or a stupid Munchlax, those things are way too rare...no, I'm not obsessed with Pokemon Platinum. What gave you that ridiculous idea?

Author's Notes: This episode is full of action, adventure, drama, and ooh! My Burmy just evolved into a Mothim! ...Okay, I'll put the game away, sheesh. *Turns off game* Okay, now let's see...

Malisha, Ethan is the VILLAIN. That means he stays on the show as long as he can for the sake of drama. Remember Heather, and how she managed third place on TDI, despite everyone, even the fans, hating her? Ethan plays a huge role in this story because he's the VILLAIN, and needs to stay on for a long time to allow for lot of VILLAINous plots and drama. Because he's the VILLAIN.

...Okay, okay, I'll admit it. Ethan is my SECOND favorite OC. My favorite is a TDM: My Way camper, so I won't reveal him/her yet.

Alright, at long last here's the episode. Warning: randomness ahead. Proceed without caution.

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 22: Brain Feud

"QUIT?!" Chris shouted into his cell phone. "YOU CAN'T QUIT!"

Mary's voice screamed through the phone, "I CAN, AND I DID!"

"But you forgot about…" Chris pulled out a large contract. "Your binding contract! Heheheh!"

A laser came out of nowhere and destroyed the contract.

"NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" Chris fell onto the Dock of Shame, bawling like a baby. "Who will create inventions for our awesome challenges now? WHOOOOO?!!!!!"

Owen walked up to him. "Hey boss, can I do the recap?"

"WHOOOOO?!!!!! WHOOOOO?!!!!!"

"…I'll take that as a yes! Last time on Total Drama Action, Chris played a little catch up with the voted-out campers, who are staying at an AWESOME hotel!"

A panning clip of the Playa Des Losers 2.0 was shown.

"Several campers have gained things from this show. For example, Tam and Mikey are now a couple that scares the crap outta me!"

A clip of Tam beating up Chris was shown.

"And Joseph is…AWESOME!"

A clip of Joseph acting flamboyantly gay was shown.

"And Izzy's still sexy!"

A clip of Izzy being crazy was shown.

"We also got to see what they thought of the final five. Final verdict: Everyone hates Ethan and loves Harold! However, Chris threw out another twist and gave Ethan immunity for today's show!"

A clip of everyone beating up Chris was shown.

"Who will join Ethan in the final four? Who will be eliminated? The crazy germaphobe, the hot singer, the Napoleon Dynamite clone, or the hyper candy girl? Find out tonight, on Total. Drama. ACTION! WOOHOO!!!!!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan read through his plans again. "Now I know that host is messing with me…giving me immunity while Harold doesn't get voted off."

---

Ayami bounced in glee. "YAYAYAYAYFINALFIVE! ISURVIVEDANOTHER EPISODESOICANHAVE FUNINTHISEPISODE!!!!!"

---

"Now that there's only five campers remaining, I'm rethinking that Ayami alliance," Allison shared. "Two campers in a group of five is a big influence, not to mention we're the only girls left."

---

"Now, my primary objective is to eliminate Harold, giving him the fifth place I intended. After that, the game should be cake."

---

Samuel shrugged. "I haven't a clue how I got here…"

---

"As far as my strategy, I need to win immunity every time," Harold planned. "Otherwise, Ethan could vote me off or something. There's only three other campers to sway."

---

"Therefore, in today's immunity challenge, I will do everything in my power to sabotage Harold. No more f*cking around."

* * *

The five campers, full of energy and excitement…okay, I lied. They're all exhausted. Anyway, they walked over to the volcano, where Chris, Chef, and Owen were waiting.

Chris scanned the group. "One, two, three, four…five. Wow, you guys are dropping like flies!"

"Flies don't drop fast enough…" Ethan muttered.

Chris smiled. "Your next challenge is about to start, but first…The farther you get in this game, the more brutal and vicious the challenges become, ya know. So, if any of ya would like to forfeit…"

Allison took a step forward. "Forfeit? No way, I came for the long haul!"

"Yeah!" Harold added. "Quitting's for losers!"

"And losing is for quitters…" Ethan smirked.

"BRING IT ON!" Samuel roared.

"What'sthechallenge telluswhatthe challengeisIhope it'sreallyreally challengingc'monsayit soonorI'llEXPLODE!"

Chris took a step back. "WHOA! I'm lovin' the enthusiasm here! Alright Chef, ready to start?"

Chef nodded and took out a boombox.

"WAIT!" Owen yelled. "What about Ethan?"

Chris patted him on the back. "Thanks, Owen, I almost forgot. Since Ethan has been given immunity by the losers last eppy, he gets to take today off!"

Harold's eyes widened. "IDIOTS!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Why do people insist on keeping that scoundrel on the island?!" Harold ranted. "It's like everyone WANTS me to be miserable!"

---

Chris pointed at the camera. "Bingo, Einstein."

---

Ethan cackled, a glint in his eye. "Heheheh…I think I'm going to enjoy my day off veeeeeeery much…"

* * *

"Chef, if you please?" He pressed the play button on the boombox.

Allison, being the musically-minded girl she was, recognized the song immediately. "Indiana Jones' theme? …Oh crap." She started running for her life, as the other three campers looked on in confusion.

"SWEET POTATOES AND CORN!" Owen screamed. "SHE'S GONNA BLOW!!!!!" He pointed at the top of the volcano, which was rumbling.

"Don't' worry Owen; it's the campers' problem, not ours." A helicopter landed next to everyone and the three hosts hopped in and flew away.

**BOOM!** A giant boulder blasted from out of the volcano and started rolling towards the campers. The Indiana Jones theme suddenly made sense.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison's eyes widened. "That host was going to kill us with a giant boulder? What the heck's he thinking? No one's going to audition for the show if people keep DYING!"

---

Chris shook his head. "Wrong wrong wrong, Allison. I've still got millions of rabid TDI fanatics who would give their gall bladders to join this show!"

---

Samuel stared at the camera, wide-eyed. "Chris said the challenges would continue to get worse and worse. What's next; survive a nuclear bomb?"

---

"Good one! I might use it later!" Chris wrote Samuel's suggestion on a piece of paper.

* * *

The campers continued to run away from the boulder as Ayami fumbled through her pockets. "IknowIputsugar inherewhereisit?!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Owen had sugar all over his mouth. "Mmmmmm…that sugar I found in that girl's pocket sure was tasty!"

* * *

Ayami halted to a stop and started looking harder and harder.

"AYAMI!" Harold yelled. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!"

"Ineedmysugar whereisit?!!!!!"

"FORGET IT! JUST RUN!" Harold then tripped on something, causing him to land on his face. "OW! IDIOT!" The boulder ran them both over.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold was in a full body cast…again. "I swear that was Ethan's leg that tripped me over!"

---

Ethan rolled his eyes. "Duh. Good luck convincing everyone else though."

* * *

Chris held back giggles as he saw Harold and Ayami in their casts, next to unscathed Samuel and Allison. "Whoa-oa-oa, looks like that boulder was too much to handle, am I right?"

"Ethan," Harold muttered, looking off to the side.

"Okay then, so Allison and Samuel each get a point! Your next task starts…right now!"

"Aren't you going to tell us what they ARE, first?" Allison asked, annoyed.

Chris smiled. "Nope! That's what makes this challenge fun!" He pulled a lever that just happened to be next to him, and the campers fell down a trap door.

"IT'S A TRAP!" Admiral Ackbar yelled.

"He's too slow!" Sonic teased while running in place.

"RANDOM THIRD CAMEO!" Izzy screamed.

---

The screen turned black as four sets of eyes continued to fall.

"AHICAN'TSEE!!!!!"

"I can see three sets of eyes. I wonder why."

"How do we survive this? How do we know when we'll hit the ground?!"

"Chris is trying to kill me…GOSH!"

"Harold? Calm down, I'm sure there's a way to survive."

"Like how, huh?"

"Does anyone have a flashlight?"

"I'llcheckin mypockets! …WAHHHHMYSUGAR ISSTILLGONE!!!!!"

"Ayami, losing your sugar isn't the end of the world!"

"YESITISINEEDIT!"

"Man we've been falling for a long time…"

"Okay, I bet we're really close to the bottom now. Does anyone have something sharp?"

"Yeah, I stole a pocket knife from Ethan."

"Take it out and scrape it against the nearest wall!"

Sparks briefly lit up the hole.

"Okay, now we need some wood!"

"…Are you sure? I don't think this is a good time to think about Izzy."

"NOT THAT WOOD, YA PERV!"

"…Heythere'ssome pretzelsinhere!"

"That'll do. Pass them to Harold, quickly!"

"Whoa!"

"Got them? Okay, now spark the wall up again and hold the pretzels up to them!"

Harold's face showed up, bathed in the glow of a pretzel bag on fire. "Hey guys, I think this is another one of Chris' tricks." He looked downward, then threw the pretzel bag down. It came right back up.

"What the heck?"

"We're above a giant fan." The lights turned on, revealing the campers suspended in midair by a giant fan. The walls next to them were props that were on sideways conveyor belts. Standing next to the fan were Chris, Chef, Owen, and Ethan.

"Congratulations Harold!" Chris applauded. "You win a point!"

Ethan scowled.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"That Harold is too smart," he growled. "Therefore, I'll have to make him stupid. And I know exactly how."

* * *

Chris led the campers to an open field. "Okay, your next challenge has already begun!" Everyone stared around, looking confused.

"Uh…what do we do?" Samuel asked.

Chris just continued to grin.

"…Okaaaaay…" He started to do the chicken dance.

"Nope!"

Allison sighed. "So, we're just supposed to guess what we need to do today?"

"Yep!"

"I hate this challenge." She walked away, as Chris continued to grin.

"…First clue. Magnitude plus direction.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris tried to hold back laughter. "Pffft…these campers will never get this!"

Izzy popped up…again. "Can I tell them? Can I can I can I can I can I can I can I can I can I can I can-"

"No no no, keep the audience in suspense please."

"Okay…THE CAMPERS HAVE TO FIND-"

"SHUSH!"

* * *

"Magnitude plus direction? What the heck does THAT mean?" Allison blustered, stopping in her tracks.

Harold shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe it's an algebra problem."

"Oh boy! Algebra!" Samuel got out a piece of paper and a pencil and began to try and solve the problem. Harold and Allison just stared at each other.

---

Ethan peeked from behind the bushes. "Excellent…Harold's right in position." He threw a rock at the back of Harold's head, causing him to fall right on top of Allison.

"Mmf mmf mmf! MUSH!" Harold yelled, his head buried in Allison's chest.

"EW! GET OUT OF THERE!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan grinned and proudly placed his hands on his hips. "Ethan: revitalizing breast fetishes in lifeless losers or your money back."

---

"You really think you can get me eliminated, Ethan?" Harold challenged. "Well, you've got another thing coming. I'M going to win immunity today! GOSH!"

* * *

"GET OFFA ME!" Allison pushed Harold off her, then dusted herself off. "What the heck was that for?"

"I was hit by Ethan!" Harold pointed at the rock on the ground, then at the lump on his head.

Suddenly, a piece of paper was thrust into their faces. "Hey guys, I think I got it! If magnitude is equal to x plus y and direction is equal to 42, then the circumference of the universe divided by all the decimal places in pi times to square root of a flexnard, then the answer is Colonel Mustard in the Billiard Room with the Candlestick!" Samuel started blowing bubbles through a pipe.

…

Allison slapped her forehead.

---

"Sugarrrrrr…need…sugarrrrr…" Ayami was hunched on the ground, mouth frothing and eyes bloodshot. "Where…sugarrrrr…?"

Chris looked down at her and frowned a bit. "I don't have any sugar on me, so I suppose you'll hafta-"

"GRARGH!!!!!" Ayami bit him.

"GAH! SOMEONE GET ME A RABIES SHOT, QUICK!" Chris ran in circles, screaming his head off.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison sulked. "I'm surrounded by idiots…Almost makes me miss Noah…"

* * *

Owen bounded into the clearing, eating some salty chips. "Hey guys, what's goin' on?"

"SUGARRRRR!!!!!" Ayami climbed onto Owen's shoulders, then sniffed the bag. She growled. "NO SUGARRRRR!!!!! NEED SUGARRRRR!!!!!"

"SUGAR? WHERE?!" Owen ran away, drooling.

Chef walked into the clearing and growled. "Okay, now that I'm the only one left runnin' this show, I'll give y'all anotha clue." He took out an animal cage from behind his back and opened it. A small crocodile leapt out, growling and snarling (much like Chef).

---

Ethan, still behind the bushes, rubbed his hands together in glee. "Oh man, this is excellent. Everything's going my way today!" He pointed a stick at the croc and muttered, "Telepathus control!" The reptile's eyes flashed yellow briefly, then it stood as still as a statue.

"Uh…" Chef looked confused. "I don't think crocs are supposed ta do that."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan shrugged. "If being smothered in a hot girl's chest won't turn Harold into a blithering moron, maybe smothering him in a NAKED hot girl's chest will."

* * *

The crocodile, under Ethan's control, ran towards Allison and before she could react, bit her shirt off. Ethan then threw another rock at Harold's head, sending him…there.

**_"…EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!"_**

**_"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"_**

"WOOHOO!" Samuel hollered. "WAY TO GO, HAROLD!"

"SUUUGGGAAARRR!!!!!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"It was chaos," Ethan recalled. "It was pandemonium. And it kicked ass."

* * *

Allison threw Harold off her and quickly jumped into some bushes. "SO embarrassing…"

Harold just stared forward, face red and panting hard. "…………………………………………boobies…no no no! I promised not to let those get to me any more!"

Ethan continued to watch from behind his bushes. "He's teetering on the edge now. One more streak and he's doomed."

"Okay, can we get back to the challenge now?" Chef asked impatiently. "I want this ovah in thirty minutes so I can watch mah show!"

"What show?" Samuel asked.

---

In Chef's kitchen…

A TV was on. "Coming on in thirty minutes, it's My Tiny, Adorable, Big-Eyed Pony! Only on the Little Girl Channel!"

---

Chef sweated. "Uh…wrestlin'! Yeah, I love me some wrestlin'!"

The crocodile bit him in the ankle.

"YEOW! Oh right, y'all gonna finish the challenge now?"

"NO!" Allison screamed, hiding in the bushes.

"Well, I'm not giving up," Harold proclaimed. He checked his surroundings for a moment. "Okay…so the first clue is magnitude plus direction, and the second is a crocodile…what the heck do those have in common?"

"SUGARRRRRRR!" Ayami frothed.

"No, it's not sugar…hmmmmm…"

"SUGARRRRRRR!" Ayami frothed.

The crocodile bit her in the ankle.

"Magnitude plus direction…that sounds like something from a high school math course…"

Ayami bit the crocodile in the ankle.

"I'm telling ya, it's Colonel Mustard!" Samuel said.

"What is magnitude plus direction?"

"I CAN NEVER SHOW MY FACE IN PUBLIC AGAIN!" Allison wailed from behind her bush.

The crocodile bit Ayami in the other ankle.

"He used a candlestick!"

"Magnitude is a quantity and direction is direction…"

Ayami bit herself in the ankle.

"I NEED CLOTHES!"

"We need to find the Billiard Room!"

"I NEED SUGARRRRR!!!!!"

"Hmmmmmmm…"

Sonic ran in place. "You're all too slow!"

Harold looked at the crocodile, then at Sonic, then at the crocodile, then at Sonic, then at the crocodile, then at Sonic, then at the crocodile, then at Sonic, then at the crocodile, then at Sonic, then-

A giant black monolith crushed Sonic.

"…VECTOR!!!!! THAT'S IT!" Harold exclaimed. "Chef, did I win?"

Chef was looking off into the distance. "Uh, no. Y'all hafta find somethin'."

Harold fell through another trap door.

Ackbar shook his head. "He should've listened…"

---

"Okay girls! Cody's coming soon!" Ethan exclaimed, causing all the girls in the underground hideout to squeal. "You all know what to do, right?"

"EEEEE!!!!! CODY'S SO CUTE!" one of them shrieked.

Ethan sighed. "…I'll take that as a yes. Okay, at the count of three. One…Two…"

Harold landed in a comfy armchair at the front of the room.

"…Three! STRIP!"

"ETHAN! WHY YOU…ohhhhhhh…" Harold was left speechless as hundreds of drop-dead gorgeous girls all took off their tops simultaneously.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan grinned evilly. "Harold. Is. Dead."

* * *

Harold's mouth curved into a wide grin as blood shot out his nose. **_"…BOOOOOBIEEEEES!!!!!"_**

"Wait! He's not Cody!" one of the girls shouted.

"Ethan lied to us! GET HIM!!!!!" The naked girls all started piling up on Ethan.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"…Okay, so maybe I'm dead, too. But it will be the best death ever."

---

Harold sighed, his eyes misty and his smile wide as ever. "I love Ethan…Thanks to him I can now die happy…" He took out Ethan's gun.

---

"C'mon, don't die!" Chris pleaded. "I need you to stay alive for ratings!"

---

Harold was still smiling. "Boobies."

* * *

Samuel yelled down the hole Harold fell in, "Hey, did you say Vector? I know that guy; he's the leader of Team Chaotix in the Sonic the Hedgehog series! He's famous for saying…"

Izzy popped out of nowhere. "FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM!"

"Hey guys, we need to find a computer room!" Samuel announced, addressing Allison and Ayami. "Fast!"

"SUGARRRRR!"

"I'M NAKED!"

He shrugged. "Oh well, guess I'm winning immunity today." He ran off, to start the grand quest of finding the computer room.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold was still smiling. "Boobies."

* * *

Samuel opened one of the doors of Chris' hilltop mansion. "Is this the computer room?"

"No, this is the commuter room," a businessman replied, hopping on a subway train.

---

Samuel opened up another door. "Is this the computer room?"

"Nah, this is the Mom Looter room!" a criminal yelled, stealing a middle-aged woman's purse.

---

Samuel opened up another door. "Is THIS the computer room?"

"THIS IS SPARTAAAAA!!!!!" King Leonidas yelled, kicking him out of the room.

---

"IS THIS THE FREAKING COMPUTER ROOM?!"

"Nah," Owen replied. "This is Caketown." He pointed at the cake in front of him.

"SUGARRRRR!!!!!" Ayami ran into the room, drooling. "MUST…EAT…CAKE!"

"But the cake is a lie."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"This episode is way too random," Samuel noted. "…I LIKE IT!"

---

Harold was still smiling. "Boobies."

* * *

"Let me guess. This isn't the computer room, right?"

Chris turned around in his swivel chair, a wall full of computers behind him. "Actually, this IS the computer room! And Samuel, you've just won yourself immunity!"

"YEAH!" The other campers then entered the room, Ayami still rabid, Allison holding some bushes around her body, and Ethan and Harold covered in blood, though Harold was beaming.

Ethan looked around. "So this is the computer room, huh? Can I use it?"

"NO! NOW GET OUT!" Chris kicked everyone out of the room.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold was still smiling. "Boobies."

* * *

Campfire Ceremony…

Chris held up a small marshmallow platter, to which Ayami began to drool. "Here in my hands are-"

"SUGARRRRR! GIMME SUGARRRRR!" She tried to lunge for it, but Chef and Owen restrained her.

"…Four marshmallows," Chris continued. "The camper who does not receive a marshmallow must immediately walk the Dock of Shame and ride the Boat of Losers! And they can never come back! NEVER EVER EVERRRRR!!!!!!!"

"Just get this ceremony over with," Ethan growled, eying Harold.

"Since the losers gave him immunity last time, Ethan gets the first marshmallow."

Ethan continued to stare at Harold as he snatched his marshmallow.

"And Samuel won immunity today, so he gets the second one."

"Woo!" He raised both fists in celebration as the marshmallow bounced off his forehead.

"Oh, and Allison also gets a marshmallow."

"Naked…" She shivered as she caught her marshmallow.

"Campers…THIS is the final marshmallow!" Chris exaggerated, staring at Harold and Ayami. "One of you isn't gonna make the final four. Who's it gonna be?"

Harold stared off into space, the same smile plastered on his face.

Ayami continued foaming at the mouth.

Allison shivered.

Samuel was biting his nails.

Ethan glared at Harold, a wicked grin slowly forming.

* * *

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Ayami."

The marshmallow landed in her mouth, instantly stopping the foam. "YAYIGOTTHE FINALMARSHMALLOW FILLEDWITHSUGAR!!!!!"

Chris looked sadly at Harold, who had already gotten up. "Sorry dude. I was really hoping you'd make it all the way…"

"That's okay. I did better than last time at least." Harold took his stuff and walked down the Dock of Shame. Before he boarded the Boat of Losers, he turned towards the final four campers and waved.

"Farewell Total Drama Action. I loved, I lost…and I saw a room full of boobies! What more could a man ask for?"

"Sexual intercourse?" Samuel suggested. Allison elbowed him.

Harold climbed onto the boat and laid down, gazing at the stars. "Okay Chef, take me away."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Who did I vote for?" Samuel asked the camera. "Definitely Ayami. I mean, she's gone nuts due to her lack of sugar!"

---

"Sorry Ayami," Allison cried, holding up her vote, "But we can't have you on the island while you're rabid."

---

"Boobies." Harold sighed, staring at the ceiling. "…Oh, my vote? Uh…Ayami, I guess."

---

"SUGARRRRR!" Ayami growled. "NEED…TO…GO TO ISLAND OF LOSERS TO GET SUGARRRRR!"

---

Ethan smirked as he opened up the vote box and took out the ballots. "Hey, I said I'd sabotage Harold by any means necessary, right?" He placed four slips reading "Harold" in the box and closed it. "I figured a cool way to get rid of him is to give him a taste of his own medicine."

---

Harold was still smiling. "Boobies."

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

_"Super Twilight Crash Mortal Gear Kart Hedgehog Monsters Fantasy Superstar RPG 64!"_

**The final four campers go retro, in more ways than one…**

_"It's the final showdown…between the Hollering Otters and the Deadly Sparrows!"_

**Which original team will pull off the cooperation needed to win in the video game world?**

_Ethan ran to the edge of the stage while barking out orders. "Okay Ayami, you play offense and beat them with your speed, while I play defense and prevent you from falling off the stage."_

**And which team will just spam attacks?**

_"Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken!"_

_Allison slapped her forehead._

_"Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken!"_

**Who will make it to the final three? Find out, on Total Drama Action.**

* * *

Author's Notes: *Salutes* You fought long and you fought hard, but in the end it just wasn't enough. Farewell Harold, my favorite character. Godspeed.

Seriously, I probably just made all four of the people who read this fic really angry with that. Well, that's how the cookie crumbles, guys. Sometimes the villain wins. Life ain't fair. Just consider this Harold's karma retribution for kicking Courtney out on the show.

Next episode is another one of my favorites, filled to the brim with action, drama, humor, and video game references! A cookie goes to the first reader who can figure out every single reference in the video game title in the preview, "Super Twilight Crash Mortal Gear Kart Hedgehog Monsters Fantasy Superstar RPG 64". I never got that "cookie" thing, anyway. How does one give someone a cookie online?


	23. Lame Games

Disclaimer: I do not own the Total Drama Series, nor the countless video games referenced in this chapter.

Author's Notes: As you probably could tell by now, I'm a big video game fan, so this chapter was a lot of fun to write. I hope that makes it as fun to read!

Keep in mind, though; I haven't played all these franchises. So don't whine if your favorite video game series isn't represented perfectly, or at all.

Looks like no one won my fake cookie...oh well *eats cookie*. Yum, fake chocolate chip!

And one more thing: I've got another new reviewer...although she only reviewed three early chapters. IzzyIzMyRoleModel, did you just stop reading my story after chapter 7 or something? It gets much better from there, trust me.

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 23: Lame Games

Chris stood atop the Dock of Shame, looking very excited. "Heheh…I managed to keep one of Mary's best inventions! This episode's gonna be AWESOME!"

"How awesome?" Owen asked.

"VERY AWESOME!"

"Really awesome?"

"EXTREMELY AWESOME!!!!!"

"Can I do the recap please?"

"NO!" Chris kicked Owen away. "Last time on Total Drama Action, I made the challenges so hard, I wouldn't even tell the campers what they were!"

A clip of Samuel interrogating Chris was shown.

"Meanwhile, the other campers were going through their own personality arcs. Owen ate Ayami's sugar stash. Without sugar, she quickly turned into a rabid Gollum."

A clip of Ayami foaming at the mouth was shown.

"Ethan was really really desperate to eliminate Harold to keep up with his schedule, so he employed practically every trick in the book during his 'day off'."

A clip of Harold getting hit in the head with a rock was shown.

"Eventually, he settled with reforming Harold's old boobies obsession. Unfortunately, this meant that Allison was stripped on national TV."

A clip of the crocodile biting off Allison's top was shown.

"After that, Ethan showed Harold the boobies of the entire Cody fanclub. All I can say is, lucky bastard."

A clip of Harold seeing the boobies was shown.

"After Samuel completed the actual challenge, which no one cared about, everyone voted Ayami to go home due to her being rabid. But Ethan, desperate now, tampered the votes and sent Harold packing."

A clip of Ethan swapping the votes was shown.

"About that, I allowed it just this once to amp up the drama, but he can't do it again. He'd have too much control of the game, plus the shock factor would go away."

"Izzy was sexy last episode!" Owen added. "I loved it when she screamed, 'FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM!'"

"NO!" Chris kicked Owen away. "With only four campers left, the challenges will only get tougher. Who will be sent packing tonight, in the most dramatic…Wait, there's no way tonight's campfire ceremony will be more dramatic than Courtney's elimination. Anyway, find out who leaves tonight, on Total. Drama. Action!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel shrugged. "The final four? Seriously, how the heck did I get here? I guess at this rate I'll end up winning, so I can't complain."

---

Allison looked confident. "I'd say my chances of winning are rising all the time, what with my opponents being a hyper girl, a crazy guy, and a villain. With Harold gone, I'm the only sane camper left."

---

"FINALFOURFINALFOUR FINALFOURFINALFOUR FINALFOURFINALFOUR FINALFOURFINALFOUR FINALFOURFINALFOUR FINALFOURFINALFOUR-"

---

"I wonder what today's challenge is," Samuel thought aloud. "Yesterday's was quite fun. I hope today's is going to be even better!"

---

"FINALFOURFINALFOUR FINALFOURFINALFOUR FINALFOURFINALFOUR FINALFOURFINALFOUR-"

---

"My chances of winning?" Ethan asked the camera. "100 percent. I can bend these losers to my every whim, now that Harold's gone."

---

"That Ethan's trying to take control of the game!" Allison complained. "What fun is a game that is controlled by one person? Hopefully, those two loonies will catch on and help me vote him out."

---

"There's no way anyone will eliminate me," Ethan remarked confidently. "The final four challenge is two teams of two, so I'll probably win immunity. The final three challenge is an instant elimination game, which I can handle no problem. Then all I have to do is beat some loser at a one-on-one with audience support."

---

"FINALFOURFINALFOUR FINALFOURFINALFOUR FINALFOURFINALFOUR-"

---

Samuel drooled. "I wonder what's for dinner…"

* * *

The final four campers met Chris at the mess hall, each wearing a different expression. Samuel was anticipatory, Allison was upset, Ayami was ecstatic, and Ethan was confident.

"Congratulations on making it to the final four, guys," Chris congratulated, resting his arm on another machine. "Now, I bet you're all wondering what this thing is, huh?"

"Isitapuppy?" Ayami squealed. Allison slapped her forehead.

Chris frowned. "No. This is another one of Mary's inventions; the last one you'll face. It's the VIDEO GAME INJECTOR!!!!!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Hey Izzy, I'm going to try the fourth wall thing now," Samuel warned. "Ahem…okay, hasn't the concept of characters going into the realm of video games become cliché?"

The audience cheered.

* * *

Chris continued, "That's right! Today, you all are going to go inside a video game and fight to the death! Check out this game Mary came up with!" He held up a disk with a complicated image on the label side. "Super Twilight Crash Mortal Gear Kart Hedgehog Monsters Fantasy Superstar RPG 64!"

Ethan crossed his arms. "That's just a crappy amalgam of several video game franchises."

"And a console," Samuel added.

"I'd shut up if I wanted immunity." The boys shut up. "Okay, as for the teams…It's the final showdown…between the Hollering Otters and the Deadly Sparrows!"

"Who?" Ayami asked. Allison slapped her forehead.

Chris grinned. "Don't worry, Ayami. It will all make sense soon enough…" He placed the disk into the machine and pressed the on button. At once, the campers disappeared in a flash of light.

---

Ethan opened his eyes, finding himself in the middle of a grassy field. The sky was brilliantly blue, the clouds were fluffy, and…

"OMG! THEHILLSHAVEEYES!" Ayami screamed, pointing at the hills, which had eyes.

"WHA!" Ethan, startled by Ayami's scream, leapt onto his feet. "Oh snap, we're in the Mario universe!"

"What'sthe Mariouniverse?"

Ethan sighed. "Come on, don't you know Mario? The video game icon?"

"Who?"

"…This is going to be a looooong day."

---

"AHHHHHH!!!!! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!" Allison ran around in circles, desperately tugging at the creature latched on her head.

"That's a Metroid!" Samuel exclaimed.

"GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!"

"Awesome! We're in the Metroid universe!"

"GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF NOW!"

"I wonder if I can get a power suit…Then I can be Samuel Aran…"

"GET IT OFF SAMUEL STOP BEING AN IDIOT AND GET IT OFF!"

"Okay okay…what can I do?" Samuel looked at his hands, which were sorely lacking an arm cannon. "I don't know what abilities I have!"

"JUST TRY SOMETHING!"

Samuel concentrated, then concentrated, then concentrated some more. When he opened his eyes, he noticed his hands were flashing blue. "Well, that's something…" He tried to focus the energy to the Metroid, when a blue ball of energy issued from his hands and hit it square on.

"Hadouken!"

The Metroid squealed, letting go of Allison and flying away. She patted her head. "Finally…"

Samuel stared at his hands again. "Uh, Hadouken's from Street Fighter…" (A/N: Yes, I KNOW Metroids are only affected by ice attacks, but if I adhered to that fact the story would've been screwed up. Plus, for all we know Hadouken could be an ice attack. It's icy blue colored.)

---

"Muahahaha! I will destroy you humans, for I am…A GOOMBA!" a small Goomba yelled. Ethan sighed and jumped on its head, killing it.

"Omigoshyou defeatedthatthing!" Ayami noted. "Ican'tbelieve youdidititlooked soscaryandthreatening andstrongandstuff!"

Ethan rolled his eyes. "They're the weakest enemies ever. Just jump on them and they die."

"Likethose?" she asked, facing a horde of Goombas that were trying to avenge the death of their friend.

"Yes! Jump on them!"

"Muahaha! You can't jump on ALL of us!" the leader taunted.

"Jumponallofthem? SoundslikeFUN!" Ayami sprung into the air and landed on the leader's head, killing him. She then bounced off his head and landed on the next one. Soon, the Goombas were running for their lives from the massacre, but they weren't fast enough. Ayami crushed every single one, all in one jump, resulting in a bunch of 1-ups.

Ethan just stared. "…SHE never played video games?"

"Myparentssay it'sbadformecuz itencouragesmindless violenceandcould givemeADHD!"

…

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan held his forehead. "If anyone on this Godforsaken planet has ADHD already, it's her."

* * *

"Hey little Metroid, I see you…" Samuel crept up behind a Metroid, then…

"Hadouken!" It exploded. "Man, I love this attack!"

Allison looked annoyed. "Yeah yeah, whatever. Can I destroy one, please?"

Samuel smirked. "Sure…when you can fire Hadoukens."

"Okay, I'm going to discover my special attack, and it's going to be much better than your stupid Hokeydoken!"

"It's HADOUKEN."

"Whatever!" She stormed off, when another Metroid floated up to her. It almost seemed to giggle.

"Okay, you asked for it!" Allison concentrated, concentrated, and concentrated some more, until…

**BURP!** A large bubble escaped her mouth and trapped the Metroid.

Samuel fell onto the ground laughing, while Allison fumed. "BUBBLE BOBBLE?! YOU'VE GOT BUBBLE BOBBLE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Heheh, now that's what I call irony."

* * *

**BURP!** Allison trapped Samuel in a bubble.

"I guess I deserved that."

---

The two Deadly Sparrows continued walking to the right and defeating Goombas and the odd Koopa Troopa when they came across a flag.

"YAYIT'SGOLFTIME!" Ayami cheered.

Ethan considered hitting her, but decided against it. "That's the end-of-the-level flag. Touch it, and the level will end."

Ayami stared up the pole. "HeyIbetIcan jumptothetop!"

"That's actually a good idea. You can get a 1-up if you do it correctly."

"YAY!" With two quick leaps, she made her way to the top of the flagpole. She got an extra life, then the flag rose, then 8-bit music played, then they walked into the castle, then some fireworks went off.

---

Ethan and Ayami suddenly found themselves in a decrepit old building, which looked nothing like the castle they entered. "Okay…what gives?"

**BEEP BEEP!** Ethan noticed that he had a device in his ear, which was beeping. "Uh, hello?"

"Snake, your next mission is to infiltrate this building," Otacon instructed. "There's a secret entrance to an underground terrorist conspiracy and-"

"Whoa whoa whoa, I'm not Snake," Ethan interrupted.

Otacon's eyes widened. "If you're not Snake…then he must've been killed! Snake? SNAKE? SNAAAAAAAAAAKE!"

---

"Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken!"

"COULD YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT?!!!!!"

Samuel shrugged. "I can't help it. I say it automatically. Hadouken!"

**Samuel leveled up! **Allison looked around. "Who said that?"

**Samuel learned "PK Freeze"!** "What?"

"It's some stupid chargeable Mother attack that freezes enemies," he explained.

Allison lit up. "That sounds useful! Use it on that guy over there!"

"Why would I do that when I've got…Hadouken!" The Metroid blew up. Allison slapped her forehead.

---

"HeyEthandoyaknow wheretheterrorist thingyiscuzIneed togotothebathroom andIhopethere's abathroomtherecuz eventerroristsneedto gosometimesand-"

"No." Ethan peered around a corner, noticing some guards pacing past a door. "Okay, how do we defeat these guys without a gun?"

Ayami shrugged. "Withthe EasybakeOven?"

Ethan shook his head. "No no no…we don't have one of those."

"MaybeIcandistract themsoyoucan gointhedoor orsomething." Before Ethan could react, Ayami leapt into the guards' sights. "HiguardsI'm distractingyou rightnow!"

The two guards looked at each other, shrugged, and opened fire on her.

Ethan facepalmed. "Great, she's gonna get herself killed."

---

Samuel and Allison walked through a sliding door, and found themselves walking through a jungle. "What the heck? We were just in a spaceship and now we're in a jungle?!" Allison cried, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Not just any jungle…" Samuel said, leaning onto a randomly-placed barrel. "Kongo Jungle."

Allison stared at the barrel. "And what the heck's the barrel for?"

Peppy flew overhead in his Arwing. "Do a barrel roll!"

She then noticed some porcupines headed in her direction. "And how do we beat these guys?"

"Try a somersault!"

---

"Dude, did ya get her?" one grunt asked the other as they ran out of bullets.

"No way, man! She's too fast!"

"HIYA!!!!!" Ayami jumped on their heads, killing them.

Ethan looked shocked. "H-h-how the heck did you do that? Not even I can avoid gunfire at point-blank range!"

Ayami shrugged. "DunnoIguess theylikeme!"

**Ayami leveled up! Ayami learned "Homing Attack"** "What'sthat?"

Ethan scratched his head. "Sounds like the move where Sonic the Hedgehog automatically targets his enemies. Try it on that trash can." He pointed at a trash can.

"'Kay!" She jumped, then a blue aura surrounded her. She then flew at and bounced off the trash can, crumpling it in a heap.

---

Allison somersaulted into a Kremling. "Ugh…this is killing my back…"

Samuel grinned. "Then do what I do…Hadouken!" The well-placed shot killed two of the crocs in one shot.

"Grrrr, you're killing too many enemies! I wanna level up!"

"If only you had Hadouken…" Samuel sang. Allison trapped him in a bubble.

"Fox! Get this guy off me!" Slippy screamed, getting attacked by a Kremling.

Allison lifted an eyebrow. "Fox? I thought those were crocodiles."

"Whatever! Just let me handle this!" Samuel yelled triumphantly. However, he was still in the bubble. "Phooey."

"Don't worry! I'll save you, despite the fact that you're very annoying." Falco dropped onto the scene.

Allison trapped him in a bubble.

"Hey Einstein! I'm on your side!"

---

"The charade ends now!" Ethan yelled, entering the terrorist meeting.

A terrorist looked towards him. "Uh, no thanks." He turned back forward to the guy doing a strange dance. "Sounds like? How many words?"

Ethan rolled his eyes. "Ayami, just get rid of 'em."

"YAY!" Ayami used the Homing Attack on everyone, killing them. They were then transported to a grassy field.

"Oohthisgame lookesneatIwonder whereweare Ibetit'llbelotsoffun andI'llkillpeopleand-"

**DANANANANANANANANANA! A wild Bidoof appeared!**

**Go, Ayami and Ethan!**

**What will Ayami do?**

Ayami looked confused. "Whycan'tImove?"

Ethan facepalmed. "Oh great, we're in the stupid world of Pokemon. This is a turn-based battle, Ayami."

"Whatdoesthatmean?"

"…Never mind. Just select "Attack", then select "Homing Attack".

"Idon'tgetit!"

**What will Ethan do?**

**Ayami used Homing Attack!**

**Wild Bidoof used Growl! Ayami's Attack fell! Ethan's Attack fell!**

Ethan shrugged. "Doesn't matter. All my attacks are elemental-based."

**Ethan used Damage Spell! Wild Bidoof fainted!**

**Ayami gained 36 EXP! Ethan gained 36 EXP!**

They found themselves back in the grassy field. Ethan sighed in relief. "Well, at least that's over…"

**DANANANANANANANANANA! A wild Bidoof appeared!**

**Go, Ayami and Ethan!**

**What will Ayami do?**

Ethan clutched his face in horror. _**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**_

---

"BURP! BURP!" Allison quickly trapped the Kremlings in bubbles, saving the obnoxious frog.

"Thanks for saving me! I thought I was a goner…" Slippy sighed.

**Allison leveled up! Allison learned "Curaga"!** "Curaga? What the heck is THAT?"

Samuel chuckled. "It's a powerful healing move."

"Okay…how much damage does it do?"

Samuel slapped his forehead. "Uh, none. It's a HEALING move."

"…So I learned an attack…that doesn't attack?" Allison asked. "What's the point in that?"

"There's more to gaming than just attacking." A Kremling sneaked up behind him. "Hadouken!" It blew up.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison held her head on her hand. "I really don't get these video games…"

* * *

**DANANANANANANANANANA! A wild Bidoof appeared!**

**Go, Ayami!**

**What will Ayami do?**

**Ayami used Jump! Critical Hit! Wild Bidoof fainted!**

**Ayami gained 72 EXP! Ayami grew to level 3! Ayami learned Thunderbolt!**

"Yeah, you keep doing that if you want…" Ethan muttered. "I'm going to try and find the exit." He checked in a random house. "Nope."

"Awbutit'sso muchmorefunwhen youbattlewithme!" Ayami whined. "Bythewayhaveya foundtheexityet willyafinditsoon whyaretheresomany beavershereand whyarethebirds blackandwhiteand…"

Ash Ketchum came out of nowhere. "Hey, you two must be Pokemon Trainers! How about a battle?"

Ethan stared at him hard. "No thanks. Do you know where-"

"Go Pikachu! Use Iron Tail!" Pikachu ran off after him, its tail glowing.

"I'm not a Pokemon, you idiot!"

Ayami ran up to Pikachu and jumped on its head. "HeyEthanareya startingabattle withoutmeIwanna battletoocuzit's somuchfunand-"

"A double battle, eh?" Ash asked, an eyebrow cocked. "This should be fun…Go Staravia!" He threw a pokeball on the ground and out popped his Staravia. It flew into a tree. (A/N: I wrote this when Ash's Staraptor was still a Staravia)

Ethan cringed. "Muku. OUCH."

"Mukuwhat?"

He shrugged. "It's just a stupid Pokemon meme…like Mudkipz, and Seaking, and-"

Rick Astley walked in front of them and sang, _"We're no strangers to loooooove…You know the rules, and so do I!"_

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris beamed. "If Rickrolling made Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends THAT popular, imagine what will happen to Total Drama!"

* * *

Samuel and Allison entered a cave, changing their location yet again. "Okay…where are we now?" Allison asked impatiently.

Samuel sniffed the air. "Hmmmmm…my guess would have to be…"

"Maybe you should answer before those zombies kill us!" Allison pointed at an endless horde of zombies hobbling towards them, grunting and drooling.

"…Resident Evil! That's it! …Or is it Silent Hill? Hmmmm…" The zombies advanced closer and closer as Samuel thought.

"C'MON SAM!" Allison screamed, trapping a few in bubbles. "USE YOUR PK FREEZE TO HELP ME!"

"Okay!" Samuel focused, then… "Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken!"

Allison slapped her forehead.

"Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken!" With that, all the zombies were destroyed.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Ooh, that Samuel! He's so stubborn!" Allison complained.

* * *

Due to the sheer power of Rickrolling, Pikachu and Staravia were defeated.

**Ayami gained 3000 EXP! Ayami grew to level 4! Ayami learned Agility!**

**Ethan gained 3000 EXP! Ethan grew to level 2! Ethan learned nothing!**

**Rick Astley gained 3001 EXP! Rick Astley grew to level 100! Rick Astley learned Pwn Everything!**

"NOOOOOO!!!!!" Ash sobbed, falling to the floor. "How could my awesome pokemon faint from Sing? That should just make them fall asleep!"

Ethan rolled his eyes then faced Rick. "Uh, thanks…?"

"No problem." Rick Astley mysteriously vanished.

Ayami squealed, "Heywhendo Ilearnthatattack?"

---

With piles of mutilated zombie carcasses surrounding them, Samuel and Allison tried to find the next exit.

"So…do you think this is Resident Evil or Silent Hill?" Samuel asked.

Allison shrugged. "How the heck should I know?"

"If only there were a clue, like a character or a-" He was suddenly interrupted as a red pyramid erupted from the ground.

"AH! It's Lampshade Head Man from the Quiet Hill series!" Cactuar screamed, having come out of nowhere. Allison slapped her forehead.

"That's Pyramid Head Man from the Silent Hill series, idiot!"

"My God, man! Haven't you heard of copyright infringement?!"

Samuel sighed and hit him with a Hadouken. "You're in the wrong game, anyway." However, he was caught off-guard as Pyramid Head Man sliced him in half. Fortunately, he had an extra life.

"Let me guess…" Allison sighed and placed her hands on her hips. "You're going to kill him now using a million Hadoukens. Right?"

"Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken!"

"Why won't he ever listen to me?"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Sorry Allison, but from where I'm standing you're the rookie here," Samuel solemnly said. "I bet anything that following your strategies will get us killed."

* * *

**Samuel leveled up! Samuel learned "Psych Bomb"!**

**Allison leveled up! Allison learned "Valor Up"!**

When Pyramid Head Man finally fell, the Otters noticed a teleporting symbol on the ground. Samuel hopped on, but Allison looked reluctant.

"C'mon, it won't bite!"

"…I am so sick of this game!" she snapped, collapsing to the ground and hugging her knees.

Samuel looked concerned. "…What?"

"You never listen to me, everyone's annoying, and I bet anything we're losing!"

"Well, why would I listen to you? You know nothing about video games!"

"I wasn't talking about video games!" Samuel's eyes widened as Allison burst into tears.

"NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO ME! NOT THAT STUPID NOAH, NOT THAT STUPID CODY, AND ESPEICALLY NOT YOU!"

"…I listen to you sometimes…don't I?"

She turned away. "NO!"

---

The Deadly Sparrows found themselves atop a floating platform. Both Ethan and Ayami were gazing at the sky, which resembled a swirling vortex of space.

"Oohthat'ssotrippy!"

Ethan smirked. "Figures we'd end up here…at the Final Destination." Two giant, floating hands descended upon them, one right and one left.

"Good observation, human," Master Hand acknowledged. "Are you ready to fight for your lives?"

"I fight for my friends!" Ike yelled, raising his sword. Master Hand swatted him off the platform.

"Yayayayayayayay ANOTHERFIGHT!!!!!" Ayami sprung into the air and landed square on Crazy Hand's knuckle. He shrieked in agony.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEE why hello thar little boiiiiiii!" He took Ayami by her shirt and dangled her above the endless chasm below. "I like turtles."

Master Hand slapped him. "Crazy, you are not supposed to fight the girl! Girl, you're not supposed to fight my brother!"

"Tingle Loompah!" he screeched as he dropped Ayami back onto the stage.

Ethan raised an eyebrow. "If we're not supposed to fight you, then what are we here for?"

Master Hand sighed. "Some other human came down here and told us to make two teams of two teenagers fight here. He said if we refused, he'd hack into the game and erase us from existence."

"KUMQUATS!" Crazy Hand spasmed all over the platform.

"Ah…so the immunity challenge is to beat the other team!"

"You are very wise, human." Master Hand picked up his brother and lifted him away. "Come, Crazy. We have a battle to watch."

"DFASDFOWQEK FVMLSALJOLIOJ!!!1! !!!!1!111&3.14159 APPLESAUCE"

---

"And then when I was 8, I lost my cat Spot. Every night I'd lean out the front door and scream, 'SPOT!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!!!!! ALLISON MISSES YOU!!!!!' in hopes that he'd be close enough to hear. A few weeks later, my mom found his body in a sewer…" Allison buried her face in her hands.

"Ah, I see…" Samuel stroked his fake gray beard. "Now Allison, please tell me about your mother."

"Well doc, she…wait a minute! How the heck is this helping?!"

Samuel shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe we should talk about your experiences on the show. Like your relationship with Ayami."

Allison drooped her head. "Well, I sort of have a love-hate relationship with her. I know she means well and stuff, but she's just so annoying!"

"Yes, go on…" Samuel put on a pair of horn-rimmed glasses.

"I really hate her sugar obsession. I mean, when she's off the stuff it's like she was suffering withdrawal!"

Samuel nodded. "Yeah, I know. She was so crazy, I voted her out despite our date a couple weeks back."

"Yeah, I voted her out too…"

…

They both looked at each other, wide-eyed.

"If you and I are two votes for Ayami, and Harold couldn't possibly vote off himself, then how the heck's she still here?"

---

The Hollering Otters finally reached Final Destination.

"Alright! Let's get it on!" Master Hand cheered, somehow eating popcorn. "It's a two on two extravaganza between pathetic humans!"

Samuel looked at Allison, who was weirded out to the extreme. "Don't ask."

**3…2…1…GO!**

Ethan ran to the edge of the stage while barking out orders. "Okay Ayami, you play offense and beat them with your speed, while I play defense and prevent you from falling off the stage."

"Yeahuhuhgotcha!" She rushed over to Samuel and jumped on his head. However, that only results in a footstool in this game.

"Cool! I'm springy!"

"Don't just stand there!" Allison yelled, a large bubble issuing from her mouth. "Try hitting her with your Psych-"

"Hadouken! Hadouken! Hadouken!" However, Ayami easily dodged them all.

"LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE IN YOUR GODFORSAKEN-"

**ZAP!** Allison was struck with a thunderbolt, sending her flying.

"ALLISON!" Samuel screamed, looking up at her charred body. "USE CURAGA!"

"OH, AND WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO A GUY WHO WON'T LISTEN TO ME?! HUUUUUUUUUH?!!!!!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"My Hadoukens were failing, Ayami was too powerful, and my teammate was furious with me," Samuel recalled. "I only had one choice…"

* * *

"OKAY, OKAY, FINE! I'LL LISTEN!" A bunch of small bombs materialized in Samuel's hands and he started throwing them rapid fire.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison gasped. "He…listened? To me?"

* * *

Taken aback, she used Curaga, removing the chars from her body. It also lowered her damage percentage, so she stopped flying.

"Are you listening?" Allison asked. "Because I've got a plan."

Samuel cupped his ear. "I'm all ears."

"Hey Ayami, why are we fighting?" The hyper girl stopped in her tracks.

"Ithoughtitwas forimmunityandif Ididn'tfightI'd loseandI'dget votedoutand-"

"We're in an alliance, remember?" Allison smiled and ran over to Ayami. "Why don't we just call it a draw? Then, no one will get hurt and we'll all be happy."

Ayami's eyes watered. "AWWWWAllisonInever wantedtohurtyou! C'mere!" She gave Allison a big bear hug, which almost cut off her circulation. Almost.

"Samuel…" she whispered. "…PK…Freeze…"

He smirked. "Okay then…PK FREEZE!" Before she knew it, Ayami was completely encased in ice.

---

Ethan yawned, facing the other way of the action. "Well, Ayami must've KOed them by now…" He turned and saw something that shocked him; the Otters pushing his teammate, encased in ice, off the other edge.

**Ayami Defeated!**

"WHAT?!" he shouted, running up to his opponents. "That's IMPOSSIBLE!"

Samuel grinned. "That word's not in my vocabulary."

"Wanna finish this fight?" Allison asked.

"After you."

She smiled at him, then trapped Ethan in a bubble. After that, it only took a few Psych Bombs to knock him off the stage.

**Ethan Defeated!**

Master Hand and Crazy hand floated over, somehow clapping. What is the sound of one hand clapping, anyway?"

"Congratulations, Hollering Otters!" the right hand spoke. "You have won immunity!"

"THAT WAS TOTALLY MATH!" the left hand screamed.

---

Campfire Ceremony…

The four campers looked shocked when Chris brandished a bright red jar. "What'swiththe brightredjar?" Ayami asked.

Chris smirked. "This, Ayami, is the Ultimatum Jar. I got it at a discount at Walmart. Anyway, I'm using it because THIS is the FINAL MARSHMALLOW CEREMONY OF THE SEASON!" Lightning struck in the distance.

"I'm supposed to make lightning strike when I'm dramatic…" Ethan muttered.

"In this jar…" Chris emptied the contents of the jar into his palm. "…are three marshmallows. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow must IMMEDIATELY walk the Dock of Shame and ride the Boat of Losers! And they may NEVER, EVER, in a million billion years, COME BACK! EVERRRRRRRRRR!" He tipped the marshmallows back in the jar and eyed the campers gleefully.

Ayami stole a nervous glance towards Ethan, who was looking confident. Samuel and Allison were shivering in anticipation.

"The first marshmallow goes to…………………………………………Allison." Chris held the jar sideways and smacked the back with his palm. A marshmallow flew out and hit Allison in the forehead.

Samuel grinned. "The next marshmallow is mine then, right?"

Chris sighed. "Don't ruin the suspense dude…but yes." A marshmallow flew at Samuel, but he was prepared and caught it. Ayami cast another worried look at Ethan, but he glared back angrily.

"Deadly Sparrows…THIS is the final marshmallow!" Chris shook the bottle about, smirking as he heard the rattle of a single marshmallow inside. "Only one of you will make it to the semifinals! Only one of you will be the last Sparrow! And only one of you has a chance to win half a million dollars!"

"Pleasebeme pleasebeme pleasebeme pleasebeme!" Ayami pleaded. "Pleasebeme pleasebeme pleasebeme pleasebeme pleasebeme pleasebeme pleasebeme!"

"Oh no, it's for me," Ethan replied. "Just give up, little girl. None of you can possibly beat me!"

Allison shifted her eyes. "I wouldn't be too sure of that…"

"The final marshmallow goes to…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………" Chef played a drum roll as Chris shook the marshmallow out of the bottle. All four campers stared at the marshmallow, arcing upward so it would take as long as possible to tell who received it. Then, a bird ate it.

Samuel threw up his hands in exasperation. "Oh COME ON!"

Chris took out another marshmallow. "Okay, THIS is the final marshmallow. Here ya go." He threw it, and Ayami caught it in her mouth. "There. Ayami's safe, Ethan's out of here. Good enough for you guys?"

Allison shrugged. "Sure."

"Yeah, that's real funny Chris," Ethan chuckled, resting his elbow on Chris' shoulder. "Nice joke. So where's the third final marshmallow for me?"

Chris looked confused. "Uh, dude? That wasn't a joke. You lost."

Ethan suddenly became deadly serious. "No, I didn't. Send Ayami on that boat, or ELSE."

Chris turned on the TV. "Okay, look. Here's Allison and Samuel voting you out."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison held out her vote, reading "Ethan". "I may have tricked Ayami earlier, but she's still my ally. You, on the other hand, are a lying, conniving, cheating shrew! Good riddance!"

---

Samuel held out his vote: another "Ethan". "Dude…you swapped the votes! I can't let someone who swapped the votes win!"

* * *

Chris turned the TV off. "There, you were voted out, so you need to go to the Boat of Losers now!"

Ethan crossed his arms. "No."

"It's not a CHOICE, DUDE!" Chris fumed. "Chef, get the tranquilizers!"

Chef walked over, carrying a bazooka over his shoulder.

Ethan scowled. "Chris, Chris, Chris…you seem to be forgetting who's pulling the strings around here." He snapped his fingers, and Chef dropped the bazooka.

The other three campers shuddered and backed away. "St-st-strings?" Allison asked.

Ethan picked up Chris by the shirt, his eyes glowing. "May I remind you that if it weren't for me, this season would be crap?"

Chris smiled. "Nope. It's just that I hate you." He took a remote and played some flashbacks on the TV.

* * *

_Flashback…_

_"Aw man, how the heck are we supposed to get this kind of money?" Chris asked, looking upon his blueprints in sorrow._

_Chef shrugged as the phone rang. "Tell an intern to pick that up."_

_An intern picked up the phone and listened for a few seconds. "Uh huh, uh huh…huh? Yeah…okay. Chris, check the front door."_

_Chris rolled his eyes. "Expendable intern #2, check the front door!"_

_A moment later, the intern returned to Chris, a briefcase in his hands. Inside was packed solid with $100 bills. Chris' eyes widened._

_"Who is that on the phone?"_

_"Says his name's Ethan," replied intern #1. "Also says he'll only let you keep the money if you succumb to his demands."_

_"Liiiiiike…?"_

_The intern pointed to the piece of paper in the briefcase. "First, make sure Heather is a returning camper. Second, either he or Heather must win. Third, season two is to take place at an uninhabited island off the coast of Wawanakwa. Fourth, no one on the show, nor the audience, is to know of this."_

_Chris lightly chuckled. "Yeah…and what's stopping me from just keeping this money and ignoring this sicko?"_

_"The note says he can easily kill you in your sleep…Or permanently disfigure your face."_

_"DO WHAT HE SAYS!" Chris shrieked, looking at his face in the mirror._

_---_

_Chris could be heard wheezing in laughter below the sight of the camera. "Wow, just wow! The first kiss of the season was between THEM?! That's just too much! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

_"Hey Kip, do you think Tyler will kiss me this season?"_

_Chris abruptly stopped laughing and lifted his head into view. "I don't think Tyler is interested in kissing the confessional stall."_

_"…What's a confessional stall?"_

_"I can answer that, Lindsay…" Ethan entered the stall, glaring at Chris angrily. "But what I cannot answer is whether Chris will still be alive by tomorrow morning…"_

_Chris held up his hands in defense. "Dude, I can't help it if the other campers wanted Heather gone."_

_"THEN JUST ELIMINATE SOMEONE RANDOM! LIKE HAROLD!"_

_"Then everyone would've become suspicious! Besides, I needed Heather gone to keep up the ratings."_

_Ethan shook his head. "If I were you, ratings would be the least of my concerns…" His eyes glowed as he hit Chris with a spell._

_"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude…………………………………" The host fell onto the floor, unconscious._

_"Don't worry, I'll let Chef and Owen host next episode," Ethan taunted. "I'll just tell them you're off to host 'Maze Race' or something."_

_"Ooh! I love that show!"_

_Ethan sighed and deanimated the confessional stall._

_---_

_"Ethan, you know you could very well be leaving tomorrow," Chris warned as they sat at Chris' mansion._

_"No, you're going to vote out Ayami. I really cannot stand her."_

_Chris shook his head. "Sooner or later, they're gonna find out you swapped the votes. If I eliminate Ayami when it should be you, they're going to riot."_

_"Don't care. What can they do?"_

_"Uh, find out exactly what you're doing? Call the police and have you jailed in maximum security? Frankly, eliminating you now is the best decision." He pulled out a chart. "See, in every episode you've done something horrible the ratings plummeted-"_

_"YOU AND YOUR STUPID RATINGS!!!!!" Ethan roared, smacking the chart to the ground. "I'M NOT HERE TO POPULARIZE YOUR SH*TTY SHOW!!!!!"_

_Chris was taken aback. "Dude, do you have ANY IDEA HOW TV WORKS?! THE ENTIRE PURPOSE OF THIS SHOW AND EVERY OTHER IS TO GET RATINGS!!!!!"_

_Ethan stood up and faced away from Chris. "…Soon…very very soon, nothing you hold dear will matter. All your pretty, pretentious thoughts will be spent the only way they should be…to make Heather happy. Good day to you, sir." He walked out the door, nose upturned._

_End Flashback…_

* * *

Chris smirked. "I've been waiting this whole time to get you off my back, you spoiled rotten brat! And now I have!" He took out a pair of glowing handcuffs and shackled Ethan's wrists together. "Don't bother trying to get out of these. Mary's Magical Handcuffs removes magical powers from anyone who wears them!"

Ethan glowered at Chris as Chef carried him across the Dock of Shame. "So, you were trying to double-cross me this whole time…"

"Yup!"

Ethan was thrown onto the Boat of Losers. He stood up, leaned out the side, and yelled, "CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU ALL! YOU WILL ALL PAY!!!!!"

Chris held out Ethan's briefcase. "Actually, you paid me."

The boat drove away as Ethan continued to scream and shake his fist. "I KNOW WHERE YOU ALL LIVE!!!!! I'LL STALK YOUR HOUSES ONE BY ONE AND TORTURE YOU UNTIL HEATHER'S REIGN FEELS LIKE A GODSEND!!!!! ESPECIALLY YOU, CHRIS!!!!!"

Chris chuckled as he walked back to the remaining three campers. "Well, that sure was an eventful night for ya, huh? I'm going to bed." He walked away, catching one last glimpse at Ayami, Samuel, and Allison's shocked expressions.

* * *

**Next time, on Total Drama Action…**

_"You all know it, you all love it, it's time for the TRIPLE DOG DAAARE!!!!!!"_

**An old favorite returns to haunt the remaining three campers.**

_Chris chuckled as he read the card. "Wow…I'm not even sadistic enough to think of this!"_

**But this time, the dares are even crazier!**

_"WHAT?!!!!! THERE'S NO FREAKING WAY I'M DOING THAT!!!!!"_

**So crazy, the show may need to be moved to an adult block permanently!**

_"Bow chicka wow wow chicka wow wow!" Samuel sang as he took off his underwear._

_Allison fainted._

**Who will make it to the finals? Find out, on Total Drama Action!**

* * *

Author's Note: And the great Ethan finally topples. It looks like swapping the votes was the final nail to his coffin. Reviewers rejoice.

Yeah, I barely even scratched the surface of the video game world in this chapter, but with any more references it would be too long! To make up for it, I'm planning another video game challenge in TDM: My Way (FYI, it stands for Total Drama Madness). I'll probably include popular stuff I overlooked in this chapter, like Zelda, Pikmin, Megaman, and Halo.

Next challenge is a rehash, yes, but it's a GOOD rehash. Everyone loves Triple Dog Dare, right?


	24. Double the Triple Dog Dare

Disclaimer: I do not own...you know what? I've already said this twenty-three different ways in twenty-three different chapters. Go ahead and pick one. Any one. Doesn't matter; they all say that I don't own the Total Drama franchise...DANGIT!

Author's Notes: My mind is significantly more twisted than the TDI writers', so expect some really nasty, disgusting, and just plain wrong dares here. Proceed with caution; there's some potential M-rated stuff tonight (or today, depending on what time you're reading this).

Really, none of my reviewers are video game fans? You guys are no fun! Seriously though, I would've expected more video game nerds like me to hang out at this site.

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 24: Double the Triple Dog Dare

In the wee hours of the morning, the Dock of Shame was empty. No Chris, no Chef, not even Owen demanding to do last week's recap.

"Uhhhhh…" one of the cameramen drawled, "Anyone know where Chris is?"

Another cameraman shrugged. "He said he had a long day. He's sleeping in."

"Hey!" a third piped in. "Maybe we could do the recap!"

"I've always wanted to do a recap!" the second one agreed.

"Okay! Ahem!" The first cleared his throat. "Last time on Total Drama Action…uh…Ethan was eliminated. Find out who leaves tonight on Total Drama Action!"

"Nice one!" the third whooped.

* * *

Allison, Ayami, and Samuel were all sitting around the campfire, looking relaxed and happy.

"Isn't this great?" Allison asked. "No Ethan, no Chris, no Chef, no Heather…"

"Nothing but us and some marshmallows," Samuel replied, turning his marshmallow around in the fire.

"Don'tforgetthestumps we'resittingon andtheground andthegrass andthetrees andthecampfire andthewood burningthecampfire andthesmoke fromthecampfire andtheair andthebugs andtheotherwildlife andthecameramen andthe-"

Samuel slapped his hand over Ayami's mouth. "NOTHING but US and some MARSHMALLOWS."

"Anyone up for a sing-a-long?" Allison took out a guitar. "Does anyone know how to play the guitar?"

Samuel shrugged. "I can play the string bass…guitar can't be that much different." He took the guitar and plucked it a few times.

"I'mprettysureyou're supposedtostrumit!" Ayami reminded. "BythewayI canplaymynose!" She grabbed her nose, but Allison stopped her.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison beamed. "Now that Ethan's gone and there are only two opponents left, I'll…"

---

"…definitely win," Samuel cackled. "I can't believe I made it so far, what with my germaphobia and neurosis…"

---

"…andmyhyperactivity andmyshortattentionspan andmynaivety andmyannoyingness andmyrunonsentences andmy…"

---

"…good looks, I'm sure Samuel will go easy on me. And Ayami will cut off her hand for me…" Allison looked down. "I feel kind of sorry for her…but still, this is a game. I'm sure she'll…"

---

"…understands me! And then she helped me conquer my fears! Oh Izzy, if only you were still here." Samuel cried. "Owen and I miss you lots! Lots and lots…"

---

"…ofsugar'causeit tastessogood andwheneverthere isn'tsugarinmymouth Imissthetasteofsugar inmymouth andIstartacting likeGollumand…"

---

"…Smeagol!" Allison looked at the camera strangely. "Why the heck did I say that?"

---

Samuel shrugged. "'Cause we're finishing each other's sentences as a running gag?"

---

"Ireallyhatebeing gaggedescpeciallyaround themouthcuzthenI can'teatsugarand wheneverItalkit soundslike 'mmfmmfmffmffmfm fmfmfmfmfmfffmf mfmfmmmffmfmf mffmfmfmfmfmf mfmfmffmf mfmfmfmfmf mfmfmfmmffmmf mfmffmfmfmmffm fmmfmfmffm mfmfmfmffm'!"

---

Allison held her head. "This is so confusing…"

---

"It's called 'breaking the fourth wall'," Samuel advised. "Izzy taught it to me. It's a neat trick to learn when you're stuck in fanfics like these."

---

"OohoohIlove writingfanficsespecially crackficsat2:30in themorningabout yaoipairings!" Ayami blurted.

---

Allison turned green. "TMI, Ayami. TMI."

---

Samuel smiled. "Now you're learning!"

---

"Hey, is it my turn for a confessional yet?" Owen asked.

---

Chef looked confused. "Uh, how many of these things have there been?"

---

Ayami beamed. "IT'SOVERNINE-"

---

"ENOUGH WITH THAT MEME!" Allison screeched.

---

Samuel scratched his head. "What's the point of a confessional stall if we can hear each other confess stuff anyway?"

---

Chris grunted. "You weren't supposed to KNOW you could do that!"

---

"Butit'seasy! Allyaneedtodo isusethescrollbar orthemousewheelor-"

---

"Whatever. Next challenge starts in five anyway, so you better stop wasting the confession cam's film."

* * *

"WAHAGAG!" Ayami yelped as Chef tied a blindfold around her head.

"It's a blindfold, Ayami." Allison rolled her eyes, but you couldn't tell because she was blindfolded.

Samuel clasped his hands together. "Ooh, I wonder what our next challenge is. If it involves blindfolds, it MUST be exciting!"

"Or it could be a rehash of the trust challenges last season…" Allison reminded.

"…Or that. Yeah." Chef led the three blindfolded campers to the stage and placed each one at a podium.

Ayami turned her head around. "Didthechallenge startyet?"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"You know what? I couldn't give a damn about what today's challenge is," Samuel revealed. "No matter what it is, no matter how hard, how embarrassing, and how dirty, I WILL DOMINATE IT!"

---

Allison cracked her knuckles. "I came too far to lose now. Whatever today's challenge is, BRING IT ON!"

---

"OhboyIhope today'schallenge involvessugar orponies ormonkeys orpenguins orGeoffor-"

Chris pushed Ayami out of the Confessional Stall. "I SAID STOP WASTING THE FILM!"

* * *

Chris entered the stage, his traditional grin upon his handsome face. "Welcome to the semifinals! Today's challenge is going to be, by far, the most brutal, dangerous, and downright embarrassing challenge in any game show EVER!" Chef removed the blindfolds from the campers. "You all know it, you all love it, it's time for the TRIPLE DOG DAAARE!!!!!" The curtain fully lifted, revealing the all-too familiar Wheel of Losers and many soft-drink bottles.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ayami squealed. "YAY! IT'SMY FAVORITESEASON ONECHALLENGE!!!"

---

Both Samuel and Allison looked at the camera in fright. "…Oh sh*t."

* * *

Chris gestured towards the wheel. "That's right, we're rehashing everyone's favorite season one challenge! In case any of you live under a rock, here are the rules. Each of you takes turns spinning the Wheel of Losers. Whichever eliminated camper it lands on, you need to perform his or her dare! If you succeed, good for you! But if ya don't…you'll lose a freebie!" He passed out five bottles to each camper.

"Each of these bottles is a freebie. Don't waste 'em!" He winked towards the camera and walked back to the center of the stage.

"If you feel like pressing your luck, you can pass a dare to another camper! But beware, for if that camper completes the dare…you'll lose a freebie! Once you're out of freebies, you'll be sent directly down the Dock of Shame, board the Boat of Losers, and miss out on a chance to win…" He pulled a lever, bringing down a treasure chest filled with gold and jewels. "…$500,000!"

Allison scratched her head. "That doesn't sound like the same rules as last season…"

Chris yelled in her ear, "That's because they AREN'T! My interns said the rule change will bring out more drama!" He walked back to the Wheel of Losers. "Before we start, let's meet the sadists you thought up our crazy dares for today!" He pointed at each camper's picture as he introduced them.

"The Prarie Boy, Ezekiel!

Miss Anger Management, Eva!

The Smartass, Noah!

The Sizzling Man-meat, Justin!

The Squealing BFFFLs, Katie and Sadie!

The Klutzy Jock, Tyler!

The Psycho Hosebeast, Izzy!

He's only Popular Online, Cody!

The Wannabe, Beth!

The Counselor in Training, Courtney!

The Beatboxing Boobies Lover, Harold!

The Suave Musician, Trent!

The Hot Surfer Chick, Bridgette!

The Ditzy Blonde, Lindsay!

The Brickhouse with Heart, DJ!

The Party Dude, Geoff!

The Bootylicious Sister of the Streets, LeShawna!

The Juvenile Delinquent, Duncan!

The Preppy Villain, Heather!

The Sarcastic Goth Gal, Gwen!

The Winner of TDI, Owen!

The Girlfriend Stealing Chauvinist, Colin!

The Spoiled Brat, Josephine!

The Violent Jailbird, Tam!

The Inventor, Mary!

The Special Kid, Edmund!

The Tortured Soul, Mikey!

The Now-Flamboyant Gay, Joseph!

The Lonely Single, Casey!

And Everyone's Favorite Evil Genius! ETHAN!" Everyone threw tomatoes at Ethan's picture.

"So, who's first?" The three campers gave each other nervous glances until Allison stepped forward.

"I will."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison shrugged. "Well, someone had to go first. Why not the only dare expert left in the game?"

* * *

She stepped up to the Wheel of Losers and gave it a spin.

"Round and round and round she goes," Chris noted, keeping his eyes on the spinner, "Where'll she stop, nobody knows." Finally, the spinner slowed down and stopped on Colin.

Chris took a cue card out and read it. "Colin's dare…is to punch yourself in the nose! Hard!"

Allison looked horrified. "WHAT?!"

Chris chuckled. "That's right! Allison, you can either attempt the dare, or pass it to someone else."

She thought for a moment. "Well, I don't want to start off this challenge looking weak…" She closed her eyes, wound up her fist, and clobbered herself in the nose.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison held some tissues to her nose and an ice pack to her black eye. "A little pain and blood loss is worth half a million dollars in the end…right?"

* * *

Chef gave Allison some tissues and an ice pack as she walked back to her podium, grimacing from the pain.

Chris grinned. "Alright! Who's next?"

Ayami's hand shot up in the air. "Oohoohooh mememememe PLEASEME!!!!!!" She leapt off her podium and spun the wheel. It landed on Geoff. "YAYAYAYAYAY GEOFF'SSOKYUT!"

"Let's see how cute he seems when he makes you…" Chris read the card. "…Drink a cup of sewer water from the communal toilets!"

"…Istheresugar?"

Chris shook his head. "No sugar."

"WAHHHHHH NOSUGAR!" she cried. "WAHWAH WAHHHHH!!!!! IguessI'llpassit toSamuelthen."

Samuel turned green. "WHAT?! WHY ME?!!!!!"

---

Chef took a cup and dipped it into a toilet. Samuel cringed as he stared at the brown, murky goop frothing inside.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Okay okay, I'm seriously trying as hard as I can to let go of the germaphobia," Samuel admitted. "But it's just so HARD! I mean, I can handle being insane just fine, but DRINKING SEWER WATER?!!!!! REALLY?!!!!!"

* * *

Samuel took the cup in a shaky hand. He gave a quick sniff…and dumped it back in the toilet.

"Sorry…I just can't do this!" He ran into the neighboring stall and threw up.

---

When the campers made it back to their podiums, Chris took one of Samuel's bottles and smashed it on Chef's knee.

"That's a tough break, dude," he sympathized. "Unfortunately, it's also your turn, so if you mess up on the next dare, you'll end up seriously behind!"

"…Okay…" He nervously approached the wheel and gave it a quick spin. It didn't even pass one revolution.

"You got Owen!" Chris announced, getting out another card. "Your next dare is…"

"C'mon Owen, buddy," Samuel pleaded. "Gimme something easy!"

"…Act like a cow!"

"Thank you Owen!" Samuel got on all fours and pretended to chew cud. "Moooooooooo…" He then pretended to milk himself. "Mooooooo…"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris looked mad. "C'mon, dude! Make your dares harder!"

---

Owen shrugged. "I thought it'd be funny…AND IT WAS!"

* * *

Allison got back up and spun the wheel. This time, it landed on Mary.

Chris chuckled as he read the card. "Wow…I'm not even sadistic enough to think of this! Mary's dare is to bleed into a pool of piranhas!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison looked confused. "…Is that a bad thing? It's not like the piranhas will jump out of the water and attack me…Will they?"

* * *

She peered down into the pool of piranhas, shrugged, and dropped her bloody tissue into the water. The piranhas jumped out of the water and attacked her.

"Aw man! That's too good!" Chris laughed, wiping a tear from his eye.

---

Allison limped back to her podium, covered in casts, as Ayami leapt to the wheel and gave it a big spin.

"Ooh…" Chris flinched when he saw the camper she landed on. "Tough luck Ayami; you got Ethan! His dare is to…build a Heather statue. And make it a good one."

"Yagot anytoothpicks?" Chris shrugged and handed her a box of toothpicks.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison slapped her forehead. "There's no freaking way Ayami's going to be able to do this…unless she gets some Deux Ex Machina."

---

Samuel bowed. "You are learning well, young grasshopper."

* * *

Sure enough, in a flurry of toothpicks, Ayami built a perfect…messy pile of toothpicks.

"YAYIWIN!"

Ethan ran in, gave her a thumbs down, and broke one of her bottles.

"Ooh, tough break there," Chris consoled, but he cheered up immediately. "Samuel, you're up!"

He cracked his knuckles. "Let's do this!" He spun the wheel…and landed on Heather.

"Nice, dude…" Chris read the card. "Heather's dare is to have your hair shaved off by Chef. I wonder where I saw that one before?"

Samuel swiveled around and pointed at Allison in a neat dance move. "I pass to Allison!" She looked mortified.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel snickered as he held up a toque. "I believe you'll be needing this back reeeeeal soon."

---

Allison rubbed the short hair on her temples. "Oh no, not again!"

* * *

Allison closed her eyes as she sat down in the barber's chair. "It's for half a million dollars, Allison," she muttered to herself. "It's for half a million."

Chef started his razor. "Heheh…this is my favorite part of the job!" Ayami and Samuel flinched as large chunks of blonde hair fell to the ground, accompanied by screeching of a razor and a teenaged girl.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"YayAllisonis Heathernow!" Ayami chirped. "Hahashe'sHeather hahashe'sHeather hahashe'sHeather!"

* * *

Allison scowled at Samuel as she limped back to her seat, now bald. He smiled and placed the toque on her head, which only deepened her scowl.

"Okay Allison, I know you're pissed off and everything, but…it's still your turn," Chris reminded. Sighing, she got back up and spun the wheel again. No one was expecting who it landed on.

"Heather again?" Chris asked, amazed. "Must be a coinkydink. Her second dare is…" His eyes widened as he read the card. "No freaking way."

"What is it?" Samuel asked, his curiosity piqued.

"Yeahwhatisit?"

Chris gulped as he read the card. "…Strip naked in front of the cameras."

**Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuuuuh!** The camera did a close up on the Dramatic Prairie Dog as it turned its head.

Allison furiously pointed to Samuel. "REVENGE! I pass to YOU!" Ayami suddenly started giggling like a madman…uh, madwoman.

Samuel shrugged. "If Izzy doesn't care about it, then neither shall I." The clothes came flying off.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ayami screamed, "HOTNAKED GUUUUUYYYYY!!!!!"

* * *

_"Bow chicka wow wow chicka wow wow!" _Samuel sang as he took off his underwear.

Allison fainted.

"SHIELD YOUR EYES!!!" Chef yelled, covering his eyes with his forearm.

**_"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"_**

Chris turned green. "I DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT, DUDE!"

* * *

_Sorry, we're experiencing technical difficulties. Just hang on a moment; the drama will be back soon._

* * *

Chris poured some acid into his ear canal. "Okay, as soon as I erase that scene from my memory, Ayami can spin the wheel again."

"YAY!" After another big spin, the pointer landed on…Heather.

Chris cocked an eyebrow. "Dude, I seriously don't think this is a coincidence anymore."

Samuel lifted the wheel, revealing Ethan behind it. "AHA! Begone, cretin!"

"NEVERRRRR!" He ran away.

"…Okaaaaaay…Ayami, spin again." Ayami spun again.

"Bridgette's dare is to eat a cupful of Harold's toenail clippings!" Chef poured a nice sample of nasty-looking toenail clippings into a cup and handed them to Ayami.

She stared at the cup, then pointed to Samuel. "IPASSTOSAMUEL!!!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" he wailed, dropping to his knees. "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Allisonsaysthat Ishouldalways passmydaresto SamuelwheneverIcan't dothemmyself sosheandIcan bethefinaltwo!"

* * *

Samuel gulped as he stared into the jar of toenail clippings. "Oh come on! I can't do this!"

"Well, if you're sure…" Chris took one of his bottles. "If you really give up, you'll only have two bottles left, and be in dead last."

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel clenched his eyes shut. "Okay Sam, you have been a neat freak for long enough! It's crunch time now! It's do or die! It's time to make Izzy proud! It's time to unleash the beast! IT'S TIME TO EAT THOSE TOENAILS, OR DIE TRYING!!!!!"

* * *

Samuel dumped the toenails into the lake, and shivered in fright.

Chris shook his head. "Pathetic, dude." He broke the bottle. "Allison, you're up!" She spun the wheel.

"You got Joseph! His dare is to…KISS ME ON THE LIPS?! WHAT THE-"

"Samuel." Allison pointed to Samuel and smirked. He fumed.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison rolled her eyes. "Real subtle, Joe. Reeeeeal subtle."

---

Samuel shivered. "Okay, I'm really creeped out at the idea of swapping spit with a guy, but I'm seriously running out of bottles!"

* * *

In a move that shocked everyone, Samuel grabbed Chris by the waist and planted a big one on him. The ratings soared.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"It was then that I remembered…I kissed a guy not even three weeks ago!"

* * *

_**"MOUTHWASH!!!!!"**_ Chris screamed. **_"SOMEONE GET ME SOME MOUTHWASH!!!!! STAT!!!!!"_**

"TWO PLEASE!!!!!" Samuel added. About fifty interns, Chef, and Owen all came running to the scene and started pouring mouthwash down the two kissers' throats.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison tried to say something, but she just burst into laughter.

---

"YAOIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Ayami squealed.

* * *

_Sorry, we're experiencing technical difficulties. Just hang on a moment; the drama will be back soon._

* * *

Some janitors were about, sweeping up the spilt mouthwash as Chris huddled in a corner.

"That was so nasty…" He finally regained his composure and stood back up. "Okay, let's see where we're at. Ayami's in the lead with four bottles, and Allison and Samuel are behind with two apiece. Let's give Sam a turn now."

He spun the wheel. "You got Duncan! His dare is to…mud wrestle Allison?"

Samuel did a fist pump. "YES! I pass this one to Ayami!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel tapped his head with his finger. "I like the way Duncan thinks."

---

Allison facepalmed. "There goes my faith in humanity."

---

"Oohoohooh mudwrestlingsounds likesomuchFUN!"

* * *

Chris, Chef, Owen, and Samuel got out some lounge chairs and shared a large popcorn.

"Heehee!" Chef rubbed his hands together gleefully. "This is gonna be spicy!"

Chris held up some Canadian 5 dollar bills. "I'll take your bets, guys!"

Samuel raised a finger. "Fifty for Allison!"

"A hundred for Ayami!" Owen cheered, throwing some chocolate-covered bills out his pockets. Chris grimaced.

Meanwhile, Ayami was crouched in a battle position in the mud, while Allison refused to get in. "I refuse to do this!" she complained redundantly.

"But think of the ratings, dude!" Chris whined, throwing his hands in the air.

Allison cocked an eyebrow. "Ratings from what? Treating me as a sex symbol?"

"YEAH!" Owen yelled. "I'm already turned on!" Allison started hurting him really badly.

"YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSSS! NOW ALL I NEED IS CHOCOLATE-COVERED IZZY!!!!!" Everyone backed away slowly.

---

Chris broke one of Ayami's bottles. "Sorry dude, but you didn't complete the dare, even though you, and everyone else, wanted you to."

Ayami sighed. "Awwwwwwwwwwww Ireallywanted tomudwrestle!" She shuffled to the wheel and spun it.

"Ezekiel's dare…eat your arm."

"YAY!" Ayami started furiously gnawing on her arm, earning several facepalms from her peers.

Chris broke another one of her bottles. "Dude, you were supposed to PASS that one!"

"WAITWAITWAIT don'tbreakthe bottleyet!" she protested as she continued to bite her shoulder. "IthinkI almostgotit!" Security restrained Ayami before she could actually bite off her arm.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ayami smiled. "Ittastedkinda likechicken!" She looked at her arm hungrily, but was tranquilized before she could start biting it again.

* * *

Allison spun the wheel…yet again.

"Next dare is Justin's. He wants you to put on this makeup." Chris held up a bottle of some of the most hideous makeup seen by man.

Allison looked herself over, from her bald head to the casts and bandages all over her body. "I already look like crap, so why not?"

Chef took the makeup and poured it all over her.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris chuckled as he held the bottle of makeup in his hand. "Guess what we just poured all over Allison? Essence of Frankenstein!"

* * *

Once the makeup hardened, Allison found herself looking an awful lot like Frankenstein. "EEP!"

Samuel spun the wheel…yet again…again.

Chris flinched. "Ooh! You got Noah, dude!"

"N-N-Noah?!!!" Samuel shivered.

"Yep, Noah. And his dare is…" Chris gasped as he read the card. "…Okay, this is just flat out disgusting! I can't air THIS!"

"What is it?" Samuel leaned over Chris' shoulder to read the clue, but he soon wished he hadn't.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"If any sentence in the English language could scar someone for life by just reading it…" he whimpered, "…it would be that one."

---

"AUGHHHHHHH!!!!!! THAT IS THE SICKEST THING I'VE EVER READ!" Chris screamed. "Honestly, with the rate that this episode is disgusting all of us, I think we're not even gonna air it!"

* * *

Ayami was getting impatient with the delay, so she scampered over to the card and read it. "Eatagallonof Owen'sfeces…**_EWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!_** ItakeitSamuelwill passittoyouAllison!"

She looked absolutely mortified. "WHAT?!!!!! THERE'S NO FREAKING WAY I'M DOING THAT!!!!!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison's eye twitched. "…I wouldn't do that dare, even for 500 TRILLION dollars."

---

Owen farted. "Oh great! What the heck am I supposed to do with all this poop then?!" His stomach rumbled. "I'm hungry…"

**Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuuuuh!** The camera did a close up on the Dramatic Prairie Dog as it turned its head.

* * *

_Sorry, we're experiencing technical difficulties. Just hang on a moment; the drama will be back soon._

* * *

Chris was heaving, his hand clutched to his chest. "Okay…dudes…I think we've had enough of this challenge."

Allison, Samuel, and Ayami all nodded their heads in unison.

"So…we'll skip straight…to…**SUDDEN DEATH**!" He removed the remaining bottles from the campers. "Simply put, the first two campers to perform one last dare are safe, while the third is sent packing! Good enough for ya?"

Allison, Samuel, and Ayami all nodded their heads in unison.

"All righty then!" Chris spun the wheel one last time, landing on…Izzy.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison facepalmed. "Good lord…"

---

Ayami's eyes widened. "OhgeezIwonder whatinsanething Izzy'llmakeusdo?"

---

Samuel guffawed.

* * *

"And the final dare is…" Chef did a drumroll as Chris opened up the final dare and read it. However, he suddenly dropped into a dead faint.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel asked, "It can't be THAT bad, can it?"

---

Chris solemnly nodded. "It's WORSE than THAT bad! It's WORSE THAN THE FECES! It's WORSE THAN ANYTHING I COULD EVER MAKE THESE CAMPERS DO!!!!!"

* * *

Chef read the card. "…Izzy's gonna get this show cancelled."

"WHATDOESITSAY?!" Ayami screeched, impatient as always.

"YA'LL NOT READIN' THIS!" he roared, running to his kitchen.

"YESWEARE!!!!!" Ayami chased after him.

"HEY! I WANNA READ IZZY'S DARE TOO!" Samuel followed.

Allison rested her head on her hand. "I don't think I even want to know what that dare is…"

---

Allison looked up at the sky, which had since turned into one of the most beautiful nighttime skies she had ever seen. It looked like a mosaic of stars, some twinkling, some stagnant, but all pretty.

"…Those idiots must've been gone for hours now…" she sighed to herself. All the sudden, a shooting star streaked through the sky. It made her feel better. She looked around for anyone snooping, but found no one but a few worthless cameramen.

The Final Marshmallow

_I'm sitting at the campfire, the fire burning in my eyes_

_Nine campers standing beside me, all enjoying their delicious prize_

_The guy on the stump right next to me, I thought he was my friend_

_But now I find myself just wishing that his time has come to an end_

_I'm hoping and praying and pleading and begging that I'm not the one to go-o-o_

_Then I look into my hands and I find the final marshmalloooooooow!_

_The final marshmalloooooooow, the final marshmalloooooooow,_

_A gooey treat that I'll carelessly eat, but will keep me in the show_

_The final marshmalloooooooow, the final marshmalloooooooow,_

_But at what price, I have yet to knooooooow!_

_He smiles at me and wishes me luck as he walks the Dock of Shame_

_But all I see is a man's dreams dashed and I'm the one to blame_

_The memory always stays inside, but I can't let it get to me_

_When the very next day I'm again facing the fire burning free_

_I'm hoping and praying and pleading and begging that I'm not the one to go-o-o_

_Then I look into my hands and I find the final marshmalloooooooow!_

_The final marshmalloooooooow, the final marshmalloooooooow,_

_A gooey treat that I'll carelessly eat, but will keep me in the show_

_The final marshmalloooooooow, the final marshmalloooooooow,_

_But at what price, I have yet to knooooooow!_

_This is it, the final chapter, now there's only one other camper_

_Who says that he will win, but he never seems to damper_

_He never almost went home, too bad for hiiiiiiiiiim_

_Because when I'm fighting I'm fighting for theeeeeeeeeeeem_

_I'm hoping and praying and pleading and begging that I'm not the one to go-o-o_

_Then I look into my hands and I find the final marshmalloooooooow!_

_The final marshmalloooooooow, the final marshmalloooooooow,_

_A gooey treat that I'll carelessly eat, but will keep me in the show_

_The final marshmalloooooooow, the final marshmalloooooooow,_

_But at what price, I have yet to knooooooow!_

_The final marshmalloooooooow, the final marshmalloooooooow,_

_A gooey treat that I'll carelessly eat, but will keep me in the show_

_The final marshmalloooooooow, the final marshmalloooooooow,_

_But at what price, now I finally knooooooow!_

_The price…of friendship_

_Oh, and $500,000 is also nice_

When Allison finished her song, she was shocked to find the cameramen cheering and whistling.

"Dang, girl! You're amazing!" the first one cheered.

"You're definitely going places!" the second added.

"Now I know why Chris chose you to come here!" whooped the third.

Allison blushed. "Awwww…thanks you guys."

"YEAH! THAT WAS AWESOME!" Chris cheered, walking back to the area and clapping. "Unfortunately, you're gonna have to walk the Dock of Shame now."

She looked surprised. "Why?"

He jerked his thumb at Ayami and Samuel, who were engrossed in a deep conversation behind him. "They performed the dare."

"Oh…" Allison stared back up at the sky. "That's okay. Really."

---

Allison hopped onto the Boat of Losers and waved. "Goodbye you two! I'm hoping for an awesome finale!"

Samuel gave her a thumbs up. "With Ayami and I being the final two competitors, an awesome finale is ASSURED."

"Yeahwe'resoawesome andwedidthe bestdareeverandwe're reallyentertainingand-"

"Hey, guys?" Allison asked, as the boat started to drift off. "Uh…so what WAS the dare, anyway?"

Samuel smirked. "Are you SURE you want to know?"

She looked back and forth. "No…but tell me anyway!"

He chuckled, "We-e-ell, don't say we didn't warn you…"

Ayami leapt onto Samuel's head. "Wehadtoperform sexualintercourse!"

…

Allison's eyes opened up so wide, the whites were visible all around. "NO. F*(ING. WAY."

**Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuuuuh!** The camera did a close up on the Dramatic Prairie Dog as its head exploded.

* * *

**Next time on Total Drama Action…**

**It is the ultimate showdown…**

_"This is the ultimate showdown, of ultimate destiny! Good guys, bad guys, and explosions, as far as the eye can see! And only one will survive, I wonder who it will be! This is the ultimate showdown, of ultimate destiny!"_

…**Between Ayami…**

_"Heyisn'tthat stereotypicalImean I'manAsianandAsians arestereotypedtohave yellowskinthat's notveryniceand-"_

…**And Samuel…**

_"Hey guys, remember that awesome yacht party Owen promised?"_

_The campers started talking amongst themselves excitedly._

_"Well imagine that, with five times the money!"_

_The entire bleacher went up in uproarious applause._

**Only one camper will win…**

_Chef cleared his throat and pointed a gun in the air. "On your marks…"_

**Who will it be?**

_"Get set…"_

**You better watch to find out!**

_"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand GO!" __**BANG!**__ Chef shot a bullet in the air._

…**On Total Drama Action.**

* * *

Author's Notes: First things first: before anyone freaks out too much, AYAMI AND SAMUEL USED PROTECTION! There will be no STDs or teen pregnancies in this story.

Second, was that song any good? I'm sure you'll all just say "ZOMG YOU ARE THE BEST SONGWRITER EVER" because you like me so much, but seriously, I'd like to know if it's any good, or if it's too cliche or something.

Third, I'm going to have some very upset fangirls now because I booted out Allison. Frankly, I don't even get what you see in her myself. She's kind of bossy, and doesn't have a boatload of character; she's just a really good singer. Maybe it's because she reminds you of High School Musical? I know nothing of that series (nor plan to learn anything about it. I'm a guy), so is she like a High School Musical character?

Fourth, the finals are nigh...can't you feel the excitement? Only two campers remain. Who do you think will win?

Will it be Samuel, the member of the losing team, who got nearly voted out three times andwho used to be a shy, troubled germaphobe but grew into a proud and hilarious character thanks to Izzy?

Or will it be Ayami, the hyper girl, who despite her eccentric behavior managed to get by all the challenges with a smile on her face and even strike a friendship with one of the prettiest girls on the island?

You shall find out soon...


	25. Finally, the Finals!

Disclaimer: I don't own Total Drama or any references. Alright, eight words! A new record!

Author's Notes: _I'm not dead yet!_ *Hit on the head by a coconut dropped by a swallow*

Looks like both Samuel and Ayami have supporters...I like that! Makes it more exciting to see your reactions when the winner is revealed!

As for the Allison love, I figured it out; teenagers are obsessed with music. American Idol, High School Musical, singers and bands...all extremely popular due to music. That also explains the overload of guitar-playing OCs in Total Drama fanfics. I bet Allison would be even more popular if she played guitar, too.

I'm glad you guys enjoyed The Final Marshmallow. There are more original songs in the sequel, so stay tuned.

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 25: Finally, the Finals!

Chris stood not on the Dock of Shame, but at his podium at the bonfire. He held up a marshmallow.

"Previously on Total Drama Action, we've supplied eight exciting weeks of action packed, drama filled awesomeness! And with twenty-two campers voted out, only TWO…" He held up two fingers. "…remain! So, I'll ask you viewers at home this: who do YOU think will end up with this marshmallow?" He shoved the marshmallow into the camera. "Will it be Ayami, the hyper sugar-freak, or Samuel, the insane germaphobe? Regardless, you will find out soon enough…on TOTAL DRAMA ACTION!"

* * *

_"This is the ultimate showdown, of ultimate destiny! Good guys, bad guys, and explosions, as far as the eye can see! And only one will survive, I wonder who it will be! This is the ultimate showdown, of ultimate destiny!"_ The two finalists woke up to the singing and decided to investigate.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"AHA!" Samuel bellowed, pointing to the camera. "Who said a germaphobe couldn't make it to the finals? Who said someone who nearly lost THREE TIMES couldn't make it to the finals? And who said someone on the LOSING TEAM couldn't make it to the finals? No one said it, but still, I just defied all the odds! And today, I'm going to defy them even further by WINNING THAT MONEY!"

---

Ayami, as usual, was vibrating on the toilet seat. "OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG **_I'M IN THE FREAKING FINALS!!!!!_** I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS EXCITED IN ALL MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!!!! I HOPE I WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!"

---

Samuel stuck his fingers in his ears. "Jeez…you could hear Ayami's squealing from the freaking moon!"

* * *

Today, we join the Toast King as he ponders something. On the moon.

"Hey Toast King! Merry Tuesday!" Insanity Prawn Boy screamed.

"Shush!" he proclaimed, thrusting his staff in the shrimp's face. "I hear some high pitched noise… my coffeemaker must be on the fritz again."

"Fritz and Cheese!"

---

Meanwhile, on Earth, the finalists were taking a walk together. Real interesting, I know.

"HeySam what'sitliketo beagermaphobe?" Ayami asked, skipping alongside the boy.

He sighed. "It's not fun, Ayami. It's not fun."

"Butwe'reinthe finalseverything's funnow!"

Samuel's eyes shifted down to the girl. "Well, I suppose so…but still, seeing germs everywhere is torturous."

"WellI'mjustglad you'regettingoverit atleastenough tomakemelose myvirginity!"

"You were a virgin?"

Ayami's head looked like it would fall of from how violently she was nodding. "UhhuhIneverhada boyfriendoranything beforeeveryone's afraidofmenobody likesmeandmy hyperactivityandmy sugaraddictionandmy-"

Samuel patted her on the head. "Aw, don't worry. I'm sure you'll find the perfect guy for you. Heck, if someone like Izzy can get two boyfriends, I'm sure there's someone out there who appreciates your personality."

"GeethanksSamuel you'reareallyniceguy Iwouldn'tmind losingtoyou!"

"I wouldn't mind losing to you, either."

---

Chris slapped his forehead as he watched to two campers converse. "C'mon, where the heck's the DRAMA?! You're supposed to be OPPONENTS!"

Owen twiddled his thumbs. "Aw, c'mon Chris! Everyone loves being nice!"

Chris frowned and showed Owen a picture of Heather.

"Point taken. Still, why can't you let those guys have their moment?"

"Cause it lowers ratings, that's why!" Chris furiously stared at one of the TV screens, which showed the finalists singing and skipping merrily. "I guess I'll just have to throw a monkey wrench in their-"

Chris was interrupted as Ayami saw some bleachers with many teenagers milling about.

"OMGit'sthe othercampers!" she squealed, rushing over to the bleachers. Samuel smiled and shook his head, then followed.

"Hey, why can't I be over there?" Owen asked.

Chris gritted his teeth. "Because I OWN YOU! THAT'S WHY!"

"But Chuck Norris pwns everyone, and I own a Chuck Norris action figure!" Owen protested, holding up the action figure, "So your argument is null and void!" He ran out of Chris' tent to join the other campers.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris looked confused. "Uhhhhh…what?"

* * *

Ayami was darting throughout the campers, excitement bubbling over. "OMGOMGOMG! It'severysingle camperInevermet beforeincluding EvaandGwenand DuncanandJustinand GeoffandKatie andSadieandBridgette andTrent!"

"And it's Izzy…" Samuel smirked as he met his girl. "So, how am I doing with the crazy?"

Izzy beamed and jumped on his head. "CRAZYTASTIC!" They then shared a long, passionate kiss.

Duncan smirked, wiggling his unibrow. "Hey Princess, I don't wanna be outdone by a couple of crazies."

Courtney sighed. "You're such an ogre…but okay!" They shared a long, passionate kiss.

"WOOHOO!" Geoff cheered. "Way to go Duncan, man!" He and Bridgette shared a long, passionate kiss.

Gwen shrugged. "I wouldn't want to feel left out…" She and Trent shared a long, passionate kiss.

Tam took Mikey and crushed him to her mouth. "We're kissing, NOW!"

"Okay." They shared a long, passionate kiss.

"Hey LeShawna, give daddy some sugar!" Harold and LeShawna shared a long, passionate kiss.

Lindsay approached Tyler. "Hey Tyler, I wanna kiss too!"

His eyes widened. "You…you remembered my name?!"

"Why of course, silly!" she giggled, waving her hand. "Why wouldn't I know my boyfriend's name?"

"Your…your…your BOYFRIEND?!!!!!" They shared a long, passionate kiss.

"Hey Heather…" Ethan beckoned, puckering his lips.

She shrugged. "Why not?" They shared a long, passionate kiss.

Owen ran in and started to kiss Izzy as well. No, I have no idea how to kiss two people at the same time.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Chris was watching the whole thing through his video screens. "Awwwww…how cute! Every couple kissing at the same time is sure to invite the female demographic. Though I'll bet everyone will be surprised when they find the newest couple."

* * *

One by one, all the couples stopped kissing and sighed in happiness. However, the sounds of smooching and moaning continued to fill the air.

"Hey, who's still kissing?" randomly chosen Beth asked. Everyone turned back to the bleachers, where they saw something so crazy, they'd all have to have a confessional just to rant about it. The couple making out was behind the bleachers, but everyone could see both their toques bobbing about.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Allison…and EZEKIEL?!" Eva asked. "WHY IS SHE WASTING HER TIME WITH THAT SEXIST TWERP?!!!!!"

---

"Ezekiel and Allison?" Noah asked. "Uh, wow."

---

"Ezekiel and Allison?" Justin asked. "Geez, that's so surprising, it's actually making me talk!"

---

"Ezekiel…" Katie asked.

"…And Allison?" Sadie finished. They stared at each other.

"…HOW CUTE!" they both squealed. "EEEEEEEEEEE!!"

---

"Ezekiel and Allison?" Tyler asked. "Who cares? I GOT MY GIRL BACK, BABEH!"

---

"Allison and Ezekiel?" Izzy asked. "Meh, saw it coming from a mile away."

---

"Ezekiel and ALLISON?!" Cody asked. "Dude lucked out almost as much as me!"

---

"Allison and Ezekiel?" Beth asked. "I feel so happy for them!"

---

"Allison and EZEKIEL?!" Courtney asked. "What kind of loser would want to date that guy?"

---

"Ezekiel and Allison?" Harold asked. "…Awesome!"

---

"Ezekiel and Allison?" Trent asked. "You gotta love all the couples that pop up on this show."

---

"Allison and Ezekiel?" Bridgette asked. "…I thought he was crushing on ME…"

---

"Allen and Elizabeth?" Lindsay asked. "Uh…who are they again?"

---

"Allison and Ezekiel?" DJ asked. "Man, that's just whack!"

---

"Allison and Ezekiel?" Geoff asked. "Rock on, toque boy! WOOHOO!"

---

"Ezekiel and Allison?" LeShawna asked. "…Good choice, Ally."

---

"Allison and Ezekiel?" Duncan asked. "Way to be a playa, homeschool!"

---

"Allison and Ezekiel?" Heather asked. "Oh great, that's yet ANOTHER alliance I'll have to worry about!"

---

"Ezekiel and Allison?" Gwen asked. "Uhhhh…that's really messed up."

---

"EZEKIEL AND ALLISON?!!!" Owen asked. "BEST. COUPLE. EVAR! WOOHOO!!!!!"

---

"Allison and Ezekiel?" Colin asked. "Okay, why the heck is such a pretty girl hanging out with a redneck twerp? IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT!"

---

"Ezekiel and Allison?" Josephine asked. "…This show is retarded. I have no idea what compelled me to sign up in the first place!"

---

"Allison and EZEKIEL?" Tam asked. "WHAT THE F*CK'S WRONG WITH THAT B#TCH?!!!!"

---

"Ezekiel and Allison?" Mary asked. "Okay, I think someone just went batsh$t crazy, and I don't know who. Oh, and Izzy doesn't count."

---

"Ezekiel and Allison?" Edmund asked. "Guhhhhhh…why'd ya make me say that, Mr. Camera Man?"

---

"Ezekiel and Allison, huh?" Mikey asked. "After Tam started being nice to me, nothing surprises me."

---

"Ezekiel and Allithon?" Joseph asked. "OMG, you are thuch a lucky girl, Allithon! Ezekiel is yummy yummy yummy!"

---

"Allison and Ezekiel?" Casey asked. "Great. That's one less available boy."

---

"Allison and Ezekiel?" Ethan asked. "Why the hell should I care?"

---

Ezekiel shrugged. "Allison's like a prettier, nicer version of Bridgette, eh. When she threw herself on top o' me at the Playa Des Losers, what choice did I have but be her boyfriend?"

---

Allison's eyes sparkled. "Ohhhh…can that boy sing!"

* * *

After the initial shock wore down, which took about five hours, Chris and Chef walked over to the bleachers.

"Okay people, I know that the new couple is very shocking and all," notified Chris, "But we've got an epic finale to film! Hit it, Chef!" Chef pressed a button on his boombox.

_"This is the ultimate showdown, of ultimate destiny! Good guys, bad guys, and explosions, as far as the eye can see! And only one will survive, I wonder who it will be! This is the ultimate showdown, of ultimate destiny!"_

At the back of each set of bleachers, a flag rose. On the left was Samuel's face on a blue flag, and the right had Ayami's face on a yellow flag.

"Heyisn'tthat stereotypicalImeanI'm anAsianandAsians arestereotypedto haveyellowskinthat's notveryniceand-"

Chris sighed. "The yellow represents the Deadly Sparrows, Ayami."

"Oh."

"Now that we've got that possibly lawsuit-bringing moment out of the way, let's see the campers' opinions on you guys! Anyone who wants Samuel to win…" Chris gestured towards the left bleachers. "Go sit at his bleachers now!"

To Ayami's surprise, a huge crowd of campers walked over and sat at the bleachers. In fact, not all of them fit, and some had to sit on the grass next to them.

Chris' eyes widened. "Wow…I should've gotten bigger bleachers!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ayami cried. "WAAAAAAAAAAAH EVERYONEHATESMEEEE!"

---

Samuel gave the camera a thumbs-up. "YEAH! Everyone LOVES me!"

* * *

Ayami started to cry, when a reassuring hand rested on her shoulder. "Don't worry. We've got your back." She looked up to see Allison's face smiling at her.

"…Allison? Ithoughtyou hatedme!"

She shook her head. "Remember, the Triple A Alliance?"

"B-b-b-butyoutricked meinthevideogame!"

"And felt terrible afterward."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"For the record, I meant everything I said out there." Allison played with her toque. "Man…I love these things!"

---

"I finally figured oot why Allison likes me, eh!" Ezekiel beamed. "It's the toque! Chicks dig the toque, eh."

* * *

Looking at the small group of Ayami supporters, Izzy just had to laugh. "HAHAHEEHEEHOHO!!! Look at who's supporting Ayami!"

Samuel looked them over. "Allison, Ezekiel, and Cody. That's pretty pathetic."

"Wait…there's one more. Who's the guy hiding back there? He's probably not that important…"

Dreamy music played as Justin turned towards the crowd, his shirtless chest casting a glow upon them. Every single girl swooned and fainted on the spot.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ayami's eyes widened. " meIwonderwhy maybeit'sbecause healwaysrootsfor girlstomakethem likehimevenmore thantheyalreadydo!"

* * *

However, she became even more surprised when he revealed a bouquet of flowers from behind his back. He handed them to her, sweating as he heard the gasps of many heartbroken girls.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Justin looked from left to right, then whispered to the camera. "Ayami's really pretty…I had no idea she'd be so pretty…"

---

Heather's eyes were wide all around. "…The hottest guy in Canada…LIKES AYAMI?!"

---

"And I thought Allison and Ezekiel was messed up!" Colin yelped.

---

**_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_** Casey screamed. **_"NOT JUSTIN TOO!!!!!"_**

---

Noah smirked. "Come to think of it, it makes perfect sense. Justin doesn't talk, while Ayami talks twice as much as anyone else. That way, they can have perfectly lovely, average conversations with each other. Oy vey."

---

Ayami bounced in her seat. "JUSTINLIKESME JUSTINLIKESME JUSTINLIKESME JUSTINLIKESME JUSTINLIKESME JUSTINLIKESME JUSTINLIKESME JUSTIN-" She hit her head on the ceiling and was knocked out.

* * *

As the gossip started afresh, Chris pressed an airhorn. **HOOOOOOOOOONK!**

"GUYS! DO YOU WANNA SEE A WINNER HERE OR NOT?!"

"I don't," Ethan sulked, crossing his arms. A shoe hit him in the face.

Chris frowned at Ethan's direction, but he quickly shrugged it off. "The final challenge of the season has gotta be the most dramatic and challenging yet!"

Duncan scoffed. "Dude, the chick's already been knocked up. I don't think challenges get any more dramatic and challenging then THAT."

Chris sighed. "Okay okay, maybe it's not as dramatic or challenging as that…but it's still dramatic and challenging! May I present…and by 'I' I mean 'Chef'…"

"Whatevah," Chef growled, as he took out a complicated map of the whole island.

"…THE RACE OF LOSERS!" Chris boldly announced. No one cheered.

"Throughout the island, there are a total of 32, count 'em, 32 checkpoints." He pointed at the small red dots on the map. "Each finalist must race to each checkpoint and perform a challenge in order to continue on. Each challenge will be based off of a loser as well, so expect to do some crazy stuff!"

The cameras panned around the island, showing some of the checkpoints. There was a moose-shooting challenge at Ezekiel's checkpoint, two huge piles of pancakes at Owen's, and a karaoke screen at Allison's.

"Also, the losers themselves may support the finalist they're rooting for, but they cannot actually help with the challenges! Whoever crosses the finish line after passing all 32 checkpoints first…" Chris pointed at a finish line held by Chef. "…Will receive…" He took out a giant check. "…This huge check, worth HALF A MILLION SMACKAROOS!" Everyone cheered.

"YAYAYAYAY IWANTTHATMONEY!"

"I WANT IT MORE!"

"Yeah yeah, I know you two want this money." Chris rolled his eyes. "But for what? Ayami, tell the folks at home what you'll be spending this moolah on!"

She started bouncing in excitement, but then noticed the smiling faces of her supporters and slowed down. "Well…IguessI'll splititequally betweenallmy awesomesupporters!" Justin hugged her while Cody and Ezekiel did a hi-five and Allison squealed.

"So that will leave you with a hundred grand, same as Owen got last season. What will you use your share for?"

"SUGARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Chris sighed. "Figures." He stepped over to Samuel, who looked anxious to say something. "So Samuel, what will you do if you win?"

He faced his overcrowded bleacher of supporters. "Hey guys, remember that awesome yacht party Owen promised?"

The campers started talking amongst themselves excitedly.

"Well imagine that, with five times the money!"

The entire bleacher went up in uproarious applause.

"Sounds AWESOME, brah!" Chris announced, slapping Samuel in the back. "Am I invited?"

"No."

The entire bleacher went up in uproarious applause.

"WHO ASKED YOU?!" Chris yelled at the losers. "Anyway, now it is the moment of reckoning. Finalists…line up at the staring line."

"WAIT! First things first." Samuel shook Ayami's hand. "Good luck, Ayami. May the best camper win."

"Awwwwhowsweet thatgoes doubleforyou!" The finalists walked to the starting line, then crouched into a running position.

Chef cleared his throat and pointed a gun in the air. "On your marks…"

Samuel and Ayami glanced and smiled at each other.

"Get set…"

They deepened their stances.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand GO!" **BANG!** Chef shot a bullet in the air.

Samuel and Ayami took off like bullets.

An airplane crashed near the bleachers.

Chris slapped his forehead. "Forget angry emails…we're gonna be neck deep in lawsuits now!"

---

The supporters were having difficulty keeping up with the finalists, who both seemed to be quite fast runners.

"Dude!" Geoff shouted to Samuel. "Way to go keeping up with the hyper girl!"

"Thanks, dude!" He gave him a salute.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Killing germs keeps a man fit," Samuel explained.

* * *

Before either of them knew it, Ayami and Samuel found themselves at a metal gate with two closed doors. On top was a cheap wooden sign.

Checkpoint #1: Ezekiel

Using the bows and arrows next to you, shoot five cardboard moose.

All the sudden, some cardboard moose attached to the ground slid around them.

"TIMETOUNLEASH MYWICKEDSKILLS!!!!!" Ayami took the bow and arrows beside her and started shooting rapid fire, missing all the moose spectacularly.

"No Ayami!" Allison yelled. "SLOW DOWN!"

Samuel smirked and aimed his bow, then fired, hitting a moose. The moose let out a strange mooing sound and toppled over.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Allison was all tensed up. "NO NO NO! If Ayami can't learn to slow down and actually expend EFFORT in these challenges, there's no way she'll win!"

---

Ethan grinned evilly. "Yes Ayami, continue to screw up. That way, at least I'll get to go to an awesome yacht party."

* * *

**MOO! MOO! MOO! MOO!** Four arrows later, Samuel's door slid open, and he was on his merry way.

"Concentrate on what you're doing!" Allison advised.

"ButthenI'llslowdown andwhenIslowdown I'lllose'cause thisisaraceandin araceIneed togofastand-"

"Ever heard of Aesop, eh?"

Ayami stopped what she was doing and stared at Ezekiel. "Who?"

"A writer of famous fairy tales. Here." He held out a book with the title, "The Tortoise and the Hare". "Okay, soo in this stoory, the Hare challenges the Toortoise to a race, 'cause he can run much faster, eh. However, he gets overconfident and sleeps beside a tree in the middle o' the race. Thus, the Toortoise wins. Now in this race, you're tryin' too be the Hare, but you should be tryin' too be the Toortoise, eh."

She still looked confused. "Hairasinthe stuffonyourhead orHareasinbunny?"

Ezekiel slapped his forehead. "The bunny, o' course! But that doesn't matter, eh. What matters is that slow and steady wins the race!"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh…howdoIdothat?"

---

Checkpoint #2: Eva

Move the boulder in front of you to unblock the door.

Samuel craned his neck to see the top of the huge boulder. "Geez…"

Ethan ran back to the first checkpoint. "Don't worry, Sam! I'll buy you some time!"

"And where are ya goin'?" LeShawna asked, her hands on her hips.

He shrugged. "Sabotaging Ayami. What else?"

LeShawna waggled her finger. "Nuh uh uh uh uh! No ya don't, ya two-faced little-"

Ethan whirled on the spot and put her in a full nelson. "I wouldn't insult me if I were you."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Yeah, I should've detained Ethan at that point," Chris admitted, "But the opportunity for massive drama was too good to pass up!"

* * *

Memories of episode three flooded into LeShawna's mind, and she broke down into a sobbing heap.

Ethan smirked. "That's right, n**$er. Cry." At that point, he was karate-chopped on the base of the neck.

**_"DO NOT INSULT MY ANGEL!"_** Harold roared.

"HEATHER! BACKUP PLEASE!!!!!!"

"GET AWAY FROM ETHAN!" Heather screamed, running up to the scuffle.

Harold turned to her. "OH, AND WHAT WILL YOU DO TO ME?!!!!! HUH?!!!!!!"

Heather removed her top.

"Boobies…"

---

Ezekiel held up Samuel's bow and arrow. "Okay Ayami, all ya need to do is line up yoor eye with the arrow…" He did so. "Then face right towards yoor target, then fire!" He shot the arrow, shattering a moose's head.

Ayami nodded vigorously. "OkayokayI thinkIgotit!" She set the arrow, brought it to her eye, aimed towards a moose, and…

**MOO!**

"YEAH! THAT'S MY GIRL!!!" Justin screamed. Everyone stared at him.

---

Samuel was futilely pushing against the boulder. "Uh, guys? A little help here?"

Izzy raised her hand. "Ooh ooh, me! Me! I can help!"

"And what help would you be?" Courtney asked, skeptical.

"Just do exactly as I do…" She started to dance. "C'mon, every single girl! It's the Dance…of the Rattlesnake!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"And how the heck is some stupid dance going to get Samuel to move that boulder?" Courtney complained. "Does that crazy girl ever THINK?!"

* * *

Soon, every girl supporting Samuel was dancing.

_"Look into my eyes, whaddya see? Danananana dananana…Danananana dananana…"_

Samuel was drooling. "Geez, that girl is hot!"

"Tell me about it…" Owen sighed.

Samuel turned into a rattlesnake. "WTF?!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Izzy beamed. "Yeah, that dance only works when about a dozen girls are doing it. And it's only girls for some reason…but whatever! Wait until everyone sees the Dance of the Hagfish!"

* * *

Ethan's eyes widened. "What magic is this?"

"Ancient Yurgonadynao tribe magic!" Izzy explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Didja know I'm 1/503rd Yurgonadynaoian? Because I am!"

Since rattlesnakes are stronger than humans, Samuel was able to push the boulder past the doorway. "Okay, can I change back now?"

"Oh…" Izzy put her finger on her chin. "I never learned how to reverse the Dance of the Rattlesnake…"

Samuel's eyes widened, although snakes don't have eyelids. "WHAT?!!!"

Izzy laughed. "Haha, gotcha! All you need to do is bite a human to turn back."He looked over his supporters, trying to decide who to bite first, when Ayami came by and started pushing the boulder. He smirked.

"**_AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!_** MY FACE!!! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!" Justin screamed, tugging at the snake biting his cheek. "STUPID RATTLESNAKE! MY FACE IS WORTH MILLIONS!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel smirked. "I never liked him."

* * *

Samuel turned back into a human and, once again, went on his merry way.

Checkpoint #3: Noah

Answer the potpourri questions correctly, and then rearrange the letters of the answers to name a Totally Dramatic Camper. Supporters can only give hints.

Samuel looked over the questions. "Well, this can't be too hard, right?"

Question 1: Name the camper who lost palindromatically.

Question 2: What does a volt measure?

Question 3: Solve for x: logbase5(derivative of (31x^2+x))=3sec(2pi)

Question 4: Name Asia's fourth largest country by area.

Question 5: What is the smallest basic metric unit?

Samuel clenched his head in frustration. "I didn't take these courses yet!"

Noah sighed and shook his head. "I could've answered those when I was two…"

---

"MY LIFE IS RUINEDDDDDDDDD!" Justin wailed, placing a paper bag over his head.

"Awpoorbaby!" Ayami whined, hugging her new boyfriend.

Cody cleared his throat. "Uh, guys? Shouldn't we be focusing on-"

Allison's eyes widened. "The BOULDER!

A shirtless muscular man came out of nowhere. "The Boulder just heard a young girl scream his name into the heavens. Do you all request The Boulder's assistance?"

"Uhhh…okaaaaay." Allison looked freaked out. "Could you move that giant boulder out of the way for us?"

The Boulder cracked his knuckles. "Aha! That is no problem for The Boulder!" He Earthbended the boulder out of the way.

"YAY!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Omigosharandom Avatarcameo!" Ayami squealed. "MaybeifI'mlucky thatmeansmore Avatarcharacters willshowupthen IhopeZukoshows upcuzhe's totallysmexy!"

* * *

Samuel pored over the questions. "The camper who lost palindromatically? What?! Is that even a real word?"

"No," Noah remarked bluntly. "I didn't make up these questions, you know."

"Try typing in campers' names one by one!" Izzy suggested.

Samuel raised a finger in triumph. "Good idea! I think I'll start with you." He started typing into the computer screen.

**I-Z-Z-Y……………………………CORRECT!**

Samuel's eyes widened. "Whoa! Izzy really IS the best camper!"

Noah slapped his forehead. "It was just a lucky guess, genius."

---

Ayami arrived at Noah's checkpoint. "Okay…firstquestionis 'Whichcamperlost palindromatically'that one'seasycuzI watchedeachepisode ofTotalDramaIsland likeamilliontimes it'sIzzycuzshe leftsevenththen camebackand gotseventhplace!

**I-Z-Z-Y……………………………CORRECT!**

She clasped her hands together in glee. "YAY! Questiontwois 'whatdoes avoltmeasure' Ihavenoflippin'clue."

---

Samuel rubbed his temples. "Well, I know volts have to do with electricity…

**E-L-E-C-T-R-I-C-I-T-Y…………………………INCORRECT!**

Noah sighed. "More specific."

"…Bah, I'll pass that one for now. What the heck's a derivative?"

"An equation for the slope of another equation."

"So what's the slope of 31x^2+x?"

---

Ayami shrugged. "Forthemathproblem Icanprobablyjust typerandomnumbers!"

**O-N-E………………………INCORRECT!**

Allison shook her head. "Ayami, I really don't think that's such a-"

**T-W-O………………………CORRECT!**

Allison slapped her forehead.

"Okaywhat'sAsia's fourthlargestcountry Iknow!"

**J-A-P-A-N………………………INCORRECT!**

Allison slapped her forehead.

---

"The fourth largest country in Asia?" Samuel asked. "Uh, well I'm pretty sure the biggest is China…"

Mary coughed into her hand. "CoughRussiacough!"

"India's pretty big too, and there's that country above China where Genghis Khan's from…"

"KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" Izzy screamed.

Samuel scratched his head. "So what's fourth?"

---

Cody put on a false mustache. "Greetings Ayami, I am Borat, and I want to be learning about your glorious nation!" He waved a small Canadian flag around.

Ayami cocked an eyebrow. "Ithoughtyou wereCody!"

He buried his face in his hands. "Please tell me you saw this movie. PLEASE tell me you saw this movie."

"Whatmovieyoumean TwilightIwatched thatmovecuz Edward'ssoHAWT!!!!!"

"BORAT!" Cody screamed. "You know, the movie Borat: Cultural Learnings for the Glorious Benefit of the Nation of…"

Ayami lit up. "OHTHATIknowTHAT!"

**J-A-P-A-N………………………INCORRECT!**

Allison slapped her forehead.

---

Samuel listened in on the other team's conversation. "Hey! I loved that movie!"

**K-A-Z-A-C-K-S-T-A-N…………………….INCORRECT!**

"Spelling!" Noah screamed.

---

"HEYIknowhow tospellthat!"

**K-A-Z-A-K-H-S-T-A-N……………………CORRECT!**

"Nowwhatthe heck'sthesmallest basicmetricunit?!"

---

Samuel tapped his head. "A small metric unit? Isn't an Angstrom really small?"

**A-N-G-S-T-R-O-M………………………CORRECT!**

"Okay, now back to the volt. I know it involves electricity!"

"Well, think about it this way," Noah suggested. "You've heard of 9-volt batteries, correct?"

"Yeah…"

"What separates them from other batteries?"

"They're rectangular?"

Noah slapped his forehead. "C'mon, man! Go back to your Physics class!"

Samuel raised an eyebrow. "…I'm taking Physics next year."

Noah sighed. "Then I guess we'll just have to use charades."

---

Still wearing his paper bag, Justin tapped two fingers onto his wrist.

"Twosyllables!" Ayami translated.

Justin tapped one finger onto his wrist.

"Firstsyllable!"

He started flapping his arms.

"Birdflyingflapping wingsflailing…orisitswimming?"

He shook his head.

"It'sflying…uh…"

Justin took Harold and started spinning him around like a bo staff.

"HEY, LET ME GO, PRETTY BOY!" he yelled. "GOSH!"

"Karatemartial artsninja? Flyingninjas?"

---

Noah tapped three fingers onto his wrist.

"Three syllables," Samuel figured.

Noah tapped one finger onto his wrist.

"First syllable, yes?"

Noah whistled as he mimed stirring food.

"Whistling? Uh…wasting time?"

Noah pointed at the air around his arm.

"I said wasting time!"

He furiously pointed farther away from his arm and continued the stirring motion.

"What's that you're doing with your arm? Spinning, twirling…"

He mimed eating something.

"Eating food? Oh, stirring!"

He nodded, then stirred a little more, then mimed lifting something heavy.

"Something you stir in…bowl, pot-"

He touched his nose.

"Pot! Yes!"

---

Justin took a permanent marker and drew an arrow on his bag.

"Avatar!" Ayami squealed.

He pointed at the arrow again.

"Aang?"

He touched his nose.

"YAYSecond syllableplease!"

---

Noah put his hands in a triangular shape.

"Mountain?"

He shook his head, then pointed at the bonfire ceremony.

"Bonfire?"

He put his hands in a triangular shape again.

"Campfire? Uh…camping?"

He rested his head on his hands and closed his eyes.

"Sleeping? Camping and sleeping…sleeping bag? Tent?"

He touched his nose.

"Pot-tent…" Samuel thought. "Electric pot tent…Electric potential?"

"YES!" Noah screamed.

**E-L-E-C-T-R-I-C-P-O-T-E-N-T-I-A-L……………………CORRECT!**

"Okay, that just leaves the impossible math equation. Oh boy…"

---

Justin cupped his ear.

"Soundslike?"

He pointed at the sign at the front of the island, reading "Total Drama Action".

"TotalDramaAction!"

He brought his hands closer together.

"Total…Drama…"

He brought his hands even closer together.

"Dra…Ma…Dram…"

He touched his nose.

"Drambomblombrom comclomcrom domfomflom fromgomgrom glomhomjom-"

He pointed at a passing snake.

"Somstomspom slomshomssprom swomstrom-"

He touched his nose.

"Aangstrom?"

**A-A-N-G-S-T-R-A-M………………….INCORRECT!**

Justin sighed. "Remove the first 'a' and replace the last one with an 'o'.

**A-N-G-S-T-R-O-M………………….CORRECT!**

"YAY! Nowforthe voltwhat'savolt?"

---

"So you're saying the derivative of 31x^2+x is…62x+1?"

Noah nodded. "Yep. That's basic calculus right there."

Samuel clutched his head. "I know I've done trig before…Secant is the reciprocal of Sine, right?"

"Cosine."

"2pi is one complete cycle; Cosine of 2pi is Cosine of 0…"

---

**E-L-E-C-T-R-I-C-P-O-T-E-N-T-I-A-L……………………CORRECT! NOW REARRANGE YOUR ANSWERS TO SOLVE THE PUZZLE.**

Ayami looked over her answers again.

**IZZY**

**ELECTRIC POTENTIAL**

**TWO**

**KAZAKHSTAN**

**ANGSTROM**

"Heyguyswhat's theanswer?" she asked, looking back at her supporters. Unfortunately, they all looked clueless

---

**T-W-O……………………CORRECT! NOW REARRANGE YOUR ANSWERS TO SOLVE THE PUZZLE.**

Samuel looked back at his crowd of supporters, but all they were looking at was Noah, who suddenly blushed a deep crimson.

"Noah, you okay man?"

The nerd waved a hand away, signaling it was nothing to worry about. "Just…just solve the puzzle."

"How?"

"Well, what typically makes me blush?"

---

A lightbulb went off in Ayami's head. "Iknowwhat makesNoahblush!"

"You do?" Allison asked, somewhat unbelieving. "Uh, good. Put it down!"

**J-A-P-A-N……………………INCORRECT!**

Allison slapped her head as Ayami giggled.

"Heeheeheejustkidding!"

**K-A-T-I-E……………………CORRECT!!!** At long last, the left door opened, and the race continued.

"YAY!"

---

**K-A-T-I-E……………………CORRECT!!!** Samuel grinned as his door opened, but certain other campers had different feelings.

"Oh…my…gosh!" Katie gasped. "Noah must really love me!"

"You are sooooo lucky, Katie!" Sadie chirped. "I would kill to have a guy fall for me like that!"

"I bet there are plenty of guys who would fall for you like that!" Katie squealed, "Because you're so pretty!"

Sadie beamed, "Yeah, and you're so pretty too!"

"Yeah, we're so pretty!"

"EEEEEEEEEE!"

"EEEEEEEEEE!"

**_"STOP!"_** The BFFFLs were taken aback as Noah started futilely pushing at the fatter girl. **_"WHY MUST YOU SQUEAL SO MUCH?!"_**

Sadie looked confused. "…Because it's fun?"

"YEAH, AND YOU WOULD THINK SO!" Noah roared, finally getting that thing off his chest. "YOU NO GOOD, LOUSY LITTLE BLOB OF FAT!!! HOW DARE YOU MAR KATIE'S PERFECTION WITH YOUR HIDEOUSNESS!"

Katie started beating him up.

"OWWWWW!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah, with a black eye and swollen lip, furiously addressed the camera. "She has no idea what she's missing…NO IDEA!"

* * *

"NOAH IS SUCH A JERK!" Katie screamed. "I WOULD NEVER DATE HIM IN A MILLION YEARS!"

"NOT IN A BILLION YEARS!" Sadie added.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Harold shrugged. "I think Sadie's prettier than Katie…"

---

Izzy looked at her watch. "Whoa, would you look at that! We're nearly at 25 pages on Word! I think that means this episode should be almost over!"

* * *

At the control room, Chris and Chef watched their many TV screens and noticed Izzy saying this.

"She's right, ya know," Chef growled.

Chris threw up his hands. "Fine…I guess this means the finale's gonna be a two-parter!" He faced the audience and delivered his famous smile. "Total Drama fans, make sure you don't miss next week's awesome episode, 'cause we'll finally be able to crown a winner!"

* * *

Author's Notes: That's right. This finale is a TWO-PARTER!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Okay, I suppose Triple T was expecting that.

I felt like I gypped Zeke of proper development and screentime this season, so I gave him a girlfriend and a role in the episode. I suppose you can thank Kobold Necromancer for that.

I don't feel like this chapter is my best work. Probably because the Noah challenge went on too long...But I promise the next episode will make up for it!

Now what I'd like to know from my reviewers is this: Who do you think will win, and is it the same person you want to win? This'll give me a good indicator of how predictable my writing is. And I hate predictable writing.

Smorgasbord.


	26. Finally, the Final Part of the Finals!

Disclaimer: Don't own TDI, TDA, or references...

Author's Notes: Seems like some of you were mad about the whole "two part finale" thing...don't worry, this chapter will reveal the winner for sure.

Malisha, how the heck am I a "bep"? What's a "bep" in the first place, anyway? Is it like a beep? Heheh, just joshing with ya.

And Triple T changed her name, so I can no longer refer to her by that nickname. Err...now you're RandomTaylor, which can be abbreviated as RT...aha! I'll call you Rotten Tomatoes! *Gets hit by rotten tomatoes*

* * *

TDA: My Way

Episode 26: Finally, the Final Part of the Finals!

Chris pointed to the TV screen next to him. "In less than thirty minutes, you will find out who wins Total Drama Action. So, all I have to say is…watch and enjoy." He turned on the TV.

* * *

The theme song began.

A light dropped out from the sky, followed by another. A camera popped out of a manhole, disturbing the Gladiator Bear sleeping on top. A second camera popped out of a tree, pushing Nigel and Monty out. They both shook their wings in protest and flew off.

The screen panned onto the island, past a forest, then Chris lounging on a chair, then a lake, finally reaching the volcano. The screen climbed Mt. Yurgonadynao and proceeded to plunge in; however, it was forced back by a sudden eruption.

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine!_

The eruption knocked Noah off his feet, and then he was shocked as he saw a stream of lava snake by him.

_I've got you guys on my mind!_

Mary floated past him on Lou, who was transformed into a boat. She stuck her tongue out at Noah, and he clenched his teeth in anger.

_You asked me what I wanted to be!_

Over at the other side of the volcano, DJ tried to redirect the lava with a fire extinguisher. Unfortunately, his pant leg caught on fire, and he ran away screaming.

_Now I think the answer is plain to see!_

Samuel tried to hold back another stream of lava by spraying it with antibacterial spray.

_I wanna beeeeeee famous!_

The camera cut to Tyler and Lindsay making out at the lake. However, Colin threw Tyler out of the way and started kissing Lindsay himself. Casey looked on in jealousy.

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

Edmund dived into the lake, hitting his head on a tree branch nearby. Josephine looked on in extreme disinterest.

_So pack your bags, 'cause I already won!_

Joseph laughed at Edmund's crash, but Josephine gave him a death glare. He instinctly cowered in fear. Bubbles came up from where Edmund fell in the water.

_Everything to prove, nothing in my way!_

Cut to the cafeteria, where Owen and Ayami are pigging out on a huge pile of sweets.

_I'll get there one da-ay!_

Owen fell onto the ground, clutching his belly, while Ayami started zipping around the room in a sugar rush. She ran out of the cafeteria and bumped into Ezekiel, who slid across the ground and bumped into Allison, who was singing the theme song.

_I wanna beeeeeee famous!_

Izzy watched the whole thing and fell out of a tree laughing. The camera cut to a close up on Ethan's mischievous grin.

_Naaaaa nanananana naaaa nanananana naaaaa nanananana naaaa!_

The camera zoomed out, revealing that Ethan was carrying Heather sitting atop a fancy throne. Suddenly Beth ran onscreen and kicked Ethan, causing the throne to topple.

_I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!_

Mikey waved at the camera and stepped backwards onto the Dock of Shame, where he started doing the robot. Tam then came out of nowhere and punched him, sending him airborne.

_I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!_

Mikey flew into the sun, turning into a speck. The sun then turned into a moon, and the day into night. The camera panned down to Harold and LeShawna kissing at the campfire. Suddenly, Chef popped up in between them, wearing a pink dress and holding a meat cleaver threateningly. The couple opened their eyes and put on worried expressions as the camera zoomed back, revealing all the campers, plus Cody and Courtney, and a sign reading "Total Drama Action"

_Do do do dooo, do do do do doo doo…GUITAR RIFF!_

* * *

At Justin's checkpoint, the finalists had to get through a huge crowd of paparazzi. Ayami took some time to take some pictures, letting Samuel pass.

Katie's and Sadie's challenge was to paint a mannequin's nails. Samuel got a further lead with his neatness skills, while Ayami rushed again.

Tyler's game was to shoot ten points with a basketball and hoop. Samuel wasn't any good, while Ayami rushed yet again.

Izzy's insane idea was to beat up the Gladiator Bear. Ayami caught up here by getting Allison to sing the Benny Hill theme.

Cody's checkpoint was to build a robot, where Samuel got another big lead.

Beth's was to beat up a Heather punching bag. The finalists had a lot of fun with this one.

Courtney's was to successfully run a small virtual government. Ayami somehow got an apocalyptic ending on the program. Six times.

Harold's was to perform awesome beatboxing. Ayami caught up here.

Trent's was to play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on the guitar. Samuel kept playing incorrectly, so Ayami got ahead.

Bridgette's was to surf a large wave without wiping out. Samuel caught up here.

Lindsay's was to…uh…she forgot. No challenge here.

DJ's was to get a baby to stop crying. Somehow, Ayami's super fast rocking motions worked here, because vomiting isn't crying.

Geoff's was to lasso a bull. Ayami was surprisingly good at that.

LeShawna's was to logroll against the Gladiator Bear. At this point, Samuel wised up and used the Benny Hill theme as a distraction.

Duncan's was to escape from a pair of handcuffs. Izzy tried to get Samuel out of his with the Dance of the Rattlesnake, but he was too thick and got stuck. Ayami was small enough to just slip through.

Heather's was to hurt everyone except Ethan. The producers decided to scrap this challenge.

Gwen's was to hurt Heather. The producers decided not to scrap this challenge.

Owen's was to eat a huge stack of pancakes. Ayami managed to complete this quickly when she was supplied with maple syrup.

Colin's was to get a touchdown against a team of burly football players. Ayami completed this one easily.

Josephine's was to push a small boulder up a hill. Samuel nearly caught up here.

Tam's was to kill Heather. This one was scrapped, obviously.

Mary's was to build another robot, because people were running out of ideas. Samuel got ahead here.

Edmund's was to go through a mud field. Ayami passed Samuel here.

Mikey's was to escape from a pack of bullies. Samuel made good friends with them.

Joseph's was to cross-dress. Samuel kind of liked his skirt.

Casey's was to date an attractive member of the opposite gender. Justin greatly enjoyed his date, while Samuel found it annoying after Lindsay called him "Shampoo" for the twelfth time.

Ethan's was to worship Heather; what else? Both the finalists grinned and bore it.

---

Ayami had a small lead when she reached the penultimate checkpoint.

Checkpoint #31: Allison

Sing the entirety of "Albuquerque"

She grinned when she found the lyrics on the computer screen in front of her.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Ayami's got this contest won!" Allison cheered. "She's the world's fastest singer!"

---

Ethan scowled. "I am NOT losing my chance to go to an awesome yacht party!"

* * *

With Samuel still finishing his Heather worship, Ethan ran ahead towards Ayami's group. However, this did not go unnoticed.

"What are ya doin' NOW?" LeShawna asked. "Ya better not be cheatin' again!"

He stopped and faced the ghetto girl. "Excuse me? I thought you WANTED to go to a yacht party!"

"Not if ya'll get us DISQUALIFIED!" she retorted, jabbing him in the stomach.

"Yeah, she's right," Harold piped in. "We need to win the honest way!"

Heather removed her top.

Harold changed his mind. "We need to cheat!"

"OH THAT IS IT!" LeShawna yelled. "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YA'LL CHEATIN' AND BRIBIN'!!!"

"No we haven't," Harold droned, clearly hypnotized. "I like cheating and bribing and boobies…"

LeShawna sighed and removed her top.

"ETHAN AND HEATHER MUST GO DOWN!" he thundered.

---

_"Andasluckwouldhave itthat'sexactlywhen Iranintothegirl ofmydreams…"_ Ayami sang.

Allison nodded, smiling. "We've got this in the bag, boys." She turned towards Cody, Ezekiel, and Justin, who all nodded in agreement. But all the sudden, something horrible happened.

"COUGH COUGH HACK!" The intense singing left Ayami with a sore throat.

**Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuuuuh!** The camera did a close up on the Dramatic Prairie Dog as it turned its head.

---

Samuel reached the checkpoint at long last. "I love this song! _Way back_ _when I was just an itty bitty little boy living in a box under the stairs…"_

Ethan rubbed his hands together gleefully. "Heheheh…that sore throat spell I used is working!"

Harold stared at him angrily.

"Uh…I mean…I have a sore throat!" He desperately pretended to cough.

---

Ezekiel fished in his pocket until he came up with a lozenge. "Ayami, eat this! It'll make ya feel better, eh!"

"He's so resourceful!" Allison gushed, hugging the prairie boy.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Why does he carry lozenges around with him anyway?" Cody asked himself.

* * *

One lozenge later, and Ayami's throat felt all better. She was about to start singing again, when…

"IHAVETOGOPOTTY!" She rushed off to the confessional stall.

**Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuuuuh!** The camera did a close up on the Dramatic Prairie Dog as it turned its head.

---

_"And she leaned right down next to me and she said, 'IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!!!'"_

Ethan continued to rub his hands evilly. "Muahahaha…now the laxatives must be kicking in…"

Harold stared at him angrily.

"I didn't mean that! I meant, uh…additives! Yeah, so her food will last longer! Yeah!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ayami was going to the bathroom in the confessional stall when it suddenly got dark.

"Heyisitnighttime alreadyImust'vehad alotofpoop!"

**CLICK!** Heather's sinister cackle could be heard from outside.

**Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuuuuh!** The camera did a close up on the Dramatic Prairie Dog as it turned its head.

* * *

_"'Cause I had my tray table up! And my seat back in the full upright position! Had my tray table up! And my seat back in the full upright position!"_

"Gack ack ack ack!" Ethan cackled. "At this point, Heather should've locked Ayami in the confessional stall with Harold none the wiser!"

"I'm right here you know," Harold informed. "GOSH!"

Ethan feigned an apologetic look. "Did I say that Heather locked Ayami in the confessional stall? What I MEANT to say was that she was bringing her more toilet paper!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

**FLUSH!** Ayami sighed in relief as she tugged at the door handle. However, it was locked.

"Heywhywon't thisopen?!" She tried kicking and punching it a few times, but it wouldn't give. "WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! Heylookanickel!" She picked up the nickel at the bottom of the stall, somehow revealing a trapdoor.

**Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuuuuh!** The camera did a close up on the Dramatic Prairie Dog as it turned its head.

* * *

_"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again! If you need help, hang up and then dial your oooooperator! In Alllllllllllllllllbuquerque! Alllllllllllllllllbuquerque!"_

"And by now, Ayami must've found the trapdoor," Ethan snickered to himself. "But what she doesn't know is this trapdoor leads straight to the Cody fangirls' underground hideout! Eeyah heh heh heh heh!"

Harold stared at him angrily. "Could you be any more obvious?"

He smirked. "Yeah, I could scream to the heavens 'I'M CHEATING!!!!!'" he screamed to the heavens, making everyone aware of his malicious intentions.

LeShawna punched her palm. "Payback's a bitch, white boy."

---

After a few minutes of crawling, Ayami found herself in the secret lair of Cody fangirls. "Heylookatall thegirlsinhere!"

"EEEE it's a Cody-loving sister!" one of the fangirls squealed.

"YAY!" many others screamed.

"What are you doing here, anyway?"

Ayami shrugged. "EthanandHeather lockedmeinthe confessionalstalland Ifoundatrapdoor leadinghere."

Every girl gasped. "ETHAN?!!!! WE HATE THAT GUY!!!! HE GAVE US HAROLD WHEN HE PROMISED CODY!!!!!"

The finalist then smirked. "Heymaybewe canexactrevenge!"

One of the fangirls stared into a periscope. "Oh lookie! That jerk and his girlfriend are being carried to the confessional stall by angry TD contestants. INCLUDING CODY!!!! EEEEE!!!!!"

"Let'slockthetrapdoor!" Ayami suggested.

"OKAY!"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Ethan and Heather were thrown into a heap in the confessional stall.

"That's for the oatmeal!" Gwen taunted.

"That's for messin' with my man!" LeShawna yelled.

"That's for almost destroying our relationship!" Trent complained.

"And that's for being evil!" Harold finished, closing and locking the door.

Heather frowned and looked at Ethan for support. "Great, just great! Now what do we do?"

Ethan smirked. "Heheh…don't worry, my sweet! There's a secret trapdoor here that only I know of…"

**CLICK!**

Heather froze. "What…was THAT?!!!"

Ethan tugged on the trapdoor, but it wouldn't budge. "Oh for the love of-"

"NOW WHAT DO WE DO?!!!" Heather screamed, hyperventilating.

"There's only one thing we can do," Ethan lamented, hanging his head.

"WHAT?!!!"

He raised his head a fraction and looked her in the eye. "…Wanna make out?"

Heather shrugged. "Sure." They furiously made out.

* * *

Ayami popped out of the ground and rushed back to Allison's checkpoint. "HeyguysI'mback!"

"Well, I'd recommend you hurry," Cody mentioned urgently. "Samuel's almost done!"

_"I. HATE. SAUERKRAUT!!!!!"_

Ayami suddenly grinned, looking determined. "Gimmethatmike."

* * *

**Confessionals**

"THAT'S MY GIRL!" Justin swooned.

* * *

_"Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque-"_

Samuel stared in awe of the performance. "Geez…there's no way I can sing that fast! It's almost like a tongue-twister! _Albuquerque Albuquerque Albukaykay Alakaby_…GARGH!"

Despite his best efforts, Ayami's gate opened before his, and she was on her way.

---

Final Checkpoint: Chris

Jump down this 1000 foot cliff into shark-infested waters.

Ayami peered down the cliff she was on, which was reconstructed similarly to the famous landmark of Wawanakwa. From her lofty position, she could just make out a small target area, with gray shark fins circling around it hungrily.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"Yep, that's right!" Chris announced. "The final challenge…is also the VERY FIRST challenge, from way back on TDI! Crazy how things work like that, huh?"

* * *

"WAHthisistooscary Idon'twannadoit!" Ayami wailed, turning to her supporters with tears in her eyes.

Cody looked around for a few moments, then shrugged. "You have to, girl. It's not like there are any chicken hats up here…"

Ezekiel shivered. "I've got bad memoories o' this place, eh. I nearly broke my back, then goot everyone mad at me, then gootten voted oot…"

Allison pointed over to Samuel, who was approaching. "Hurry! You're going to lose you lead soon!"

Ayami sniffled. "Uh…okayI'lltry…" She walked over to the edge of the cliff, closed her eyes, and took some deep breaths.

"HURRY!" her supporters screamed.

She spread her arms out and bended her knees a few times.

"HURRY!" her supporters screamed.

She put on some water wings.

"HURRY!" her supporters screamed.

"CANNONBALL!!!!!" Samuel launched himself off the cliff, did a few twirls in the air, then tucked his legs in and plunged into the drink.

"AIYAIYAIYAIYAIYAIYAIYAI YAIYAIYAIYAIYAIYAIYAIYAI AYIAYAIYAIYAIYAIYAIYAIYA IYAIAYAIYAIYAIYAIYAIAYAI YAIYAIYAIYAIYAYAIYAIAYAI YIAYAIYAIYAIYAIYAIYAIY AIYAIYAIYAIYAIYAIYAIYAY AAIAIYAIYAIYAIYAIYAIIYAI YAYIAYIAYIYIAYIAYIAYIYAI YIAYIYYAYAYIYAAIIYAYIAYA YIYAIYIAYIAYAYAIYAYIAYIA YAYAYIAIYAYAYAIYAYI YAA!!!!!"

"WHA?" Samuel looked upward to see Ayami holding onto his arm, screaming her lungs off. "GET OFFA ME!!!"

"NONONONONO NONONONONO NONONONONO NONONONO-"

**SPLASH! **Both the finalists landed in the safe zone. All the campers above cheered as they surfaced, staring at each other.

"Racetothefinish?" Ayami asked.

"Race to the finish," Samuel responded. The finalists nodded, and started swimming to shore as fast as their limbs could propel them. Interestingly, Ayami's flailing doggie paddle kept her equal with Samuel's sweeping breaststrokes. Before either of them knew it, they reached the shore, and the finish line was just ahead of them.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"This is it!" Beth screamed. "This is the moment we've all been waiting for!"

---

"GO AYAMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Justin whooped. However, he was kicked in the head by Izzy.

"GO SAMUEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she whooped.

---

Owen shook in excitement. "Oh boy oh boy oh boy! I wonder who's gonna win!" He stuffed his face with popcorn.

---

Mary smirked. "It's the final stretch! It's Squeaky vs. Clean, with only one winning it all! Lou, what say you?"

Her robot companion printed out a small sheet of paper from his chest cavity.

"Chances of Ayami winning: 50%. Chances of Samuel winning: 50%..." Mary read, her excitement fading. "Figures."

---

"Come on, Ayami! You can do it!" Allison cheered. "You've come so far since you started this crazy game!"

---

Ethan was still making out with Heather when he offered his cheer. "Samuel, you BETTER win this. I want a yacht party, DAMMIT! And Heather wants one too!"

* * *

Dramatic music played as the finalists raced to the finish line. Their hearts were pounding, their faces were sweating, and their pants were chafing. When they got within ten feet, the camera went into extreme slow-mo, which showed in detail all the stress they were going through.

In the look on Samuel's face, you could see the intense struggle he tried to overcome throughout his life; the prison of germophobia. With the help of Izzy, he was finally free, free to do the things he's always wanted to do. One of the things he wanted to do was win Total Drama Action, and he planned on making this dream come true today.

In the look on Ayami's face, you could see beyond the jubilance a little girl who was once sad and lonely, with no friends. No one could get near her due to her hyperactivity, but this all changed when she met some totally dramatic contestants. Allison saved her life and willingly formed an alliance with her, which evolved into a true friendship. Cody embraced her interest in him, and supported her until the very end. And she finally found a man who enjoyed her hyperactivity; Justin.

All these memories and emotions went through these campers' heads as they slowly approached the finish line, now only five feet away.

Suddenly, something unexpected happened.

---

"Oops!" Chris stated, looking at his watch. "Looks like it's time for a commercial break!" The audience moaned.

* * *

**Commercial Break!**

_"Hey you!" Duncan shouted, pointing at the screen. "Yeah, you! Are you hungry? Are you starving? If so, come on down to Duncan Donuts and eat a donut…or ELSE!" He waved a fist threateningly as the camera panned to a Duncan Donuts shop._

_Inside the shop, Courtney walked down the display window. "We've got over twenty flavors of delicious donuts to please every palate, such as-"_

_"OM NOM NOM NOM!" Owen was at the end of the display window, eating donuts._

_Courtney slapped her forehead. "Scratch that; we're all out of donuts."_

_Back outside the shop, Duncan was unaware of what happened. "That's right! Buy two donuts and get a third, for DOUBLE the price! You can only find spectacular bargains like these at Duncan Donuts!"_

_Duncan Donuts are available at any Canadian island where game shows take place. For more information, call 1-800-555-JUVIE-SUCKS. Duncan Donuts is not responsible for any choking, dying, murdering, strangling, arson, or other misdemeanors or felonies occurring on the premises. If symptoms persist, please stop eating Duncan Donuts and see your local Chef immediately. Duncan Donuts: Canada runs on Duncan, while Duncan runs away from Juvie!_

---

_A montage played of Harold beatboxing, dodging dodgeballs, and collecting flags on the waterless seadoo._

_"Hey, are you a loser?" he asked, pointing at the camera. "Are you the laughingstock of your workplace? Are you physically incapable of doing anything right? If so, you need to buy my new video!" He thrust a CD into the camera. "'How to be Awesome!' The video gives step by step guidelines on how to be awesome, like me!" He jerked his thumb and grinned._

_"You suck!" Ethan shouted, somehow running into the commercial._

_"Ethan! This is MY commercial!" Harold complained. "GOSH!"_

_Cheese walked in. "I LIKE MY COMMERCIAL!!!!!"_

_Ethan slapped his forehead. "It's not your commercial, Cheese! It's Harold's, but soon to be mine!"_

_"Would you stop that?" Harold fumed._

_"No."_

_"I LIKE CEREAL!!!!!"_

_"WOULD YOU GET OUT OF HERE?!!!!!"_

_"Khhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa…okay." Cheese walked away._

_Harold looked weirded out. "Uhhhh…what was this commercial about again?"_

_Ethan smirked. "Worshipping Heather, of course!"_

_Harold chuckled. "Nice try."_

_Ethan showed him a picture of Heather naked._

_"Boobies…"_

---

"_Head on. Apply directly to the forehead." Tyler dribbled a basketball and it hit him in the face._

_"Head on. Apply directly to the forehead." Tyler kicked a soccer ball (or football, whichever you prefer) at the goal, but it ricocheted off the left post and hit him in the face._

_"Head on. Apply directly to the forehead." Tyler whacked a tetherball and turned around. It hit him in the face._

_"Head on. Apply directly to the forehead." Tyler swam a lap in the pool, then hit his face on the side._

_"Head on. Apply directly to the forehead." Tyler got hit in the face by a baseball thrown by a pitcher. He got a strike._

_"Head on. Apply directly to the forehead." Tyler threw a bowling ball down the alley. It was a strike, but one of the pins flew backwards from the collision and hit him in the face._

_"Head on. Apply directly to the forehead." Tyler successfully got a goal in hockey somehow, but then was punched in the face by the angry goalie._

_"Head on. Apply directly to the forehead." While curling, Tyler accidentally jabbed the broom handle into his face._

_"Head on. Apply directly to the forehead." Tyler caught the American football, but was then immediately tackled by the entire opposing team. He was mostly tackled in the face._

_"Head on. Apply directly to the forehead." Tyler wrapped some bandages around his swollen face, but forgot to make eyeholes. He fell down a staircase, his face hitting each and every step._

* * *

"And we're back!" the handsome host announced, looking beside himself in excitement. "You all ready to find out who wins Total Drama Action? Because I sure am!" Suddenly, his watch beeped.

"Oops!" Chris stated, looking at his watch. "Looks like it's time for a commercial break!" He was hit in the head with a flying brick.

---

Samuel and Ayami were racing each other to the finish line in slow motion, when suddenly…

Something unexpected happened. The sky turned dark with black clouds rolling in. The grass grew coarse and the trees grew gnarled. From the ground rose a figure none of the campers wanted to see again.

_"FOOLS!"_ the murderer bellowed. _"I have returned…from the grave…and my grave wants replacements…"_ He held up a knife in each hand and charged at each finalist.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Noah sighed and rested his head on his palm. "At that point, I could tell the author was just coming up with ideas on the fly to lengthen the challenge even further…"

---

"LAMPSHADED!" Izzy screamed.

* * *

In some very cool, but highly unnecessary action scenes, Ayami and Samuel managed to avoid the killer's every blow.

_"You children…are very…resilient…" it huffed. "Let's see how…you deal…with my henchmen!"_ Zombies of all sorts rose from the ground, drooling and moaning.

"EEK!" Ayami hid behind Samuel, shivering. "StopthemSammy!"

"There's too many of them! I can't stop a huge crowd of zombies!"

"Wellwhocan?"

"Michael Jackson." A rimshot played.

* * *

**Confessionals**

"AIAIAIAIAYAIIII I'MGONNADIE ANDIWON'TEVEN GETANYMONEY!"

---

Samuel covered his face. "We're DOOMED!!!!!"

---

"Ya know, I actually considered doin' 'Thriller'," Chef admitted, "But I figured that would make this fanfic way too cliché. It would sorta copy off the original show, too."

---

"LAMPSHADED!" Izzy screamed.

* * *

"Ungh…" a zombie groaned. "Did you say 'Thriller'? I love that song!" He and every other zombie limped off somewhere to dance to their favorite song.

The killer facepalmed. _"You just cannot find good help…these days…"_ The finalists beat him up.

"So…wanna finish this challenge already?" Samuel asked, glancing over at the finish line five feet away.

"OKAY!" They were about to run, when they were interrupted by someone else.

"NOT SO FAST, TASTY CHILDREN!" Nigel cackled. "I'm here to eat your brains, and lengthen the challenge even further! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

Monty dropped a coconut on his head. "QUIT LENGTHENING THE CHALLENGE, YOU BLOODY TWATS!!!!!"

Samuel frowned slightly. "I thought you were over the English accent."

"Oh, right! Sorry!" Monty cleared his throat. "QUIT LENGTHENING THE CHALLENGE, YOU GNARLY…LOSERS…?"

Samuel sighed. "Close enough. Now please stop lengthening the challenge."

"I'm not lengthening the challenge; you are!"

"No you are!"

"No you are!"

"No you are!"

"No you are!"

"No you are!"

"No you are!"

"No you are!"

"No you are!"

"No you are!"

"No you are!"

"No you are!"

"No you are!"

"No you are!"

"No you are!"

"No, the author is!"

While this ridiculousness was going on, Ayami crossed the finish line.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE OURSELVES A WINNERRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Chris bellowed, raising Ayami by the arm. Confetti rained from the sky, cheers echoed throughout the island, and all the fans sighed in relief that it was finally over.

---

Campfire Ceremony…

Samuel buried his face in his hands. "Urghhhh…I can't believe I lost because of Monty…"

"Aw, that's okay, man!" Owen patted him on the back. "This way, Izzy'll know who the better boyfriend is!"

"OWEN!" Izzy snapped, flicking his nose. "Be nice, like ME!" She started making out with both of them.

"AHEM!" The threesome stopped and looked up at Chris, who looked less then happy. "I recommend you give the winner a little more respect."

Izzy saluted. "Yes, ma'am!"

"I'm a guy!"

"I know. You just told me to give the WINNER respect."

Chris sighed and shook his head, then went back to the podium, where Ayami was shivering excitedly.

"CanIhaveitnow pleasepleaseplease pleasepleaseplease pleasepleaseplease please-"

"Ayami, you survived eight weeks, twenty-six episodes, and twenty-three other campers to make it here," Chris narrated. "And now, you are the official winner of Total Drama Action! Thus, you get the ultimate symbol of survival; the FINAL MARSHMALLOW!" He handed her a marshmallow, which looked like any other marshmallow, but it wasn't any other marshmallow, because it was the FINAL MARSHMALLOW.

Ayami beamed as she stared at the delectable morsel in her hand. "Thismeansso muchtome!!! IthinkI'll eatitnow!" She popped the marshmallow in her mouth amidst cheers from her four supporters.

"I knew you could do it!" Allison cheered, embracing her friend.

"Awesome, eh!" Ezekiel agreed, clapping.

Cody let out some loud whistles.

However, none of these cheers came close to the elation exhibited by Justin, who picked her up and kissed her all over her face.

* * *

**Confessionals**

Samuel smiled, but his head was still drooped downward. "I…I feel happy for Ayami. She's a deserving winner. I just wish we could both win…or something." He let out a long sigh.

* * *

Chris smiled when he saw the winning couple start to make out on the ground. "Heheh, I think that we're done here."

Samuel suddenly stood up, a smirk across his face and a twinkle in his eye. "Not quite."

"Whaddaya mean, dude?"

Before Chris could react, Samuel, Owen, Tyler, Colin, and DJ lifted the host off the ground and threw him into the lake.

"Why, the ceremonial host dunking, of course!" Samuel whooped. The boys exchanged hi-fives.

"DUDES!" Chris garbled, spitting out water. "THAT'S NOT COOL! NOW MY HAIR'S MESSED UP!!!"

Chef laughed and pointed at the angry host. "Oh man, I love it when ya'll do that!"

"Then you'll love this even more!" Before he could react, Tam threw Chef into the water alongside Chris, and then broke the ladder attached to the dock.

"That was AWESOME!" Mikey squealed.

Tam looked downward at her boyfriend and smiled. "Yeah. I know." She then faced all the campers. "Who's up for a party in Chris' mansion?!"

"OOHOOHOOH MEMEMEMEEEE!" Ayami shrieked, waving her arm in the air. She zipped off towards the mansion, and all the other campers followed the winner of Total Drama Action to the greatest party of their lives.

However, Chris and Chef were still in the water.

"This sucks," Chef growled. "I wanna go to the party!"

Chris sighed, futilely attempting to fix his hair. "Well, this can't get any worse…"

* * *

**Confessionals**

Heather and Ethan were still stuck in the Confessional Stall, furiously trying to escape.

"GAH!" Ethan grunted in frustration. "I MUST KNOW WHO WON!!!"

Heather sighed and sat down on the toilet, filing her nails. "Whatever. Eventually someone's going to rescue us and tell us who won…"

Nobody came to rescue them for a long, long time.

* * *

**If you thought Total Drama Action was awesome…**

_Chris pointed at the camera. "Well, consider all your wishes fulfilled. Because it's time to begin the epic THIRD SEASON of the wildly popular Total Drama series!" He and all three of his cohosts gestured at the huge, colorful banner that fell from the ceiling. "TOTAL DRAMA MADNESS!!!!!"_

**Then you need to see…**

_"THAT MERMAID," Albert huffed, "HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST IMMATURE, ANNOYING, UNBELIEVABLY SHALLOW-"_

_"You like her." Chris smirked._

**Season Three…**

_She finally reached the group, beaming at everyone. "Hello, boys! I'm Cody's girlfriend, Cassie! You all want me, but you can't have me! HA!" The boys looked thunderstruck._

**And this time, the game goes global...**

_"HOLY CRAP WE'RE IN JAPAN!!!!!" Larson screamed, hopping in place and flapping his hands about. "I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO JAPAN WITH THE ANIME AND THE MANGA AND THE VIDEO GAMES AND THE-"_

**Get ready for three times the adventure…**

_"Whee!" Kelly waved her arms in the air as the submarine plummeted down the dark crevasse._

**Three times the romance…**

_Kyle wrapped his arm around her, bringing the hippie girl close to his lips. "Emma…I would forfeit, like, eleventy kajillion challenges for ya…" They kissed._

**Three times the humor…**

_"Drive your spaceship OVER NINE-THOUSAND parsecs to the nearest Starbucks…that is crap." He passed by a Starbucks. Then he passed by another Starbucks._

**Three times the surprises…**

_"No way! NO FREAKING WAY!"_

_"Oh HELL NO!!!"_

**Three times the alliances…**

_"We are Eggsperts, through and through," Darrell recited. "And whenever an Eggspert is in need, an Eggspert shall be there!"_

**And of course, three times the DRAMA!**

_Ethan's grin grew wicked as he checked off another item on his list. "All according to plan…All according to plan…"_

**Who will shine? Who will fall? And most importantly, who could possibly be more epic than Izzy?**

_"BRRRRRRIIIIICKKKKKK!!!!!" Enrique roared, shaking his fist at the heavens._

**TDM: My Way****. Coming soon…**

**And by soon, I mean whenever I feel like it.**

* * *

Author's Notes: *Bursts out of drum* Th-th-th-th-th-that's all folks! After 26 episodes and over 140,000 words, TDA: My Way is officially completed! There's no TDDDDDDDDDDDDA...yet.

But with the end of one era begins another. TDM: My Way is in the works, and at the rate I'm typing it...Ugh, I'm typing it too slowly. I'm hoping it will surpass 300,000 words though, and the writing will be better.

Until then...see ya.


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